• Member Since 7th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen 27 minutes ago

ocalhoun


I am not contained between my hat and my boots.


E

After years of trying, Scootaloo finally discovers her special talent.
It's the worst thing that ever happened to her. She'll have to leave Rainbow Dash and all her friends behind as she's forced to go off and learn about her new talent... and then it gets worse.

The sequel, Choices Legacy, is now available.

As always, I adore getting comments about the story; the more specific and prolific the better -- negative comments included. Your comments help make my future stories better.
Featured on Equestria Daily.

Many thanks to my team. I couldn't have done it without them.
Pre-readers:
MailboxBomber
Kyaksa
tosety
IceBeerG

Dialog Consultants:
Jacob Ellinger
kidmurkury
markey58

Editors:
IRpony

Proofreaders:
OkemosBrony
Unimpressive Vagaries

Artwork:
Scootaloo Vector by MoongazePonies
Background and cutie mark by author
In-Chapter art by author

Chapters (10)
Comments ( 1973 )

I see the chapter names and my interest is already peaked. This should be interesting.

@ocalhoun...

1. An interesting story-premise, very "Harry Potter"-esque (or would it be "Hogwarts"-esque...? Hmm...) in theme and character-building trials.

2. Your story-premise is similar to the AU fan-fiction of Seeds, which I also enjoyed until it (has seemingly) stalled out :fluttershysad: . Fortunately, I assume by the daily updates that you have already written this story out in full, and that is both good as well as quite impressive.

3. I like how, by the cover page & in-story description, Scootaloo's Cutie Mark is three star-symbols of magic, hopefully that means her magic potential is very, very strong, and in time will be as powerful & skilled to take their place in history & lore as Princess Twilight and others.

4. These factors, and your healthy word-counts per chapters have garnered my following interest. I look forward to reading the rest of your fan-fiction work.

5. On a separate note: I am glad you used "magnum opus" (singular) correctly. So many wind up using the incorrect "magna opus" (plural) in reference to a single work.

However...

You should never call something your "greatest work" until either you are fully retired from your chosen Art (painting, sculpture, music, writing, etc.), or until after you are dead. Let others, or even history, decide what is your magnum opus.

I highly advise trying not to die shortly after you complete posting the rest of this fan-fiction, however :trollestia: .

Oh river and the rest REALLY need to go down, and they need to go down HARD! That goes double for that prat Ruby!

I really like this. Make more!!! :pinkiehappy:"My Granny Pie always seemed strange...."

Ruby needs to be put down, HARD! Betrayal is one of the things that piss me of to no end! Scootaloo needs to show all these stuck up bastards what she's made of. I'm guessing Scoot's going to use her wings like a unicorn uses their horn?

Your best, huh?

Big words. Let's see if you can make'em count.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Poor Night Whisper! And that rhymes-with-witch River pony IS GOIN' DOWN!!!:flutterrage:

Hm.

So far so good.

Ruby's a moron, and River is a bitch.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Racism, nice.

Goddammit I want the whole story now.

Wow, I hope not all the unicorns are racist jerkwads.

I wonder how Scoots is expected to learn anything when the teachers don't seem interested in making any effort.

3608305 Or at least not UNTIL posting the rest of this fanfic, Eh? If we must be bereaved, Let us at least have the finished work to remember you by ^.^

If this were a bad fanfic, Scoots would become a Mary Sue-esque prodigy in magic rivaling Twilight herself within three days, defeat River in a mock duel, become friends with her, and live happily ever after.

Hopefully, this will not go that route. Tracking because I'm curious as to where this will go.

i wish scoots beat the fuck out of these bitches with TK:scootangel:

First thing I noticed:
A. Big. Fancy. T.
I'm gonna love this story.

Two words: Freaking. Awesome.
I actually had an idea like this a while back, but I never got around to writing it. Good to see that someone did.

3608844

My apprehensions about this weren't clearing up, that was for sure. What was this stallion's problem?

His wife abandoned him for a pegasus, and he hadn´t sex since. :rainbowlaugh:

3608967

A little filly with a magical potential at least equal to Twilight Sparkle´s, and they decide to pick on her. What can possibly go wrong?

Comment posted by Raistlin deleted Dec 11th, 2013

3608967

I agree. Scoots is acting a bit like a Sympathy Sue, in that everyone picks on her... because, and she's all emo... because. Eh, I'll come back to this in a few chapters to see what you've done with it.

I dunno... but consider me interested.

3608305
Hi, well, yes I was the thumb downer. I like your comment up to the

However...

part. If people think that one piece is their Magnum Opus then it means that they will try harder to do a better piece. I think that somethings I do are my greatest work, but I'm not dead, and it's motivation for me to do better! So reason!

3609078 I think you're a bit off there. Twilight's mark, if marks can be counted as displaying magical potential, would be superior for sure. Scoots has three medium sized stars that seem to possess a kind of direction on her flank, while Twilight has 6-7 stars (counting the white one behind the notably large central star) and they spread out in all directions.
Ergo, Twilight possesses an immense magical potential (she's an alicorn right now as is) and this potential is in fact not isolated to any given aspect of magic.
The directional aspect of Scoot's magic seems to imply that her magical talents will be travel, space, and motion based, such as her already displayed natural affinity for teleportation. Also, the number of spokes on each star seems to be equal. I am unsure of the relevance of that fact. It may be worth noting that Twilight's stars number equally to her closest friends, namely the other mane 6 and Celestia (the white star almost eclipsed by Twilight's central star), with Spike not being accounted for since he's a dragon and not within the purview of cutie marks, though this is only one possible translation and it fa-.

And now I'm ranting on fanfictional theory. My apologies.

I had the idea of writing a fan fic like this, then I realized how bad it would be. Behold the over use of Twilight Sparkle...

Have a like and have a favorite!

I've never seen this premise before, and I already love it! The characterization is :pinkiesmile: and the story is :twilightsmile: so I can see absolutely no troubles going.

Yes, nothing will go wrong except for Scootaloo's self esteem.:scootangel:

3609317...

Hah... I had not even known I had any Likes or Dislikes on my comment, but I am appreciative of the 10 people who did Like my comment :pinkiehappy: .

As for you SpiritWolf13, I respect your differing opinion/perspective in that you stated it out cleanly without hostility (at least, I assume such).

I doubly respect you in that you had the courage &/or conviction to stand up and be counted for your opinion. Internet posting breeds trolls and cowards who just hit the Dislike button and slink away thinking they did something worthy of admiration. So /friendlysalute to you SpiritWolf13.

This looks promising, and then some. Sign me up for the duration.

3608214
Good, so my creative chapter names were worthwhile. :twilightsmile:

3608305

1. An interesting story-premise, very "Harry Potter"-esque (or would it be "Hogwarts"-esque...? Hmm...) in theme and character-building trials.

It is indeed.
This might be intentional. :twilightblush:

2. Your story-premise is similar to the AU fan-fiction of Seeds, which I also enjoyed until it (has seemingly) stalled out :fluttershysad: . Fortunately, I assume by the daily updates that you have already written this story out in full, and that is both good as well as quite impressive.

Yep. Already written completely.
Just finished with the last edits to the last chapters around the time it feature boxed.

3. I like how, by the cover page & in-story description, Scootaloo's Cutie Mark is three star-symbols of magic, hopefully that means her magic potential is very, very strong, and in time will be as powerful & skilled to take their place in history & lore as Princess Twilight and others.

<.<
>.>
Right!
I totally didn't choose three just because many ponies have a '3 of something' cutie mark. :scootangel:

4. These factors, and your healthy word-counts per chapters have garnered my following interest. I look forward to reading the rest of your fan-fiction work.

Thanks! ^.^

5. On a separate note: I am glad you used "magnum opus" (singular) correctly. So many wind up using the incorrect "magna opus" (plural) in reference to a single work.

Of course. I may not know much latin, but I know that much.

You should never call something your "greatest work" until either you are fully retired from your chosen Art (painting, sculpture, music, writing, etc.), or until after you are dead. Let others, or even history, decide what is your magnum opus.

I highly advise trying not to die shortly after you complete posting the rest of this fan-fiction, however :trollestia: .

^.^
I'm calling this 'my greatest work' because I'll probably never put this much effort into a pony fanfic again.
This was sort of my test: put a published novel-worthy level of effort into a novel-length fanfic, and try to make a fanfic the quality of a published novel.
Let me know if you think I succeeded or not! ^.^

After this, while I will continue to write fanfic, I will probably begin to put most of my effort into writing real novels, and see if I can't get published. This fic is sort of my test to see if I'm ready for it yet.

3608628
3608789
Spoilers. :raritywink:

3608668
Don't need to make more. ^.^ It's already made and will be coming out very shortly.

3608844
Well, at least with daily updates, you won't have to wait long.

3608849
Um... Whisper isn't?
Besides that... :unsuresweetie: Well...

3608900
I'll tell my girlfriend to post the rest if I die. :twilightsmile:

3608967

Hopefully, this will not go that route.

Oh, don't worry. I know better than that. :scootangel:

3609030
:trixieshiftleft:
:trixieshiftright:
:twilightblush:

3609046
Good to see my effort on the letters is being appreciated. :twilightsmile:

3609073
Thanks! :twilightsmile:

3609078
:twilightsmile:
Two alternate directions I might want to explore someday.

3609196
Hopefully, she'll surprise you at some point.

3609244
Hopefully I'll convince you by the end. :raritywink:

3609317
Well, I meant what I said... this will probably be my greatest fanfic ever.
Now, when I move on to writing novels... :twilightsheepish:


3608754
Indeed.
And just you wait. ^.^

3608756
Ah, YOU!
:twilightsmile:
We'll see if I can make them count. Since you're a pretty prolific reader, I'd be interested to see your opinion on if I lived up to it or not.

3609365
Actually pretty accurate in divining the nature of Scoot's cutie mark. :scootangel:

3609376
Nah, don't worry. She won't hardly even be mentioned from chapter 2 on.

3609400
Thanks! :twilightsmile:
Hopefully, I can live up to expectations.

3609512
*signs you up*

3609518 I think you forgot to type what you wanted me to know...

I look forward to the next chapter, this story looks likeit's gonn be a great one.

THIS looks like Sparta

3609564
Oh, I've typed it.
And it'll be posted a chapter per day. :twilightsmile:

3609604
Thanks! :twilightsmile:

3609616
:rainbowhuh:

3609633
:pinkiegasp:
How is there Scootaloo AND RUBY SHINE in that video?
I just created Ruby Shine!
Almost-impossible coincidence?

Pleasently surprised with how much the revisions improved the story (looks like someone paid attention to my multiple perspective rants). Will be reading it as you release it because
1. It's very good; it'd criminal not to read it.
2. My computer won't crash multiple times trying to open that stupidly massive GDoc.

Like I had told you earlier, give yourself a pat on the back. Ya dun good.

3609826

Pleasently surprised with how much the revisions improved the story

Yep. :twilightblush: Did you know, I use a number system to track the versions of it?
You read revision 29. This final posted version is number 37.
Yeah. It has come a long way.

(looks like someone paid attention to my multiple perspective rants).

Of course. ^.^
Why would I ask proofreaders to look at it and then ignore their advice? That's just wasting everybody's time.

Will be reading it as you release it because
1. It's very good; it'd criminal not to read it.

Thanks :twilightsmile:

2. My computer won't crash multiple times trying to open that stupidly massive GDoc.

Heh... Tell me about it. :ajsleepy:

Like I had told you earlier, give yourself a pat on the back. Ya dun good.

:twilightsmile:

Wow, it's super exciting to see this thing finally get published!
I won't spoil anything (obviously) but I'm glad to see that your hard work has paid off. Looking through this I was reminded, ironically, of how hard school is in general. Even worse when some people are working to make it an actively negative experience. :ajsleepy:
If there was one thing that I think you've done well with the story, it's that. The fact that you hit home on "the daily slog," which you wouldn't expect necessarily because as a reader you go: "oh I see this in every story like this." :moustache:

Here's hoping this won't be your magnum opus though... I'd love to read more, and see what else you can do. :trollestia:

This story is my magnum opus. It's the greatest story I've ever written, and quite possibly the best fanfiction I ever will write.

I can't for the life of me remember who said it, but he was a famous fiction author. "The greatest story you'll ever write is the one you'll write next." Translation: don't discount what you're capable of doing in the future.

She squeezed her eyes shut, and concentrated.

then teleported

TO THE MOOOOON

Man, I hope Sweetie Belle didn't have to deal with obnoxious bullies like that. :raritydespair:

Well Ruby is going to the deepest level of hell since it's reserved for traitors, as for River she needs to be sent to the level of hell that houses lawyers, pedophiles, and those who willfully play the accordian.

I do like the story a lot but maybe a bit more spaces for readability?

This is one of the more novel interpretations of Scootaloo I've seen. Looking forward to seeing where this goes.

Wow. Racism. Way to keep up the bar up high in high society.....

3610189
Don't be mean to accordion players! In any case, what's your take on bagpipes?

3608754
Maybe. I agree on the premise of the wings thing. Based on the notion that pegasi magic is responsible for their ability to fly it seems that their wings would be plausible as a focus for a pegasi magic user. Frankly I'd imagine all ponies could do this, they would just have it a lot harder without a nice fancy focus (like a horn) or a special talent. I think unicorns have it easy because their horns make intuitive learning easier (because of close attachment to the brain?) and give them proof that the other things they're being taught about are possible.

I do hope Scootaloo can learn a few other spells, though. She should also have the opportunity to show off the one bit of magic she can do, which if you want would be a handy intro to the loner/pony with only a few friends motif since being able to do such advanced magic early on would earn her the enmity of unicorns who can't pull that off. It'd be awesome if she could get a secondary focus some day though. A theory ( I just came up with it!) for why her wings don't work is that the magic she has internally isn't fully tuned to pegasi traits and so her problem isn't that her wings are insufficient, but lack of some standard pegasi magic. If she could refocus it maybe she could use it to fly properly.

Anyway, wild speculation and rambling.

This is a fantastic concept and a great interpretation of this kind of Scootaloo-centric fic. Keep up the great work.:scootangel:

3610067i think I was Mark Twain...(could be wrong)

3609938

Wow, it's super exciting to see this thing finally get published!

You're tellin' me!

I won't spoil anything (obviously) but I'm glad to see that your hard work has paid off. Looking through this I was reminded, ironically, of how hard school is in general. Even worse when some people are working to make it an actively negative experience. :ajsleepy:

If there was one thing that I think you've done well with the story, it's that. The fact that you hit home on "the daily slog," which you wouldn't expect necessarily because as a reader you go: "oh I see this in every story like this." :moustache:

So... I did a good job of driving home the feeling of day-to-day crappyness? :rainbowhuh:

Here's hoping this won't be your magnum opus though... I'd love to read more, and see what else you can do. :trollestia:

Well, I don't plan on putting 8 months of work into any future fics...
I'm planning on moving on to publishing real books, if I can.
I'll still write some fanfic in my spare time, though.

3610067
Greatest fanfic. ^.^
Now, when I move on to writing novels...

3610109
:rainbowlaugh:

3610117
Not like that.
That's why she said Magic Kindergarten was fun.
She's a unicorn, though. She didn't have to deal with the racism. :unsuresweetie:

3610189
...
...
:rainbowlaugh:
Which level is for people who play the accordion by accident?

3610272
Well, I'm here to practice to be a novelist, so I like seeing my fics in a print-like format.
...And I think this type of formatting is indicative of someone who takes it more seriously... though that's just the impression I get. I also think it looks more professional.

3610275
:pinkiehappy:
Thanks! I tried.

3610337
Just like in the real world... 'high society' contains some of the worst, sleaziest people you'll ever meet.

3610409
You're pretty spot-on to my interpretation of how Scoot's magic works, actually. :scootangel:
The part of her magic that would normally allow her to fly with undersized wings, manipulate clouds, and pull a cart while flying is instead warped in a different direction: unicorn-style magic.

3610411
Thanks! :twilightsmile:

" It's the greatest story I've ever written, and quite possibly the best fanfiction I ever will write."

Don't say that! You never know when inspiration will strike, so yout could wake up one day and write something even BETTER than this!

3610676
That man did like his quotable sound bytes.

3610686
Oh, I plan to write things better than this... and send them to publishers. :twilightsmile:
My fanfic efforts will be lowered back down to 'just for fun'.

"Very good, River Star! Next well see the magic *SNERK!* of Scootaloo." The teacher made a point of ignoring the class laughing at the filly as she trotted up to the platform.

Scootaloo for her part ignored the laughter and instead closed her eyes as she concentrated on a pleasant memory before flapping her wings.

<Several minutes later>

The teacher and the rest of the class stared at the pegasus with wide eyes as tree sap and pine needles stuck to their once pristine coats and manes, the only one not covered in that mess was Scootaloo and the ground beneath her hooves.

"So saying 'Cutie Mark Crusaders, YAY!' while using my magic counts as a spell. Should I do it again?!"

Everypony. "NNNNOOOOOO!!!"

<1 week later>

Princess Twilight Sparkle looked at Scootaloo's straitjacketed form in confusion as she shared looks with Spike who appeared equally confused at the bound filly the schools dean had rolled out to them with a slightly crazed look in his eyes before slamming the gate shut and engaging what sounded like a dozen locks. Quickly shaking her head she soon had the face mask off and started working on the dolly straps next so she could finally get that straitjacket off.

"Scootaloo......what happened?"

"I'll tell you when you tell me about your time in Magical Kindergarten." Scootaloo said with a glare as Twilight looked away with a nervous/scared look on her face.

(Sorry folks, I couldn't help myself)

Login or register to comment