espite the incessant snoring, and despite the thoughts whirling through my head, I could feel myself finally beginning to drift off to sleep. The morning wasn't far off, but at least I could get a little rest before I–
“Rise and shine, Early Bird!” River's face popped into shadowy view over the rim of the top bunk.
All I could manage was a confused, “Wha?” before I found myself yet again flying towards the floor, enveloped in a purple glow. Caught unprepared, I had no time to slow down my fall. I hit the floor hard, but at least this time, it was a shorter fall. “Huh?” I shook my head. “Why'd you call me 'early bird'?”
“What, you mean besides the feathers?” She giggled, but it hardly sounded happy. “Because the early bird gets the worm.”
I just stared at her, my head cocked to one side. She wasn't making much sense that I could see.
She pointed down at the bottom bunk. “Get the Worm, Early Bird!”
“But the sun hasn't even come up yet.”
She rolled her eyes in the dim light. “Does it look like I care? Just do it, or I'll wake her up myself... by throwing you at her.”
“Fine, whatever.” I tip-toed up to Whisper's bunk. “Um, Night Whisper, you need to get up.” I reached a hoof up to gently tap her foreleg. I tapped again... Nothing. She wasn't waking up.
“I'm growing old up here!” From the purple light above, I knew River's horn was glowing again.
I didn't want to find out what her plan would be for that magic. I reached up into the bunk again, and this time shook Whisper by the shoulders. “Hey, wake up!”
She sat straight up and woke with a gasp. “What? Whath wrong?”
I just pointed upwards.
“Oh. Thath whath wrong.” Whisper's face scrunched up.
“Good.” River's voice came from above, “Now that you two are finally awake, we can get started.” She hopped down from the top bunk, landing right in front of us. “First of all, your job here is to be my servants and make my time here as easy as possible, and that's the only reason you're here.” She held a hoof up to her face, posing as if she was on the front page of a magazine. “Someday, when I”m famous across all of Equestria, you'll realize that you were lucky to have a chance to spend so much time with the great River Star.” With her hooves back on the floor now, she became all business. “But that opportunity comes with a price.” Her eyes gleamed at the word. “To begin with, I expect the two of you to wake up this time every morning – without my help – and prepare my outfit for the day. You'll find what you need in my suitcase there.” She stopped for a moment, stroking her chin before seeming to come to a decision. “Today, I want the blue saddle with the white ruffles. It brings out the silver streak in my mane.” She ran a hoof through her mane, fluffing out a streak I could only see as white.
I stomped a hoof down. Enough was enough, and this filly had gone way too far. “Just hold it right there. If you think I'm gonna–”
“Um, Thcootaloo?” Whisper's hoof on my shoulder stopped me. “Pleath don't make a fight. I've been around her for long enough now, and I know she'll take it out on both of uth. Just do what she thays.”
“Listen to the Worm!” River stepped closer, too close for comfort. “You'll do it, you'll do it without making a mess, and you'll do it without waking me up. Clear?”
I gritted my teeth, and I could barely control the muscles in my legs. To hell with the consequences, I was going to pounce on this arrogant little–
“Pleath don't.”
One look in Whisper's pleading eyes, and I knew I couldn't go through with it. I let out an enormous sigh.
“Good then. I'll see the two of you at the wake-up bell!” With a transparently false smile, River jumped back up into the top bunk.
I shook my head, following Whisper over to the suitcase near the bottom of the shelves. What did I ever do to deserve this?
Whisper zipped open the frilled suitcase, and as we rifled through it for the requested garment, she leaned over to me. “Thank you, Thcootaloo, for not making her angry... and thank you, for, um... well, thath the first time anypony hath thtood up for me thince I got adopted as her sithter three yearth ago.”
“You're sisters?”
“I said without waking me up!” River's voice shouted down from the top bunk.
Both of us lowered our heads instinctively.
“You two are sisters?” I asked, my voice much softer this time.
“Mm-hm.” Whisper dropped the frilled scarf she had been holding in her mouth. “I got adopted by River'th family after my mom and dad got killed three yearth ago... that... it wath when Dithcord got loothe. They were cruthed by a giant cherry pie.”
I concentrated on finding the blue saddle, studiously keeping my mouth shut. I figured it would be best not to mention my involvement in Discord's escape.
“But in all those yearth, nopony ever thtood up for me.” She stopped looking through clothes, and instead just stared at me. Then, she wrapped her hooves around me without warning. “Thank you. It really meanth a lot to me.”
I tried to pull away a little, without much success. “But I wasn't trying to–”
Something in the way she held me told me that I was close to crushing whatever spirit she had left. I couldn't tell her that I had only been standing up for myself. It would take away what little hope I had just given her.
“–ah, I don't mean to pry into your personal life. Yeah. I wasn't trying to pry. You didn't have to tell me all that.” I put up the most convincing smile I could muster.
“Aw, ith okay. It doethent bother me anymore.” Her eyes told me a different story. “Oh, look, there it ith!” She pointed into the suitcase. “Thereth the blue thaddle with white ruffleth.”
I looked back into it, and there it was indeed – near the bottom of course.
“Good, now all we need to do ith get it out, thmooth out the wrinkleth, untangle the thraps and lay it all out how she liketh. Then, all we need to do ith fold them all up–” she pointed at all the clothes we had discarded on the floor “–and we'll be done!” She actually sounded happy about that.
I sighed again. This was going to be a long week.
I held up my tray. Finally, I was first in line to get some breakfast, and I just couldn't hold out anymore. Before I could get any food, though, a violet flank bumped me out of the way. River had insisted on getting in front of Whisper and me, of course, so she already had her food. “Meet my friend, Lilly Pearl.”
A white filly with a light green mane cut in front of me, holding up a tray.
“And Pearl, these are my two peasants – no need for names.” River waved the new pony on as her tray was filled. “Come on, let's get out there before all the good seats are taken.”
As the two of them left, the path finally opened for me to make my way up to the head of the line and get some breakfast.
The big earth pony stallion grinned at me from across the counter. From the look on his face, I could tell he'd seen everything. He winked at me and dropped a double-sized portion of eggs on my plate.
I pranced out, spirits high, holding my over-filled tray in my mouth. Finally, something here went my way. It wasn't much, but it was a start. I sneered at River Star as I trotted happily past her, plopping down at an empty seat. That would show her who–
“Oh, you brought me my tray, you're such a good peasant.” Glowing purple, my tray flew away, replaced by another one with less food. It even had a few bites already taken out of it. “Thanks, sucker!”
As River strutted away, I looked up in outrage. Somepony must have seen that. Not only had she just blatantly used magic without permission, but she stole my food. It wasn't fair! After a sweep around the room, my eyes caught what I had been looking for – an authority figure. My heart sank as I saw her though. The magic teacher stood by the wall near the door, looking right at me with a smirk on her face.
I slumped down into my seat as Whisper sat down next to me, and I poked my already half-eaten pancakes with the dirty fork. I felt empty inside, a defeated kind of empty that damped my hunger and turned it into nausea.
Whisper looked over at me. She hadn't been there, but somehow she seemed to know exactly what happened. “Here, take mine. I've had to eat after her plenty of timeth.”
A measure of warmth returned to me as we swapped trays. At least I wasn't alone here.
I hurried across the stone courtyard with all the other fillies and colts jostling around me. My very first class here would be the exercise class. Maybe if I did well here, I could learn some way to defend myself against River!
I pushed through the big wooden doors right along with everypony else. Inside, this new building was almost exactly like my own dorm; the only difference was this one had more doors on its main floor hallway. The hall came alive with the sound of a few dozen young unicorns, and I followed the crowd to the exercise classroom.
If not for the press of bodies around me, I would have stopped and stared. There were no neat rows of desks, and no educational decorations on the wall like I expected, just a ring of a few dozen chairs filling the big room, all facing inwards toward a scorched stain on the center of the floor.
The teacher already stood in the exact center of the ring, patting down a few wayward curls in her mane. “Okay, class, settle in and find your seats, please.”
I followed Whisper's fluffy blue tail towards an empty section of chairs near the far wall. Looking at all the unicorns around me, I wondered if any of them were having as bad of a time here as me. I settled into my seat just in time to see River Star prance in through the doorway, along with her new friend. I looked around again and groaned. Of course the only place left with two empty seats next to each other was right next to me.
“Hey there, buddy”– she slipped into the chair next to mine –“how's it going?”
I turned my head to stare at her, straight-faced. “I am not your friend.”
River laughed and nudged her companion. “See, Pearl? Peasants. No manners at all.”
I rolled my eyes, but before I could make any retort, the teacher in the center of the ring spoke up. “Good morning, students, I hope you're having a wonderful first day at the school so far.”
My shoulders drooped. I was having anything but a 'wonderful' day so far.
“My name is Miss Honeydown, and I'll be your instructor for the exercise portion of your studies here.” She walked in a slow circle, looking the class over. “I'd like to start our first session with what many unicorns consider the most basic form of magic use – telekinesis. Specifically, I'll be leading you through an exercise in levitation, which is a word we use to describe specifically when telekinesis is used to lift objects into the air.”
She trotted to the center of the ring again. Her horn glowed and something tiny – I could barely see it – floated up next to her, suspended in her magic. “If you all look under your seats, you'll each find a pebble just like this one.” Her magic faded, and the little pebble clattered to the floor. “There are four areas where you will work to improve you telekinetic abilities – speed, accuracy, power, and control. Each one of these can be improved upon independently of the others, and we will practice each one in turn. First, though, we will be focusing on a very easy task, lifting just one pebble.” She began pacing around the circle again. “Now, please, take the pebble out from under your seat.”
I reached down under my seat, felt around for the pebble, and pushed it out in front of me. It was only a tiny grey rock, but it still seemed a little intimidating.
“Very good,” Miss Honeydown cheered, as if we had all accomplished something important. “Now, like all true magic, this exercise will begin as a mental exercise.” She closed her eyes. “I'd like you all to focus your will and feed it into your horns. Just visualize everything flowing up into it. Yes, good. Your horn should be glowing now. Good.”
I glanced back and forth at the ponies around me. Almost all of their horns were glowing, their faces all in various degrees of concentration... but not me. I tried 'focusing my will' into my wings, but I couldn't feel anything. Was I supposed to flap them?
“Good. Now send a thin tendril of energy – it can be as tiny as you like, so small it's invisible – from the very tip of your horn out towards the pebble.” The teacher opened her eyes again, and looked around the room. I didn't know if I should be glad or disappointed that she didn't seem to take notice of me. “Your tendril of energy should touch the pebble from directly above. The direction you touch it from will determine its direction of motion.” She turned around to face away from me, towards the students on the other side of the ring. “Okay, good. Now, the tendril should stay attached with very little effort now – that's your connection. Now, increase the power just a tiny bit to begin lifting it. Increase it only slightly – these little pebbles won't take much to move.”
Around the room, pebbles began lifting up one by one, each one surrounded by a different color of magic. A few wavered, a few fell, and one even shot up to bounce off the roof, but mine was the only one that remained stubbornly in its place on the floor.
“Okay, good work, students.” Miss Honeydown clapped her pink hooves together. “Now practice that some more please, while I work my way around to any students who could use some help. Please raise your hoof if you do.”
I shot my right hoof up into the air like a rocket. I could definitely use some help! Slowly, a few more hooves raised around the room.
Miss Honeydown, I was grateful to see, trotted over to me first, smiling the whole way. “Ah, yes, I had a feeling that you would need a little help.”
For a moment, I felt primed to be offended, but then again, it was true, after all. I did need help. “Um, yeah, I think I'm having trouble with the 'focusing your will' part.” I ignored a little giggle coming from River's direction.
“Of course you are, dear. You do face some special challenges here.” She patted me on the head. “With no horn, you'll have to channel the magic into your... how do you do it anyway? How did you do it in the past?”
“Well, through my wings, I guess, but it's not working.”
“What was different the last time?”
“Well, Rainbow Dash and my friends were there, and I was flapping them really hard, and I was trying really hard.”
“Oh, okay.” Her smile brightened. “So just do that again!”
“Just to move a pebble?” That seemed like way too much effort to put into moving a tiny little rock.
“Well, sure.” She nodded me on.
I sighed and shook my head. “Okay.” Again, I focused on moving my energy into my wings, but this time I fluttered them as fast as I could and squeezed every bit of effort into it I could muster. Fitfully, my wings began to glow, but before I could move the pebble, the glow flickered and vanished.
“That's okay. You did very good for a pegasus.”
I could hear River snickering at the teacher's faint praise.
“You just keep practicing that. I need to go help a few other students, but don't worry, I'll be back to help you along some more later.”
I sank into my chair as she trotted over to the next raised hoof, keenly aware of the stares I was drawing from all over the room. My cheeks burned, and I wished I could just disappear. All my life I had dreamed of becoming the center of attention, but now it was the last thing I wanted.
“But really, you did really good.” Whisper patted me on the back. “I've never theen a pegathus do anything like that.”
I stopped pushing the remains of my lunch around the plate and glared at her. “Are you kidding? The rest of them were levitating six pebbles at once, and even by the end I could barely keep one in the air.”
“Well, yeah...” She backed away just slightly. “But you were really good for a pegathus.”
I slammed my hoof down on the table, rattling the plates and drawing more than a few stares. “I am so tired of hearing that! I don't want to be 'good for a pegasus'. I wanna just be 'good', period!” After a moment, my breathing slowed down and I came to my senses. Ponies all over the lunchroom stared at me, and Whisper cringed. I let myself calm back down. “I'm sorry, Whisper, I didn't mean to lash out like that... It's just... I'm just so frustrated, and there's nowhere to let it out.”
I could see the fear in her eyes recede a little. “It's okay, we're all under a lot of thtress, and when–”
The loud peal of the school bell cut into the conversation, and the teacher next to the lunchroom door – Miss Primrose, was it? – called out, “Lunch hour is now over. Everypony outside. Recess for one half hour.”
I rushed outside along with Whisper and a horde of other giggling, screaming young unicorns. It took us no time at all to get outside and raid the school's supply of outdoor toys.
I snagged a bright red ball for myself. One of my ambitions lately had been to top Rainbow Dash's ball-bouncing record. I had even gotten up to two hundred once, almost halfway there! If I just kept practicing, I'd be able to get there for sure, and then Rainbow Dash would have to be impressed by somepony who beat her own record!
I trotted over to a relatively open spot and readied myself. I checked all around. Good, nopony close enough to interfere. Half an hour wouldn't be enough time to actually make a real record attempt, but it would be a good time for a little practice. I tossed the ball up and watched it gleam in the sunshine before it came back down, expertly bounced off the top of my head and bounced back up again. One. The next one, I caught with a back hoof stretched out behind me. Two. I knocked the next one from my head to my back, jumping a little to pop it up off my back. Three and four. A quick jab with my front left caught it again. Five. It angled a bit too far forward – nothing I couldn't handle. I thrust myself forward, ready to bop it back up with my nose, and... it didn't come. I teetered there for a moment, confused and off-balance, before gravity got the best of me and I fell forward onto my chest.
I looked up from my new vantage point, with my chin on the schoolyard's hard stone. I finally found my ball, glowing purple and hovering far above my head. As soon as I spotted it, the glow around it vanished. I had just enough time to close my eyes before it came down and bounced off my head one last time. Six. I sighed and followed the ball with my eyes until it rolled up to a set of violet hooves.
River Star stopped the ball, setting her hoof down on top of it, and smirked to the filly beside her. “And to think, I had always been told that pegasi were supposed to be naturally athletic... but I guess somepony must have told me wrong.” She let out a cruel, cutting laugh and kicked my ball away into the crowd.
Enough was enough. Now she wasn't just mocking me, she was mocking every pegasus. “You take that back!”
Both River and Pearl stalked up close to me, circling their prey.
“Oh?” River edged even closer. “Or what? What are you going to do about it, Early Bird?”
“That is not her name!”
All three of us stared, wide-eyed, to see who came to defend me. Ruby Shine stood there, scowling at the two fillies.
River and Pearl glanced at each other for a moment before nodding to each other. They zeroed in on him. “So that isn't her name, huh?” Pearl prodded as the two circled around him.
River stopped right in front of him. “So, what is it then?”
I could see the weakness in his stance even before the look of worry crept over his face. It only intensified as River stared him down. He glanced back and forth between the two fillies as a bead of sweat grew on his face. “Her name is...”
He winced, and all the worry and fear melted away from his face. “Chicken,” he mumbled.
The breath I had been holding left me in one sickening gasp. So that's what it feels like to be stabbed in the back.
“Chicken, huh?” River whirled back towards me. “I like it. She looks like a chicken, too, don't you think?”
“Definitely!” Pearl still circled Ruby Shine. “Maybe we should hang out with Ruby more often.”
I just sat there and glared at him. I had only told him that hurtful nickname on the train ride because I thought he was my friend.
He had been smiling about Pearl's comment, but when his eyes met mine, his smile wilted and he glanced away.
I just kept on staring at him, empty and used. My red ball rolled back to me, kicked back by some kind soul, perhaps, but I didn't even look at it.
“And that, my little ponies, is what happens when a pony uses more magic than he or she can control – magic overload. It is essential that you avoid overload by remembering your limits. You are all still young fillies and colts. You need to build your skills gradually. Try too much too soon, and you'll end up magically exhausted. It is a dangerous medical condition for any unicorn.” Missus Primrose looked around the classroom. “Now, who can tell me what the symptoms of magical overexertion are?”
A few hooves, including mine, shot up around the classroom.
“Bass Clef?” The teacher pointed toward a colt in the back of the room.
“Symptoms of magical exhaustion are headache, body aches, and inability to focus.”
“Very good, Bass Clef. Though, you have missed perhaps the most important symptom – the inability to perform any magic.” She looked up at the clock in the back of the room. “Very well, class, any questions about tonight's homework?”
I raised my hoof. I still wasn't sure which book to find the five rules of magic safety in.
“Good. Since nopony has any questions, class dismissed!” Of course she didn't acknowledge me. She hadn't said a word to me at all throughout the whole class, and now I knew she was ignoring me on purpose.
Well, it suited me. My mood was dark enough now that I wanted to just be ignored, by everypony and everything.
“Are you coming, Thcootaloo?”
I looked up to see the classroom already mostly empty, and Whisper waiting for me halfway through the door. It wasn't much, but it was enough to get me moving again. “Okay, yeah, I'm coming.”
We shared the short walk back to our room on the third floor in silence. Maybe Whisper picked up on my mood and could tell I didn't feel like having any friendly chatter, or maybe she didn't want to talk either. I didn't care.
“Okay, you two, time to finally make yourselves useful.”
River Star's face was the first thing to greet us in the room, of course. My head sank down as I sighed. This day wasn't over yet.
“Worm, you'll be in charge of my reading and note-taking. I want full summaries of our assigned reading. Chicken, you're in charge of getting my homework done.”
I scowled at her when I heard my old nickname again.
“And both of them had better be done in my very best hoofwriting.” She winked at us and giggled, oblivious to my scowling. “As for me, I've got some serious catching up to do.” With that, she hopped up into bed and snuggled into the sheets.
I checked the list of homework to be done; it looked horrendous – easily enough to keep me busy until bedtime, even without making the extra copy for River.
I looked over at Whisper, and she answered me with a weak, tired smile. Shaking my head and sighing, I followed her to the desk.
Falling... falling forever... It wasn't unusual for me, really, to have dreams of falling. They never scared me as much as this one did though.
Crack. Ouch! Falling dreams usually didn't end with a painful landing. I forced my eyes open and rubbed the new bruise on the back of my head.
“What is the meaning of this?” River loomed over me in the dim morning light.
With a grunt, I picked myself up to a sitting position on the chilly wooden floor. My blankets were strewn all around me. “Huh? Meaning of what?”
River stalked even closer. “The meaning of you not waking up the Worm, and not getting my outfit ready!”
I rolled my eyes. “I was tired after being up all night doing your homework, and besides, you didn't even tell us which one you wanted.”
“That's no excuse!” She circled around me, stepping all over my blankets.
“Well, maybe I just didn't feel like getting up early to fix up your dumb clothes. Do whatever you want. I'm not scared of you.”
A disturbing smile broke out on her face, and her eyes narrowed into a predatory gleam. “So, you admit it! Laziness and insubordination, that's what it is.” She stepped up closer, shoving her face right into mine, despite me leaning back away from her. “Well, I'll just have to arrange a proper punishment for you, to remind you of your place.”
I stood up, getting a little distance away and flaring my wings. “I'm still not scared of you, River!” I put all the confidence I could muster into my voice. “There's nothing your magic can do that I can't handle!”
“Oh?” She smiled with a sickening faux sweetness in her voice. “Who said anything about magic?” She giggled as she turned and walked out through the door. “See you later, Chicken.”
I shook my head and scowled at the door. What could that obnoxious filly be up to now?
And here I thought that Diamond Tiara was the most vile little filly. She's got some competition.
River needs to die. Still, as long as she gets whats coming to her...
Seems a bit quick and all, really.
~Skeeter The Lurker
This story has me really excited. I can't wait till tomorrow!
Scootaloo's at least getting the basics of her magic, which is pretty good seeing as how it's her second day using it! Twilight had to study for a long time to so much as flip a page with her magic! I hate River so much though. By the end of this story she needs to get what's coming to her!
P.S. Daily updates are my favorite! I just refreshed my favorites, and BAM there it was.
Hm. Let Scoots use some magic surge nad burn that racist unicorns. Good slaughter without consiquenses.
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Well... it has paragraphs... just print-style paragraphs.
Were you downloading it and the indents didn't transfer, maybe?
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I'm pretty sure you'll enjoy what's (eventually) coming, then!
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It'll be good.
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He's just too used to being the king of his little world. He's forgotten what being in trouble is even like.
(And hey, racist and stupid go hand-in-hand.)
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Thanks
I doubt either of us are the first to have made a cutie mark like this, though.
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Have you seen her family?
She was definitely trained to be despicable.
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I was working under the assumption that Twilight loved her time at magic kindergarten. She was a very talented little unicorn, at the top of her class, and the darling of the school.
(And in Lesson Zero, she was only afraid of going back there because being an adult sent back there would be so embarrassing, not because she hated the place.)
So, I was writing it as Twilight having the best of intentions sending Scoots there, but being a bit misguided because she didn't realize how different Scoot's experience there would be.
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I don't suppose I could convince you to stick it out for the last few chapters, which are, in my opinion, far better than the first?
Well... you cal them cliches; I call them fanon, and it's what I use as a starting point...
Oh, I bet if you read it, it would give you at least one good surprise.
Well, she's going to magic kindergarten. A place the show has never gone.
The list of canon characters who could believably be placed there is quite short, so a slew of OC's is inevitable.
Now, personally, I don't see any of the OC's there as being carbon copies of canon characters... I'd really like to know which OC's you think match up with which canon characters. Honestly, I'm curious.
As for the names... well... names are hard. I did the best I could.
Wait... I didn't write this fic assuming Scoots was an adult. I meant her to be only slightly older than in the show.
Heh... Spoilers.
I'll PM you about that one.
Now, that, I completely disagree with.
Outlandish as it may sound, I have never read Harry Potter. I know very little about it.
(So it would be quite difficult for me to make a crossover of it!)
No, the only similarity I can see is that an unfortunate orphan goes to a school to learn magic.
I assure you, and everyone here, this fic is in no way connected to or inspired by Harry Potter.
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We'll get to that.
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Heh... I dealt with that just a couple comments ago.
I've never read Harry Potter, and I assure you, this fic has very little in common with it.
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I recognize that one.
I made a typo while correcting a typo.
*will fix*
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Oh. That makes sense.
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You misunderstand me...
I only meant that this will probably be my greatest fanfic ever.
I very much do intend to write better things, but I think I'm close to being ready to take on commercial novels.
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And even more surprises in store, I'm sure.
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Death would be far too kind for her.
I don't care that she's a kid, really. Even Diamond Tiara isn't all that bad (I actually find her kind of amusing at times), but River is just... words cannot describe how black her heart must be.
If it was me I'd be on the next train back to Ponyville. Fuck that shit. And please tell me that Scoots is not going to take this shit.
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It can always get worse.
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What seems a bit quick?
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Thanks! Nice to hear.
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Um... okay?
*holds thought*
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She'll come back. I promise.
REALLY want to mangle some of these bullies...
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The story.
Feels like it's really fast paced.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Definitely an interesting, original take on Scootaloo's flight difficulties, and definitely a worthwhile read. I have ideas about how this might end, but I'll stick around to see what you decide, and what kind of overarching moral you might have in mind.
I'm just waiting for the point where it is revealed that PCSFGU officially has a very strict zero tolerance policy to bullying, and this matter comes to the attention of one of the Princesses. Heads will roll.
"Now Headmaster, either you will expel these bullies from my academy or I will find a new Headmaster who will. I am unsure why you felt that section 23, paragraph two of the Student Code of Conduct was no longer necessary to enforce, but such behavior ends here and now."
Pssssst, hey Scootaloo, psssst
Major bro here, I brought you something to deal with River, I even loaded it with bird shot, now go on and soar like an eagle, or cast like a waterfall, or something like that. Just keep on being cute
There you go, now don't say Lieutenant Warden never did anything for you, because it's an M1014
korgan.kz/user_uploads/catalog/goods/f99419.jpg
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Then the emotional impact I was going for is working.
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Oh... wow...
And here I was, trying to write the slowest-paced story I'd ever done.
"Fast paced" is something I've heard about all of my fics... and I guess it's often a good thing, but I can't write a slow-paced story for the life of me.
Oh well... Guess it's just the kind of author I am. I should embrace it, I suppose.
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I couldn't ask for better!
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Spoilers.
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Well... that's one way to deal with it.
It seems I'm not the only one who wants to maim River.
Also, is Ruby really such a pushover he'll let some elitist bitch walk all over him?
3612767
Please, there's no possible way that a school like this would not have at least SOME sort of anti-bullying policy, particularly when it was founded by Celestia. I mean you've got all the problems of a regular grade school, except now every bully also knows how to use shocking grasp or magic missile. Now whether or not its being enforced, or only being enforced selectively… well thats a different story. But suffice to say I see significant changes in personnel at PCSFGU in the near future, say about five minutes after Celestia gets her next letter from Twilight. I'm pretty sure that Twilight herself wouldn't have any official power to make changes to the staff or student body of a school owned by another Princess, Princess of Magic or not.
3612769
Oh, he's just not sure which side he's on.
3612810
Selectively enforced indeed.
Nopony cares if the Pegasus gets bullied.
Everyone's complaining about the bullies... I more want to see the adults there get their comeuppance.
Looky, I found an error
3612821
Indeed. ^.^
3612822
Um...
What's the error? Not applying the lithp to the word 'just'?
To be entirely honest, I really didn't like this chapter at all. At best it seemed very amateurish, at worst it seemed like all you were trying to do was beat the reader over the head with the message that 'River is evil and Scootaloo has no spine', something you already did in chapter 2. There's a line between showing someone as being a bully, and just being so ridiculously over-the-top psychopathic that its silly.
Every single adult thus far at this school, with the exception of the lunch lady, is racist against pegasi or just doesn't care? None of them care about her at all? None of her classmates even speak to her, save for Whisper, who has no spine, or Ruby, who backstabs her?
And Scootaloo, the most brash and outspoken of the CMC just sits there and puts up with it? Suspension of disbelief only goes so far.
For that matter no one in this story seems to have any motivation behind what they do that is in any way explained. I can buy Whisper, as they are sisters and thus River has had a lot of time to beat her down, but at no point did any other unicorn not wander over and just ask nicely "so what's a pegasi doing here anyway? Oh you can teleport, something exceptionally few unicorns can do? And you know the princess and the elements of harmony? Cool! I want to be your friend." Frankly I'd be shocked if the majority of them to. That they all don't, and don't even talk to her at all, is just ridiculous.
Thus far this story doesn't seem like its about Scootaloo so much as it seems like its about Fluttershy in Scootaloos body.
At this point, to be realistic in any way, Scootaloo needs to grow a spine, probably end up fighting River in public (we have seen her stand up for her friends and get in fights in the show numerous times), and get sent home (which should make her overjoyed, given that she clearly hates it there and has no motivation to stay). When Dash and Twilight ask what happened she should explain what happened, and then Twilight should go there, and as princess fire them all and shut down the school for being such an abysmal failure.
I'll read one more chapter of this and who knows, maybe it'll turn around, but if not I'm out.
3612821
Just remember, their time will come.
After all, revenge is a dish best served three times. Chilled, of course.
3612818
Well no one except you know, the Princesses. Who will very DEFINITELY give a fuck that their personal student is being bullied (or their ex-personal student's personal student), and more importantly, have the power to do something about it. Like say, gather all the staff into a meeting room and telling them "You're all fired. Furthermore you've been added to the Royal Blacklist because I'm vindictive, have fun ever finding a job in this field again. Now clean out your offices, the Royal Guard will be arriving to escort you off my property in thirty minutes." Maybe not remotely that extreme but it's definitely something that Celestia has the power to do, were she so inclined for whatever reason.
3612848
Well, it will turn around, I promise.
Maybe not as quickly as you're hoping, though.
3612851
All in good time.
3612851
No, I think something that extreme would be called for.
Please, PLEASE tell me Celestia or Twilight or Luna finds out about this and fires all the staff... it seriously feels like you're commentating on my jr and sr high school experiences (at least until I learned I could throw a mean right hook)
3612864
Well theres no point in firing the entire staff, teachers, janitors, groundskeepers, etc, for the infractions of a few. Just post a few job openings in a academic journal then call the offenders up to your office, where they will be escorted off the school grounds after meeting with you.
Also I guess if you really wanted to be a dick about it, offer the position of headmaster(mistress) to a Earth Pony or Pegasus, just to twist the knife in the gut of the unicorn supremacists.
Ok can someone explain to me how all the teachers can be this stupid? I mean she's the protege of Princess Twilight Sparkle. The amount of shit they can get in from what Scootaloo says happened to her could put the whole school in deep water. If the teacher's say Scootaloo is a liar that leads to two options for Sparkle. 1. Magic and get the truth that way. Or two she just looks at them and states, "So you're saying me, The princess, former protege of. Princess Celestia's, cannot tell when a pony is lying to me?" Continue with death glare and put the whole school through bureaucratic hell to make sure they are being watched for favoritism and nepotism. Hell, put them through so much oversight they can't sneeze unless they fill out paper in triplicate.
3612887
Oh, all the staff? No, but if she did that to just the offenders it would be.
"What's that? You're being made subject to the whims of a vindictive, judgmental bitch? Scootaloo here has no idea what that feels like."
3612889
Believe me, sometimes people actually ARE that stupid. Particularly since, in the show at least, it appears that Canterlot has a population of about 70% Nobles, who are, as a social group, not always known for their firm contact with reality.
3612667
Alas, this is what's called "assuming facts not in evidence." Where was this ever established?
It's a pretty common fanon that Twilight did not, in fact, enjoy Magic Kindergarten — and it's fairly easy to imagine why. Being at the top of her class and singled out for special attention by Celestia herself is the sort of thing that would, along with her intensely studious nature, OCPD tendencies, and relatively asocial personality, get her labeled "geek", "nerd", and "teacher's pet", among other more hurtful epithets. (Which might well explain why she became as withdrawn and asocial as she was prior to the start of season 1; it's not at all uncommon for people to deal with such ostracism by their peers by withdrawing into an attitude of "who needs friends anyway; i can get along just fine without them.")
Either way, though, 3611048's point somewhat stands: This is a pegasus, manifesting unicorn-level magic — an event so exceedingly rare that there's only one poorly-documented case of it ever occurring before. (And pretty high-level magic at that, considering that we rarely if ever see other unicorns using teleport spells. Rarity obviously can't do it, for example, or she'd have just teleported herself away from the Diamond Dogs.) This is something that really ought to be an overriding priority for all concerned, especially Twilight. Surely the diplomatic mission to the Gryphons can be put off, or one of the other Princesses could go in Twilight's stead? This is a weak spot in the story, IMO; the "diplomatic mission" is a bit too obviously just a plot device to get Twilight and the others offstage and get Scootaloo sent to magic school so she can be smacked around (figuratively, if not literally) in a "boarding school of horrors" plot.
There are some other issues which don't quite ring true, plotwise, but that's the biggest fault in the story logic.
3612896
I'm not going to lie, if I was Celestia and this matter was brought to my attention, I would TOTALLY do that. Well actually its a toss up between that, and hitting the offenders with age spells and shipping the new colts and fillies off to a specially prepared school who's student body is them, and the worst bullies I could find on short notice.
3612923
Sending them to Flight School. Lel.
3612932
"A flight school consisting of them and the worst winged monsters below three feet tall that I can find on short notice? Brilliant! Sir, consider yourself promoted to "Minister of Good Ideas". If you aren't actually working for me yet, consider this a job offer!"
She'll get her revenge and i bet it will be sweet.
fc09.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/314/e/6/the_coop___pregnant_scootaloo_by_jake_heritagu-d5kj0mi.png
I'm really loving this story!
But....I also have to point out one thing: In the episode The Cutie Mark Chronicles, Twilight tells the CMC that when she was enrolled in "Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns" she has to pass an entrance exam where she had to hatch a dragon egg. This didn't happen in your story...
Just a thought that came to mind while reading
3612900
Sad part is I just figured out the magical solution: memory magic. Twilight Sparkle used some type of memory magic to fix the rest of the mane 6 to put Discord in stone the second time. Therefore we know the magic exists to get an account of what happened.
Edit: Also for all we know the school now falls under Twilight's purview as the PRINCESS OF MAGIC
3612956
The teacher at the train station mentions in passing they they've done away with those.
Damn River is a bitch,
And Whisper is worse than Pre Twi Fluttershy
Scoots has gotta get that witch
And yet she can't even try
So I ask when we next see Twi
That she remember her reasons why
MK was her cannon nightmare
I must see the next chapter soon,
Before I start imitating Scoots cousin the loon,
So for now I sign off you wonderful author, you
And wait for tomorrow's chapter anew.
-Eclipse
3612956
I think the previous chapter had an off-hand mention that they don't have the entrance exams anymore.
3612758 And here I was taking it as a bit of intentional fast-pacing. When you're quite literally shoved into a new place, with new people and a constantly changing setting (Scoots keeps moving (outside->library->train->various rooms in MK)) life can seem to be almost blurring around you, without a moment to catch up. Add to that the fact that Scoots is constantly being harassed by River, ignored or insulted by staff, and only really has Whisper to fall back on, it doesn't seem surprising to me that she would feel a bit caught up/swept away by it all. I thought the pacing was fine!
3612851 I believe revenge is actually ice cream. Revenge is: sweet, to be savored, best served cold. All of which apply to ice cream.
3612864 Especially considering the blatant racism going on by all involved parties. If the paper Twilight read and the story title are anything to go by, a Pegasus like Scootaloo should be celebrated and studied, not ridiculed and slandered.
Grrr. As much as I understand and sympathize with Scootaloo's position, she needs to start fighting back. River's got her daddy to watch over her? Scootaloo has Rainbow Dash, a national hero, and Princess Twilight Sparkle, also a national hero, who also has connection to three other princesses. She has resources, she should use them. If only so I can stop gnashing my teeth as I desire to hurt someone.
I'm sorry. But I read the three chapters and I have to say this story is almost obnoxiously bland. The plot is, so far, very predictable. You got scootaloo who can do magic, doesn't want to go, goes anyway, meets a card board cut-out bully, hangs with whisper, rinse and repeat. Sometime near the end the bully'll get her just deserts, scootaloo will get good with magic, proving the unicorns wrong in doing so, and have a loving relationship with whisper to top it all off with her thinking "how was I every against learning magic?"
3611585
I don't know where you get the age of 5 from.
The CMC have been going to school for at least a year in the show, so at minimum they are in grade 2 or 3(standard 1) putting their age at approx 8/9 (assuming ponies follow human aging, and start Grade 1 at age 7). This story is set some time after what we've seen in the show, (lets be generous and say 2 years)(ocalhoun plz correct me if I'm wrong) putting their age at approx 10/11
Its far more believable to have a 10/11 year old calling another student "worm" (that's actually quite tame compared to what I've heard younger children say)
3613089 I agree with this point.
Scootaloo is not a pushover, you've marked her character wrongfully, sorry.
3608967
You mean "If this were an average manga,"
Oh my god, Ruby is such a bitch!
That's gotta hurt...
3610684 Purgatory I believe
3612611 Well death is a kindness, do you really want the author being kind to River?
3612876
It's wonderful, isn't it?
3612882
This parallel to your own school experiences might be intentional.
Connecting with your audience and whatnot, right?
3612889
Stupidity has no limits.
3612911
Heh... you do a pretty good job pointing out the weak points in the plot.
Griffon mission a transparent plot device? Definitely.
Twilight hated magic kindergarten? I don't think so.
3612942
Just you wait. ^.^
3612948
Thanks! I'm glad I'm doing a good job with the character/reader connection there.
3612956
Yep, as others stated, I put an offhand mention in there that they no longer have entrance exams.
3612968
Well, I suppose I now know what the similarities are.
3613010
Wasn't that one of your suggestions?
3613057
Heh... I hope so, too.
I don't want to be presumptive, but "Best thing I've read since Past Sins" was a phrase I heard from more than one prereader. ^.^
I'm flattered that they would compare my story to something like that.
3613058
Indeed.
<.<
>.>
Totally didn't put that in there just for the sake of closing that plot hole. Totally.
3613060
Yeah... the pacing is probably good for this fic... I'm just amazed at how it is...
While some authors struggle to no end to make 'fast paced' stories, I seem to be unable to do anything else, even when I try.
3613089
The time will come.
3613130
Heh... You're wrong on one count.
I'll let you read it to find out which one.
3613144
Thanks. That explains it pretty well.
3613172
Hm... I tried to show her pushing back a little, and getting rebuffed. Was it not enough?