Don Quixote
weetie Belle and Apple Bloom bounced in front of Cheerilee on the train station's platform with an enthusiasm I could hardly share. Despite my hints of optimism from yesterday, now that I actually stood at the station, listening to the mumbling crowd and smelling the warm, acrid steam from the train, it started to seem all too real to me. I could feel my breathing getting shallower and a thin, cold sweat breaking out on the back of my neck.
“Are you really sure I should go?”
Cheerilee smiled back at me, just how she always did. “Scootaloo, I've known you were destined to be somepony special ever since I adopted you. I know you can do this.”
“But–”
“Not another word, there. You'll go, and you'll do fine. You'll learn all about that talent of yours, and when you come back, you'll be ready for anything.” She gave me a soft, quick pat on the head. “And when you come back, you'll have some wonderful stories to tell.” She glanced away, then back at me. “I do wish I could go with you, but the school needs me. Don't worry, though. You'll be picked up and taken care of when you get there.”
“I just–”
“All aboard who's comin' aboard!” I whirled to face the direction the shout came from just in time to see a mustached stallion disappear into the train.
“Cheerilee, I–”
“You'll be fine, Scootaloo. Now go. Don't miss your train.”
I didn't see any choice; I stepped into the train just in time for the door to slide closed behind me with an all-too-final thwack. I had my saddlebags on, and I had everything I needed. Though, honestly, the bags were nearly empty and I still felt immensely unprepared.
I made my way into the first passenger car. Ponies crowded around me on all sides; this would be the train's last stop before Canterlot, so it was already packed. All the wide-open seats were already taken, of course, which forced me to pick an unfamiliar pony to sit next to. I winced.
As I picked my way down the aisle, a mechanical squeak resounded through the car, and with a little lurch, the train began moving. I passed a few empty seats, but I just couldn't bring myself to sit next to any of these ponies. There was an elderly earth pony mare, pocket photo album already out, no doubt ready to assault anypony unlucky enough to sit beside her with tales of her grandchildren, and then a clean-cut businessmare who glared at me as I walked by, making it clear I wasn't welcome there. An obese stallion more than filled the next seat, so I gave him a wide berth. The well-dressed unicorn stallion beside the next empty seat met my gaze with a venomous sneer. I began to worry that I wouldn't find anyplace acceptable, that I'd have to go back and try to choose the lesser of these evils, but the last empty seat changed that. Next to it sat a unicorn colt, not much older than myself, with a white coat and a deep red mane. He smiled back at me as I looked, and my apprehensions about choosing a seat melted away.
“Hey, is this seat taken?” I asked, already sliding my saddlebags under it.
“Not at all, come on over.” His accent came through strongly, and I loved it.
I hopped into the thinly-cushioned seat. “You're from Trottingham?”
“Well, yes, but ever since I got my cutie mark last week I've been living with my Aunt Sapphire in Fillydelphia.”
“Really? You just got your cutie mark last week?” I stole a glance at it, a single big brilliant-cut ruby on his flank. “I just got mine yesterday!”
“That's right. I got mine sort of late. When your special talent is gem cutting, it's sort of hard to find out about, because, really, who's going to just give you a gem to practice on when you've never done it before?” He shook his head. “I tell you what, I sure did get fed up with being called a blank flank.”
I laughed. “I know what you mean!” Luckily, those days would be behind me now. “Better than being called a chicken though.”
“I bet!” He laughed along with me. “I'm glad that's all over now.”
I settled into my seat as the train picked up speed. “Me too. So, what brings you to Canterlot?”
“Oh, my Auntie's sending me off to magic kindergarten. She says I need to refine my magic to get the gems to sparkle with just the right colour.”
“Wow.” Just how intensive was this school going to be? “They teach about gem colors in magic kindergarten?”
“Heh, I bet not! My old auntie can get eccentric sometimes.” He turned from the window back towards me. “And what brings you to Canterlot?”
Well, this was probably going to be awkward. “For the same reason, actually.”
The colt's face scrunched up. “Huh? To learn how to cut gems better?”
I giggled, though much of it was just on account of nervousness. “No, no. To go to magic kindergarten.”
None of the confusion plastered on his face cleared up as he stared down at my wings and back up to my face. “Seriously?”
“That's what my cutie mark is for.” I pointed to the purple stars on my flank. “I really can use magic.”
He peered at me from the corners on his narrowed eyes. “You can use magic...?”
“I can.” It almost felt like a point of pride now. “Twilight Sparkle even tested it to make sure.”
“Wait.” The colt's eyes went wide. “Twilight Sparkle, as in Princess Twilight Sparkle?”
“Uh-huh. That's the one.”
“Wow, you know the Princess of Magic? Cool!” He sat silently for a moment, seemingly awed by the thought. “What's your name, anyway? I never got it.”
“I'm Scootaloo.” I reached out a hoof.
Instead of shaking my hoof like I expected him to, he picked it up and planted a little kiss on it. Was that some kind of Trottingham custom? “Pleased to meet you, Scootaloo. My name's Ruby Shine, but my friends just call me Ruby.”
I giggled; I wasn't used to such formal introductions. “The pleasure's all mine.” I could hardly say it with a straight face. “So, Ruby, what do they do for fun all the way out in Trottingham?
“You mean, besides train rides through the countryside?” He laughed. “Well, my personal favourite would have to be the stage shows. Why, just a month ago, there was one by a traveling unicorn magician called 'the Great and Powerful Trixie' that was completely amazing. She even...”
The conversation rolled on, to the accompaniment of the train's click-clacking wheels, and I decided I couldn't possibly have found a better seat-mate to share the trip with.
“And that's when I just had to reel back and punch him right in the nose!” Ruby burst into laughter as he finished his story.
I leaned away a little. “That doesn't sound very nice.”
“Oh, you don't know the half of it, but he totally deserved it, seriously.”
“Well, ah, okay.” I supposed that might be true. “But what did your dad do when–”
The screech of the train's brakes interrupted me, and a call of, “Last stop, Canterlot Station! Please watch your step as you exit onto the platform. Luggage pickup will be on your left,” punctuated the noise.
Ruby hopped up. “That's our stop.”
I grabbed my saddlebags and rushed to follow Ruby through the crowd. A few bumps, jostles, and mumbled apologies later, I stood in the middle of the crowd at the Canterlot rail station. I stared up at all the grand buildings and gleaming white spires; I had only been to Canterlot a few times before, and I still found the city impressive.
“Hey, there's our sign!” Ruby pointed to the left, where a mare with a yellow mane and a pink coat stood levitating a sign that read Magic Kindergarten with her magic. Her dull-eyed stare glazed over the crowd without seeming to actually see anything.
I trotted on over towards her, with Ruby following me this time. Several other fillies and colts were already gathering, and as I stepped up among them, I noticed more coming in from the crowd.
The mare in the center of the group put her sign away and came to life. “Okay, children, if you have more bags than you can carry, please put them in this wagon.” She gestured toward a wagon nearby, already hitched up to a tired-looking earth pony. “We'll be leaving to go to the magic kindergarten campus of Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns in just a few minutes.”
Her eyes latched on to me for a moment before she walked up. She turned to Ruby Shine, who still stood beside me. “Your friend can walk with you to the school if she likes, but she can't come inside the gates with us.”
“She's not–”
“I'm a student, too.” I interrupted Ruby. “I'm not just going along for the ride.”
The mare stared at me for a moment, her gaze flickering down to my wings. She raised an eyebrow before shaking her head. “I really wish we still had entrance exams. Well, I'll just leave it for the headmaster to sort out when we arrive.” She looked up from me and addressed the students. “Okay, children, time to go. Follow me closely and don't wander off. If you're not with me when we get there, you're not getting into the school.” She walked into the city, drawing her little crowd along behind her, with the wagon bringing up the rear.
As we all walked together, I felt the eyes of all the little unicorns around me on my back, and we walked in an awkward quiet that did nothing to calm my nerves. Unlike my school in Ponyville, I was very much the exception to the norm now, and I did not enjoy the attention.
I stuck close to Ruby Shine the whole way, even though we were too intimidated to break the eerie silence surrounding us by talking. A low wall came up ahead, with a large gate in the middle, covered with ornate ironwork.
The unicorn mare leading us stepped in front of the gate, and her horn began to glow. A key in a matching pink glow shot out into the gate, and the sound of the lock clicking could be clearly heard. The gates themselves began to glow and open, and our guide walked through.
As the gates swung open, a wide stone courtyard revealed itself inside, with big ornate buildings on either side. A few unicorn fillies were already lined up against the far wall.
“Okay, kids, get yourselves lined up against the wall over there. The Headmaster will be along soon to introduce you all to the school.” As I trotted across the courtyard, she called out again. “No, dear, not yet. You'll be able to get your luggage out of the wagon before you're shown to your rooms. For now, please just line up.”
I stepped into place at the very end of the line, with only Ruby next to me. I didn't want to be next to the other unicorns. Something about their quiet watchfulness made my skin crawl.
Before the gates closed, though, another group of young ponies flooded in, led by a different unicorn. They also trotted across the courtyard and lined up – unfortunately making me no longer the last pony in line.
A violet filly trotted confidently to my side and slicked down her already-streamlined mane with a flick of her hoof. She looked me up and down as she stepped into place, and then leaned over as if to tell me a secret. “Don't look now, but I think somepony stole your horn.” She giggled derisively. “Did you get lost and just end up here or something? I knew earth ponies were that dumb, but I thought a pegasus would be just a little smarter.”
I blushed and looked away. I knew I didn't belong here. My glance caught sight of a distinguished-looking unicorn stallion coming out of the building on the right. Was that the Headmaster?
“Hey,” Ruby chipped in from my other side, “just calm down alright?”
“And what do you care about it, scrawny?” Again, she made that evil little giggle. “What? Is she your special somepony or something?”
I looked over to Ruby, mortified. He looked to be in even worse shape though. His eyes were wide around his constricted pupils and he seemed to be having trouble breathing. Even a drop of sweat trickled down the side of his face.
After a moment of what looked very much like panic, Ruby spoke. “What? Me? With an earth-pony-dumb pegasus like her? Not a chance in the world!” He punctuated his denial with a rough slap on my back.
I, unfortunately, did not expect his betrayal, or the sudden slap on my back. It threw me off balance and I teetered forward. I caught another glimpse of the approaching unicorn as I struggled with my wings to get myself back in balance. My wings never had been up to a challenge, though. I toppled forward, landing face-first on the hard white stone of the courtyard.
I stayed there, chin grinding into the dust and eyes squeezed shut, the cold knife of betrayal twisting inside me. I thought Ruby was my friend. How could he do that? What had I ever done to deserve–
“Ahem.”
I opened my eyes, only now realizing how blurry they had become. Looking up from my painful position against the ground, I saw the same unicorn stallion, now standing over me with a frown on his mustached face. I cringed as his eyebrow slowly rose.
“I'm terribly sorry. There must have been some mistake. You see, this is Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. You should probably be heading off to... wherever it is you're supposed to be.”
I picked myself up and tried my best to wipe off the dust and grit. “I, um... No sir. This is where I'm supposed to be, learning magic.”
His eyebrow rose even further, and he tilted his head to look at me over the rims of his glasses. “You poor, deluded thing. I'm sorry to be the one who has to break this to you, but you are a pegasus, not a unicorn.” A slight sneer broke out on his face. “You'd best be moving along to wherever your kind belongs.”
Doubts resurfaced in my mind. Was this really what I should be doing? But what would I tell Twilight and Rainbow Dash when I got back? That brought up a memory though... Twilight! I looked back up to the stallion. “But I've got a letter and everything. Princess Twilight sent me here.” I made sure to emphasize the 'princess' part. That might just impress him enough to get him off my case. I hopped up, reached into my saddlebags, and pulled out the letter, holding it out in front of me proudly.
With a huff, he took the letter up in his yellow-tinged magic, unfurled it, and began to read, “From the desk of Princess of Magic, Twilight Sparkle... pegasus named Scootaloo... unusual assignment... personally verified... next class...” He looked up from the letter. “This is completely unprecedented and absolutely preposterous. I said it myself that having such a young mare as a princess would lead down the road of folly, and here's the proof, right in front of me.” He sighed and rolled his eyes, his magic sending the letter back into my saddlebag. “I'll do my royal duty and humor this absurdity, though I have no idea what purpose there could be to it.” He turned and stepped away from me, still mumbling to himself.
I breathed a quick sigh of relief, glad that everypony's attention began to shift elsewhere.
He strode out into the sun-drenched courtyard with a slow strut that could easily be mistaken for dignity before turning around at the point exactly across from the middle of our line of students. For a moment, he just stood surveying us all, as a stern general inspecting his troops. “Welcome young unicorns, and other ponies, to the magic kindergarten campus of Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, the most prestigious institution of magical instruction in all of Equestria.” His eyes shined out with a fierce pride. “Here, you will receive the finest education in magical principles to be found in the world. This is an accelerated course, and you will find it both rigorous and difficult. However, I am certain that”– his piercing gaze shot out directly towards me for a moment –“every unicorn here can successfully complete it with discipline, diligence, and the determination to prove yourself worthy of Canterlot's foremost institution.”
I could already tell that I was not going to have an easy time getting along with this guy.
“My name is Headmaster Herald Dust, and I'm here to ensure you all receive a firm grounding in not only the use and theory of magic, but in magic safety as well. As such, breaking of the safety rules will not be tolerated.” He stomped his hoof down. “First and foremost, the use of magic is absolutely prohibited except when authorized and supervised by one of the school's teachers. Roughhousing and – ahem – horseplay will not be permitted anywhere on school grounds. Finally, students will follow their teachers' instructions at all times.”
At least he didn't seem to be harping on me in particular anymore. That was an improvement.
“Following the principles taught in this school will endow you with the magical skills that will enable you to prosper in life, just as many of our alumni have, including such prestigious names as Crystal Sun, Sound Theory, Trillian Starmane, Midnight Rose, and even Princess Twilight Sparkle.”
My ears perked in interest. Twilight went to this school herself? I never knew that. It made me feel just a tiny bit better about her sending me here.
“This course is seven days long, not counting two days of break on the weekend. Starting tomorrow, you will be attending regular classes which will consist of a class on magical theory and a course of magical exercises. You will have the weekend off, giving you time to rest and study. Next Monday will be the final exam for your theory lessons, and the Tuesday following it will be your final test for demonstrating magical skill, followed by the exam results and graduation.” He blatantly looked right at me. “Or lack of graduation, whichever the case may be.”
My apprehensions about this weren't clearing up, that was for sure. What was this stallion's problem?
“I wish all of you promising young unicorns good fortune in your upcoming studies, and in your futures.” His voice lost its booming pride, without losing much of its volume, as he continued, “You will now be shown to your rooms. You may collect your luggage from the wagon now. Fillies, please follow Miss Honeydown to the left, colts, please follow Missus Primrose to the right. You are dismissed.”
I stood there, blinking for a moment as the rest of the students around me walked off in different directions. For some reason, it took me a moment to even register that the Headmaster's speech had ended. Before I knew it, I was the last in line to get into the buildings. I headed to the left with the rest of the fillies, of course, and by the time I made it into the line, ponies were already filing inside.
A few more fillies stepped into line behind me; the purple filly with the slicked-down mane somehow ended up right next to me again. Behind her came a light blue filly with a puffy, dark blue mane. Both of them pulled along heavy suitcases, making me wonder if I had come here under-prepared.
The yellow mare stood over me, pointing a hoof at me and the two fillies behind me. “And you, room three nineteen, along with the next two. Yes, you and you. Move along now.”
Did that mean that I had to share a room... with that filly? I didn't like the sound of that at all. “Miss...” What had the Headmaster called her? “Honeydown? Could I maybe get a different roommate?”
She brushed a bit of her mane out of her face and smiled down at me. “I'm sorry, little one, room assignments are permanent.” Without waiting for my reply, she moved on down the line, assigning more room numbers as she went along.
I thought about resisting for a moment, but as the line of unicorn fillies in front of me began to move, I went along with them, feeling a little like I was being swept along by an irresistible current. How bad could it be, though? Everything was going to be okay.
Miss Honeydown called out from the back of the line, herding all the students forward. “Okay, girls, once you get inside the doors, head to your right and then up the stairs.” As everypony filed inside, the mare continued, “The first floor is open to everypony. It includes the theory classroom and the dining hall, where you'll get your meals. Breakfast is at seven sharp tomorrow morning, by the way.”
I finally made it up to the doors to the building, despite the crowd in the way. Those doors, too, were ornately worked, but made of wood this time, not iron. As I stepped inside, I felt as if I had dropped into a different world. The lights shone dimly compared to the afternoon sunlight outside, and everything, from the musty smell to the way the students' voices echoed through the hallway, struck me as totally different than the atmosphere in the courtyard.
By the time I adjusted to the change, Miss Honeydown came through the doors behind me and shut them with a flick of magic. “On the ground floor of the other building, you'll find the magic exercise workroom and our staff offices.” She began shooing the fillies onward again. “Now, at the end of the hallway is a stairwell. Upstairs areas are for fillies only, just as the upstairs of the other building is only for colts. Now, please head upstairs and find your room. Room numbers starting with a two will be on the second floor, numbers starting with a three will be on the third.”
I waded through the crowd of noisy, jostling unicorn fillies, slowly making my way toward the stairwell. A plush maroon carpet softened the stone floor underfoot, but the rest of the building seemed dark and uninviting, and the bustle of a couple dozen young unicorns completely filled the close air of the hall.
As I set foot on the first step of the stairwell, the teacher called out from behind, “Bathrooms are at the end of the hall farthest from the stairs on each floor. The class schedule and a map will be posted in your room. Don't be late tomorrow!”
The wooden steps of the wide, spiraling stairwell creaked and groaned under the weight of all the fillies climbing up them at once, and the echoing sound of dozens of excited little mouths still filled every nook and cranny of the space. I hurried up the winding steps until I reached the top floor. The hallway here was made of the same dark grey stone, and the same red carpet ran down its center. The occasional picture frame or tapestry on the wall and the warmer lighting up here softened the effect. The noise, too, was softer. An occasional girlish squeal still lit up the hall, but the voices were more subdued, and there were fewer to be heard, thanks to leaving many of the other students behind on the second floor.
I followed the carpet down the hall, checking the brass numbers on the doors as I went along. Soon, I found the one I was looking for, nearly at the end of the hallway.
Pushing the door open, I breathed a sigh of relief when I found that I made it into the room first. It was tiny, with triple-stacked bunk beds and a tiny window filling the far wall, a desk with three chairs filling the right, and a few shelves on the left, all made with the same dark wood. I wasted no time in throwing my bag onto the shelves and hopping up onto the top bunk. The day had been long and stressful, and I felt more than tired enough to just go right to sleep. Though the room felt more than a little spartan, the bed's soft blankets welcomed me like an old friend's hug.
As I yawned and my eyelids drooped, my two new roommates barged in through the door, still lugging their suitcases. The violet one tossed her suitcase unceremoniously at the shelves, where it bounced off and clattered to the floor.
The other filly, the one with the puffy blue mane, walked quietly over to the shelves and softly placed her suitcase on the center of the bottom shelf.
Meanwhile, the first pony stared at me with narrowed eyes and a gradually deepening frown. Before I knew it, a purple aura surrounded me, and I hurtled through the air, to crash down on the rough wooden floor next to the door.
As I cleared the stars out of my eyes and shook my head from the shock, I saw the purple filly smirk at me and hop up into my top bunk.
I jumped back up and stomped a hoof down. This had gone on long enough. “Hey! Just what do you think you're doing?”
The blue filly quietly slipped into the bottom bunk as I waited on an answer. None was forthcoming.
I fluttered up and hung on the edge of the top bunk. “I'm talking to you! Just who do you think you are, tossing me out of my bed like that?”
“I am River Star, future diva of the musical stage, and you... you get the privilege of helping me and making sure I get through this as quickly and easily as possible.” She gave me a wide smile that couldn't hide the predatory gleam in her eyes.
“Not likely!” I reached out to grab her and toss her out of my bed, but just before I touched her, I found myself floating in a purple aura again.
River Star gave a showy gasp of faux disbelief. “Fighting? On your first day? What would the Headmaster say?”
I struggled in every direction, and even tried flapping my wings, but nothing could get me free of that magical grip. “Oh yeah? And what's he gonna say when he finds out you've been using magic without permission?”
“Oh, please.” She laughed as her magic shoved me down onto the floor again. “Who's he going to believe? The pegasus who wants to be a unicorn, or his own daughter?”
I picked myself up again. A sharp pain shot through my left hock where it had hit the wooden floor, but my heart boiled with impotent rage. My head spun, trying to think of something to do about it, but nothing came.
“Worm!” River's voice called out from the top bunk, “Introduce yourself!”
“Oh, um, okay,” the filly in the bottom bunk mumbled. Her sky blue head popped out, crowned with her messy dark blue mane. “Hello, my name ith Night Withper.”
“Um, nice to meet you, Whisper. I'm Scootaloo,” I replied, ignoring the lisp. What could I do?
“That's not your name, Worm!” River's harsh voice called down from above.
“Oh, I, um... thorry... my name ith, um, Worm.”
I looked back up at the top bunk. I couldn't see her from here, but I knew River was up there. “Hey, you can't do that to her!”
“Oh, really?” River's head popped out over the edge of the bed. “I can do whatever I want.”
River's horn lit up, and I winced reflexively, prompting a cruel chuckle from above.
The light switch clicked off and the violet glow around River's horn died away. “Now, I'm a little tired, so I say it's bedtime.” She laughed again; it could almost be called a cackle. “Nighty night!”
I sighed, still seething with frustration, before climbing into the middle bunk and snuggling into the blankets. I was ready for some sleep, after all. As I settled in and let my eyes droop closed, I thought of how nice it would be to at least get a good night's rest.
Slowly, my eyes closed and I could feel myself drifting off to–
An obnoxious snore cut through the quiet room, coming from the bunk above... and then another snore. I ground my face into my pillow and kicked at the bunk above, but yet another snore followed.
I let my head fall into the pillow, exhausted and defeated. What else was there to do?
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I see the chapter names and my interest is already peaked. This should be interesting.
@ocalhoun...
1. An interesting story-premise, very "Harry Potter"-esque (or would it be "Hogwarts"-esque...? Hmm...) in theme and character-building trials.
2. Your story-premise is similar to the AU fan-fiction of Seeds, which I also enjoyed until it (has seemingly) stalled out
. Fortunately, I assume by the daily updates that you have already written this story out in full, and that is both good as well as quite impressive.
3. I like how, by the cover page & in-story description, Scootaloo's Cutie Mark is three star-symbols of magic, hopefully that means her magic potential is very, very strong, and in time will be as powerful & skilled to take their place in history & lore as Princess Twilight and others.
4. These factors, and your healthy word-counts per chapters have garnered my following interest. I look forward to reading the rest of your fan-fiction work.
5. On a separate note: I am glad you used "magnum opus" (singular) correctly. So many wind up using the incorrect "magna opus" (plural) in reference to a single work.
However...
You should never call something your "greatest work" until either you are fully retired from your chosen Art (painting, sculpture, music, writing, etc.), or until after you are dead. Let others, or even history, decide what is your magnum opus.
I highly advise trying not to die shortly after you complete posting the rest of this fan-fiction, however
.
Oh river and the rest REALLY need to go down, and they need to go down HARD! That goes double for that prat Ruby!
Ruby needs to be put down, HARD! Betrayal is one of the things that piss me of to no end! Scootaloo needs to show all these stuck up bastards what she's made of. I'm guessing Scoot's going to use her wings like a unicorn uses their horn?
Poor Night Whisper! And that rhymes-with-witch River pony IS GOIN' DOWN!!!
Hm.
So far so good.
Ruby's a moron, and River is a bitch.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Racism, nice.
Goddammit I want the whole story now.
Wow, I hope not all the unicorns are racist jerkwads.
I wonder how Scoots is expected to learn anything when the teachers don't seem interested in making any effort.
3608305 Or at least not UNTIL posting the rest of this fanfic, Eh? If we must be bereaved, Let us at least have the finished work to remember you by ^.^
If this were a bad fanfic, Scoots would become a Mary Sue-esque prodigy in magic rivaling Twilight herself within three days, defeat River in a mock duel, become friends with her, and live happily ever after.
Hopefully, this will not go that route. Tracking because I'm curious as to where this will go.
i wish scoots beat the fuck out of these bitches with TK
3608844
His wife abandoned him for a pegasus, and he hadn´t sex since.
3608967
A little filly with a magical potential at least equal to Twilight Sparkle´s, and they decide to pick on her. What can possibly go wrong?
3608967
I agree. Scoots is acting a bit like a Sympathy Sue, in that everyone picks on her... because, and she's all emo... because. Eh, I'll come back to this in a few chapters to see what you've done with it.
I dunno... but consider me interested.
3608305
Hi, well, yes I was the thumb downer. I like your comment up to the
part. If people think that one piece is their Magnum Opus then it means that they will try harder to do a better piece. I think that somethings I do are my greatest work, but I'm not dead, and it's motivation for me to do better! So reason!
3609078 I think you're a bit off there. Twilight's mark, if marks can be counted as displaying magical potential, would be superior for sure. Scoots has three medium sized stars that seem to possess a kind of direction on her flank, while Twilight has 6-7 stars (counting the white one behind the notably large central star) and they spread out in all directions.
Ergo, Twilight possesses an immense magical potential (she's an alicorn right now as is) and this potential is in fact not isolated to any given aspect of magic.
The directional aspect of Scoot's magic seems to imply that her magical talents will be travel, space, and motion based, such as her already displayed natural affinity for teleportation. Also, the number of spokes on each star seems to be equal. I am unsure of the relevance of that fact. It may be worth noting that Twilight's stars number equally to her closest friends, namely the other mane 6 and Celestia (the white star almost eclipsed by Twilight's central star), with Spike not being accounted for since he's a dragon and not within the purview of cutie marks, though this is only one possible translation and it fa-.
And now I'm ranting on fanfictional theory. My apologies.
Have a like and have a favorite!
I've never seen this premise before, and I already love it! The characterization is
and the story is 
so I can see absolutely no troubles going.
Yes, nothing will go wrong except for Scootaloo's self esteem.
3609317...
Hah... I had not even known I had any Likes or Dislikes on my comment, but I am appreciative of the 10 people who did Like my comment
.
As for you SpiritWolf13, I respect your differing opinion/perspective in that you stated it out cleanly without hostility (at least, I assume such).
I doubly respect you in that you had the courage &/or conviction to stand up and be counted for your opinion. Internet posting breeds trolls and cowards who just hit the Dislike button and slink away thinking they did something worthy of admiration. So /friendlysalute to you SpiritWolf13.
3608214
Good, so my creative chapter names were worthwhile.
3608305
It is indeed.
This might be intentional.
Yep. Already written completely.
Just finished with the last edits to the last chapters around the time it feature boxed.
<.<
>.>
Right!
I totally didn't choose three just because many ponies have a '3 of something' cutie mark.
Thanks! ^.^
Of course. I may not know much latin, but I know that much.
^.^
I'm calling this 'my greatest work' because I'll probably never put this much effort into a pony fanfic again.
This was sort of my test: put a published novel-worthy level of effort into a novel-length fanfic, and try to make a fanfic the quality of a published novel.
Let me know if you think I succeeded or not! ^.^
After this, while I will continue to write fanfic, I will probably begin to put most of my effort into writing real novels, and see if I can't get published. This fic is sort of my test to see if I'm ready for it yet.
3608628
3608789
Spoilers.
3608668
Don't need to make more. ^.^ It's already made and will be coming out very shortly.
3608844
Well, at least with daily updates, you won't have to wait long.
3608849
Well...
Um... Whisper isn't?
Besides that...
3608900
I'll tell my girlfriend to post the rest if I die.
3608967
Oh, don't worry. I know better than that.
3609030
3609046
Good to see my effort on the letters is being appreciated.
3609073
Thanks!
3609078
Two alternate directions I might want to explore someday.
3609196
Hopefully, she'll surprise you at some point.
3609244
Hopefully I'll convince you by the end.
3609317
Well, I meant what I said... this will probably be my greatest fanfic ever.
Now, when I move on to writing novels...
3608754
Indeed.
And just you wait. ^.^
3608756
Ah, YOU!
We'll see if I can make them count. Since you're a pretty prolific reader, I'd be interested to see your opinion on if I lived up to it or not.
3609365
Actually pretty accurate in divining the nature of Scoot's cutie mark.
3609376
Nah, don't worry. She won't hardly even be mentioned from chapter 2 on.
3609400
Thanks!
Hopefully, I can live up to expectations.
3609512
*signs you up*
3609518 I think you forgot to type what you wanted me to know...
I look forward to the next chapter, this story looks likeit's gonn be a great one.
THIS looks like Sparta
Scootaloo and Ruby Shine-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4qSV6A7d_o&list=LLszzUGSN69oYnZkuKh_hH4w
3609564
Oh, I've typed it.
And it'll be posted a chapter per day.
3609604
Thanks!
3609616
3609633
How is there Scootaloo AND RUBY SHINE in that video?
I just created Ruby Shine!
Almost-impossible coincidence?
Pleasently surprised with how much the revisions improved the story (looks like someone paid attention to my multiple perspective rants). Will be reading it as you release it because
1. It's very good; it'd criminal not to read it.
2. My computer won't crash multiple times trying to open that stupidly massive GDoc.
Like I had told you earlier, give yourself a pat on the back. Ya dun good.
3609826
Yep.
Did you know, I use a number system to track the versions of it?
You read revision 29. This final posted version is number 37.
Yeah. It has come a long way.
Of course. ^.^
Why would I ask proofreaders to look at it and then ignore their advice? That's just wasting everybody's time.
Thanks
Heh... Tell me about it.
Wow, it's super exciting to see this thing finally get published!
I won't spoil anything (obviously) but I'm glad to see that your hard work has paid off. Looking through this I was reminded, ironically, of how hard school is in general. Even worse when some people are working to make it an actively negative experience.
If there was one thing that I think you've done well with the story, it's that. The fact that you hit home on "the daily slog," which you wouldn't expect necessarily because as a reader you go: "oh I see this in every story like this."
Here's hoping this won't be your magnum opus though... I'd love to read more, and see what else you can do.
I can't for the life of me remember who said it, but he was a famous fiction author. "The greatest story you'll ever write is the one you'll write next." Translation: don't discount what you're capable of doing in the future.
She squeezed her eyes shut, and concentrated.
then teleported
TO THE MOOOOON
Man, I hope Sweetie Belle didn't have to deal with obnoxious bullies like that.
Well Ruby is going to the deepest level of hell since it's reserved for traitors, as for River she needs to be sent to the level of hell that houses lawyers, pedophiles, and those who willfully play the accordian.
Wow. Racism. Way to keep up the bar up high in high society.....
3610189
Don't be mean to accordion players! In any case, what's your take on bagpipes?
3608754
Maybe. I agree on the premise of the wings thing. Based on the notion that pegasi magic is responsible for their ability to fly it seems that their wings would be plausible as a focus for a pegasi magic user. Frankly I'd imagine all ponies could do this, they would just have it a lot harder without a nice fancy focus (like a horn) or a special talent. I think unicorns have it easy because their horns make intuitive learning easier (because of close attachment to the brain?) and give them proof that the other things they're being taught about are possible.
I do hope Scootaloo can learn a few other spells, though. She should also have the opportunity to show off the one bit of magic she can do, which if you want would be a handy intro to the loner/pony with only a few friends motif since being able to do such advanced magic early on would earn her the enmity of unicorns who can't pull that off. It'd be awesome if she could get a secondary focus some day though. A theory ( I just came up with it!) for why her wings don't work is that the magic she has internally isn't fully tuned to pegasi traits and so her problem isn't that her wings are insufficient, but lack of some standard pegasi magic. If she could refocus it maybe she could use it to fly properly.
Anyway, wild speculation and rambling.
3610067i think I was Mark Twain...(could be wrong)
3609938
You're tellin' me!
So... I did a good job of driving home the feeling of day-to-day crappyness?
Well, I don't plan on putting 8 months of work into any future fics...
I'm planning on moving on to publishing real books, if I can.
I'll still write some fanfic in my spare time, though.
3610067
Greatest fanfic. ^.^
Now, when I move on to writing novels...
3610109
3610117
Not like that.
That's why she said Magic Kindergarten was fun.
She's a unicorn, though. She didn't have to deal with the racism.
3610189
...
...
Which level is for people who play the accordion by accident?
3610272
Well, I'm here to practice to be a novelist, so I like seeing my fics in a print-like format.
...And I think this type of formatting is indicative of someone who takes it more seriously... though that's just the impression I get. I also think it looks more professional.
3610275
Thanks! I tried.
3610337
Just like in the real world... 'high society' contains some of the worst, sleaziest people you'll ever meet.
3610409
You're pretty spot-on to my interpretation of how Scoot's magic works, actually.
The part of her magic that would normally allow her to fly with undersized wings, manipulate clouds, and pull a cart while flying is instead warped in a different direction: unicorn-style magic.
3610411
Thanks!
" It's the greatest story I've ever written, and quite possibly the best fanfiction I ever will write."
Don't say that! You never know when inspiration will strike, so yout could wake up one day and write something even BETTER than this!
3610676
That man did like his quotable sound bytes.
3610686
Oh, I plan to write things better than this... and send them to publishers.
My fanfic efforts will be lowered back down to 'just for fun'.
"Very good, River Star! Next well see the magic *SNERK!* of Scootaloo." The teacher made a point of ignoring the class laughing at the filly as she trotted up to the platform.
Scootaloo for her part ignored the laughter and instead closed her eyes as she concentrated on a pleasant memory before flapping her wings.
<Several minutes later>
The teacher and the rest of the class stared at the pegasus with wide eyes as tree sap and pine needles stuck to their once pristine coats and manes, the only one not covered in that mess was Scootaloo and the ground beneath her hooves.
"So saying 'Cutie Mark Crusaders, YAY!' while using my magic counts as a spell. Should I do it again?!"
Everypony. "NNNNOOOOOO!!!"
<1 week later>
Princess Twilight Sparkle looked at Scootaloo's straitjacketed form in confusion as she shared looks with Spike who appeared equally confused at the bound filly the schools dean had rolled out to them with a slightly crazed look in his eyes before slamming the gate shut and engaging what sounded like a dozen locks. Quickly shaking her head she soon had the face mask off and started working on the dolly straps next so she could finally get that straitjacket off.
"Scootaloo......what happened?"
"I'll tell you when you tell me about your time in Magical Kindergarten." Scootaloo said with a glare as Twilight looked away with a nervous/scared look on her face.
(Sorry folks, I couldn't help myself)
Amazing! Love it! It'll be funny when they all see Scootaloo can do the same magic tricks they can.
Interesting premise; consider me following this story.
However, it's a shame to see such a unique set up get bogged down by the same old school tropes and clichés. Maybe it's just me, but I started getting warning signs flashing in my brain when I saw the following...
-Typical school bully.
-New friend betrays Scoots to avoid said bullying.
-Headmaster immediately takes a dislike of Scoots.
And, in my opinion, the worst of all...
-The bully is the Headmaster's daughter.
C'mon! The last one is as cliché as it gets, and it really does weigh down what is an awesome set up for a story! If I seem a bit frustrated, I only am because the first chapter was so good. But the second... just seems like you're rushing out every tired old 'fish out of the water' school cliché ever.
Finally, though this is probably just me here and won't apply for anyony else, it just seems... unpleasant. Especially 'Worm'. Good gravy, that's not bullying, that's something else entirely darker. I know the effect that you want: that Scoots clearly isn't comfortable in her new surroundings. That's fine, and it's a reasonable effect to want to achieve. But I couldn't see one thing positive about the school, except maybe that Twilight went there, but that's history and not really about the school itself.
The closest comparison I can think of is Harry Potter. While Harry certainly has a better first day at the school, meeting his new friends on the train, even if we take that away, it's not completely terrible. Sure, he gets picked on by Malfroy, but he's totally entranced by the wonder of Hogwarts. But I didn't get that here. I don't see a reason why I should be interested in this school at all; it's the setting for a good chunk of the story, so I want to be invested in it as well as Scootaloo.
Whew. Long comment. Sorry if I seem ranty, but the first chapter was gold. It's just a little disappointing to see the story turn in a predictable direction.
Looking forward to the next chapter, though. This story ain't over yet!
-JaketheGinger
3610684
Cool.
That happens now and again (guessing/speculating correctly about how things work and/or where the story will go next), but not with enough regularity to claim any skill at it.
In any case, I look forward to seeing where you take this.
3610727
Does that count as the first time somebody made a spinoff fic from mine?
3610742
Oh yes, amazing indeed.
3610747
Now that's the kind of comment I like to read!
I see what you're getting at. And yeah... maybe I overdid it a bit.
(But, yes, River is much worse than your average school bully.)
Still, I'm pretty sure there's some surprises in store, so don't give up just yet. ^.^
The Magnum Opus, and you're shooting for publishing real books? Goodness, that's awesome dude!
Haven't read it yet, but I've got it all lined up from when I have a free moment :D.
3610809
Here's to hoping it works! 
I know, right?
3610799
And that's the kind of author response I like to read!
31.media.tumblr.com/e5af9ea4c6f334ff4a5605b59c0f6594/tumblr_mraqg5A0uH1riyh3vo1_400.gif
Your story is in the sensual fiction group, yet you've not marked your story as teen?
3610799
Don't think of it as a spinoff but more of a Omake.