• Member Since 7th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

ocalhoun


I am not contained between my hat and my boots.


E

A secret unknown to any hornless pony, unicorn horns are made of candy. Pinkie Pie found out, and now she wants to try every flavor!


Warning: contains awkward moments and far too much non-consensual horn licking. Proceed at the risk of your horn and your dignity.


Available in Chinese, courtesy of Hell Organist.
Available in Russian, courtesy of boatOV.
Audio Reading by CaptainBron3y.
Featured on Equestria Daily.


Based on this story:
Pegasus Wings Are Made Of Ice Cream
The Taste Of Madness
Lyra's Candy Shoppe
Candy Is Made Of Unicorn Horns
How Many Licks?
To Prevent Horn Decay
Unicorn Horns Are Made of Heroin
Over His Dead Body
A Luscious Loophole
Dr. Doofenshirtz's Sweet Revenge
That Thing We Do
#DealWithIt
Unicorn Horns are...
Unicorn Horns Are Loaded With Calories
Charlie The Unicorn's Horn Is Made Of Candy

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 702 )

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: This was a riot, I'm glad I read it!

5147491
Glad you enjoyed it! :twilightsmile:

You sure this is E rated? A lot of this sounds more like T rated if you ask me. :trixieshiftright: Regardless, this is a great read and you should feel great! Keep up the good work! :pinkiehappy:

5147557

A lot of this sounds more like T rated if you ask me.

What madness is this?
There is absolutely nothing inappropriate about licking unicorn horns. :raritywink:

5147549
Thanks! :twilightsheepish:

What did we know about flavors of pegasi wings?

Several long, awkward moments of silence passed. Twilight finally looked back at Celestia. “Um...” She blushed. “You can try it if you want.”

You crafty devil you...

Great read. It was nice that so many characters got mentioned and Luna's freakout was highly amusing.

This is how comedy one-shots should be written.

5147573

There is absolutely nothing inappropriate about licking unicorn horns.

Sure....:trixieshiftleft:
I'll keep an eye on that for now. :trollestia:

Twilight, this is why you should never give Pinkie any espresso. :twilightoops::pinkiecrazy:

5147583
And ever since that day Princess Celestia has referred to her faithful student as Purplelicious

Great story and that ending surprised me in very positive way
And we won't know how luna taste outside 'delicious'
I wonder how Chrysalis taste, sour chocolate or maybe licorice?

5147575
They taste like feathers. :twilightsmile:

5147583
Oh yes. That's the best part. :raritywink:

5147595
Everybody knows that!

5147620
What? I think you're reading way too much into it. :scootangel:

5147656
I like that name. I must use it now.

5147664
Hm... not sure if changelings have a flavor.
And Nightmare Moon gets licorice!

Queen Chrysalis. What would her horn taste like?

5147667 Actually, I suppose my only criticism of your fine story is the subtle difference between tasting like candy and being made of candy. If horns were made of candy, that would imply they could be eaten or even that they're brittle, as even the hardest candy is not really that sturdy. It has to be something the mouth can eat in some way... unless we're talking jaw breaker hard here. But does this mean that Celestia has a room or even a dungeon full of statues? I wonder if she got that petrification magic from Medusa...

And here I thought that was common knowledge. I guess not everyone has their very own unicorn with self-regenerating candy horn. Huh. :unsuresweetie:

Will it go all smooth if you lick one for too long?
What do the spa-sisters do with all the little bits they rasp off with the horn-file?

5147722 You sir just made me want to have a taste...

That ending was...

refreshing.

Also, slightly disappointed Pinkie didn't somehow end up in court at the very end for violating underdeveloped horns, and without consent no less!

I'm pretty sure Cadance was more Air Heads laughy taffy, each color being a different flavor.
airheads.com/images/airheads1.png
But last time I got caught licking her horn, with permission, it almost broke up their marriage. :raritydespair:

This can easily turn into clopfic :D

not a single blue raspberry horn? I'm very disappointed in you.

5147808
twilestia and pinkie in a brothel.

My mind went to a dark place while reading this- what would Sombra's horn taste like? Considering that he wouldn't blast you with dark magic before you came anywhere near his horn. Rock candy, maybe? Yeah, rock candy sounds right. I could go for some right about now...

OFF TO THE STORE WITH THE FLUFFY WRITER OF FANFICTION TO RETRIEVE THE SANDVICHES AND ROCK CANDY!

*sheds tear* It's beautiful . . . :raritystarry:

I figured that Celestia's horn would've been more... spicy :trollestia:

Aha! There it is! :rainbowkiss:
I knew this was feature box bait. :rainbowwild:

I lost it at the "Flee! The Pink One is upon us!" Part XD

This is awesome.

5/5 flavors!

:rainbowwild: :rainbowwild: :rainbowwild: :rainbowwild: :rainbowwild: / :rainbowwild: :rainbowwild: :rainbowwild: :rainbowwild: :rainbowwild:

[youtube=youtube.com/watch?v=Va5_rn3vG3A]

.....:rainbowlaugh:

This had so much WAT it was awesome

5147858
Rocks. It tastes like rocks.

ok i was interested, as usual i don´t like one-shots that much, but it is not bad and i give you a thumb up for it, but it is no favourite.

B-but, I want a taste too...:fluttercry:

Kinda reminds of this comic.

38.media.tumblr.com/81967d47a429a6f082de091cc565b877/tumblr_n37b5k87ba1t0bssfo1_400.gif



Still really funny though. I wonder what Fancy Pants and Fleur de Lis taste like.

This was... interesting. Not in a bad way, mind you. It certainly is an interesting premise.

5147534

This wonton licking of ponies' horns

Should be wanton if you mean "without restraint or provocation". Unless somepony's horn really does taste like wonton soup...

5147729 where do you think lollipops come from? :derpytongue2:

Is it wrong that I want to upvote this just because you briefly mentioned Sea Swirl? :rainbowhuh:

(And, you know, 'cause it's quite funny and silly, too.)

even though Spike was down with a temporary case of dragon itch

Huh. Not quite sure what to say, but it was kinda weird, I guess... Kind of in a neutral way, really. It was Maud levels of neutral to me. (As in she'd react as much as I would to this.)

If unicorn horns are made of candy...

What are stallion 'horns' made of, if ya know what I mean! :rainbowwild:

:trollestia:

And then the unicorns/alicorns get stuck out in the rain when Pinkie invites them for a picnic and their horns all melt off.

It's as if the unicorns were afraid their horns were made of sugar and might melt...

Rain Rain Go Away

Oh Asimov; you clever fellow, you! :raritywink:

“There's only one place I like to have cupcakes stuck in me, and that's my... no, wait... that's not right. The other place, yeah, my mouth!”

I can guess where.....:pinkiecrazy:. :trollestia:time

Login or register to comment