• Member Since 25th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Feb 24th, 2015

Sapidus3


I really need an actual a better avatar.

E

Rarity, Twilight, and their friends are eating lunch, when AJ notices Twilight staring at a stallion. In the ensuing conversation, Twilight soon learns that her friends are all crazy ponies and have somehow gotten it into their heads that she is in a relationship with her mentor and idol Princess Celestia.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 200 )

Is this some sort of secret story?

5465726
I didn't even know it was visible. I haven't submitted it yet... I suppose I've been gone from Fimfiction long enough that I only have a tenuous grasp on how some of the features work.

5465758 Link is in your user page under featured stories for some reason. Great story by the way, made me smile. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone about it :ajsmug:

wlam #4 · Jan 5th, 2015 · · 58 ·

I think the story would be improved by removing the "unfortunately" prank. Just as a change of pace, you know, so that there's at least one romance-related story here that doesn't involving trying to get two cartoon horses to fuck.

“Pinky! Pinky-” each word was punctuated by loud gasps of air, “Please- Pinky- Don’t-” Rarity all most felt bad for Twilight, “Please- stop.”

You put Pinky. It is supposed to be Pinkie.

7/10 for comedy

10/10 for worldbuilding

9/10 for grammar and writing

8/10 for perspective choice

Overall, a solid 8.5/10. Excellent story :twilightsmile:

That cheeky moon pie!

LOL LOVE IT:rainbowlaugh: hope to read a sequel to this story:twilightsmile:

This was very funny!

That gave me a good laugh!

I don't know why, but it really irritated when Rarity and Twilight started a sentence with "me and [insert name here]" when it should be "[Insert name here] and I". admittedly that was a small mistake but I feel it is one those two wouldn't make. Though I did enjoy the ending and I would like to see how Celestia responds when she finds out.

My cup runneth over so hard with Sapidus words. I can't even handle it.

5467339
Thank you for your feedback. No surprise that you rated comedy lowest. It's really not something I am good at. This story was specifically written for the two fold reason of writing something with a large group conversation of the mane 6 and trying to do get better at comedy.

I'm curious about the world building though, in that I didn't really feel like I did much of any world building (other than talking about Twilight's time as a student).


5467458
There might be. I have another comedy/romance/Twilestia one shot I was working on. I want to get a few more chapters out on my decidedly non-comedy stories first though.

5469013 okay thank you for letting me know

The description really doesn't make sense. Could you check the synopsis and give it a once-over?

:rainbowlaugh:HAHAHA! I did NOT see that coming.

Ohhhh wow. Luna is pranking Celestia good with that one.

Lots and lots and lots of typos.

This was great. I'm looking forward to Celestia's birthday now~

Smaking horns

*smacking?

Halfway through I said these words ..... Nope can't do this. Oh for the heck of it

Great job defending your friend, Rarity.

Good ending... Wait Rarity almost felt bad? She needs to be tickled next.

5469519

Grinding would make more sense.

:raritywink: Spikey looks so cute in bubbles" sniff sniff " Spikey is that my Vanilla paradise Shampoo?":raritystarry:

"We don't have any of that at home":twilightoops:

"Spike? where did you get that shampoo?":applejackconfused:

:moustache:"It's special order from Raritys shower, why?"

"What?":rainbowhuh::pinkiegasp::flutterrage:
:moustache: "Not my fault I was interrupted bathing"
"Now it's my fault? How?":twilightangry2:
:raritywink:" You teleported him dear "

This was a fun, lighthearted tale. I was constantly wondering where it would go next, and was not disappointed. There is a good deal of substance fit into relatively few words.

My main criticism is not really of the story. It is that the plot synopsis could use some work. I almost didn't read this because I didn't understand what this was about. I am glad that I decided to go forward. I just hope others are not drawn away for this reason. Make it clear the girls believe Twilight is in a relationship with Celestia. I didn't get that until I read it in the story.

5469013
I think the comedy here is great. It's the kind where you rarely laugh out loud, but you smile the whole time you read the story. I really enjoy works like this.

Rubbing horns? What does that mea-. Oh...... XD Well anyways, a great read. I hope there will be a Sequal on what happens to celestia's new "birthday prank?"

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Hopefully the new story description is better... I had kinda forgotten to write one until I was posting. It really didn't make a ton of sense.

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Yea, looking back on this story, Rarity really comes off as a bit of a... well you know. Though that was sort of the intention (I like Rarity, it just felt so natural to write her like that).

5469351
I went back through and did a line reading. Hopefully, I fixed them (or at least many of them).

That was a stroke of genius.

Fantastic story!

Edit: Looks like I came in at the right time, as I didn't notice any glaring issues with spelling or grammar.

Heh. Twilight needs to practice safe nuzzling...

D: MOOOOOAR!!!!

Rather than an "interesting present", Twilight's attitude towards the idea of a romantic relationship with Celestia leads me to think it would more likely just become an unhealthy strain on their existing bond, as Twilight tries to distance herself or dissuade Celestia without outright denying her presumed affections, while the Princess tries to break down the sudden and unexpected wall between them... which, from Twilight's perspective, would look rather like she was reaching for something... more. Even if Celestia did have an interest along those lines, unless Twilight directly confronted the issue she'd just see their existing relationship cracking.
Alternatively, if Twilight sees the possibility that her crush might actually be reciprocated, she might try to return her feelings, which would be an order of magnitude worse than the above problem when Celestia doesn't return them. Which isn't very likely (although not nearly as much so as Celestia actually having those feelings in return, producing the sole positive outcome of the approaching SNAFU.

This is just Asking for a follow up
great story brother.
:trollestia:

Luna, you meddlesome minx!

I would love to read a sequel to this. :twilightsmile:

I liked this. Expect to see this included in a review post in the next few days.

Well, this certainly deserves the top featured spot it currently occupies!

A nice twist to the usual relationships, and a nice surprise at the end!

Rainbow Dash had practically gobbled her's down in “ten seconds flat.”

I hate you already.

What is it with Twilestia and tickling misconceptions? This is the third one I've read this week...

5470867

I liked this.

:pinkiegasp:
Into the RL it goes!

This definitely needs a sequel, I can just picture Twilight fussing and musing about that "Unfortunately" in the letter, over the course of an entire afternoon, then night, then next morning up to an entire week with no sleep at all.:pinkiehappy:
Meanwhile, her friends all come by one day or the other, in pairs or alone, and give their own opinion of what that "Unfortunately" means and how Twilight should approach Celestia.

I can just see the crass contrast between Rarity's and Dash's advises.:raritywink::rainbowwild:

"You need to act subtle, darling. Judging by the choice of words, the princess clearly needs a few hints from you, that you truly are interested in a romantic relationship with her!":duck:

"Mare up Twilight! Just go straight up to her and confess, then you'll know if you can bang horns together without worries"::rainbowdetermined2:

"Oh- Ooohh! I know! You just bake her a super-duper-extra-special-I-love-you-so-much-princess cake, for her super-mega-bombastic-happy-birthday-princess-twilight-wants-to-make-sweaty-love-to-you party! ... or you could just follow her into the bedchamber after the after-party, with two whole cans of whipped cream! She'll luuv the cream, I made it myself!":pinkiehappy:

"Shucks Twiligh'! I'm no good with that fancy romance talk Rarity likes so much, but Ah can tell ya it nevah' hurts to show how honestly you luv her! Show her the ropes, sugar cube! Just make clear that you'll never let her loose until she confesses.":ajsmug:

"Uhm... I don't know Twilight... I-I'm not that good with stallions and relationships you know, and I- I don't know much about dating other mares either, I-I'm sorry. But maybe you c-could... uhm... that is if you don't mind... write her a song? My little birdies always sing for each other in spring when they want to propose their love interest. M-Maybe Princess Celestia will like your song enough, that she wants to confess as well...p-probably... or you could poorly embarrass yourself... N-NOT THAT THIS WOULD HAPPEN AT ALL! I-REALLY-THINK-YOU-HAVE-A-LOVELY-SINGING-VOICE! eep!":fluttershyouch: (No cower-blushing Fluttershy emoticon, me thinks I'm disappoint:ajbemused:

"You know what Twilight? You shouldn't worry too much about confessing to her, or her confessing to you! If she likes you that way, she likes you that way, if not, whatever! It's not like she would be that shocked to hear that YOU do like her that way, and she has always been misinterpreting your affections and approaches, leaving her in tears out of self pity, while regretting not having made a move on you anytime sooner. Then you start crying, while she's still wailing and then you get together.
... come to think of it, if you like her that way, but you don't want HER to like you that way, because you know, you want to keep her image safe, and so you tell her that you absolutely don't like-like her, but she still has a crush on you, that you would extinguish all hope for, she might be heartbroken to the point where she cuts all ties with you, or gives you an extraordinary punishment while you're beeing imprisoned for high treason, but hey! I don't think she'd do anything rash like princess Luna, turning into a evil villain like Nightmare Moon for example, imprisoning her sister and the elements of harmony in the sun, while scorching Equestria in the heat of eternal daytime... huh... what would an evil Princess Celestia villain actually call herself? Solar Flare? Solar Eclipse? Superno- Twilight are you ok?":moustache:
fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/161/5/b/twilight_sparkle_startled_by_pony_vectors-d51uyva.png
"... Spike! NO. MORE. COMIC. BOOKS!!":twilightangry2:
"... *gulp* Yes ma'am!"

Wouldn't that be great?! XD

5467300

And how else is romance between cartoon horses gonna go?

5470124 A lot better. Thanks! Now it gives the premise and the main conflict without spoiling any of the actual details. :twilightsmile:

wlam #45 · Jan 6th, 2015 · · 12 ·

5471135
Like this story, for example, but without the part about the prank. Up until that point, it sounded almost exactly like real people talking to each other in a natural way about tabloid gossip, instead of dialogue from some sexual deviant's favourite porn movie. Occasionally demonstrating that we can do that here would certainly make me feel much less embarrassed about spending so much time on this site.

When I looked at the title and cover art, I would think this is a story about meat...

*pounds the thumbs-up button until it breaks*

Nice story, would love a sequel about what happens next and Celestia's Birthday :twilightsmile:

on the one hand I like it all right, on the other I feel like Twilight is really trying to hard to downplay her relationship with Celestia

5470981 Why? The fact that quotes are used means that she's practically mocking Rainbow. You can, or at least SHOULD, hear the tone difference between if she had said it without the quotes versus with.

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