• Member Since 15th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen Nov 24th, 2019

Fire Gazer the Alchemist

The pen is mightier than the sword, but the nuclear bomb's got them both beat.



Being subtle isn't Rainbow Dash's strong suit. At all. So when Applejack asks her point blank what she thinks of Rarity, she doesn't hold back.

Not her best idea.

Pre-Read by: SapphireColors | LoneUnicornWriter

Reading by LandonWho

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 431 )


I must have more.

Rarity's totally into it.

Lol, I'm jut sitting here like:

Ya'll fuckers be prepared, 'cause I know how shit is gonna go down.

Rainbow probably has an entire array of bad pick up lines to try.

Hillbe #6 · Jan 19th, 2015 · · 2 · Dares ·

:ajsmug: "I heard Rarity squeal What you Do R.D.?"
:rainbowhuh: "Wat you talkin about AJ?"

:raritywink: "See you tonight ,My precious scales":moustache:


:raritystarry: "What are you two giggling about now?"

Okay, this is a lot of fun.

Needs a prereader, though.

I agree with 5521975 that this could use some pre-reading. The prose could stand to be tightened up a bit in places. I've got a real soft spot for the sort of shipping comedy this is shaping up to be, though, and I think you've done a nice introduction here. In particular, I was expecting some sort of immediate jokey pay-off to Dash's statement, and very pleased to see that you're setting up a real conflict instead. There's not a whole lot of indication to where you're going with this yet, but you've done enough to catch my interest—so nice job!

Ohhhh, Dash. You done messed up.:facehoof:

(In more ways than one.:twilightoops:)

In other words, girl, that was a serious case of "open mouth, insert hoof".

All the way up to your elbow.

5521648 Spoken like a fabulous cat.:derpytongue2:

smart enoughto keep up

I think you misplaced a space.

I liked it. It was a fun little story.

My implied TwiJack senses are tingling.:trollestia:

Oh, and you better bump this up to mature. I want to see ponies frick.:raritywink:

All right then.

Oh this could be good...

:raritydespair:: “You uncouth, degrading, vile, egotistical, brute!”

:rainbowkiss:: "She wants me."

Okay, a lot of comments sprung up when I wasn't looking. Now I'm going to try and reply to them all.

You shall, the next chapter should hopefully be up sometime today.


Just make sure you don't spoil anything, or else Fluttershy will get pissed. :flutterrage:

Already mentioned this with Derpator, but the plan is for the next chapter to be up today.


I know it's not quite what you said, but it was the closest I could find on short notice.

:rainbowdetermined2: "Hey Rares, great legs. What time do they open?"


Nice one. :rainbowlaugh:

I've been talking to my editor about this one. He's got a lot to do right now, but he'll be getting around to this story eventually. Until then I'm just going to have to rely on my terrible eyesight to catch any errors.

:rainbowderp: Okay then...

Glad you're intrigued.

Agreed, but at least it's going to be fun to watch her do damage control.

A (very) fabulous cat. :raritywink:

Thanks for the catch. I'm glad you like it so far.

I don't really write ponies fricking, so that's kinda a no for mature. However, do keep that implied TwiJack in the back of your mind. It may make a resurgence.


Hopefully you'll like the end result. :twilightsmile:

:rainbowdetermined2: "Oh yeah. She wants the D(ash)"


:rainbowdetermined2:: "There may be a lot of precious jewels around here, but you're a diamond. Now can I get in your rough?"

*Gets coat*


:rainbowderp: Hey, Rarity. That's a great looking dress you're wearing. It'd look even better on my floor.

:rainbowderp: I hate to see you go, Rarity, but I love watching you leave.

:rainbowderp: Hey, Rarity. Is that your horn or are you just happy to see me?

:rainbowdetermined2: "Hey Rarity, that dress is very becoming on you."

:duck: "Oh... why thank you, Rainbow. What a lovely thing to–"

:rainbowdetermined2: "Of course, if I were on you, I'd be coming too."

:raritydespair: "..."


:rainbowderp: Hey, Rares!

:raritydespair: Oh Celestia no! Just go away, Rainbow!

:rainbowderp: Wait. I wrote you a poem. Erhmm... Roses are red. Violets are blue. Get in my bed. So I can do you.


5523512 Thank you.

And this is true.:rainbowlaugh:

Whatta ya wanna bet she falls flat on her face in the trying, though?

And in a very spectacular manner?

5523790 oh boy did this make me laugh. :rainbowlaugh: great job dude as always. I'm interested to see how this turns out :duck:

5523790 Cool. I'll be on the look-out for the next chapter.:ajsmug:

All...these...sex puns... they hurt. But i can't stop laughing! :rainbowlaugh:


Damn, why couldn't this have more tags, make rares squeal like a pig.

This could turn out badly.

Especially if Rarity finds out that it was a dare.


:ajbemused: Cue the banjo music from Deliverance.

:ajsmug: Wooooo dogggy!

5524414 Okay, I suppose one more can't hurt.

:rainbowdetermined2: "Hey, Rares, are your legs made of Nutella?"

:raritydespair: "What?"

:rainbowdetermined2: "Cause I'd love to spread 'em."

:raritydespair: "...Get out."


I was tempted to post that one. :rainbowwild:

:rainbowkiss:: "Rarity, wanna play carnival?"

:raritydespair:: "How do you play-?"

:rainbowkiss:: "You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh."


You had me at "implied Applejack crush on Twilight." :ajsmug:

Can't wait to read more!

Just when she was about to doze off, the loudest, shrillest shriek imaginable cut through her ears and jolted ever nerve in her body. It persisted for several seconds before being silenced abruptly.
Her ears still ringing, Applejack looked at the spa. "Sweet Celestia, Dash. Ah only said ta make her squeal."

You glorious, glorious bastard. :rainbowlaugh:


That was pretty good there, AJ.

Whatever Rainbow's dare is, it's gonna be a nasty one to get back for the Spa and Rarity.

Make Rarity squeal? Just tell her that polka dots and pinstripes are in this year. :rainbowwild: By the way, hot tip Rares, Rainbows are gonna be in you.

Smooth Dash. Looking forward to the next chapters, hopefully RD stuns Rares with her dashingly good looks now her manes been tamed and she's prettied up. Hoping RD gets to dare Apple jack to lay some moves on Twilight.

Her eyes darted to the right and she reviled in agony.

You do this a couple of times. To paraphrase my avatar's movie: "You keep on using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." Did you mean "recoiled"? That would make more sense.

I just looked it up, and apparently it did not mean what I thought it meant. Inconceivable!

But yeah, you're right, I'll change it.

5525638 Your paraphrase only added an "on" between "keep" and "using", so it's almost a direct quote. :P But anyways, I agree, "reviled" doesn't work here.

It has been my head-canon that Rainbow's hooves were just really ticklish, but I can easily see her neglecting them to the point where they crack and become painful to touch.


They need to make a sad RD emoticon.

Man, Rainbow was being a complete jerkass throughout most of this one.

BTW, another proofreading pass would be a very good idea.

Well, I just finished the first chapter, and I must say.


Well, that was fun.

I wonder if RD will realize that "make her squeal" does not have to be sexual. AJ never said it had to be.

a necessary addition to this comments section

That last line was golden! :rainbowlaugh:

5521901 Ooh, Ooh! make sure to try Tucker's best pickup line:
hey baby, did you fall from heaven, cause I've always wanted to bone an angel!

i think at the end there what rarity did was mean, most of it was earned but forcing rainbow to go through that, rarity owes her one now and quite sure pinky and twilight would agree, don't even want to think what fluttershy well do to rarity, the stare is coming back.

You people are getting it all wrong.

:rainbowdetermined2:: Wanna fuck?

:duck:: Sure.

Boom. Done.

Raridash must Dash it is the fate of the world

yay, more Raridash.

Login or register to comment