Apple Bloom takes a shortcut on a joint project for Twilight time. This poor decision inadvertently leads to a discovery about herself that will change her life forever.
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This is oddly thought-provoking…
I liked this story
. It was well put together. 
You should make more chapters tho. So we can read about her training with RD
Wow, this is an awesome story. I love the idea of it and it's so emotional. Sure, it could use and editor, but you've gotten a watch from me!
Huh, this is sure a very interesting headcannon my friend. I like it!
I really like this story. I wish that it wasn't just a one shot.
I think it would have been better if we had more details about what happened (perhaps in a flashback), and actually got to see Apple Bloom's first meeting with her real father. Because it's relayed to us so indirectly, it loses a lot of emotional impact.
Still, I like the story. I have the mental image of an apple-with-wings Cutie Mark...
cdn.crushable.com/files/2012/08/right-in-the-feels.gif
Damn.
Wuv it !!!!
That was amazing.
4024460
>morbid jokes in kids' cartoons
Well, I must admit, I wasn't expecting this. I've never seen this before, but I'd like to think that you pulled it off pretty darn well, my friend!
4024460
I missed that
This... This is different.
This is VERY different.
And I like it.
24.media.tumblr.com/a257ad5165644b1f79354634dfdee284/tumblr_mqo61uYbwk1rj6vd5o1_400.png
~Skeeter The Lurker
Very nice story.
Apple Bloom being a pegasus is an interesting concept.
It would actually explain why it's taking so long to get her cutie mark.
This was pretty good. An interesting idea and pretty well written.
I did not care much for the journal sections, though. It just seemed like you glossed over huge parts of the story, including some pretty vital stuff like why exactly Apple Bloom's wings were amputated in the first place and what that has to do with the fate of her parents. I kinda really wanted to know about that. You also skipped most of the really emotional bits, like how the change affected Apple Bloom's relationships to her friends and family.
Speaking of which, if Twilight suspected Apple Bloom was a wingless pegasus, shouldn't she had gone to Applejack for answers first? It seems unlikely to me she would bring the kid to a hospital examination over something that sensitive without discussing the matter with her legal guardians.
Over all, you started out great but I think you got just a little bit lazy after the first couple of scenes, no offense.
That was nice, for a one-shot short read! Not perfect, but then again, what is? ...Don't answer that.
Very well done!
love.
what a shocking upbringing for applebloom.
Next you're going to tell us that Scootaloo is an Earth Pony and that AB's original wings were grafted on to her...which is why they never grew right. :F
I really did like this though. It was entertaining and well written.
This, this is great! I love it! :D
I never thought of something like this, so original...
I justwish it was longer, or maybe that you changed it into a ull-length story instead of a one-shot.
Maybe you could consider doing it?
No?
Fuck... D:
Anyway, awesome story and I love it!
I really do wish there to be another chapter or a sequel or something... A story about Apple Bloom with wings is just so interesting.
It's a nice story and all, but THE PLURAL IS PEGASI!
But seriously, good story.
4024896 that wouldn't work, body parts don't work unless ur born with, separated from them, and get new ones
I saw two errors:
“Uh, Sweetie, do you thing you could...?”
Neither of them had head about that.
But yeah, good story.
4025101
Thanks for pointing those out.
This was a pretty cool story. When she first got onto the clouds I was like NO YOU IDIOT EARTH PONIES CANT WALK ON CLOUDS then I kept reading and was all like oh... okay then...
it seems like you completely glossed over the backstory, i kinda wanted to know what really went down
fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/003/7/8/clapping_pony_icon___applebloom_by_taritoons-d5q9yfg.gif
--InversionZone
More apple bloom-as-a-pegasus stories. Now. Give. Please?
Another issue is that in "Sonic Rainboom" Twilight said that the cloud walking spell lasted 3 DAYS, not several months.
I loved the story, but the context of it and just the hole story made me feel... depresed? I think depresed is a bit strong. Really sad is better, I think. I don't know why it made me feel this way, it just did.
I always found Apple Blooms existence a mystery.
She's not in the flashback when AJ is coming back from the town, but neither are Aj's parents... what's up with that?
Are their parents travelling? Are they dead and if so, where did AB come from? Is she AJ's?
4025646
I checked the transcript for that episode and it doesn't look like the duration of the cloud-walking spell is mentioned. The spell that lasts three days is the flying spell she used on Rarity.
I can't believe I forgot to upvote this after reading it!!! Came back to do so.... and also to congratulate the author on finding a legit and original use to the "Destiny/Star-Sparkle" spell while still keeping the spell's original purpose in mind.
This wasn't a bad story. The writing was good, the idea interesting, but overall, it was pretty hollow. There's no meat to it.
Like I said, your idea was good, but an idea cannot be the entirety of the story. It doesn't matter, at all, that Applebloom is a pegasus now. No. What matters is how it affects her. How it changes her life. How she come to grips with it. I shouldn't have to say this because you obviously already know this. You even addressed it in Applebloom's journals.
Finding her real father... How her family was handling it... Adjusting to her new life on the farm...
You hit all of those points but then glossed right over them. In that case better to not have them been brought up at all. For example, if you were to continue this story with more chapters, letting us know about Applebloom's father and the fact she got over it robs us of her discovering him and coming to terms with it. The emotional impact is lost.
Don't take my criticism the wrong way as I tend to be direct when giving it. I liked your story, but what was a decent story could be a good one, even great, with more time and effort put into it. You have the talent, and you even have the outline completed already. A rewritten, expanded story would be fantastic.
Very good story, though I'm a bit dissatisfied with the ending. This is certainly a concept that could be tackled a bit more with, and I think the summation of solved problems came off as a bit weak. Good things to think about though, and a very solid concept. Definitely a thumbs-up.
So... that was a thing.
I liked the underlying idea behind this story, but unfortunately, it feels like it fell apart in the middle and towards the end. The idea that she could walk on clouds and was a pegasus all along is fair enough, but, the rest of it...
See, the thing is, this story needed something. It had a start which could lead into something, but it never actually DID. The journal entries are a weak way of summarizing a great deal of stuff happening, and disrupt the flow of the story. The adjustment is what is supposed to be most interesting, but it is glossed over in a telly way. Her getting wings is... rather weak, really, given that Scootaloo is a Scootacripple, but whatever.
The real problem is that the story's conflict is presented in an extremely weak manner and the revelation leads to boringness rather than excitement.
Trying to figure out HOW she became a pegasus? That's interesting. Or figuring out why her wings were clipped at birth. Or just not knowing, and coming to grips with the idea that she was adopted or something. Or conflict between her and Scootaloo. But it didn't really... go anywhere. It was all glossed over and didn't do anything exciting or interesting.
When Applebloom writes in her journal, she writes "Ah" as opposed to "I" at times. Unless this journal is an oral one, it'd be pretty weird to write an accent in her entries.
This shot of humor stood out to me. And going by the comments, to many others as well.
4025704 Applebloom is AJ's sister, and their parents are implied to be dead.
4025747 So are you going to continue this?
4026211
I would like to do more with this at some point. I'm uncertain about continuing past the current ending, but as others have already said, there's a lot that got glossed over within the story itself that could be expanded upon.
4026146 If you recall, in the show, they tend to have a VO as they write, so it's kinda both.
This had so much potential.
I was into it... then journal entries explaining the rest?
no more dialog... no real confrontation, the whole thing petered out.
Please go back though and add more. Some awkward moments with applejack,meeting her real father, the CMC trying to be like always but not quite the same, sympathy from the ponyvillians, stuff like that. Then add resolutions to each of these things, a little at a time. Heck you can even keep the journal entries as breaks between events, just fill them with more emotion. Applebloom is a little kid, her journal should be dripping with conflicting emotions about such a massive change...
But it feels so "meh, something life shattering has happen that has completely altered everything I though I new and how everyone looks at me and its kinda bumming me out, but not so bad really..."
If you do that the story would be so much better, also I'll reread it, up-vote it and fav it.
But at the moment... it feels unfinished. like the bones are in but the meat is missing.
I would love to see you continue this.
I can't help but think that this story was going to be something VERY DIFFERENT, but then someone pointed out that Earth Ponies can't walk on clouds and it turned into this.
Moar now. This is equis, lets send the crew to clowdsdale and have applebloom fly in the sky soon as in defor noon.
Wait, so who chopped AB's wings off? It sounds like something the Apples would do to keep AB from knowing the truth.
I'm...conflicted. I don't know whether to like this or not.
I don't like the pacing. I don't like that fact that the other Apples weren't more involved. I don't like that Twilight and RD took liberties with discovering that Applebloom is a pegasus without at least informing the Apples. I don't like how there isn't a representation of an Earth pony in the CMC anymore. Also, it seems the CMC is no longer a group. I definitely won't use any of this for headcanon.
However, I do like other aspects of this story. It is different. A lot different. Some backstory was revealed. I can't really point out much more other than the story didn't have to sit well with me. I did finish it from start to finish. This is a story that would terrify because everything changes. The type of change that this story describes is life-changing. Being creatures of ritual, this story pokes a hole in all of that. This is a big part of why I like it.
4026350 I could not agree with this more. The whole story felt like it was meant to be more than a one shot, but then the author just cut the rest of the chapters down to the bare minimum and slapped them on to the end of this as the journal entries.
While I did rather like this, it was a bit... short and choppy.
The idea is very nice, and could easily make a good, longer story... but as I said, a short one shot doesn't feel like enough to cover it properly.
4026721
Her REAL father, Two Feather. She is really only a half sister to Applejack and Big Mac, them sharing two separate fathers but the same mother.