• Member Since 27th Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen Mar 28th, 2016

x Silver Tongue x


I'm a young editor and reviewer, who's open to anyone and any story who wants corrections. But, I'm still fun :D

E

Rainbow Dash has never been to the eye-doctor. One afternoon Twilight takes her to the clinic to check her eyes after a minor flight accident. They end up finding out something that makes no sense whatsoever to any pony in Ponyville.


Woke up this morning to see that my random story that was published for no reason got featured 2/28/14. I'm not complaining, but it isn't a work of art :P. I guess anything a teenager writes about multicolored ponies amuses you.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 454 )

Well, it was an okay read.

Hahaha!!!! I really liked this!!! I just think it would have been better if we got to see rainbow reaction

sorry... i meant rainbow dash's reaction

4014361 Don't worry, reactions come in the next chapter :rainbowdetermined2: I just wanted to have a cliffhanger (just kidding I was just too lazy to write any longer :trollestia:) But don't worry reactions will happen. This is certainly not the end. If it was, then it would be an awful story. :ajsmug:

OOOOOHHHHHH!!!!! Sorry... didn't see "incomplete"...:twilightsheepish:

You.

Are.

BRILLIANT!!!

"Twilight," asked Dash, "Do you really think I would misbehave during a doctor's visit?"

Yes, Dash, we do.

Also.

I HAD COOKIES IN THE OVEN AND THEY BURNED BECAUSE I WAS READING THIS.

But that's ok, because this was really good :twilightsmile:

Not bad. Interesting premise, no real mistakes I could spot. I look forward to seeing more.

eye doctor= optometrist. The more you know . . .

"... identical rooms stalked equally with similar products."

"stalked" should be "stocked."

Other than that, it was a nice, short read. Can't wait to see the reactions.

I just so happened to have used the same image as you for one of my fics, so when I first saw this on the front page I was really confused, as it's been complete for a while. :derpytongue2: Then I decided to check this out anyway, seeing as I was already here, and was not disappointed. Poor Rainbow - she's a walking paradox. :rainbowlaugh:

"I can insure you"

assure.

Especially odd here is that Dash seems to be completely colour-blind. That's very rare, and in humans is especially rare in women.
IRL horses are dichromatic (compared to humans being trichromatic), but there's no telling for sure how MLP ponies are.

I can tell I'm going to have fun reading this.

Uggggggggggggggggggh.

I'm sorry, but I found this story to be really dull.

4014663
In Equestria, your doctor is also your health insurance agent!

<insert obvious healthcare joke here>

Uh, Rainbow thinks navy blue and "vibrant yellow" are both red? I don't think there's such a thing as "light/dark colorblind"—why would she consider a light shade to be the same color as a very dark shade?

4014849
Many authors do rush first chapters to get to their hook—ie. 'the good part.' It's not a bad instinct to have, but it does need to be moderated since, ironically, by not giving plot points their time, you hook the reader less.

Hopefully future chapters will be paced better.

Why hasn't anyone thought of this before?

4014870
She might not consider them the same shade, but they might seem to be the same colour. You identify "light blue" and "dark blue" as different shades of "blue"- same thing here.

Something tells me if she sits in this room any longer, she's going to explode."
"Oh don't worry, only Pinkie Pie does that,"
"Pardon?"
"Nothing,"

Oh you

This is a new headcannon: colorblind Rainbow Dash!

4014943 Yes, except that light and dark blue are both blue. They're the same base color, it's just the hue/saturation/what have you that's different. Navy blue and yellow are different base colors. They aren't shades or variations of the same color.

That kind of color blindness (as far as I know) doesn't exist.

It's a cute one-off joke but that is so not how that actually works.

If Dash had a color vision defect (i.e., she could see all three colors but not all shades and tones), she might not know it, and that's plausible enough. However, then you clearly indicate she was mistaking yellow and blue for red -- which is something one could only do if they were achromatic (i.e., if they could only see black and white). Achromatism is practically impossible to not be aware of past early childhood (because of the color-coding emphasis in school), and I'd think ponies with vibrant mane colors would have discussions about their mane with friends or parents.

In short: Maybe you should change it to something green and something red? It'd be plausible if you had her claim something that could plausibly be red was red, even if it was green, because there is a tendency for those with mild color vision defects to 'think around' the problem. (That is, if you show them a plant, they assume the leaves are green even if they see parts of the leaves as red in certain lighting conditions.) Whereas if it was, say, a stapler, something she'd never seen before that comes in different colors, and she misidentified it -- then it'd be a more realistic defect. (Although less dramatic.)

Of course, most people aren't going to know anything about the science of the condition, but I figured you might want to be aware. :twistnerd: Take it from someone with defective color vision.

The biggest problem with this story lies in its prose. For instance:

"Well...," started Twilight, conjuring an argument that may demonstrate how Pinkie is very unpredictable, and could potentially do so. However, Pinkie Pie was thinking two steps ahead of her, silencing her words and opening up a new topic.

First off, "conjuring an argument" is an awkward phrase to begin with; it isn't technically speaking grammatically incorrect, but it is just... not a good way of putting it.

But the larger problem here is that she doesn't conjure the argument at all, and the whole digression is pointless; it is telling us things we don't need to be told.

"Well..." would have been enough on its own, because the implication is rather strong there on its own, and Pinkie could just jump to the next topic without having any sort of exposition about it at all.

This is true throughout the story; there is all kinds of extraneous exposition which add words and nothing else to the story. We don't need to be told all these things; let the characters speak for themselves. There are times when telling is important, but this story is just full of words that should be cut out with a carving knife.

The second issue here is characterization. Not only does Pinkie Pie not work everywhere (indeed, the only place we've ever seen her working, to the best of my knowledge, is Sugarcube corner, save in her brief stint on Sweet Apple Acres and on the Rock Farm in her youth), but all of the characters just feel flat and two-dimensional relative to their portrayal on the show. The dialogue is all off. For example:

"Hey what's up with all the emphasis on your words?" Questioned Rainbow. "No need to be sarcastic. You're bad at sarcasm."

First off, when has Rainbow Dash ever spoken like this on the show?

Secondly, there is no need for the questioned, seeing as the sentence ended with a question mark. Indeed, using "questioned" in the place of "said" is questionable to begin with; why not "asked"? Or even no dialogue tags at all, or have her use body language, or something? Said bookisms and various synonyms for "said" have their place, but using them inappropriately is distracting in a very bad way, as rather than adding to the text, it subtracts from it by adding extra words that don't add extra meaning.

Likewise, "Perhaps it is a trick question" is not how Rainbow Dash speaks, and thus, most likely, isn't how she thinks either. She would use "maybe" there.

It is very important when you're writing a character to try and keep their voice in mind; all of the characters in the show have unique speech patterns, and thus, even when written, you can still hear the character. Here, though, I don't, because they've lost their speech patterns from the show save in superficial ways.

Anyway, seeing as this is apparently your first story here, good luck on the site. :moustache:

4015044
(I hope i did that quote thing right). What he said. True black and white color vision is exceedingly rare, and would have been picked up on way before RD reached whatever age she is now (Young mid 20's adult is my headcannon). Especially in a society as colorful as ponydom.

So if you're going for some form of the more common colorblindness you should pick better colors for the "what color is this" part.
My personal colorblindness gives me trouble picking up red, so while i can see red, I cannot see purple. (Also, some shades of red and brown confuse me).
Since purple is just blue with red added in, I see them as almost identical colors. A quick look on wikipedia would give you all the information you need to make it accurate to one of the more common types of colorblindness.

A second thing. In all current human languages there is no way to "describe red" that doesn't end up invoking colors to describe it. Even saying that its warm or cold or whatnot is still relying on the fact that we define warm and cold to refer to red and blue respectively. So the nurse wouldn't have asked her to do that step more likely than not. Asking her to pick out a red colored object in the room maybe, but just saying "describe red" would end up in disaster if any eye doctor seriously tried to use it as a diagnostic tool.

And finally, there are some spots in there where you closed a quote, but then didn't pick it back up again when people resumed talking. Like this:

"Girl's, calm dowwwn," interrupted Pinkie. Just deal with it."

You end the quote after down, and then end it again at the end of the sentence. So either that one at the end is extra, or there should be another one before just.
I think I saw one or two more like that, but too tired too tired to look for them.

(The comments about describing color are based on an interview I listened to in which someone who studies language and the brain mentioned this. In my thinking on it since I could find no way to discredit the information he presented. I forget who he was, just that he was on some NPR radio program in early fall 2013.)

Ha! This was hilarious!
You need to write more.

:pinkiegasp::heart:

4015134

'She said', but thank you for the vote of confidence.

Ishihara plates (the circles of colored dots) are well-known but extremely low-information. All they tell a diagnostician is that there is a color defect. Much more informative tests have been developed since. (A good example is the D-15, which helps a clinician narrow down what sorts of defects -- and what degree -- there are.)

As a matter of fact, there are plenty of color blind folks who consider the "what color are those things" questions repetitive (like me) or even fairly offensive. (Imagine asking someone with paralyzed arms to write their name for you.)

If Dash doesn't know, then she wouldn't think it could be offensive, of course -- but Redheart would know better.

This is brilliant, from concept to execution. i laughed at it, alot.

Fav'ed, hoping for more!

It's an interesting premise but having Dash point out navy blue and vibrant yellow as red can be a bit of a stretch.
Actually, it is a big stretch since it would mean that Dash can't differentiate most if not all colors at all.
Then again, I don't know whether ponies from Equestria see the usual 2 colors a horse can or RGB like what people see or something a little extra like a mantis shrimp or something.
It's still a fun idea though.:twilightsmile:

It's an alright fic, a bit dull at the moment. The only thing that I have to say that hasn't been said better already is...
It is extremely unrealistic for Dash to have never been to an eye doctor. Now, granted, they might not have done a test for colorblindness if she did (I'm fairly certain mine didn't). The reason I say this is, I'm pretty sure if she wants to be a Wonderbolt, or heck do anything involving flying, she's going to need extensive physical exams. Including vision tests.

Also on a side note, the bit about Twilight never needing to go to the doctor rubbed me the wrong way as well, for a similar reason. Yearly check-ups.

Ah well, it's an interesting concept to be sure, so I'll keep my eye on it to see where it goes.

I may be wrong but I don't think that's how colour-blindness works. I mean, if it was as bad as you seem to be portraying it as, then it shatters my suspension of disbelief that no one would have picked it up until now. I mean, I had a friend who was green colour-blind and didn't know until he was in his late teens but this is kinda stretching it. I mean, what was Rainbow like in kindergarten, when she was actually learning about these colours, did her teacher just not care? or did she completely miss Rainbows inability to tell red, blue and yellow apart. Did she never do any art classes? nothing?.

Hell, I'm sorry, but this entire premise falls apart when you consider that she has a supposedly undiagnosed case of colour-blindness in a world of rainbow coloured ponies. Colour has to have come up in her life at some point. I could have bought it if, say, she knew and was trying to keep it a secret because she was ashamed of it, but not knowing is ridiculous

It seems to me like you got a little too wrapped up with an admittedly interesting concept and not the finer details.

4015177

The she thing crossed my mind based on the avatar, but then again.. you never know in the wonderful land of the internet. I blame English for its lack of gender neutral pronouns.

And yes, the what color things can get annoying when its random people who just found out you're colorblind. Friends I give some leeway.

Though it is rather humorous when I'm out with my mother and she asks what I think about such and such a thing, and if the colors match.
I just give her a flat stare, and she remembers rather quickly.
And one time she even turned away from me and asked my grandfather the same thing about the same object. He has it worse than I do. We both just kind of stared at her for a while. She then proceeded to feel like an idiot.

4015218 While 99.9% of color blindness is simply being unable to tell certain colors apart, usually red and green, there ARE very rare occasions where someone is literally absolutely color blind, and sees entirely in shades of grey - or, more commonly, the brain simply refuses to differentiate.

On the other hand, I gotta agree. The entire premise is ridiculous. I can buy it that Dash knows she is color blind, maybe certain people from her childhood (like Fluttershy), but not that she's gone her entire adult life in a world where beings identify by coat and mane colors without knowing she's color blind.

4015229

'They' is technically also a singular gender-neutral pronoun. (I've always found it useful, but some people find it awkward.)

Color really is a huge part of human existence, and I am never reminded more of that than when my spouse forgets and asks me about colors of things. I am literally always asking them if things go together, whether something brown or red, pink or light gray, etc. :facehoof:

This story certainly isn't bad, but nor is it exceptionally good. It's an interesting concept, but poorly executed.
I will simply state that 4015083 knows what he is talking about.

(Congrats on the feature by the way.)

:eeyup: - SHE CAN'T SEE HER LOVER :raritycry:

4015230
First, there would be very little to indicate to Rainbow that she is color-blind. After all, very few everyday items are designed provide different information to color-blind people... with some amusing exceptions.
Second, other ponies would seem to be using different names for the same color, but even non-colorblind people encounter this. In her current life, Rarity is the only one of her friends likely to point any differences out, but it would be simple for RD to dismiss it as "Rarity being overdramatic... again."
Third, even with color being used as a large part of identification (by the non-colorblind), it's not unreasonable to assume that RD would be using other clues, such as subtle changes in color-intensity, or cutie-mark pattern.

That said, this story has other things making it seem ridiculous, such as RD's insistence that it's a trick when it was mentioned that it's a test for color-blindness, and (more importantly) Redheart breaking doctor-patient confidentiality.

Fun fact of the day: To a colorblind observer, Mayor Mare's mane looks exactly the same if it's dyed or not- grey.

ha everyone considers me colorblind. I can see color fine Im just not good at identifying shades and get them mixed up. also when I do a colorblind test I can tell all the different colors used in each but I don't see a pattern

poor rainbow. all the color has gone from her eyes to her main

Interesting concept, good grammar and structuring, best pony... I think I'll keep track of this story from now on.

I figure therein lies some ensuing hilarious ribbing between friends. Try not to disappoint, now! :twilightsmile:

4015340

very little to indicate to Rainbow that she is colour-blind

Except that I have to imagine she went through some sort of educational system. In school they never tried to teach her the colours? What about in art class when they were told to paint certain things. Dash cant tell blue and yellow from red. That's two of the primary colours (or all three if you go by the Cyan, Magenta and Yellow subtractive system) I'm sorry, but in a world where colour is a lot more prevalent, that's going to come up. Dash seems to only be able to differentiate based on shade (i.e. dark red and dark blue would appear the same) at least that's what it looks like from this chapter, Dash never once in all her years got to ponies confused because they had the same shade?

very few everyday items are designed provide different information to colour-blind people

This isn't about her walking down the street and just discovering that she's colour blind, this is about a very fundamental thing. you, and me and everyone else, had to be taught what colours were. We knew that red was different from blue, but we didn't know the names or how or why. All throughout education, we learn about colour. Like I said, kingergarden, art class, hell what about science classes when she started learning about colour addition and subtraction and the light spectrum? All of this and not a single red (or I guess it could have been blue) flag was raised at her school? she isn't just red/green colour blind (you could maybe make the case that its blue/yellow colour blinded but it seems more like total colour-blindness), this is a very serious case of colour blindness, and its ridiculous that no one spotted it until now.

The entire premise of the story is that Dash is only now discovering that she is colour-blind and it makes. no. sense.

Twilight gave both of them a you-better-shut-up-or-i'm-going-to-kill-you-in-your-sleep face.

fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/154/c/3/evil_twilight_sparkle_by_ifoxtrax-d525e6a.png

This means that when RD looks in a mirror... she sees Daring Do! :rainbowderp: No wonder she's such a daredevil.

A little dry but enjoyable. I love the premise, it really is very interesting...

anyway good job. I give this a solid 6.5/10 :twilightsmile:

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