The Cutie Mark Crusaders have a simple request for Celestia, but first, they're going to talk about the sun.
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Palm Palette
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Adorable.
Very good!!!
This was really cute and well put together. Put a big smile on my face too <3
Oh that was cool!
Dang. Das cute.
I mean, that there's among the highest praise, ain't there, for a piece like this?
Pretty adorable but anyone else think it's kinda ironic? Before getting their own cutie marks the CMC would've hated this holiday the most out of everyone. I wonder how many kids are in the position they where in before that will just hate this holiday.
*claps/stomps* Good job!
A pleasant, short read.
A day for ponies to give thanks for their cutie marks, eh?
I NOW WISH TO DECLARE A HOLIDAY FOR THE APPROVAL OF FUN!
What? Thought it was going to be sex?
I'm
I
[Keep dialects constant. Which is why I pointed those out, since she uses I throughout most of the fic.]
__________
This was all in all a rather cute little short fic.
I like the concept, but the CMC don't feel like themselves. Mostly it's because of how they talk. There are none of the quirks that signify that it's them.
This is one of the nicest little fluff stories I've read in a long time. Well done.
This was both adorable and moving, even though the CMC came across as a bit too mature, adult, and aware during their speech portions.
Now, if before they got into talking about the sun, Apple Bloom had hesitated, leading to Scootaloo to reminding Sweetie Belle to give them the notes she'd prepared, that would fix it completely. A bit more adorable, "Really, they're just kids" moment, Celestia could be amused and think of how Twilight is with her notes, and then what they've actually written to bring up could show that they're also such deep thinkers.
6677423
TheGreatEater
Those Ah anhm's were recreating the southern accent tbat Applebloom has and is prominent in practically every fic in which a member of the Apple family take place in.
6677842
The thing though is. When you are doing an accent you need consistency. There were used only 3 times. The rest was using only I's. I even state that in the fix if you read all of it.
If it was all Ah's and Ah'm's. Then yes it would be accurate. As is, it needs to be changed to I'm and I to keep inline with the rest of the characters dialog.
I could clearly see this in an episode. Coherently written, well paced, and you nailed the Crusaders Personality. My only gripe is that you'd sometimes have a wall of text with no signal to who is speaking. Even adding something like "Applebloom claimed" in the middle or end would do wonders. All in all, 8/10. While not remarkable in its content matter and length, it did great for what it was trying to do.
6677860
I see what you mean. I thought you were confused by the manerism of using southern accents in writing, and based on your posts downvotes, that's what others assumed as well. My apologies.
6677880
No problem. Yeah when it comes to me downvoting people writing southern fics it's either. A) They butcher the accent [I'm from the south] and or thinking y'all is a singular pronoun [it's not. In proper grammar as well as all the places in the south I've been in. Y'all is short for you all, and is plural], or B) Apple Bloom as a one word name. Even then I usually just leave if it's bad. But yeah, for accents as long as it's done right [or isn't an utter butchery of language like some people do for the Spa Sisters [what with all the Z's and V's tossed in until it leaves the realm of english, understandability, and good taste]] I have no problems with it as long as it's consistent.
If a person's looked at my fixes in other works. They'd see that it's either me pointing out that "Ah" wasn't capped [happens a lot], a misuse of y'all, or spelling error where the southern dialect was concerned. Rather than not understanding what was written [although I do have a hate for the use ah, the proclamation along with Ah the accent. Especially since they are pronounced the same way, and is easy to read it as a grammar error [and there are better words to use in place of ah the proclamation, if Ah the accent is being used.].
Cute.
A Thanksgiving analog like Hearthswarming is to Christmas...
iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/175866%20-%20animated%20changeling%20Doomie%20headcanon%20headcanon_accepted%20pinkie_pie%20pinkie_pie_changeling.gif
Seriously, this needs to be canon!
Well played CMC...well played.
Now convince the Night Court to give Luna a holiday so "she will feel appreciated" and you will have two additional school and homework free holidays!
That was a hilarious note to end it on, doubly so because it means they got exactly what they requested: a yes.
I liked this. It has a nice, comedic wrapping and the idea behind it sounds like something the ponies might actually come up with. It's very setting-appropriate, so good job.
6678140 This is one of those that makes me wish the writers of MLP:FiM would read these. Ask permission to use it in the show and give credit to the author. This really should be cannon and would make a great episode. They would need to expand on it a little bit like the CMC getting frustrated actually filling out the forms or something. Maybe them talking about what they personally went though when Tirek attacked.
Personally I think this is going to get worked into any fiction I write as my own AU. With original Authors permission of course.
My mental picture of Scootie Loo is a toilet, on a skateboard, wearing a Rainbow Dash wig.
This was an enjoyable read!
6678743
Scootie Loo, daughter of Porta Potty.
6677423 Man, I know that ya'll're* the greatest advocate for the proper use of Southern American English around here, but really, have you watched the show? Bloom's accent really does wander in and out with every line. AJ's more consistent, but if I had to place where she's from I couldn't do better than "somewhere between San Anton' and West Virginia". The show's written by Californians and voiced by Canucks, is it really fair to expect better out of fanfic authors?
*Sorry, just couldn't help makin' you twitch.
6679050
I love this comment, just for this word. Double and triple contractions are the best things, especially for the reactions they get.
The CMC should get top billing.
i feel like luna would get offended/annoyed/jealous at how the sun was described :lunafacehere:
6679050
I'm only one writer [although it'd be neat if I was one of those people who shared an account with another]
. As for Apple Bloom, yeah her accent does seem to wonder, although she, and Granny Smith do use y'all properly [if that's because they are always in a group when they use it, or if AJ was hit with the stupid stick when she was in Manehatten I don't know].
As for asking writers to do better? Yes I do. As you said the VA's and writers are in Cali. and Canada. As well as it'd cost more money for them to fix their grammar then to leave it slaughtered. But a fanfic writer doesn't have to worry about loosing hundreds to thousands of dollars recalling DVDs, or redoing things to redub their characters to use proper grammar. And using an accent properly and consistently is a good thing, especially in the written word. With it being auditory [voice acting, live readings, etc] you run into the problem that going over and changing it becomes time consuming, and tedious.
In the written, all it takes is finding the word, making a quick change to it, and it's done [unless it's like This Chapter in Date of the Fire Diamond, or all of Two Moons, and RTTF where everytime I go to try and edit the chapters my internet crashes. Then not editing is understandable.] But still it's a major pro on the written word. Heck, they were even able to change the errors I found in the Harry Potter series earlier this year [other than the ones that were fixed after the books I currently have]. So yes. I can expect better, even if that writers me who makes a mistake in my writing [and I'm always glad for people pointing out grammar errors in my work. It helps me make sure what I put out there is good enough for anyone who wants to read it.]
And it's not Thanksgiving at all!
6679135 i hate y'all but i love it when AB says it like that
Very good story. I can actually imagine them doing this. ... Make it happen Hasbro! *faved*
That was surprisigly nice, and surprisingly sweet.
Although I did keep expecting a joke about worshipping the Sun-Butt. With a title like that, I couldn't not. (although that does say a lot about fanfics these days, hmm?)
I can actually see this happen in canon. That's usually an indication of a good fanfic. Have a fave and like...
Although I kept expecting a Sunbutt joke and it didn't happen.
I see what you did there.
"sub-form twenty-six B" is best Nightmare Night costume.
be
the she?
You mean 'the unicorn'?
You or You've
This story made my day, or rather, night.
Wow. That was a cute story. Even we humans need to remember to step back and think deeply of the things that we take for granted. Liked.
However, there are a few typos. (Sorry if I'm repeating anyone else, I've simply noted them as I went through the story.)
Missing a word: "that the world is..."
Mispunctuation: that semicolon should be replaced with either a colon or the word "that".
Missing word: "beneath the horizon"
6677813 Yeah, but you have to consider that cutie marks are their special talent, and in essence they were talking about celestia's cutie mark.
... Woooooow.
This fic... ... Is thought-provoking, absolutely adorable, hopeful, and in-character all at the same time! The CMC getting Celestia to declare "Re-Marking" as their own version of Thanksgiving was absolutely genius! I definitely could have seen this happening in the show. Seriously! Hasbro should hire you for stuff like this!
Oh, and also, this part:
Clap-clap-clap-clap-clap!
Thank you for that little tidbit, dear author! Serving steaming hot water as proof that it's clean actually makes a great deal of sense! I'm definitely going to remember this one in case something like this should come up in an RP or round of D&D. Cheers!
6681383
6681375
Thanks. It's always hard to catch all the typos and I really appreciate it when people point them out.
A nice story, but the Crusaders did seem to wax unrealistically poetic - especially about the Sun.
I liked the boiling water, and all the conversation around that, though.
is it bad that I clicked on the name thinking it was going to be a story about Celestia's Rump?
Well, it kind of was, but not in the way I was expecting...
That was wonderful. It has been a while since I saw a new idea, so good job on that front as well!
I loved this, and it made me ridiculously sad because it's not canon.
Headcanon accepted! This holiday makes all the sense.
I agree with 6677813 that there are long stretches during which I just can't read the CMCs' dialogue in their voices, but this is by turns adorable and touching and thoughtful, and the formal request for "Yes" was a laugh-out-loud moment. Thank you for this.
6682936 "Hey Princess Celestia! Can we stare at your butt?"
*Trio of innocent filly faces*
I dub this: cute.