Being reincarnated in another world... It sounds like the stuff of fantasy, but when a human wakes up in the body of a pony, they realize that fantasy has become reality. Only, it’s not the Equestria that we know. Everything is slightly…off. How will they fair in this strange, new world? Please follow this far-flung foal as they navigate life in the magical world of Equestria.
TLDR: This is the story of a human, who has become a pony, in a RGRE universe
(This is my first ever mlp fanfic)
Chapters (14)
I'm curious as to if your going to give yourself a pony name, or use your actual name.
Nice start! I presume it begins in S1? Definitely following this story.
11443510
Oh, yes it's going to start in S1 :-)
I love it so far!!
Cool story start!
Great start
11443511
oh boi a interesting but yet partial similar start for a newcomer and yet i can see potential in this story! Yeah ok just 1 day ago but GET GOIN' LAD you can do anything^^ also i plan on writing my own fiction by grabbing characters from other stories and like continueing their stories in a alt. universe that i write with a self-insert too :3
I can sense it...The POTENTIAL!
Greetings, noob. I am Alondro.
Senpai has... noticed you.
(RUN AWAY!!!!)
Nice start, I wish you luck on your story, keep it up.
Good start!
More
Interesting... look forward to more.
Interesting start. I am currious how you will continue this.
Intrigue intro, I look forward what the tantubas in store for us.
Sincerely,
- Ya Boi Satan
More
cliches, cliches and more cliches...
But I like it
11444215
media.tenor.com/ESTkzQQMcTEAAAAC/star-wars.gif
I'm guessing this was before the episode, Bridal Gossip?
11444488
Yes, the story takes place just before S1 starts but the character doesn’t know/realize it yet
And then the OC was gobbled up in a big tasty stew.
He soon died from the deadly bite of the Trollicus toxicus snek, the deadliest and most annoying of the Danger Noodles.
But then the venom mutated him into Discord! 
More good
Number 100 on my shelf Congratulation.
11454360
Cool
It's pretty good, don't see errors as far as I can tell. And it's a good story. Hope this continues.
> Gets bitten by a snake.
> Meets main character and tries not to bother her.
> Refuses to elaborate further.
> Passes out
Interesting so far, I look forward to seeing where this goes.
I'm keeping an eye on this
I like both the protagonists relative gratitude and Zecora's kindness.
It is a nice breath of fresh air.
Happy Holidays!
AWW! Fluttershy, never change.
11460399
Happy Holidays to you as well
Quite a solid start. I will follow the story and where this goes
I was honestly hoping it would be rated m with the fifth leg comment in the first chapter. Plenty to go off with that difference, but as it is right now, it's a very good start, with plenty of potential, depending on what plans you have for the story.
More good
11467495
I’ve never written an M rated story tbh
I don’t think this story will get bumped up from T to M though, given the mc is stuck in a kid’s body
Glad you like the story so far tho :3
sick
Alondro as a foal, "My parents and I were on the way to the Summer Sun Celebration when we got lost after fleeing from a wild bunny stampede..."
The ponies nod. Totally understandable. Bunnies are terrifying when they swarm.
Alondro continues, "We foolishly blundered into the EVERFREE FOREST!!!" Forehoof waving for extra emphasis.
Ponies, "LE GASPE!!"
Alondro lies even more, because he's getting into this now, "AND THEN TIMBERWOLVES ATTACKED!! We galloped for our miserable lives as the demonic dogwoods dashed at a close distance, deliriously desiring to devour us!"
Ponies, "EVERYPONY PANIC!!" They all throw up their forehooves and run around manically, because of course they do.
Alondro wishes he had popcorn. Discord hands him some. Munch munch mu- "Wait, aren't you 2 seasons too early?"
Discord shrugs, "Pfft, continuity is boring."
Alondro also shrugs and continues fabricating falsehoods, "And just when we thought we'd escaped, we came upon a river and a GIANT SEA SERPENT AROSE FROM THE FROTHING DEPTHS!!"
The ponies scream and clutch each other in terror.
Alondro adds, "He said his name was Steven Magnet, and he helped us across the river, then waved bye."
The ponies phew!
Alondro finishes, "And then a hydra came up out of a bog and nommed my parents."
The ponies scream again!
Alondro grins and winks to the audience, "I'm going to enjoy it here."
Looks fairly well-written. By the way, what an interesting username you have here.
Never have more than one character speak in the same paragraph. Start a new one for Zecora. It's jarring otherwise, and it's considered improper and bad practice to write it this way.
The same goes for thoughts. It's the human character who was thinking that he offended her, so there should be a separate paragraph for Zecora once she continues speaking.
Hooray for ADD!
You're out of the literal woods, but not the figurative ones.
So... Carried off more like a kitten, really.
Believe me; I can relate.
Well I was still going to the children's hospital, the doctor I was seeing said, at one point "Oh! Wrong volume!"
"This town is filled with very many fun things to do! I would point them out, but I have no hands."
Like if you get that reference.
Ooh! Nice pick!
He's lucky this is not a clop fanfic....
11469284
Oh, I didn’t notice
I’ll fix it then
11469667
There are many other mistakes, but that's a big enough one that can be jarring to readers. The other problems are lack of descriptive language over telling, which can be a tough one to master.