Thorax goes back to that hive to share friendship with the others . Things don't go as smooth as he thought it would. Especially with the queen.
Takes place after Time be a changeling so there might be major spoilers.
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- Member Since 29th Oct, 2014
- offline last seen April 18th
Phantom Dragon
I'm just a writer, who writes whatever pops into my head. I hope you enjoy the stories you read :)
Phantom Dragon
Joined 29th Oct, 2014 ·
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Not bad, not bad at all.
the one you call Mandible is Kevin
I can honestly see this happening.
7510076 oh I don't know he had name I'll change it later thanks.
7510628 ye, no probs pale
7510134 thanks for the comment yeah I thought that Thorax was a bit opportunistic at end of the episode.
7510736 pale?
7510028 thanks the comment I glad you liked it.
7510937 While it might sound nice, there is a reason changelings feed on love. And that feeding can't be nice if it caused Thorax to go feral at the mere scent of it. We still have no idea how they feed or if it's damaging to ponies.
The part about Kevin being friends with Cranky is a nice thought too, but I like to think he just snuck in to sample some love. Just because Cranky made friends with a stylish river serpent, him being friends with a changeling too seems unlikely just because he was there.
Where there's love in the air, a changeling shall be near.
I read this after seeing that you'd written a Thorax returning to the hive story like mine. :)
Here's some unsolicited (though free) advice:
* It has a few editing errors - the most glaring one was breaking paragraphs with the same character's speech - you really want to keep those together.
* You used "whose" instead of "who's"=who is
* Also, there were a few moments where I felt like you were over-explaining. There's this quote I love where an author essentially says 'I leave out the parts that people would skip over if they were reading it.' We all know how Thorax feels about the queen - it doesn't need to be explicitly stated. We don't really need to know why Chrysalis overheard the conversation - it's enough to say "I heard."
Keep up the writing! :D
7524276 thanks the advise. I try but I tend to make stupid alittle mistakes like that. I have Grammary a lot I would it's a lot better because, for in the story You're not alone it was bad before someone looked at it. As for the overexpliationzied I try to tone it down. I guess is me coming out, because I tend to like put more details so the story so it can be more visual.