• Member Since 7th Jun, 2012
  • online

ocalhoun


I am not contained between my hat and my boots.

T

Teleportation. It is the best possible way to travel... As long as you don't think about it too much. As long as you don't ask where Twilight goes in that split second when she's neither here nor there.


The sound I listened to as I wrote it, available to you in order to give you the option of having the same atmosphere.



No relation to the other story with the same name, just a coincidence of both picking the same excellent title. I was unaware that the other one existed.
Dramatic Reading by Charles Spratt
Second Reading by TheDizzyDan
Third Reading by Crafty Arts

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 302 )

This was written as a challenge to write horror in 1000 words or less. (And it is 999 words, despite Fimfic's miscounting.)

7468179 I think fimfiction counts the description in the count... which is stupid.

7472991
Nope, that is not the problem.
Fimfic counts a word with an apostrophe as two words.
It's = 2 words.
Rainbow's = 2 words.

It sort of could make sense with contractions, but it's definitely wrong when using apostrophes to show possession.

This is a terrifying concept; one I've seen applied to other places such as Quantum Suicide and a theory on how the teleporter from Star Trek works.

Well excecuted; one of the first First Person stories I've read that I actually enjoyed. Nice job!

7472998 That's what causes it? Apostrophes? That's even more retarded.

Fucking brilliant! I could almost feel my skin crawl!

Wasn't this done before? With the exact same title?

Dark as fuck. Nice job ^^ I can only imagine the implications if she actually manages to escape that place. How would Celestia react? And the scholar community? Herself, knowing what she is and what she has done? Not quite things to be answered in a small fic, but questions nonetheless.

7473001
Well, take it or leave it. I was challenged to write outside my comfort zone, so this is definitely outside the comfort zone.

7473000
Yep, I sometimes like to think that all magic comes with a cost, but perhaps that cost is often hidden.

And hopefully this persuades you to not discriminate against first-person stories. First person can often be terrible when done ham-fistedly by amateurs, or when done just because someone thinks it should be the default perspective. But put it in the hands of someone who knows how and when to use it, and it becomes a very powerful tool.

Oh, and if you'd like to see some other really good first person stories, try: The Unfortunate Stabbing of Nurse Redheart, The Adventures of Batsy Fluffentuft the Magnificent and/or A Frog's Life!

The story itself? Beautiful in its darkness, mesmerizing in its miasma of death and depravity.

But the music? (good choice, btw; that one's been on my 'writing music' list) The music just takes it to a whole new level of psychological hell that for Twilight at least, is nearly unfathomable. To be honest, no Dark-tagged story has ran me over this hard, this thoroughly, since 'Twilight's Inferno'.

Bravo!!

7473021
Thanks! ^.^ What was the creepiest part?

7473026
Not that I'm aware of...
I sure hope not.

7473031
Yeah, I definitely couldn't get into those questions and still keep it under 1000 words, but that would be an interesting direction to take an additional chapter or sequel.
(And just in case -- if anybody wants to write such a sequel, you have my permission in advance! Just send me a link when it's done so I can link to it here.)

7473062 The story itself and how quickly the atmosphere is set in, in only a thousand words.

7473062
Oh yeah, this has been done before. I actually thought this was a reposting of this Blink. Same time, similar premise.

7473062 Right. I bothered to check, and yes.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/269332/blink

Bit of a longer word-count, and a bit more in the way of science, but yes. Teleport-horror called Blink, starring Twilight Sparkle.

I'd advise a name-change, Calhoun.

I was waiting to see how this would turn out. I was not disappointed!
But now I crave a long version where the next copy does make it out.
I want to see Celestia's reaction when she realizes what the spell she taught to a young filly did. And then realize she has been using the teleportation spell all the time herself. As well as her sister.

7473053
I know, right? Who knew, but it turns out that Jupiter sounds creepy as fuck.
I don't usually listen to anything when I write; if I do, it's usually just some kind of background noise, like wind or a thunderstorm. But this is definitely getting added to my repertoire. It is just so perfect for writing dark, creepy stories.

7473086
Yeah... sorry. :twilightsheepish:

7473093 Well, if a new title is needed, the first thing my mind went to was an old song title "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor."

Maybe not the best choice, but oddly appropriate. :twilightoops:

7473087
7473093
Oh damn it.
Well, I'm keeping the title as it is, I think. a) because I already made and adore that cover image, and b) because 'Blink' is such a perfect title, and I can't even begin to think of a better one.
I will put a note in the description about the coincidence, though.

7473096
I'd like to read that story as well!
(But I wouldn't like to write it very much. Even just 1000 words of this was hard enough on me.)
You know what they say...
"If there's a book you really want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it ... or you must sign up for ocalhoun's Patreon and get him to write it for you." - Toni Morrison (paraphrased)

This story reminds me a lot with Soma's concept of this copying mechanic, but done darker. I love Soma, and I certainly love this.

7473103 Perhaps a tad too overt. Might I suggest 'The Space Between Spaces Runs Red'?

7473099 Oh, no, it's fine. :twilightsheepish: I love dark stories. :raritywink::rainbowlaugh: Great story!

7473103
Oh jeez, that would be terrible!

7473115
Soma?

7473117
How would I ever fit that on the cover image!? :raritydespair:

7473127 I actually didn't notice the title was in the cover art until just now.

Could GRAB HER NOW fit?

7473127 Soma is a horror game where the Earth has withered, and the human race nearly extinct. A group of scientists developed a way in order to preserve the human race, by transferring human being's consciousness into a virtual world in a satellite, where it would then be shot off into space to safety. What they didn't know is that a copy of them is left behind in their body, left to die and/or become alone.

I recommend playing it.

7473047 If I feel in a ready mood, I'll hit up those mentioned works.

7473139
Sort of...
But I don't really think the title needs to be changed.
It's not the first time that this has happened to me. :facehoof:

I enjoyed this.

7473290
Glad you did! What was the best part?

Heh, imagine my feeling when I check to see if this is in the featured box, an I see a story on there titled 'Blank'.
So close...

7473313 This just gets better and better.

important thing is for the next one to read it soon enough.

This was great.
It needs a sequel. Something cause this was gruesomely delightful.

Whoa... déjà vu. :rainbowwild:

I enjoyed the concept, even if it is a present that that leaves it a little bare bones. It does leave the question of what will happen when the sphere fills, and if the sphere is shared among all who use the spell. Little things like that.

I have to say it doesn't do much for me. I like the mental state the other inhabitants are portrayed having. That's neat in a horrifying way, like having a pleasant conversation on a plane and then the pilot stumbles out of the cockpit with a knife in his back. Alright, I had a point in the last sentence and I lost it somewhere.

Whatever.

I must however bow to the superior telling. This Book is Full of Spiders briefly talks about Star Trek teleportation and, well...

i2.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/011/307/Screen_Shot_2012-09-13_at_9.39.39_AM.png

Cue me never looking at Star Trek the same way again. I'm afraid that rendition was pulled off better and I can't help but compare the two in my head. Plus, comparisons to The Prestige are inevitable. I like this, but it didn't take its concept far enough.

Good gravy, Ocal. I've read stories with this concept before (teleportation creates clones and kills the original) before, but that other story was a comedy that focused on Pinkie having crazy ideas.

This is unsettling.

props :twilightsmile:

7473327 We need an emoticon for applause.

7473308

Meh, I liked it all.

7473326
Hopefully I don't have to write the sequel myself.

7473327
Heh, sorry about that. I didn't know.

7473347
Well, 'a little bare bones' and 'didn't take it far enough' are going to be really touch criticisms to avoid when limited to 1000 words.

7473383
Glad to have unsettled you... I guess.

7472998 Now we just need to figure out what's going on when it reports a chapter as 0 words.

7473458
Chapter was first published (probably by accident) with 0 words, then was edited to be >0 words, but the word count is only updated when you unpublish and republish the chapter.

This was... interesting.

I love how it ends open-ended.

I have a feeling that she won't be able to get out.... Delicious.

I just love this sort of dark stuff!! ^_^ Especially the "magic has it's consequences" theme! :pinkiehappy:

Well that was delightfully gruesome. No sleep for me tonight; thanks, ocalhoun. :rainbowlaugh:

7473481
Glad you think so. ^.^

7473649
Yeah, I'm starting to be kind of a big fan of ambiguity. I also like how it turned out in Arachnophillia.

7473661
Who needs sleep anyway, right? :pinkiesad2:

I may never look at Star Trek the same way, thanks to you. :rainbowlaugh: At least with in Star Trek, you're being disintegrated before being reintegrated, so at least there are no leftovers......or are there?

Whelp, I won't be sleeping tonight. Good Job!

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!