• Member Since 7th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen 11 hours ago

ocalhoun


I am not contained between my hat and my boots.

T
Source

Many times Nurse Redheart has seen to the comfort of ponies in their final hours.
When her turn comes, though, she has only you.


Cover image based on Nurse Redheart Pillow by TheParagon.
Audio Reading by TheDizzyDan


Based on this story:
The Unfortunate Aftermath of Nurse Redheart
Wrong Place, Wrong Time
The Unsettling Suicide of Nurse Tenderheart

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 104 )

I'm really surprised how tempted I was to downvote this without reading it.

6174649
I'm glad you resisted the temptation... and I hope that if you read it, you'll enjoy it, for what it is.

Definitely not a feel-good kind of story, though, that's true.

a sad but tender story and vary true at the same time.
a super good job.
Harts Fire

6174704
Glad you enjoyed it! ^.^

I normally don't read many stories with the dark tag because I'm afraid it's going to be some disturbing, grimdark story. However, this was...intense, for the lack of a better word. I think you really captured all the proper emotions that one would go through.
Also, did you use a bit of the Kübler-Ross model, the five stages of grief, in this?

6175205
I might have done that a bit. ^.^

6176197
Okay, I thought so. It goes well with this story.

I can't imagine what this is like and I hope I never have to experience it. Dying cold and alone in damp, dingy alleyway. It's something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I will say one good thing that came out of all this; at least she's with her parents now. :fluttercry:

Many times Nurse Redheart has seen to the comfort of ponies in their final hours. When her turn comes, though, she has only you.

Kept expecting "my" character to show up and comfort her as she dies. Flake never showed up.

Only realized at the end that, perhaps, I was keeping her company by reading the story.
...I hope it helped her.

Rather mind-opening. Nice.

6176833
You've got it there. ^.^ I'm glad it's able to touch people.

Nice read I guess... My feels are fine though since I kinda saw it coming.

Here, have a thought: we will all die one day. One way or another.

It's odd. I've read plenty of dark stories with torture and unpleasantness and yet your story got under my skin more than any of them. That was painful to read, in a good, well-written sense. I felt genuinely nauseous as you detailed Redheart's injuries and felt pangs of anxiety as the situation got worse, hoping against hope she would be saved despite the outcome being spoiled before I even started reading the story. You painted an extremely effective scene that made me care about a character I otherwise knew and cared nothing about.

This was a really touching story, but all that gore...

6178030
^.^ I'm perfectly happy to hear that response.
It's not meant to be a tear-jerker and hit 'the feels'... hence the lack of a 'sad' tag.
It is meant to prompt thoughts just like the one you just gave. :twilightsmile:

6178148
All that gore? I thought it was pretty light on gore, actually. Sure there was a little, but just blood mostly.

6178137
Then it must have been perfect! ^.^
What you're telling me is exactly what I hoped this story would accomplish.

6178428
True dat, but blood just feels like a lot of gory stuff to me...

But, the story is pretty good!

I don't wanna read this. Not because it isn't good, but because I love redheart to death

6178476

I love redheart to death

That's an unfortunate choice of word's you've got there.
And, yeah... this story's not for the faint of heart.

6178466
Well, thanks! ^.^ And my apologies for the blood.
I kept gore to a minimum, but there needs to be at least that much.

Damn. The title spoils it, but I actually hoped someone would save her.

Dark but nicely done

6178772
Hm... do you think it would be better if the ending wasn't spoiled?

6179205
Thanks. ^.^ I try.

Take my blame.

Penny, no excuse for Penny, as she didn't show up for work, ultimately causing this chain-of-events. Plush Pillow, if she is how Red describes her, which I semi doubt, then she is being selfish to those around her for the sake of her children, which is inexcusable in my book. Redheart, for accepting, as she doesn't receive any benefits, and complains about her decision throughout the fiction. The Mugger and Tender Hoof: I'll blame their involvement on chance, as Tender sounds like a single mother and the Mugger wasn't waiting for Red.

My favorite part about this fiction is the all the medical stuff you can learn from it. As someone who isn't particularly involved in the medical field or any of its updates, this is all fascinating to me. Easily a favorite for a reread another day.

6179652 Yeah, the title was really the only big issue with this. It almost sounds like a comedy story, to be honest. It'd be better with a less spoiling title.

That was a tough read. I can imagine it was a tough write too. Well done.

It reminds me a bit of the short story On the Sidewalk Bleeding. Different message but similar concept. A source of inspiration perhaps?

that was good, sad, but good

6180912 The title shouldn't matter, as the tag Tragedy says it all.

6179652
Well, the title could be better (I had a similar issue with The Hanging of Twilight Sparkle... guess what it's about).

The title's fine. It's not a spoiler, as this is a tragedy, and a title is supposed to give you a glimpse or sample of the story, not be something vague that is never explained. Could it have been handled better? Yeah, but because this is a tragedy, I believe it is fine.

6180572
Heh, the medical stuff is the reason I chose Redheart to be the character. I needed a character who would know the medical stuff already.

6180912
:twilightoops:
Maybe I've grown too accustomed to writing comedies.

6181744
I've actually never read or heard of that one.
Linky?
(And yeah, it was tough to write.)

6182237
Thanks. ^.^

6182634
Hm... yeah, I guess so.
I could call it 'the alley' or 'Fillydelphia' or something.
Ooh, or maybe a derivative title: 'a dirty and poorly lit place'

New title: Nurse Redrum!
Or maybe not...
Redhearts river! Yeah... I like it
A nurses light? Kinda sounds like a romance.
I should've stayed in ponyville?
Goodbye, my friends?
The nurses red blood?
Redhearts exit?
The red bucket?
Deep wounds?
Scars?
It's all Hitler's fault?
I think I have a good one! Redheart's release!


It sounded better in my head

6182974
Well, the current one is catchier than any of them, except maybe The Alley.

Btw, it's probably one of the few stories tagged Tragedy that is tagged correctly.

6182974

Linky?

http://theliterarylink.com/sidewalk.html

The formatting is a bit rough but the alternative is a pdf file. You can Google the title if you want to give that a crack. I had to read this for English 101. That said, it's one of those stories that stays with you despite it's short length. Or at least it did with me. Worth a quick read imo.

Heh, the medical stuff is the reason I chose Redheart to be the character. I needed a character who would know the medical stuff already.

It's the medical knowledge that actually makes it even worse for Redheart. The average character could go through the whole thing desperately clinging onto hope. It's Redheart's knowledge and experience kicking in, realizing how bad the injuries are, her declining prognosis and exactly when she crosses the point of no recovery that practically stabs the reader with the same knife she was. But like a previous commenter was quick to catch, we're right there with her.

6183689
Very, um... helpful.

6184788
^.^ Yay for proper tagging. This one is definitely a tragedy in every sense of the word.

6185041
I'll have to read that sometime.
And I'm glad the story seems to be accomplishing what I wanted it to do.

6185041
Read it now.
And yeah, I can definitely see the similarities. ^.^

I like the bit about the jacket and the 'I'm Andy' -- that was quite good. If you'll allow me a bit of conceit, though, I think I did the actual sensations of death better. :rainbowwild:

6185239 helpful? God damn it! Erm... How do I be unhelpful I know, I can type in REALLY BIG, YEAH THAT'S ALWAYS ANNOYING



I'm sorry, for the destruction I have caused

6185555
Gee, thanks. :ajbemused:

The size isn't all that annoying, but the way the last 'G' is hanging off all alone is triggering even my small amount of OCD.

where the two sides of they alley

*the

Why couldn't they just have happened to glance at her?

Ehh.

but there's apart of me that won't accept it.

Space missing.

6203770
Oops! Thanks for pointing those out. They're fixed now.

This story made me kinda sad, and maybe even a little depressed by making me think about how fragile each life is, and how it can be suddenly and unexpectedly taken at any time. For some reason it reminds me of Tuesdays with Morrie, I should probably read that again. Hmm...

Oh, right, the Death of Best Nurse Pone. It was a good read, well made, and feeling affecting, although not uplifting at all. The only good feels I got where at the end when she at least found peace in the embrace of Death. Even if that peace was from the pain of multiple stab wounds disappearing to the encroaching numbness caused by her life literally bleeding away... :fluttercry:

I don't know what else to say except: Good job, have a green thumb and a star.

6207283
That's pretty much what I was going for in this story. ^.^ Sorry about the depression. Maybe read a few of my comedies?
At any rate, I'm glad to hear it's affecting people.

This reminds me of the death of Derek Shepherd.

6213807
Another one I'll have to read, I suppose.

6214047
It's an episode of Grey's Anatomy, not a book, lol.

6214144
Ha! Who watches that?

6214163
Meh, I watched it literally once or twice.

6208367 ahhh! I'm dead. No more Grabnock. Everypony sad.

Bleh.

6235325
Sorry about that.

This story needed to be written, though.

You know how in some stories and even in real life, people have stuff happen to them, like losing a loved one to something that could've been stopped or prevented and then decide to be that person to start making the changes necessary no matter what, just so that nobody has to endure the same thing they did?

This instills that feeling in me. As I read through it, I just hoped that somehow the description was just being misleading, that somehow she'd make it through. Then I reached the end and couldn't help but think that this does happen to people all around the world, muggings gone wrong and more and can't even begin to imagine what it must feel like. When I saw this story I thought, "Okay, someone dies. I've read plenty like that before."
But what got me the most about this entire thing is her going through all of that with no one by her side to make things easier, hell even make her smile just one more time.

Goddamn you, ocalhoun. I thought I was gonna have a happy night. :twilightangry2:

6289468
Yeah... this story is something I had to get out of my system, for sure.

The fun part: I participate in a local writers' group that gives group critiques every month, and last month's assignment was 'a death scene'. I brought this... and it was the only one that night that just left the group speechless. ^.^

6289845

I'm not even surprised. Like, at all. This is really good and I don't know why I'm not following you already. [I could've sworn I was, damnit]

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