• Member Since 22nd Dec, 2012
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The Man. The Legend. The World's Strongest Writer


Rarity fights a giant crab.

For Shandy.

AUDIOBOOK by The Mystery Fluttershy Fan

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 54 )

They make a special shampoo for that, I hear.
*gets smacked*

It is not a victory, but fight nonetheless...

This was unexpectedly deep, and then I notice the tragedy tag... I regret nothing. Well done, Shakes. :heart:

I don't have time to read this now, but I'm upvoting it because stories like this are important.

I once took a series of photos on this topic involving a Rarity blindbag figurine and an actual live blue crab from the Chesapeake Bay.

Dayum. Kind of all I can say, having battled cancer myself and won.
I didn't know that history behind Mandy Patinkin. That's actually really cool.
Also feel like I should put this here.

I... oh, okay yeah that was depressing


Let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid scientific evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true! :duck:

Well, this looks interesting! A bit different than my usual fare but I like seafood as much as the next guy. I think I got turned on looking at Vaporeon once. I can read this!

Rarity assured her, "Well of course I'm listening, darling!

Recommended change:

"Well, of course I'm listening, darling!" Rarity assured her. "(rest of the paragraph)

Otherwise, you have a comma then another comma after well which looks kinda ugly.

"Sometimes I feel like you care more about your mane than you do about about me,"

Comma after 'sometimes".

Rarity blanched. "Sweetie Belle! Don't say such things! You know you're the most important pony in my world! And I'm sorry if I've ever given you any reason to doubt that! That's what today's all about, after all. Catching up on lost time. You've gotten older, and we've both been so busy with our adult lives, it's easy for the time to slip away from us. That's why we're taking the time to do this. After all, if we do not ever take time, how can we ever have time?"

I'd introduce this backstory as narration as opposed to dialogue, to be honest, fam. Being used as spoken dialogue just makes me wonder how they made it all the way onto the train before discussing the issue of why they're there.

Sweetie Belle pointed at the dot on her map nearest the train station. "Let's look at the Historical Arms and Armor museum! I need to do some research for our history lesson at school."

Ahh, headcanon. My very reason to exist aside from reading... that other stuff. Looking forward to reading your take on Equestria's war-making capabilities.

Being the director of the school's glee club brought her all the joy she wanted, and at the end of the day, that was what mattered. But her primary duty was still that of a teacher for multiple subjects.

Headcanon accepted. Never liked the old fanon of Sweetie Belle being stupid. Very offensive and unsupported by the lore, particularly every season past 2.

Sweetie Belle cleared her throat and her older sister could hear her tone of voice shift into 'teacher mode', "Well, as the story goes, on the night that Nightmare Moon rebelled against Princess Celestia, she arranged the stars in the sky to depict the twelve great foes that she had defeated as the Princess of the Night! Which we call constellations!"

That is awesome. Headcanon accepted.

"Adjudicator? Goodness, that's a spelling bee word if ever I've heard one!" Rarity exclaimed.

We like Rarity for her body.

"CRAB!" a Baltimare citizen screamed as he galloped at full speed down the street, followed by several dozen more panicked ponies. "GIANT CRAB!"

Cancer strikes Baltimare! Kick Cancer's ass, Rarity!

"Rarity, look what's happening out there!" Sweetie said.

"To somepony else! It's happening to somepony else!"

Sweetie Belle elbowed her cowering sister and pulled herself free. "We're all somepony else, to somepony else!"

That's surprisingly insightful commentary coming from Sweetie Belle.

It reared up a front leg to stab at her again and the rolled away to dodge it.

Missing word.

To the guy who downvoted my comment: I was asked to proofread it. Chill.

Opening the door to oncology, Rarity could barely bring herself to look at her little sister in the hospital bed. Her eyes followed the chemo IV line down to her hoof under the warming blanket. Rarity felt her jaw tense again.

I had a strong feeling this story was about literal cancer when I read that line of Luna's:

This is not a monster that is defeated by destroying what we hate, but by saving that which we love.

Very poignant words.

I see no more errors in this story. Your symbolism is very powerful and your sense and scale of combat scenes were simply impressive and I found the story very moving, even if I normally avoid tragic stories to the point of pathological fear. I wish your wife all the strength she can muster so that she can beat this horrible cancer and feel she's lucky to have a guy like you around to lend her yours.

Stay strong for those you love. And fuck cancer!


I wife your wife all the strength

For all the proofreading of his work, your comment cracked me up.

I need a proofreader for my own comments. Fixed.

What a gut punch of a turnaround. Awesome job, 10/10 tears achieved

A powerful message in a very touching story. As you and your wife continue the fight, remember you aren’t alone.

God luck and thank you, Shakes.

That was my first thought too.

Don't let the downvotes get to you. Those people just don't get the reference.

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Thank you.

I haven’t read anything yet so I was really expecting to see a comedy tag for a story with a title and image like this. Colour me intrigued and worried for what’s to come, it’ll definitely be a good trip though from what these comments and the like/dislike ratio say.

For those who might not get the reference, Rarity fighting a giant crab was a huge meme about 8 years ago, right up there with Luna's abacus and Trixie eating pine cones.

And the punchline is a shout-out to The Princess Bride.

Just remember, giant enemy crab, attack its weakpoint for massive damage.

She found it inconceivable, or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you.

But let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid scientific documented evidence. So you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true, WHERE WAS I?

"I want my sister back, you son of a bitch!"

Offer her money, yes. Power too, promise her that, all that the crab has and more, please. Offer her everything she asks for…

Did I say that I loved this? Cause I loved this.

I read the title, and then I read the description, then I sat still for about a minute before bursting out with laughter. I have yet to even read the story.

The ancient meme returns.

Huhhhhhhhh…. That was weirdddddd…

I got none of the references in this story but I figured out pretty soon it was about cancer. I must say I have a deeper appreciation for the fic knowing it has all these subtle comedic references in it.

This kills the Sweetie. :raritydespair:

Didn't expect to see this come back...had me saying "Fuck yes!" when I saw it.

Oh...ohhh I should have waited to comment...Cancer, wish I could say more than good luck but with all things serious with no good answer ...words fail me.


about 8 years ago

Fucking hell it's been that long? I remember when the joke just showed up out of the blue.

This was not what I expected. You made me cry man.

Why you got to do Sweetie Belle like that?

I saw this story thinking it was gonna be like the DBZ Abridged "KILLING CRABBBS! IN THE OCEAN!" But what I got was... My name is Inigo Montoya... You killed my father, prepare to die.

I dunno if this chapter is also a slight reference to Princess Bride, since Inigo Montoya's father died of cancer and him stabbing the Count was like killing the cancer that took his father. But i'm gonna assume and hope it is. And even if not, well done.

Unexpected and quite amazing twist. I knew the first part was a dream but I didn't quite put the pieces together despite you leaving plenty of tip offs. That's good story crafting, combined with a deep subject that I think was handled wonderfully. Exceptional.

Expectation: lul memez
Reality: deep, sad metaphors
Conclusion: cancer fyaying sucks

Trixie eating pinecones will never not be funny.

See, this is what I call a good Rarity fic, and if MLP was a more mature show, I bet this would've been an episode.
Not gonna lie, in the first chapter, Rarity was really ooc, then when Luna talked with her and the chapter progressed, I said "Hmm, this is clearly a metaphor, considering Sweetie also said crab instead of cancer".Then, not only the "metaphorical" fight was epic, but in the epilogue, we clearly see Rarity's defining quality:generosity.Some people would say "but she's her sister, of course she donated her hair", but keep in mind that Rarity is very vanitous and loves her mane.Heck, the first chapter opens with her styling her mane.And another point:The fact that she chose to donate all her hair to Sweetie and show herself bald, instead of getting a wig for herself, is truly admirable.I loved it!!
Also, the part with her saying"It should've been me" broke my heart.

Tiss has already been said! But in spirit of the joke I will! Honestly surprised I've read none of your story's.

Metaphorical and literal. Well glad I read it even if them implication is on a sadder note. So my Elden ring joke may have been a tad misplaced

Sweetie Belle didn't want to look, but did so all the same. Terrified ponies in the streets ran for their very lives as a giant claw reached down to pluck them up by their manes, one by one. The other claw, razor sharp, reached over and cut their hair clean off, letting them fall several stories back to the hard ground. The lucky ones died on impact. Those less fortunate were left screaming in the pain of several broken bones and the slow death of internal injuries.

Holy smokes.
That took a sudden sharp turn!!

Just where did this meme come from, anyway?

Recorded for the audiobook version.

Something seemed missing from this story...

Oh yeah,

"then they had sweet incest sex..."

Oh wait there is an epilogue, microphone back on.

Fuck cancer indeed.

It's still missing "and then they made hot sisterly love"

Epilogue 2 perhaps?

God this is so expressive, written like a random psychotic shitpost yet you just immediately recognize a nightmare.

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