• Member Since 6th May, 2014
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago

Enigmatic Otaku


Write stories. Acquire followers and moderate horsefame.

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Having narrowly escaped the successful coup dealt by her treacherous cousin Duke Blueblood, Princess Rarity and her younger sister Sweetie Belle, try to escape their beloved kingdom of Soothsay.

Unfortunately, the two get separated, and to find her sister Rarity is forced to enlist the aid of a demon, something she thought to have only existed in the realm of fantasy.

The demon is more than willing to help her, of course... for the right price.


Collab between myself and Earthsong9405.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 97 )

Interesting story concept, I look forward to reading more. That said I noticed a few minor spelling errors.

The basic story concept reminds me of the manga "Kuroshitsuji". Though this is obiusly its own thing.

9103281
I've seen Black Butler, yeah. But I'm aiming for something different than that.

Great plot so far, no pun intended, I like the new character realization that you guys did I hope this story goes far!! :ajsmug:

This is delicious.

well this was a hell of a start

Twilight reminds me of Hellsing Ultimate Alucard. Lawful Evil, perfectly calm and civil, smooth voice, very elegant and refined, but you KNOW there's a beast inside waiting to be unleashed, and when it is, savagery will occur. And when it does, pray you are not in the crossfire.

Is twilight going to make a mare out of Rarity XD?

The first line of your description needs some work. You have like 300% too many commas there.

What a way to begin a story... I like it!
Upvoted and faved!

Do you plan to have an update schedule for this story?

Loved the way you started this story's first chapter.... Just one thing though : are the characters in pony form or human form? Because it is very confusing because you mention ' pony ' when Rarity refers to people around her. But you mention ' hand ', ' fingertips ' & ' arm ' which indicates that they are humans. So if you get that cleared with a few minor spelling mistakes, this is a story that I'm greatly looking forward to! xxxx

9103727
It seems that they hold humanoid shapes, but refer to themselves as equines.

Can't wait to see more of this.

Okay that was incredibly enjoyable hehehe~

9103782
If I had to guess, they’re more akin to satyrs right now. They’re upright, have humanoid torsos and hands, but have hooves, horns/wings/none, and probably pony ears.

9104033

9103727

They’re anthro. Look up furries, and it will give you the idea. They are ponies, but they stand on two legs, and have hands/arms like humans.

9104104
There’s a generally-accepted 5 point sliding scale for mlp anthro with humans on one end and ponies on the other.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/5/5/317498__safe_artist-colon-shepherd0821_rarity_anthro_anthro+chart_beatnik+rarity_beret_bipedal_bottomless_breasts_busty+rarity_clothes_dress_female_gar.jpeg I was guessing that we were the step next to humans.

9103727
img00.deviantart.net/960b/i/2018/223/4/c/anthrotag_by_enderren-dcjv1qr.png
This is the anthro tag. Anthro is short for Anthropomorphic which is a body type that's halfway between human and feral. For examples, search up 'anthro' in your search engine of choice. Or if you don't want to do that, think furries. They're generally anthropomorphized animals. Or if you don't even know what that is, think Disney's Robin Hood with the animals, or Zootopia for an even more recent example.

Edit: If I sound terse, I apologize. I find it annoying when people don't check the tags of a story. If they were human then the author would use the "Human" or "EQG" tags. If they were ponies, then they wouldn't use either of those tags.

Hmm. This looks promising.

9104117
Going by the cover art and that this, by the author's description, is made in collaboration with the fan artist Earthsong9405, they seem to be closer to the middle step in the scale you're describing. The cover art, essentially, without the demonic elements. Earthsong's other anthro art would be a reliable indicator of what they look like. They still have prominent muzzles and fully horselike legs, and largely look like upright equines more than humans with pony features.

78.media.tumblr.com/1635cd3b34ff372d9b35678cf95d495d/tumblr_p8g4ne65rF1se0w0bo1_500.jpg
78.media.tumblr.com/9152d8ec372d55477346a8df32ecc504/tumblr_p7gkto6jMb1se0w0bo1_500.jpg
pre00.deviantart.net/8d44/th/pre/i/2017/171/f/6/my_sweet_babygirl_by_earthsong9405-dbdeqge.jpg
img00.deviantart.net/c6ad/i/2017/129/c/2/mane_6_lineup__road_trip__project__by_earthsong9405-db867ye.jpg

*reads description* this should be interesting
I don't have time to read it now, I will read it after work.

I am very entertained. Please continue soon!!!

At this point, whats left but a rarity hate fic? (If its your thing, its your thing. Sadly, rarity isnt my favorite, but she gets a rather large selection of hate rods aimed her way.)

Body's not hers, spirit, depending on your views, likely danged, and someone that has no real reason to keep her alive. Really, there are no reasons here that you've given. Honestly, the demon has no reason to care, and every reason to collect. Her soul, maybe okay, views depending, but really, whats left but digging at the barrel's bottom here?

It's just past this point, suffer to make the character suffer, or a dark for darks sake. Poor dark tag.

It's not a bad premise, or idea. Far from it. It could work.

But there's no reason for twi here to bother, she's won. For nothing on her part. Collect and go home, whats stopping her? Nothing.

9104333
From what I’ve gathered, the Demon needs an anchor so that she can stick around on the mortal plane. first a temporary one in the summoning circle and a more permanent one branded into Rarity. Whatever her motivations, Rarity is a means to an end. We don’t know what Twilight intends for sure but she clearly has designs of some sort on Blueblood or Soothsay or both and Rarity is useful in two ways to that end. One the aforementioned anchor and two, she’s of royal blood and connected directly to Blueblood which makes her important and capable of causing waves unlike any other random mortal. Clearly she needed Rarity to offer herself physically or she wouldn’t have shot down every other offer or she would have shot that one down too and just went on her way back to wherever.

Looking the tags, i can only hope Twilight's plan for Rarity is courtship... to what end, i cannot speculate.... instate a Royal family of Half-demons, for the sake of control? Actual companionship?

I'd like the latter, but that's just me being Bias towards stories regarding Demons being a bit more... human then they seem at first, and extremely unorthodox Pairings...

i think I'll be following this regardless, tho i would not mind if you gave me a Heads Up as to weather or not that's where this is going in a PM, so i know what mindset to approach this Tale with.:yay:

You know what would be fantastic? If everyone could set filters for their own featured box. That way no-one ever has to see the types of stories they dislike on the front page anymore.

9104033

humanoid

Hence my choice of words.

well thats just great.... yet another story to follow... *sigh* i make that sound like a bad thing dont i? cause its not, far from it. i'm loving this quite a bit and its just the begining. Cant wait to see where and how it progresses. ^^

More. I wanna see demon Twi court Rarity.

9104152
Well there is one major difference. Earthsong doesn't doesn't put breasts on her characters where in the story Twilight explicitly grabs her boob.

9104388
Isn't it also a thing a lot of the time that demons cannot lie? They are masters of twisting words but can't lie?

I'm a simple man when it comes to ponies. I see a RariTwi fic inspired by Earthsong, I upvote and read it.
And then usually favorite it. As I did with this one :pinkiehappy:

More soon, right? :raritystarry:

9104117
I'd say a 3.5. They've hooves and muzzles, but otherwise quite human proportions and fully clothed, going by the cover image. Also, rarity has a coat.

9104333

But there's no reason for twi here to bother, she's won. For nothing on her part. Collect and go home, whats stopping her? Nothing.

Apparently, the fact that she wants a good view of the events that are about to happen in Soothsay, and that she feels that staying close to Rarity is her best chance of getting the best in-depth perspective.

You are mine, Rarity, and nothing will ever change that, but I have no plans of whisking you away. At least not now, anyway.

The demon scratched its chin. “Mm, no. Not quite. A lot of interesting things are happening in this city, many forces at play, and I plan to be here in person, to bear witness for when the powder keg explodes. That said, I sense that I’ll get a front row seat to most of these developments if I stick close to you.”

So, what's stopping her from taking Rarity off to wherever? Nothing, yes -- but if she does so, her chance to get a nice, backstage view of the imminent succession crisis goes right out the window. As such, it seems in her best interests to leave Rarity where she is until the crisis is over and done -- and who knows how long that'll take.

9103281
I get that vibe too, and I agree with you, Author, you are indeed going for something different. Anyhow, this is epic. I'm gonna fav and follow this.

9105033
While we have no evidence to suggest twilight is bound in such a way I imagine lying would be anathema to her sphere of influence.

9104333
There are more to Demons in some works then just Soul-stealing.... in D&D for example, and some Mythology IRL, Demons, or more specifically Devils(Which are lawful evil, Demons are Chaotic Evil), can instead ask for all sort of... odd, seemingly harmless things rather then your soul... tho no matter how harmless it may seem, be it a Object or a Action, it will always lead to something Horrible happening.

Twilight here may in fact wish to use Rarity, her Position, and Motivation to further her own Goals and Objectives in ways she can not Normally do so, as another has mentioned, using her as a Mobile Anchor-point to stay in the Physical World instead of whatever realm she Hales from.

Maybe she wants to help Rarity regain her Right to the throne, so she can rule through her, effectively making the entire Kingdom hers?

I think she masterfully manipulated Rarity here, by expectantly rejecting her offer of her soul.

9103782

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Thank you for taking your time to explain the Anthro concept to me.... It was very helpful :twilightsmile: xxxx

Huh, a very interesting start. A bit rushed, but definitely interesting.
So if Twilight is a demon of knowledge, what would Applejack be? Demon of apples? :applejackconfused:

9105192
It's hard to say what goals and desires this flavor of demon has given our scanty evidence. For my own speculation, I feel like Twilight would have given info that simple for some favors (favors of a princess, mind you, even if one on the outs), but Rarity's biased mind went straight to slavery and it's not like a demon is going to say no to that.

9105388
demon of lies and truths.

I have a bit of critique for this, I hope that it's realized that this is meant to be constructive, some people don't take kindly to criticism and I'm not know you at all to tell if you take it in stride or not, I hope you will.


First the main point of Critique, you started the story at the wrong point:

To put it simply, we had no time to get any connections to any characters or to see how rarities life changed from the Coup, or even if rarities father was a good king. inorder for big story plot points to have any sort of impact you need.

  • to build up to it, not have it come from nowhere
  • be interested in the characters going threw the sitchuation
  • know enough about the circumstances to be able to understand what is happening and why it's happening (Somewhat optionally in some stories where the why and how is the main driving point of the story, in witch case it's explained later)

this fails on most of these points.

I would have suggested starting the story or having a prologue set before the Coup, introduce some guards that rarity is friendly with that later die in the Coup or even betray her, show maids that care for her and even help her escape, Show her parents.
Really showing the king and Queen would help a lot as for all we know Blueblood is in the right (slightly joking here, just making a point) Blueblood was able to get enough of the officials on his side to stage a successful Coup with a frontal attack, he didn't even secretly assassinate the king first he just assaulted the palace,showing that he had a lot of support. furthermore the common citizens are easily bought over from the previous king with some alcohol and a "the new king says the old king was bad" witch shows that the old king may not have been "Good" in the general populaces eyes.

again a way to fix this would be to show the king before the coup, handing out strict yet fair rulings being a good king and stuff. Heck, show Blueblood committing evils and planting evidence showing that the old king ordered it, and the have Blueblood manipulate people onto his side, it would give us more reason to care for the king,route for rarity and hate Blueblood, while also making him a better antagonist, other than just, "He's power hungry and now Coup, while buying the populace with beer and lies."

Other than that I enjoyed the majority of the chapter and will be awaiting the next one, I may advise you to at some point add a prologue showing the king and deepening the evils of blueblood to make him a better bad guy, maybe show that he truly believed that the old king was weak, something better then "Power hungry" as that seems a bit lazy, sure not really a needed point depending on where you take the story.


now a few nitpicks I had that don't really matter:
1: Sweetie calling her parents "Mom and Dad", as they are princesses I'd assume that they'de be drilled with classes on "How to act" from a very young age, meaning it would probably be habit to call there parents "Mother and Father" as it's more official sounding, more proper, you know. though again it doesn't really matter.

2: how the demon was summoned, I got to admit, accidentally summoning a demon was a bit underwhelming, not saying you should change it it works fine but as the title of the story is "The Soothsay Pact"I was expecting the summoning of the demon to be something used be rarity's ancestors and had been a "Forbidden" thing passed down that she was forced to use, again, don't change anything here as it still works perfectly fine.


Once again, I will continue to follow the story and I hope my Critique can help you in some way, good luck with writing.

9105033
Most demons/devils can and WILL lie unless it directly opposes their branch, like a devil/demons of judgment, and often knowledge will not lie, but often refuse to say certain bits of information or dance around the subject.
Where a demon of vengeance, desire, and sloth will lie to you without a second thought.

Some demons and devil enjoy using the truth as often times, it's far more harmful to the person and easier to manipulate them than to keep a lie up.

9106290
Or booze and indulgence. Demanding offer for her namesake.:ajsmug:

9106395
wouldn't indulgence be more Pinkie's thing? Huh, perhaps they could be a duo. Demon cousins of vices.

This is an incredibly interesting setup for a story, definitely has me hooked!

Yea it's pretty good.

Alicorn demons. Luna and Celestia must be fun, Cadence is likely a succubus... and then there is little Flurry... Gods help the poor fools that summon her.

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