• Member Since 31st May, 2016
  • offline last seen Last Thursday

HorseStories


You can't prove my stories aren't good.

T

Living as an outcast is hard. Living in fear of becoming an outcast is harder. For Sweetie Belle, discovery would mean ostracization from society, family and friends. This story follows the life of Sweetie Belle and the ponies in it, in an alternate universe where Equestria upholds strict moral values.

Warning: contains the crushing of dreams.

There are quite a few plot spoilers in the comments below. I advise against reading them until you've finished the story. I don't delete comments except for blatant attempts to ruin the ending, spam or shitposting, so read at your own peril...

Chapters (18)
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Comments ( 113 )

Well ... this is quite chilling. All the more so because there was a time when my own country was like this; it's scary to think that this could be your life, if only you were born a few decades earlier.
I'll track this. I don't know if I'll be able to keep reading if conversion therapy comes up; I have a bit of an anxiety issue about that subject, and I often find I can't emotionally handle stories about it. I will at least attempt to do so; you've got a very realistically done story going here.

It's pretty well done for a first fiction here. Grade so far is at least 7/10

7267915
Thanks!
7267908
Conversion therapy is scheduled to be a part of the story, so I will include a warning at the start of any relevant chapters.

Warning: contains the crushing of dreams.

Why was this spoiled out?

7270899
Mostly for humor. If a chapter contains potentially sensitive material, there will be a warning at the start of the chapter.

Somebody just got lobotomized, I'm pretty sure you need to add the dark tag to this.

Sweetie wasn't sure she aspired to anything anymore.

This is, I think, the most emotionally accurate line in this chapter. If you constantly dwell on how you don't have a future, it becomes impossible to hope for things to come. The future ceases to exist as anything other than the certainty of whatever it is you fear.

7271206
Come to think of it, you're probably right. Added Dark tag.

The medical textbooks are Sweetie Belle's Tantabus; her reminder to be vigilant.
I don't know what Fluttershy could possibly do for her, and from the sounds of it, neither does she. Maybe just knowing that not everypony hates what she is will be helpful. I've never been in an environment that was so hostile, I really wouldn't know.

7274137
Fluttershy is not supposed to be perfect, but that's because this story wouldn't be interesting if she was. Fluttershy knows that Sweetie Belle needs a confidante, and abuses this position to make Sweetie Belle do as she asks.
Fluttershy is capable of helping Sweetie Belle, but there's no guarantee her help won't cause further problems down the line.

Why is the dialogue in single quotes? :applejackconfused:

7275693 Really? That's both interesting and confusing. :twilightblush:

'I think... I think i'm ugly'.

There are two instance of 'i'm' instead of 'I'm' in this chapter, both fairly close to each other. :twilightsmile:

7275712
Gotcha. I'll read through the story and edit.

Much as I hate to say this, there was a little bit of justification from thousands of years back about why homosexuality was forbidden (you probably know all this, but I'll be pedantic with my general knowledge anyway. Skip it if you do know). It had to do with the high mortality of infants and wars with other tribes; they needed every baby they could get, so any sex that didn't make babies was frowned upon, which is also where we get our weird masturbation shame. It's also why we have the word 'sodomy', a dirty name given to anal or oral penetration, which of course doesn't make babies either. As well, there's the Jewish and later Christian and Islam ideal that greed is a cardinal sin: nobody believed there was such a thing as an exclusive homosexual, they just thought (and some still do think, I know this is the main theory on homosexuality in India) that if someone was erotically interested in the same sex, they must have an obsessive craving for any sex at all. They are considered 'sex gluttons'.
Though, Equestria doesn't have any Judeo-Christian roots to draw their archaic morality from, so I guess that wouldn't do for your headcanon. Still, if you don't mind my saying, it seems a little unrealistic that there's no justification for Fluttershy to give. I know there isn't any rationally, but common practice and prejudice does have to come from somewhere.

7275773
I fully agree with you when it comes to the reason for homophobia existing in our world, but there isn't really a religion in Equestria that I could use as a pretext for the homophobia existing, so I decided to chalk the preexisting homophobia up to 'Traditional Values' rather than invent a religion, which I felt would either:
a) Feel flimsy and fake, as I have invented this religion (which would of course have to play a major role in the story) as a plot device to explain the taboo on homosexuality, or:
b) Take a long time to create (and feel like an established religion that has stood the test of time), and would likely conflict massively with established canon (which would require more rewriting).
Additionally, Sweetie Belle isn't really asking why the rules were invented in the first place, but why they still stand today.
Still, thanks a lot for the feedback on this chapter. This isn't meant to be a definitive guide to my headcanon, just some important details. I'm likely to expand on the headcanon later on, though I doubt I'll be dedicating any chapters to it again.

Nice to see some lore going here.

One typo noticed:

'Oh no. Fluttershy, I have to go. I promised my parents i'd be home early - they're gonna think I've been at the library again!'

You might want to add a Fluttershy character tag if you haven't, since she seems important to the story.

OH NO THIS CAN'T BE GOOD OH MY GOSH I WANT TO HELP SWEETIE BELLE SO BAD WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY FEELINGS?! :raritydespair:

How about a nice tall glass of nope

Sweetie didn't know how effective these operations were in general, but in the case of Hoity Toity, it had landed him in a mental asylum for life.

So....not very.

You have only one course of action left to you Sweetie Belle! I know you can do it!

Everypony else was right. Sweetie Belle was a freak. No, worse than that, she was a bad pony. She was evil.

This is why they shouldn't have voted Donald Trump for princess.

This is really intriguing, I will definitely track and fav this!

7279060
MAKE EQUESTRIA GREAT AGAIN!
derpicdn.net/img/2015/10/16/1003028/thumb.jpg
(Seriously fuck that guy)
7279202
Thanks for the fav!

This chapter of Just a Phase brought to you by A Clockwork Orange.

This was one of the first stories that actually disgusted me because of the content. It saddens me that this could actually happen, and terrifies me more as I am a homesexual(Ish) person. Me, the guy who went through things like Cupcakes and the many versions of Fallout Equestria, Butterflies, etc, and felt fine, conversion therapy terrified me.

Well, as far as I'm concerned Sweetie Belle is now justified if she ever decides to murder her father or that therapist guy.

7280545 I saw that movie far too young.
I couldn't read that straight ... my stomach hurts ... at least you warned us. I think otherwise I'd be much worse off. Thanks for that.

7280896 Yeah, I know what you mean. It's different when it's real, and as selfish as it sounds to say, different when you know it could be you. I once was watching a testimonial video from someone who was put through some brutal aversion therapy, and I just couldn't handle it when he started talking about what they did to him. I had a minor panic attack and nearly threw up.
It's not that I wouldn't care otherwise, because it's horrible when that happens to anyone. But it's substantially worse knowing that if my parents were different people, I might've been tortured like that when I came out to them. And there are a lot of people in the world who honestly believe that this sort of abuse would be the best thing for people like us. That's the most sickening part, to me: people who do things like Cosmic Spark just did to Sweetie Belle, they think they're helping.
That kind of personal connection hits harder than any other kind of horror: it's hardly surprising.

Oh, great Celestia, finally a breath of hope ...
I'm already anticipating that it will be crushed, but we needed something that wasn't horrifying after all this.

Most foals he 'worked with' ended up committing suicide, anyway. This did not concern him, either -

And, I suppose I can forget the idea that this lunatic thinks he's helping.

7275678 They seem to be interchangable in terms of which are used as long as they are consistent within the same document. I think a lot of books use single quotes. Garry Kilworth (published author) uses single. See this article.

When the ethics of a society become the opposite (unethical).

Be free Sweetie Belle! :raritydespair:

What a dreadful place this version of Ponyville and Equestria in general is. Poor Sweetie Belle :fluttercry:

Wow, what a terrible, terrible series of plot twists. I do believe I hate every character involved here.

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I don't wish to give the wrong impression; I'm considering unfollowing this story. You should add the tragedy tag if you have no intentions of having the protagonist's situation improve at all and if all their struggles don't amount to anything.

*edit* Trick Question recently reclassified a story of hers to Tragedy, and she wrote a blog post about explaining the purpose and intention of the tragedy tag, and how it isn't a spoiler but instead a function of identifying the internal progression of the story. You might be interested in reading it:

https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/638621/tragedy

7286820
I wasn't including the Tragedy tag, as I do actually plan for this story to have a happy ending, but I can see the point. I'll add a Tragedy tag to the story.

This was a damn good story, read the whole first part. I'm not sure what it is about it, but the story is consistently interesting and well paced, excellent job. As if I'm a skillful enough writer to be making these judgements, but whatever.

Dear Comet Spark

Get raped into mush you sadistic twisted worthless piece of fuck.

Sincerely:

Even Hitler who thinks you're too evil.

All right, Sweetie Belle. This train calls at Fillydelphia, so why don't we stop there for a bit?

You wouldn't...

Sweetie Belle had been waiting at the cafe for nearly an hour now.

..... Fucking hell, is there no one outside of Sweetie Belle and Fluttershy with decent morals in this world?

7286845 I'd remove the sad one then. This isn't a cheap attempt at feels* or something that makes me sob, it is much more tragic in the events that happen. If you wanted to keep the same amount of tags but change the sad one so it doesn't look like a typical cheap feels fic* I'd add a Drama tag instead and since there doesn't appear to be any Romance (or at least none yet), only the discussion of Romance then perhaps the Drama tag would go better there.

*Many poorly written cheap-feel sadfics are mislabeled and have all of these tags. This isn't cheap or poorly written so you might not want to add confusion there. Some stories do need all three tags but this isn't one of them.

7287323
Ah, the luxury of choice. I think I'll do a full reshuffle of the tags before starting part 2.

7287361 Indeed! I'm one of those folks who's quite obesesive when it comes to getting the skittle tags just right. :trollestia:

I had come across this story after gaining more information about homophobia and the things that happen to homosexuals in this day and age. I went to the "Homophobia Stories" group on this site and, sure enough, found this among the many short stories.

I am one who enjoys length in a story. While I do indeed love short stories that are very interesting, long ones have always been the kind for me.

Here we have a multi-chaptered story, in which a character who isn't overused is facing a relevant problem that I was actually looking for. I've struck gold, haven't I?

Now, if I am completely honest here, well, I didn't have much of a strong emotional response. I shook my head every few paragraphs, and that was that. However, here's the important part: I was still interested. I couldn't abandon this story. No way no how. This was quite the read, as it is well written, well paced, and overall, a great story.

I can't wait for more.

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