Just a Phase

by HorseStories

Part 1, Chapter 2 - Confidante

Sweetie Belle arrived at her home just as the first stars were appearing in the sky. As soon as she shut the door, her parents appeared in the hallway. As Sweetie expected, they were wearing the usual masks of concern and exasperation at her late arrival - the third this week.

'Sweetie Belle, for Celestia's sake. Don't tell me you've been at the library again.'

'I'm just studying, dad'. Sweetie had been through this conversation many times, and knew that if she just repeatedly stated she was studying medicine, then her parent's would give up and let her be.

'Sweetie Belle, you know, all this studying isn't healthy. We're beginning to worry it's having an... effect on you.'

'Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom told Applejack that yesterday you were... upset. And Applejack told us.'

'Applejack said you told Apple Bloom that you were concerned about your appearance. But frankly, I just don't believe that's true.'

'Your teachers told us she saw at least three colts try to give you a card last Hearts and Hooves day, and that you rebuffed every single one of them.'

Damn. I knew that would come back to me.

'Sweetie Belle, I think I know what is going on here.'

Panic rose in Sweetie Belle, who turned to face her father. Don't panic, Sweetie thought, there's no way he could have guessed.

'Sweetie Belle, you are spending far to much time working. You've become quiet and distant and frankly I don't like it. From now on, you are no longer allowed to go to the library after school, and I want you to spend more time with your friends and other ponies your age.'

Relief replaced fear inside Sweetie Belle - her parents still had no clue.

For the next ten minutes, she argued with her parents, putting up the expected token resistance, but in the end, she relented and agreed to avoid the library.

Not that it matters anyway Sweetie Belle thought, reaching under her bed and pulling out photocopies of Equestrian Psychosurgery.

Nothing could keep her from her books.

---

'Sweetie Belle, are you okay? Ya look real tired'.

'I'm fine, Apple Bloom.'

'Okay, so are we all agreed? Cutie Mark Crusader Dog Groomers!'

'One problem, Scootaloo. Where are we gonna get some dogs to practice on?'

'Uh, Fluttershy, obviously'.

'Ya think Fluttershy is gonna let you loose on her dogs?'

'Fluttershy's a total pushover, of course she will'.

'Whaddya think, Sweetie Belle?'

Sweetie Belle was far too tired to express a personal opinion, so she just mumbled in agreement with Scootaloo.

'Okay, so it's settled. We go see Fluttershy!'

Sweetie Belle still enjoyed being with her friends in the Cutie Mark Crusaders. It was something that, for her, had never lost its allure, its appeal or its fun. Sweetie Belle found it was easy to forget all about her other worries when she was crusading.

---

Sweetie Belle, it soon transpired, was not very good at dog grooming. Within the first fifteen minutes, she was covered in bites and scratch marks. Scootaloo and Apple Bloom made it look so easy.

Finally, Sweetie took a break after being bitten one too many times, and was lead away by Fluttershy to clean her bites.

Fluttershy was normally a shy pony, but around fillies, she could be quite animated. She chatted freely to Sweetie Belle about school, her animals, the CMC and their various attempts to get their cutie marks.

Sweetie Belle was at first reluctant to talk, but soon got into the sway of the conversation. As she talked, she was struck by an idea.

Fluttershy, Sweetie thought, couldn't hate me. Even for something like this. After all, she is the element of kindness...

Sweetie needed to test the waters, to gauge Fluttershy's opinion. She couldn't just ask, that would be too obvious. She needed a way to steer the conversation where she wanted it.

'So, Sweetie, how is Rarity getting along?'

Perfect.

'Umm, yeah, she's doing fine. I heard she's working with a new designer now.'

'Really? That's nice.'

'Yeah, she's been working with the old one forever, ever since Hoity Toity stopped working with her.'

Fluttershy grew visibly uncomfortable. 'Really?'

'Yeah, I don't know what happened to Hoity Toity. Rarity won't speak about him any more'.

'Well Sweetie Belle, I'm sure she had a good reason-'

'What did happen to Hoity Toity?'

'Sweetie Belle, I'm not sure we should be discussing this-'

'Please? I'm not a foal anymore, Fluttershy.'

Fluttershy sighed. 'Okay, Sweetie Belle.'

'Hoity Toity was arrested, Sweetie Belle.' Sweetie Belle feigned shock at this revelation.

'He was arrested for being a coltcuddler'.

Fluttershy closed the door to where the other two were, so she would not be overheard.

'Don't tell anypony else that I said this, Sweetie Belle. Understand?'

'Uh-huh?'

'Sweetie, you're just a filly, and so I imagine the world - for you - seems simple and straightforward. There are good people, and bad people. But as you get older, you're going to see that 'Good' and 'Bad' are subjective. Sometimes, ponies are punished for doing things that might seem good. Hoity Toity's only crime was fostering a little more love into the world, but just because of that, he can't talk, walk or eat properly any more. Does that seem fair to you?'

'Uhh... well... I guess not. No.'

'Of course it doesn't seem fair, Sweetie. That's because it isn't fair. Just because the police, the courts, even the princesses say something is wrong, doesn't mean it is wrong...'

Around this point, Sweetie Belle stopped listening, to busy focusing on the bubble of joy swelling within her. For the first time in her life, Sweetie had found a pony who was sympathetic. Surely, she could confide in Fluttershy. Fluttershy wouldn't judge her, or bully her, or tell anypony. The fact that it had taken all these years for Sweetie to think of asking Fluttershy, kindest pony in town AND the element of kindness, made her want to laugh.

'Fluttershy.' Sweetie Belle cut across the chatter. 'Do you really mean all that?'

'Of course, Sweetie Belle'.

'Okay'. Sweetie Belle prepared the words in her mind, and waited.

But for the first time, no nightmarish images presented themselves in her mind. Sweetie knew that finally, she had found someone she could trust.

'Fluttershy, I think I-'

'Hey Sweetie!' Scootaloo called out from the front room. 'We're gonna head back to the treehouse. You coming?'

'Uh... not right now!' Sweetie called back. 'My, uh, my leg still kinda hurts, so I'll meet you there later?'

'Are you okay, Sweetie Belle? Do you want us to get a doctor? I saw your leg was bleeding pretty bad, maybe we should-'

'No, I'm fine!' Sweetie Belle replied hastily, desperate to resume her conversation. 'Just go on ahead, you two!'

'Okay, if you're sure.' Scootaloo replied. She sounded concerned, but Sweetie Belle heard the door open and close, and finally she was alone with Fluttershy.

Sweetie Belle turned to Fluttershy, and without a moment's hesitation, said:

'Fluttershy, I think I'm gay'.

---

Over the next hour, Sweetie Belle talked about everything that had happened since Cinnamon Star's wedding. From the first talk with Rarity to the argument she had had with her parents the previous night. Fluttershy was the perfect listener, never once interrupting to ask questions or to criticize Sweetie for something she had done. She just listened, occasionally offering a supportive smile, and once or twice expressing a look of concern or horror, especially when Sweetie mentioned her library visits, or the photocopies under her bed.

Finally, when Sweetie had finished, and there was no more tale to tell, Fluttershy spoke up.

'I'm so sorry, Sweetie Belle. This is just awful.'

Sweetie had been expecting judgement, not sympathy, but she allowed Fluttershy to continue.

'You don't deserve this, Sweetie. You must know that'.

Don't I? Sweetie Belle thought. Fluttershy would say that. After all, she is the element of kindness.

'I wish I could do more, Sweetie. But I just... can't. I'm sorry.'

'Fluttershy, you don't have to help me. I can manage just fine, I just wanted... someone to talk to'.

'Well, Sweetie Belle, I can help you out somewhere. You have to promise me you'll stop going to the library, and throw away those photocopies under your bed'.

'What?' Sweetie Belle was confused. 'No, I need those photocopies. You don't understand-'

'Sweetie Belle.' Fluttershy's voice cut across Sweetie with new-found authority. 'I understand perfectly, and that's why you have to stop. The way you describe it, reading the same book over and over, sometimes late into the morning... It isn't healthy, Sweetie. The only way this is going to get easier is if you stop feeding it. Understand?'

'I don't want it to get easier, I want it to get BETTER!' Sweetie cried. 'I don't want to be like this, Fluttershy!'

'Sweetie Belle, calm down!' Fluttershy retorted. 'I know what you're thinking. If you stop reading those photocopies, you might get careless and tell someone'.

Of all the things Sweetie Belle had been expecting, the right answer was not one of them.

'Wh-What?'

'Sweetie Belle, I am going to make you a deal. If, and only IF you destroy those photocopies and stop going to the library, I will help you. Otherwise, you're on your own'.

'WHAT?' Sweetie shrunk back from Fluttershy. This wasn't like Fluttershy at all, to blackmail other ponies. Sweetie Belle looked at Fluttershy pleadingly, but Fluttershy's gaze was cold and fixed.

If Sweetie Belle destroyed the photocopies, she would grow complacent, and put herself at risk.

If Sweetie Belle kept them, she would be alone again, no-one with whom she could confide in.

It took Sweetie Belle about five seconds to make a decision.

'I'll go and get the photocopies'. Sweetie was almost inaudible, but still Fluttershy knew she had got what she wanted.

'Good' Fluttershy replied briskly. 'Bring them here, and we can destroy them'.

Fluttershy waited until she heard the front door shut. She then counted to ten, and promptly burst into tears.

How horrible was she? To scare Sweetie like that, to threaten her, when she was clearly so lost and scared. Fluttershy knew that what she had done, she had done ultimately for Sweetie Belle's own good, but this thought did not soothe her at all. Fluttershy knew she the only pony Sweetie could talk to, and she had abused this position to get what she wanted out of the poor filly.

'Sweetie Belle,' she sniffled. 'I'm so sorry. I'm just like everypony else, aren't I?'

Comments

[Crescent Minor]

The medical textbooks are Sweetie Belle's Tantabus; her reminder to be vigilant.
I don't know what Fluttershy could possibly do for her, and from the sounds of it, neither does she. Maybe just knowing that not everypony hates what she is will be helpful. I've never been in an environment that was so hostile, I really wouldn't know.

[HorseStories]

7274137
Fluttershy is not supposed to be perfect, but that's because this story wouldn't be interesting if she was. Fluttershy knows that Sweetie Belle needs a confidante, and abuses this position to make Sweetie Belle do as she asks.
Fluttershy is capable of helping Sweetie Belle, but there's no guarantee her help won't cause further problems down the line.

[Acadians6545]

7274137
I have been in an environment that was that hostile about (my brother Adam) and the best thing anyone can do is listen and be supportive. Luckily my Mom always ,even back when I was super young, said that'd she'd always love me whether I was gay straight or bi.

[a pony in a man suit]

Is this supposed to be based off the US in the 40s/50s? This has a lot of eerie similarities: free looking society with near universal condemnation of homosexuality, social conservatism is dominant, gayness is a mental disease and a crime, *lobotomies*. To think this was essentially my country a lifetime ago. I wonder if there’s any controversial figures that are openly trying to change minds or even study homosexuality, like a Kinsey type.