• Member Since 7th Nov, 2015
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Akira Hayashi


Storyteller. Artist. Philosopher. Professional nerd. Hardcore My Little Pony fan. Whichever you prefer.

T

This story is a sequel to Break Your Heart


Something unforgivable happens to Fluttershy, forcing her and Rainbow to confront critical questions about themselves and each other.

My entry for the third FlutterDash group contest.

Cover art generously provided by my good friend, PastelDemon.

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 48 )

Ah man. You just brought about one of the most unimaginable concepts in existence to Fimfiction. Poor Fluttershy. I wonder how peeved the rest of her friends will be at what happened to her? One thing's for sure, Rainbow is going to make Noir for this big time.

Ahh, Loyalty. It makes you do crazy things. :pinkiecrazy:

Hello, this is one of the Judges to the currently ongoing FlutterDash contest.

I'm here to remind you that the contest ends within the next 24 hours and that you're story is marked as "Incomplete" and is therefore invalid. Please have it complete before the deadline at 11:59 p.m. Central Time tonight, if it doesn't it will be dropped from the contest and not be judged.

Thank you and good luck.

Oh, yes... I love it when a story does this. When a bully, or a stallion like this one, think they can have their way with somepony easy to catch, they get what's coming to them.

It always pains me to see how much the legal system can protect bullies to the point they don't care WHAT sort of punishment they get. Whenever a bully does something unforgiveable, they NEED a punishment that WILL make them regret what they did by actual fear.

I really hope Rainbow Dash doesn't get into any sort of trouble for this, (either physically or through her friends) because in my mind, what she is doing is fully acceptable. That stallion harmed Fluttershy in a very permanent way, and while having revenge won't fix Fluttershy's problems, if done right, it'll prevent anymore ponies from suffering the same fate, at least from that stallion. Prevent the problem before it happens again.

Needless to say, do it Rainbow Dash. Make him suffer!

The biggest problem I have with this story is that it seems like is not taken nearly as serious as it should be.
Fluttershy is WAY to talkative for someone who has been raped, not to mention that it's FLUTTERSHY were talking about her. She wouldn't have the courage to leave her home for a week.

And everyone else seems to not take it as seriously as they should. Rainbow Dashs wouldn't have just outright told Scootaloo that Fluttershy was raped. And she wouldn't leave Fluttershy's house for a second unless it were to ask time off from her job.

That's really the only problem I have right now.

7631092 Did you notice that Rainbow did most of the talking for Fluttershy, and that she never left Fluttershy's side, except to punish Noir?

With regards to Rainbow being so blunt with Scootaloo, I suggest you read Break Your Heart. It might provide some context.

7633533
I guess you got me there, but I still don't think Fluttershy would leave her home at all. But that's just my opinion. Plus, Fluttershy's voice probably wouldn't reach a decibal above 0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 (that was an exaggeration).

Aww... What happened to this story? This isn't a good sign...

7678901 It's not a dead fic; don't worry. Someone's just threatened to bomb my little brother's school, and I'm psychologically recovering from the mental trauma. I've been taking a break from all writing in the meantime.

I repeat my promise to FIMFiction here to you: only my own death will stop me from completing a story.

7679015

Someone's just threatened to bomb my little brother's school,

Oh My Dear Child Of Celestia! What?! I thought this wasn't a good sign, but I didn't think it was THIS bad of a sign! Who would do such a thing? That is just wrong...

7679065 Fortunately, the police believe that it was just a prank. Needless to say, I thought it was about as funny as A Serbian Film.

It wouldn't surprise me at all if someone made a serious bomb threat where I live, though. I live in central Utah, which is messed. up. This is the part of the US where LOTS of people believe that the world is about to end at all times, the teen pregnancy rate is the highest in the nation, and you'll find men practicing polygamy and having several wives, some of them being teenaged girls.

Also, one of my bullies was suspended from school for threatening somebody with a knife. And in elementary school, someone tried to burn the building down. Twice. In the same day.

Lastly, Noir is based partially on several people that I personally know. Some from my own family.

The reason I'm so good at writing dark stuff? It's because I personally live in an environment where such things flourish and thrive, and I see such things every day.

Oh boy. Looks like now there's gonna be a lot of misunderstandings and those misunderstandings are gonna lead to some tragic events. As satisfying as revenge goes against bullies, they don't work very well when it comes to friends. It tears them apart.

Unlike bullies who get pleasure from their actions, friend issues can be solved if they communicate better. And now, Noir's missing, that's not a good sign. Will he come back for revenge by attacking twice as hard? Well that'll just prove that he deserved every ounce of beating that he got. But now I worry for Fluttershy's sake. And I also worry for Rainbow's sake for all the misunderstandings going on.

"Okay. Weather or not it's a pony yet,

I think that's supposed to be "Whether".

7700788 Thanks for finding that. :twilightsmile: Spelling's never been my strongest suit...

Is the title a reference to Dan Bull's Dishonored song? if not, still a cool coincidence.

7724631 It's not a reference to that song; it's a reference to Dishonored itself. :rainbowdetermined2:

7725024
oh. I don't remember the line. but you know what that means. I GET TO PLAY IT AGAIN. Woo. I have a bad habit of playing a game for days at a time, and then forgetting it exists.

7725323 Well, it's not a line from the game, but it is the game's tagline. :twilightblush:

7725553
really? well, I'm just going to take your word for it. I'm to tired to check. School.

After reading this chapter, I gotta ask... And this is a really weird thing to ask coming from me, because I never wondered this until now. Considering Rainbow's house is high above the skies, where does her waste from the bathroom go?

Otherwise, good to see revenge did not ensue along the friends.


My gosh, I caught a lot of mistakes here...

Weather or not she forgave Rainbow didn't matter;

Whether.

Fist of all, as you both know, I'm pregnant.

First off, Hoof. Second off, First.

But I haven't decided weather I'm going to keep it or put it up for adoption after it's born.

Again, whether.

You're by very best friends, and I want to know what you two think I should do."

my.

As Fluttershy walked back to her house, the gazed serenely at the sky.

I think that's supposed to be 'she'.

As her cottage came into view, Fluttershy smiled down at the ground, gently rubbed her belly, and whispered,

And I think that's supposed to be 'gently rubbing' or 'she gently rubbed'.

7771641 It gets magically disintegrated. Because in My Little Pony, magic is bullshit anyway.

Thanks for catching all of those mistakes. :twilightangry2: Ugh... I wrote this when I didn't have my glasses, and I'm blind as a bat without them, so I basically just had to hope that I was spelling everything correctly and not making any errors... :facehoof:

7772234

It gets magically disintegrated. Because in My Little Pony, magic is bullshit anyway.

Yep! That sounds about right! Except for the censored part. It's just magic.

I wrote this when I didn't have my glasses, and I'm blind as a bat without them,

Fluttershy!

Wow, okay, I was NOT expecting such as happy reconciliation, thought I WAS silently hopine for one. I thought you were gonna have them break up and take SEVERAL chapters for Rainbow and Fluttershy to get back together.

Well played, Morgan, very well played.

Comment posted by Wahtiff deleted Feb 20th, 2017

Awww... such a sweet ending to this chapter! Great job! :scootangel:

"It'll be twelve thousand, four hundred seventy bits."

I always thought that, by looking at what her house is and what it holds, Rainbow Dash was quite rich, or she built that place herself.

Rainbow would need to permanently move into Fluttershy's cottage and sell her lovely cloud-mansion so that she and Fluttershy could expand the cottage in order to make it more suitable for housing a family of four.

And now she wants to sell it? I'm quite tired of seeing this outcome happen. It makes it feel like Rainbow's house is not special in any way.

Rainbow would have to resign herself to living as a weather-pony for the rest of her days, she could no longer be so reckless with her aerial stunts, and she would have to dedicate a massive amount of her life to taking the time to help Fluttershy raise her child, as well as personally parent it.

And then there's this. If she quit her job, who's gonna be putting money on the table for their family? Then again, she hasn't decided on these odd decisions yet and this is just Rainbow's thought process. It's not like doing a legitimate job that only pegasi can do is reckless. (Remember Ponyville has that tradition of no magic, so unicorns aren't allowed to take over for that.)

Rainbow shrugged the saddlebag off and set it to her side as she said, "I'll take it home later. In the meantime, shall I cook us dinner?"

Someone who believes Rainbow Dash isn't a terrible cook! Yay!

8040589 Well, it is special, which I think should emphasize exactly how seriously Rainbow takes this whole situation.

8041874 I think she's taking it the wrong way if she's gonna quit making money for the family. She can't expect Fluttershy to provide all the Bits, right?

8041890 Uh... did I ever indicate or imply that Rainbow would quit her job? Didn't I say that she'd be weather-wrangling for her foreseeable future? :rainbowhuh:

8043532

Rainbow would have to resign herself to living as a weather-pony for the rest of her days, she could no longer be so reckless with her aerial stunts, and she would have to dedicate a massive amount of her life to taking the time to help Fluttershy raise her child, as well as personally parent it.

Oh, now I see. Sorry, that was my mistake. I read this line as saying she was gonna resign being a weather pony forever. But no, this was referring to her goal to become a Wonderbolt. That's what you were referring to with her resigning.

Sorry about that. Though to be honest, I think that would actually work out better for Rainbow Dash.

8044200 I am SO glad that I'm not the only one who thinks this!

8044213 Have you noticed that the show is trying as hard as it can to make Dash a Wonderbolt without her actually... you know, being a Wonderbolt? I think the creators realize it deep down, too.

8044243 I've noticed that the show has been trying so hard to make Rainbow Dash into something that she is not. But that episode was the worst offender by far. It's much like the Best Night Ever episode, but instead at the end of the episode, nopony admits to it being the worst night ever. (Plus the fact that it's message is practically defending bullies rather than trying to prevent bullying.)

Past episodes have constantly supported that Rainbow Dash was better than the Wonderbolts to the point they were learning lessons from her, and then they threw it all out the window. I'm actually quite relieved they haven't been showing more of Rainbow being a Wonderbolt, because they'll probably force more of that direction down.

Wow, this was a fantastic new chapter. It's probably the first time - and I'm not ashamed to admit this - that a fanfiction has legitimately brought tears to my eyes (tears of joy, of course!) Other fics have come close, but this one truely did me in. Thank you for your spectacular writing and story!

8053067 Hooray! :yay:

I honestly hold this to be the highest praise an author can receive. Awards and sales aren't ultimately what the end goal of a writer is; it is to provoke a powerful emotional response to the tales we weave. If I've done that much, then I consider my job accomplished. :rainbowdetermined2:

8053628 Absolutely! But I'm curious; most of the story seems to focus on Rainbow's thoughts about the whole ordeal. I don't know how much of this story you have planned out, but maybe there's a chapter in the future that focuses on Fluttershy's thoughts and doubts as the pregnancy reaches it's end?

8053842 I plan out the entirety of any project I undertake before I start it.

Anyway, to answer your question: no, there will not. The reason is because though Fluttershy likely would have doubts and fears as her pregnancy reached its end, a whole chapter dedicated to it would likely be a very dull read, as it would consist entirely of thoughts and wonderings that Fluttershy has already had before, so it would all come across as very repetitive and boring. Instead, I plan to have her just mention that her doubts and fears are still present.

Well I know what to do now *grabs gun and searchs for the pony who raped her*

7679194
i live in Compton and well once someone lit my classroom on fire after school but got caught then the next day the guy stole some chrome books during testing weeks oh and some rapist entered the school at one point,attacked a girl and got shot by a police officer in one day! so yeah i know what it feels like

When Applejack finds out:

"Big Mac, get the gun."

Rainbow continued to gaze at the parcel that rested beside her. In that box, Rainbow could see a huge and intimidating future: a more quiet and unadventurous life in which she could forever bid her dream to someday become a Wonderbolt farewell. Rainbow would need to permanently move into Fluttershy's cottage and sell her lovely cloud-mansion so that she and Fluttershy could expand the cottage in order to make it more suitable for housing a family of four. Rainbow would have to resign herself to living as a weather-pony for the rest of her days, she could no longer be so reckless with her aerial stunts, and she would have to dedicate a massive amount of her life to taking the time to help Fluttershy raise her child, as well as personally parent it.

Wait? Rainbow Dash giving up her dream of being a Wonderbolt?! WHAT?! Okay, I'm hoping this is addressed in the future, because personally, I think that line of thinking is a load of horse shit.

1. Just because you have a child, does not mean you should stop following your dream. (I've seen contestants on NBC's American Ninja Warrior who are parents of young children and they manage to train, do their day jobs, AND take care off their kids at the same time.)
2. Considering this is the WONDERBOLTS, it must pay well. In my opinion, this foal should make Rainbow want to be a Wonderbolt MORE, because if she gets in she'll have a high salary and it will help provide for her family.
3. She has a LARGE support system behind her the can help her so that she can focus on the Wonderbolts when she can.

Sorry if that came out as harsh, but I just got really miffed when I read that paragraph, because Rainbow wanted to be a Wonderbolt her WHOLE life. Raising a foal shouldn't have to impede on that, especially with her abilities and her large support system.

If anything, having a foal should teach Rainbow Dash to train in a safer way.

9062919 I think if Rainbow really DID want to be a Wonderbolt, she would have become one a looooong time ago; she is, after all, the world's fastest flier. My interpretation of her here is that she's finally owning that.

9070411
While I respect your decision, I personally believe you could be Wasting a Perfectly Good plot here. All the context clues are showing that Dash is going to be dealing with adjusting to being a parent, which is great on it's own, but I personally feel the story, and Dash's character, would have much more depth if she ALSO was still pursuing the Wonderbolts. At first, it was because of Idol-Worship. Now, it's so she can be a positive role model to her child... a positive role model that she never had.

I get why you might want to have Dash give up the Wonderbolts, but I fear that by doing so, we may be losing out on something that can add an entirely new dimension to this story.

But, that's just my opinion. I just want this story to be the best that it can be. However, if you don't want to go in that direction, I'll respect that. I may disagree with it, but I'll respect it.

Great Story and Actual Women's Justice is a very deep matter that still is not realized to completion.

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