• Member Since 5th Mar, 2014
  • offline last seen 9 hours ago

Dream Seeker


Well, I just figured out how to do a short bio! So, yeah.

T

This story is a sequel to Blinking


Teleportation. It is the best possible way to travel... As long as you don't think about it too much.

Twilight has succeeded in preventing her latest iteration from being trapped in this hellish void between worlds, but what will become of her now?


Well, a lot of people were clambering for a third iteration of this series, and I figured it would be nice to oblige that. I also think I needed this to help me through a particularly... long winded... bout of writer's block.

I got permission from the original story's writer, in case you were wondering.

Original by Ocalhoun: Blink
Fan-Sequel to the Original by Lumberjack: Blinking

I hope you all enjoy this as much as the first two!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 66 )

Short, but good. I, do think you should add a sad or tragedy tag to this, cause, well, hit me more in the feels, then, in the horror aspect.

This was good. A nice, satisfying end. Short, but enjoyable!

7967267 I think I'll do that, then! Tragedy it is.


7967350
I'm glad you enjoyed it!

This is less horror and more feels. A really nice conclusion.

Like the others said, short, but good. Nice conclusion! :twilightsmile: (relatively speaking) :twilightoops:

7967507
Glad you enjoyed! I had hoped people would like the ending. As much as is reasonably possible, considering...

7967492
I thought it was pretty horrifying, but I can see how it isn't necessarily a horror-fix exactly. I'm glad you liked the ending!

No, it's just not right. She could have been saved. It's never right to just give up.

7967543 Maybe so, maybe not. But the ending sure did what it was designed to.

I'll tell you in her place, though, I wouldn't have. But I felt like this ending fit the best.

It doesn't feel very twilight alow someone to give up. Feel like she'd have a hammy heroic speech that may or may not work.

Don't get me wrong I get "horror" twilight giving up tho

But saying that enjoyed the series :)

A very nice, understandable conclusion. While some might feel Twilight should have convinced herself to leave with her, they would both know every possible argument and counter-argument each of them could make. As a result, the very fact Twilight had decided to let herself die showed that both knew that's what would happen.

Rather feelsy, but very nice conclusion to this horror sequence.

7967393 Yep! Old teleportation is banned, and a new one is made! This is a really a really satisfying end!

7967644 I understand, that makes sense. Maybe I should have tried that, but 7967688 makes a rather good point about that.

But I'm glad both you you enjoyed the story overall!

The feels!! Well done! :pinkiesad2::twilightsmile:

7967752 Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

This is a worthy successor to the other stories. It did seem just a tad rushed, but this is coming from a writer who tends to be rather expansive, so take that with a grain of salt.

Surprisingly abrupt end to me, but... satisfying doesn't seem to fit... maybe cathartic seems to do so better.

However, I thought that she was still shifting in her appearance in the previous telling? Her body warping and aging at different rates? I'm trying to not think about it too much though, lol.

7968018
The one that was warping and shifting was the broken new one that was being built- neither the one left behind nor the one who escaped.

I'm glad you found the ending cathartic though!


7968012
Thank you! I'm glad you thought it was worthy!

If it seems rushed, well, that's cause it kind of was. I wrote it pretty much in one sitting. You're right; I probably could have put more effort into making it more... full, I suppose, but I was satisfied with what I had written. I didn't want to break it by adding too much and trying to draw it out- last time I tried that, the results horrified me, and... I don't want that to happen again.

This was god awful. Awful execution, awful timing, awful intentions of writing this piece, awful everything.

First off, let's get this obvious little stinker out of the way. You wrote this to cash in on Blink's popularity after noticing Blinking by Lumber got on the feature box, not because of a "writer's block". But if that's truly the case, then by god this has got to be the biggest coincidentally timed story to be approved ever here on this site.

Secondly, your timing of submitting this fic is perhaps the worst (I guess for you it's the best, because of how popular Blink is becoming recently.) time to submit it. Blinking was submitted not even a month ago, and it left off at such a high note, as well as a cliffhanger. A sequel to that sequel already is WAY TOO SOON! The audience needs to guess and question what happenes afterwards, to prolong their interest in this dark universe Blink setted up. Doing this so soon basically kills off the whole interest of it.

And finally, this has to be one of the cheesiest, the lamest, and the by-the-book conclusion I've seen in my life as a reader. This ending to the amazing to previous fics sucked ass. The ending provides a permanent solution to this mysterious, deadly problem with the teleportation spell out of nowhere. The only little bit of context we have to knowing how this solution came about was stated in only one sentence, saying that simply Celestia fixed the problem. That's it. Wow. God damn amazing. Truly spectacular that we're going to pull a cliched card like that to end such a brilliant series of literature. This was a major fuck you to the audience, and those who don't see it that way are ignorant.

That's not all that's wrong with this concluding finale. The Twilight who was left behind's decision to stay behind again despite being offered another chance. The simple fact that she said know pisses me off to no end. Do you know how interesting it would've been if she said yes? And she had to return to Equestria knowing that she basically ate her own flesh to survive? That would've been so much more intriguing to dwelve into than killing her off because she felt morally wrong to go back home.

Finally x2 that last bit simply just sucked and was honestly pointless filler. Provides nothing to the story except the Twilight that escaped felt upset that the other Twilight didn't come back.

This fis was unsatisfactory. The writing isn't at the quality of the fics it's based on. The conclusion is terrible and is a huge fuck you to the fic's fans. The timing gives me the impression that you only did this for cheap views and clicks because of the trend, making me lose any trust in your skills as a writer.

In simple terms, I loathe this fic. Good night.

In my opinion, way too short. I was expecting a little bit more to the third and final installment of this impromptu little series. Sure, my heart lurched a little at that ending but there was near to no horror, and that is what has made this fic series oh so good. It's the bone chilling descriptions of corpses in a pile with a river of blood surrounding them that got people into this. Plus, it seemed a little....rushed. To be honest, I don't know how this got into the feature box. It just doesn't have the impact of the other two fics. And it doesn't have the levels of horror and terror we've come to know.

In all, a dissapointment to what could have been a much better ending

A bit disappointing.
Twilight gave up much to quickly on something she would NEVER give up on.
I was expecting Twilight to cast a sleep spell on old-twilight and drag her out of there, to tartarus with the consequences! Even if it killed her, she would at least die free and be burried at home.
That would have allowed for so much more suspense and intrigue, and watch as old-twilight falls apart over what she lived through while people are desperately trying to put her back together.

Also, there's all the other people who have teleported. Checking for survivors and rescuing them, and the consequences of THAT! Celestia and Luna are incredibly resiliant, so there are likely several of them alive and in good condition - what happens with them?

You had so much to work with, and I don't think you lived up to your potential here. What can we do to give you the tools to succeed here?

7968191 Well. Let's take this from the top, shall we?

1.) I read Blinking out of the feature box, that much is true. I noticed that there were a lot of comments clambering for a third, and I actually, for once, had what I had thought was a decent idea of a way to conclude this story. As for the writer's block, I have been having rather massive writing block and have been trying to continue work on my favorite one of my own stories, which I haven't updated in nearly a year. Would I have written this story if Blinking wasn't in the feature box? Probably not, because I wouldn't have seen it. Was my intention to cash in on fame? No. I wrote this because I wanted to. Did it end up cashing in on the fame? Yeah, it most definitely did- If I had written another story, it wouldn't have been nearly so popular. Did I expect it to? Yeah, I did expect it to happen, it was a statistically likely event. I wouldn't have been disappointed if it hadn't, though.

2.) You're right, in hindsight, about the timing- This was an awful time to publish this. I should have waited at least two weeks before publishing it, for the reasons you specified. I got hasty because I wanted to submit it because I haven't submitted anything for too long.

3.) It wasn't Celestia that fixed the problem- Twilight talked to Celestia and got the ball rolling, they worked together to solve it. If that wasn't the solution that you read, then I failed to properly convey that. Yes, I probably should have spent more time and more sentences about that. I can also understand why you disliked the ending, and that makes perfect sense- it's also why a lot of people liked the ending, however. Some people like mysterious things to remain a mystery; some like them to be finally and conclusively solved. I am in the latter group. Would it have been better, artistically, to end it mysteriously? Probably, yeah.

4.) Yeah, I can understand that- it's been a fairly common theme in some of the comments I've gotten; that they feel Twilight should have taken the second chance. Well, I could have done it. I didn't. You don't like that? That's a perfectly fine and valid reason to dislike this fic.

I am sorry that you disliked this fic, and I'm sorry that you felt it disgraced its predecessors, and I'm sorry what I've done here has angered you. I hope you have an excellent night, and I thank you for leaving this behind- Comments like this are probably the best way for me to understand my mistakes and improve on them in the future.

7968331
... Wait. It what?
Oh. Wow, I wasn't expecting that either. I mean, I expected it to be seen by a lot of people by proxy of the original two, but I hadn't been expecting it to hit the feature box.

But back to your main points. Yes, you're right, it was kind of rushed. I wrote it in one sitting. Not enough horror? Yeah, I can see that, I could have included more description regarding the blood and gore, etc.

Actually, on that note, I was surprised that the first two fics didn't have the Gore tag attached.

But anyway, you're right. I'm glad that you liked the parts that you did, and I'm sorry that my abilities here didn't live up to your expectations.

7968361 Yeah, a lot of people have questioned Twilight giving up. I can understand your complaint. For the Celestia and Luna thing, I probably could have touched on that too, as well as the other teleported ponies that might have survived.

I... guess I could consider writing more here. But... Last time I wrote a story too quickly and too short, and tried to expand it... It went horribly, and I feel ashamed and disappointed in myself for the mess I made of that. I wouldn't want to subject any of the people who've read this as is to a horribly written, badly drawn out addition. I'll still consider it, though, and if I do write more, and I like what I've written, I might publish that.

7968361 while I somewhat agree with you, there is a point I have to argue.

Twilight gave up much to quickly on something she would NEVER give up on.

Both of them are Twilight. That's really as simple as that - she knows herself, and she understands herself, especially considering that they are two rather close in time itterations. Basically, she can trace the logic. And she can accept it. She will hate herself for this, but she will do as she is told - exactly what has happened. I.e. internal consistency holds.

On that note, I do have to side with people carrying torches and pitchforks. This was meh, especially in comparison.

7968459
Actually, when you do get the time, perhaps you could try rewriting this. Not now, of course, let people guess other endings. But I know for a fact you want to do this, so why not take another shot at it? Just remember, horror and feels. If you mixed the two into a rewritten, longer version of this, I'd say it would be a hell of a lot better AND would be a much more worthy final installment.

7968476 Yeah, I suppose that is a good solution. I think I could do that. Thanks for the suggestion; I'll consider it...

Hmm... how do they know the new teleportation is better? The "clones" from the previous spell had no memory of the pocket dimension. How do they know this isn't doing something worse?

7969171 Oh dear sweet baby Luna..

Makes me think of my comment in the second story of how we never see Celestia or Luna teleport... Only Discord.

7969171 The new Teleportation spell still goes through the same place; just now, the original is the one that goes back to the real world instead of generating an entirely new copy. It's not a completely different spell, it's just a modified version of the original.

That being said, it's true that they'd have no way of knowing if something even worse happened as a result.

That was a good finale.:pinkiesad2:

7970654 Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed!

Ok, broken record time.

Short and a bit rushed...

Some people may be able to get their dose of feels out of this, but I'm having a hard time getting into it.

I can understand if you don't feel comfortable adding on to this, having made a similar mistake with one of my own stories in the past (Luckily it's one I never published to begin with), but I also think 7968476 had a fair point. This story is abrupt enough where if you do decide to re-write this, you could easily take elements of what worked here and fold them into the new narrative without too much trouble.

Some C&C to consider if you do decide to re-write this. These are in no way me telling you what you should write, but my best attempt at objective criticisms on what is written and ideas on possible directions you could take to make them better:

* It lacks the same atmosphere and buildup of its predecessors. Granted, most who find this will be familiar with Blink and Blinking, but I don't accept expected familiarity of a setting as an excuse to skip scene-building. Consider adding a segment dedicated to setting the stage before jumping straight into the narrative.

* Following off of the first point, there is no indication of how long it's been between Blinking and the start of this, no discourse on Precursor-Twilight's deteriorating mental state to indicate her reasoning for giving up so easily, other than what's obvious on the surface. One of the best parts about Blink and Blinking was that Twilight's sense of hopelessness was almost Tangible. In Blink we felt "The First" descending into madness, only preserved by the blind hope that someone would read her message to "Grab Her Now!". In Blinking, she was sustained only by her will to end the cycle of death, and even at the end, though she knows it's hopeless, she still, almost playfully, clings to the hope of rescue despite knowing it would never happen...
In this story, it's that same Twilight, so... what happened to bring her around to giving up entirely even when escape is within her grasp...? Is she aware that her insanity is too far gone to ever recover from, or has she descended so far into insanity that she's arrived right back at being sane, and accepts her death as necessary and inevitable?

* This point is more of a suggestion than the previous two, seeing as you may wish to try to preserve the series' sense of mystery, but consider writing a segment separate from the setting of the Bubble. A prologue segment, if you will, from the perspective of the Twilight that escaped? Explain her arrival, and what happened to the malformed copy that was intended to replace her before Precursor-Twilight's intervention, as well as giving us more in-depth insights into the process of how she and Celestia re-worked the spell through sleepless, nightmare filled nights broken only by study and research to distract her from what she saw and the thought of saving the one who saved her to sustain her.
I don't see this story having quite as much potential in the realm of "Horror" as its predecessors, but the theme and tone better falling into line with the nature of a true Tragedy.

Blink and Blinking set the background, painting a world (however small) of horrifying and senseless death. Here we have the end to the nightmare. The Cycle is broken and all the cards are on the table, but still it wasn't enough.

* Likewise you could expand on the end a bit more, either building her mental state and reasoning independently and showing us her rationale for agreeing with her predecessor, rather than leaving it to the reader's interpretation, and expand on her mental state for how she handles of not being able to save her to better reflect the tragic nature of the conclusion.
That isn't to say that she can't be hopeful for the future, considering she still saved everyone who uses the spell in the future, but I imagine not being able to save her own savior would hit her particularly hard. Harder than what is portrayed here, at least...

7970887 Thanks for the advice! I'll definitely take this into consideration if/when I rewrite this!

One thing, though- The main reason this takes place in the same bubble (for the most part) is because I felt that it wouldn't be the same if I had it take place outside- it wouldn't have felt like a sequel in the same way.

Other then that, those are all good points and/or things I definitely could improve on here!

7971160 Like I said, That part was only a suggestion.

I still feel that it's an aspect that this series has, not necessarily neglected, but could expand upon. Maybe I'll try writing something myself... That's not likely, though. my muse is obsessed with expanding worlds and epic sagas of harrowing trials. Most of the time when I try writing stuff that's supposed to be horrifying or tragic it comes out as horribly cliche or I get writers block until I change it to have a happier conclusion...

7971224 There's a Group for this 'verse now, even if you don't think it'll go over well, you ought to give it a try too! Worst case scenario; decide not to publish it!

And who said it has to end badly? There are more endings than just mine being worked on right now; I'm sure at least one of them ends on a happy note.

7971258 What's the name of the group?

7972243 It's called 'Blink', just like the first story! So far, only the original and its two sequels are in, but soon there will be more!

7972401
There should be a folder inside with Blink by zaponator and its "sequels" too.
I read at least one and I can't find it anymore :(

Would be nice to have them listed in one place.

7972451 Wrong series, actually! This series is based around a story called Blink from a different author. I don't know if that story will go into the Blink group, seeing as it's an entirely different universe- albeit with similar quirks.

Yes I know.
But it doesn't have its own group. It would be nice to have all "teleportation suxx/not really" in ONE place.
As such I would like to have them in *subfolder* "Other similar stories"/whatever.

7972497 I understand, and I think that's a good idea- But, seeing as that was neither the purpose of the Blink group, not do I have the ability to affect the management of the Blink group, there is nothing I can do on this matter.

7971258

And who said it has to end badly? There are more endings than just mine being worked on right now; I'm sure at least one of them ends on a happy note.

It's all about the nature of the type of story you're trying to write. If I wanted to write a story where everything works out alright, everyone lives and Precursor-Twilight makes a full recovery, I would.

That's not a Tragedy, though. That's a shoddy fix-fic at worst and a potentially interesting exploration into Twilight's psychological brain-case at best.

As far as I'm concerned, the "best" (under the context of everyone being happy when all is said and done) sort of ending a truly Tragic story can get away with is one that leaves you feeling bittersweet regret that more couldn't be done.

7972509
Nothing saying you couldn't pass the suggestion on to the group mods. The worst they can say is no.

7972950 Yeah, I understand.

Well, they did ultimately end up doing that, so there's now a folder in the Blink group for the other Blink and it's companions!

7974385 I'm glad your emotions were moved by my story :twilightsmile:

7975231
i realy was! its a interesting take on how twilight could react to something so messed up! :twilightsheepish: i would like to think tho that twilight would be strong and find away to live with herself, but its a freaking orb of dead clones that is all your falt :pinkiecrazy: that could drive anyone bonkers and push em to do something that would not e "them"? :derpytongue2: good story

Nice continuation of the 'verse. :pinkiehappy:

"Does this look like the work of a civilized, sane mare to you?"

She sounds pretty sane.

"We can try to help you!" she says desperately. "There are counselors, and Luna can help you if you have nightmares, we have medical staff on standby for when we return, and-"

"Twilight," I cut in. "We both know that I've already made my decision."

"I guess so," Twilight sighed. "Then I suppose I'll just leave you here to... Wait, what the hay is that!"

"What?" Twilight turned to look the direction her double was pointing. "I don't see any..."

"STUN SPELL!"

*zap*

*thud*

Twilight looked down at her unconscious twin. "Sorry, sis, but I've made my decision as well. You just go ahead and take nice, long nap for now. I'd say you've earned it." Kneeling down next to her, Twilight powered up another spell. "I'm not leaving you behind. Not this time."

And then, in a flash, they went home. Both of them.

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