Well, I just figured out how to do a short bio! So, yeah.
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Star Watcher was an ordinary unicorn living in Canterlot. Three nights after the Changeling Invasion, he is kidnapped and turned into a Changeling. Meanwhile, The Changeling Hive is on the brink of starvation after the failed Canterlot Invasion. One of the Hive's own members turns against them, forcing more Changelings to go abroad in order to survive.
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4602069 You're right about him being too accepting, I'm not to good at that sort of scene, where you have a screaming lunatic who won't listen and a calm, collected one ready to explain it all. That's why I did it: practice. As for reasons for transformation? 90% of the Hive is dead, and the rest is low on love. What they really need to survive is a lot of good Infiltrators. Unfortunately, the Suicide Assult (Canterlot Invasion) killed most of the infiltrators. How do you train Infiltrators fast? You don't, you transform ponies, who already know how to live in a pony society.
Thanks for the feedback! Tell me if you have any more questions, or if you can help me fix my errors.
He changed mind way to fast. He panicked like hell with guards and now he is calm like hell what the?
You could make something like Kubler-Ross model (five stages of grief) if you don't know how to make him act. You still can write it off like he is under some chemicals from cocoon that make him more relaxed or something.
4602287 excellent idea! I'll have to include that, I'll update this chapter with a fixed version sometime soon. Thanks!
4602139 Fixed that now. Thanks!
Uh, I need some help here. Chrysalis died during the Invasion, and I need a name for the new Queen. I should be able to complete and submit the next chapter within an hour of getting her name. Any ideas for her name?
People favourite the story so they know when it's updated not necessarily because they like it yet. They see it as interesting but can't really say they know or enjoy it well enough to endorse it to others which is basically what 'liking' it is. There are plenty of stories out there that start out well but go down hill later or are abandoned. Not that I'm saying that that's what is going to happen here but people play it safe.
As for my opinion on the story itself...? It's nice but simplistic. Things are happening a bit too fast, the character spends far too little time in conflict or upset by his new situation let alone how little it took for him to be swearing allegiance to the creatures that captured and violated him. Then there's the fact that the changlings are oblivious in how to acquire their own 'food' and now need a converted outsider to teach them. It might make sense if say, the changelings were nomadic and converted one of the populous to learn the social norms of their new environment but not for the basics of infiltration and gathering otherwise they would have died out long before now.
Edit: just read you're explanation for why they need to transform him and it makes much more sense but you still need to work that explanation into the story. Don't be afraid to revamp the first couple of chapters a few times while the story is young so you have a good base line for when future chapters are ready for publishing.
4613819 Thank you. Your explanation makes perfect sense, the reason I write is to improve my writing (I know I suck at pacing, if you thought this pacing was bad... Just look at my story Apocalypse) and last of all, next thing I'll be doing is putting in your suggestion.
4614133 Glad what I've said helps. If I might add though, to help with the pacing you might want to try and spend more time describing things, not just the scenery and the characters but their emotions as well, especially in times of turmoil.
4615618 Yeah. Avox sent me the link to a cool thing called the snowflake method of writing, that pretty much tells you how to do that.
4641214 oops, it took me a while to find a name, looks like I missed a spot when replacing it... Thanks!
4677008 Mental breakdown comes on the first morning away. It might take a while to create that chapter, though, because I've never written a freak out scene before.
4677040 it's Changeling poop. I guess poop is drugs now...
4677054 I would have used the 'what could possibly go wrong' but I used it last chapter...
4686732 No, I had this planned. You just had a very good, correct, guess.
4687702 almost "as good as Pinkie Pie" guesses?
4713655 another guess? Hmmm... Keep in mind that sometimes I create major plot points based on comments so every prediction you make here is very likely to become part of the story, even if it wasn't before.
4686732 Looking at my story again... Alicorn Twilight at this point would break canon: How would Twilight become an Alicorn immediately after the Changeling Invasion? If this story lasts long enough, I might have Twilight Alicornate at the proper time.
that ending came out of no ware, kind of like I got hit by a bus. But um... let see what happens?
4756627 guess that ending was kind of fast... I'll probably fix that soon.
4756978 have to agree. It was nearly as random as Pinkie.
4757346 pinkie-random is pretty bad... I'll fix it ASAP.
4757563 Honest contructive critizism here. More Crystal Empire in this chapter with hints of Petal's death near the end.
4757346
4756627 How's this ending? Better?
4758497 better
4758497 yes it's much better :)
UGH! I hate reading stories with changelings changing, I gets me confused! I wish I could just stop reading but I love this story to much to stop. Plus it's been left on a cliff hanger. Who's Petal Blossom again?
4761873 I know what you mean, but I don't have a better way of dealing with changing genders... Petal Blossom is Silent Whisper, Star Watcher's Changeling teacher.
4760489
I doubt he died, a trick, or something?
Maybe he did, who knows?
Maybe his body will revet to normal and star can explain everything?
Yes I can think of things.
when i heard flames i called it. kind of cheap move but it does extend the story since getting killed would reveal her true nature and put Rose in a spot.
4843050 Next chapter I'll probably have the faking from Silent Whisper's point of view, in addition to the rest of what I have planned. I was hoping one of you would catch on with the fire...
4843173
Do I get points if I assumed that petal was just purposely hit?
4865734 Yes, you do, because she did purposely get hit. Even if she survived too.
4867137
scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2191-huzzah.png
Really? under the pillow? When that glow gets noticed by Twilight, you will have much to explain.
4879089 I actually wasn't expecting anybody to pick up on that until it actually happened... Congratulations are in order for noticing the subtle but major plot point buried in the chapter.
4879094
Cool!
Cover art yee say? Eh, why not. Is there anyway I could contact you?
Not "somepony" ? Flutters knows.
4910490 She's referring to her animal friends in this case... but who can say for certain? Only I know...
4910490 I just noticed... Congrats on getting the 50th comment!
That a/n...
DO IT!
(After you finish this I mean.)
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS CRIMEMLORDS, YAY!
Good job here though.
4946722 aww, it blacked what you said out. (I still managed to use a glitch to read it though.) do you know why it blacks some stuff out?
4947626
I used a spoiler tag to prevent any info from being seen unless people are willing to click on it.
Also, kingdom hearts 2 tention rising ost is stuck in my head.
4947635 Unfortunately it doesn't work on a phone...
4974737
Oh, well, I like it, CMC CL'S.
and this fic.
Spike tells Twilight then she goes to Rose and sees the stone.
4978911 Then twilight busts star's nut.