A thing or two about changelings and their habits
SYNOPSIS:
Just another regular day at Ponyville... or is it?
Applejack on her way back from the annual tournament she attends to, stumbles upon an unexpected guest.
Could the changelings be striking back or is it more than just meets the eye?
A story with more plot twists and secrets than an Alfred Hitchcock short.
We, the immortals
SYNOPSIS:
It's the year 487 of the Golden era and the world is an open door for the career of a young handsome changeling like Stanley but once a mysterious package from a questionable source arrives, everything falls apart.
Stanley now finds himself out on the streets, chased by ponysonas who want him at the bottom of the river and he has 24 hours to find somepony named Cynthia.
A fast action packed story with a slow, less action packed hero.
Reality split
SYNOPSIS:
It has been over two decades after the tragedy caused by Mark and things in Equestria have finally settled down, big changes are marking the new era for pony and changeling kind but a new problem is on its way as mysterious occurrences sweep all of Equestria, buildings collapsing for no reason, many disappearances and some ponies and changelings changing into entirely other characters with different memories and experiences.
It is up to our two well known heroes to get to the bottom of this but things become complicated when they stumble across a changeling couple accompanied by a Cerberus who claim to know Pacifica and Monty.
Idea is very good but very hard itself to make it interesting. I hope you will make this good ;)
An intriguing start.
That line is fantastic.
The first chapter, though, is more of an information dump. That is to say, there is very action here Since this is your first story, maybe in the future it would be a good idea to drop all this information about the changelings in bits and pieces as time goes on. It's also good to try showing and not telling. That is, using action, dialog, and character internalize to reveal all this, instead of just dumping all on the audience at once.
In any case, keep up the good work
This is good! I look forward to more.
Ok that is for sure not what i though it will be. But still it's good stuff
Mark smiled
Maybe this isn't going to be as bad as he thought it would be.
Colored text for speakers really doesn't add anything to the story. If anything, it's distracting.
The descriptions aren't too bad, though.
Well, i tried to colour the text to make it more clear who is talking rather than making th estory more pretty, if anything if i would actually try to make the story more "pretty" i'd add pictures all over the place.
your chritique is very appreciated though, if you guys find the coloured text annoying, let me know and i won't do it again
Few colors were mistaken
there, fixed it
Yellow text on white... not gonna happen. The colored text is completely unnecessary in a well-written story and only makes it harder to read.
? I. Am. Confused.
a good story is one that makes the reader think about it and raises questions... the plot thickens
and yes it's all related
2023559
Agreed. The yellow text for Fluttershy, in particular, is just painful to look at.
.... wat was dat?
THE DOCTER!
Why do all the stories I read bring up the Doctor at some point?
What's with the dialogue? Do you not know how to use quotations?
"This is how characters are supposed to speak," the user known as Jphyper said.
You also need to learn about indentation and/or double spacing your paragraphs. Also, the pacing is irregular and the emotion feels off.
I guess you're right, I haven't been writing nor reading for a looong time, also: have in mind that I only get internet access for about 4 hours a week so when I write I write in word or notepad and then post it here, also there's the matter of time... I've been busy lately but I will have that in mind and will try to fix this
there, all chapters fixed!
Another awesome chapter my awesome fellow!
oh no, the CMC are going to be crushed
so a global alliance ? that would set ground for at least 2 unification wars and sis the elements of harmony got new holders i would guess some of the girls died during marks history
and more important who is pacifica's mother
duh need to remember what was that story about uhhh...
is it weird this is starting to remind me a little bit of Slaughterhouse 5?
We need more chapters!
You know, funny thing is, I forgot what the previous chapters were about.
I'll have to go back and reread the rest of the story, so until next time!
~ Super-Brony12
Mareyor.
I suddenly got the urge to flip the table and slam my face into a wall.
That completly don't tell why Pinkie said that verse before entering pool
4660633
into her own reflection she stared - the ending of the legend where the sister looks at the puddle
yearning for one whose reflection she shared - the sister wanting her identical twin back
The first part is to pay respect to the twin sisters whilst the rest of the verse is an actual spell, the reason why earth ponies and pegasi can use that spell is because the spell activates the magic of the mirror pool and not the magic of the pony saying the spell, consequently, one doesn't have to have any magical abilities to pull this off
hopefully Applecjack came just in time to help me out, she told me that I should go while she tries to resolve this whole misunderstanding"
Hopefully = OH I hope she comes and saves me. But as it has already happened I would make this Thankfully.
Also Applejack is spelled wrong...
Chapter 4 edits
4704114 Thanks, noted and changed.
4534925 Done and fixed, thanks for the feedback, was new to this when I wrote it
2140314 Not anymore it isn't, thanks for the help and have a good read!
one...
One wee...
ONE WEEK!?!?!?
AHHHHHHH!!!
*I can hardly contain my excitement! This story is amazing!*
4706182 In that case I think you'll be glad to hear that this is a part of an entire saga that I have in store for you guys, at least one or two more stories directly related to the events that happen in this fanfic, but I'm not going to spoil it for you guys, am I now?
Also, thank you so much for that comment that's the best compliment and motivation any artist could ever have!
Ok I'm completly confused, I don't remember what happened or I missed something. Maybe some short round up please?
4709584 Well, because Ponyville was attacked by changelings, Mark sent Pacifica to stay over at his brother in the big city (that was the main focus of chapter 18... And chapter 19 takes off from where chapter 18 finished (when Pacifica and Monty went to sleep)
4709786
Yeah but wasn't there that pacifica felt that they are changelings to ? I mean that family or maybe Im mixed something? If yes then why changelings killed them?
4709839 That loud thud that the characters heard was probably the moment when Monty's mum was injured (considering she was still alive enough to look at Pacifica in her state which means that the incident must have been very recent) seconds later after the thud, Pacifica saw Monty's dad dash right through the front door and run away.
It is implied that it was Percy, Monty's father that killed his wife, most likely over some sort of argument, but there again, we don't know who killed her for certain so its open to interpretation.
Wow... I, Wow this got dark quicky.... I'm still liking it but wow.....
THIS EXPLANS SO MUCH!!!!
Sooooo, the two that helped out Pacifica and Monty are Pacifica's parents? I'm a tad bit confused here. Good couple of chapters though, and I look forward to the next one(s).
Super-Brony12
4718769 Well, Pacifica is from over 500 years in the future sin't she? this is where we're starting to get into wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff...
4718811 well... not YET at least, that's an entirely different story for an entirely different fanfic.
And Pacifica!!! Oh no!!!!