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PaulAsaran


Technical Writer from the U.S.A.'s Deep South. Writes horsewords and reviews. New reviews posted every other Thursday! Writing Motto: "Go Big or Go Home!"

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Sep
24th
2015

Paul's Thursday Reviews VIII · 5:18pm Sep 24th, 2015

I'm gonna be boring today, folks. I've got nothing to announce and no news that didn't come up sometime in the past already. So yeah... reviews?

Stories for This Week:

Facebook Buys Ponyville by Eakin
All the Mortal Remains by Cold in Gardez
Why Earth Ponies Don't Fly. by spideremblembrony
Forever Faithful by Konseiga (Re-Read)
Ghost Lights by Winston (Sequel to Seashell)

Rating System

Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 3
Pretty Good: 1
Worth It: 0
Not Bad: 1
None: 0


As someone with a general dislike of social media, I am completely on Twilight’s side of the argument. This story is exactly what it says on the tin, and the terrible (from a certain perspective) consequences of the purchase drives Twilight to appropriate levels of horror. This story had me smiling from beginning to end. The humor is actually pretty smart – I especially liked the Twitter talk about ⅔ through the story.

I really don’t have to much to say about this. It entertained, which is exactly what I was hoping for. I could go on and on about the problems with social media today and how this story accurately reflects it, but what’s the point? I know a worthless struggle when I see one. I do feel horribly for Twilight, though; at least I don’t have to look at the bullcrap twenty-four hours a day.

Bookshelf: Pretty Good


Considering that “Cold in Gardez” is a pretty respected name in the FIMFiction world, it was only a matter of time before I got to read one of his stories. All the Mortal Remains takes on one of the newer tropes, namely Twilight’s reaction to the loss of the Golden Oaks Library in her fight with Tirek. While sorting through the ruins, she and Spike uncover a vase containing the cremated remains of Page Turner, the pony who ran the library before their arrival in Ponyville. Alarmed and a little disturbed that there’s been a dead body in her home for the past four years, Twilight takes it upon herself to find out more about Page Turner and determine what should be done to his remains.

This story is both a mystery and a tale of recovery. In her search for answers into Page Turner’s past, Twilight also finds her own way towards recovering from her loss. It was a curiously emotional story, filled with a certain nostalgia I wasn’t aware existed until it got dragged before me, ashes and all.

Another interesting part is how Cold in Gardez brought about each of the Mane 6’s characters in this story as Twilight interrogates them one at a time on the subject. Of all of these, I was most impressed with his depiction of Fluttershy. So many enjoy writing about her work with the animals, but very few address the dark side of that duty, or the mental strength someone like Fluttershy must have to deal with it on what must be a regular basis. That scene alone was an eye-opener, and may have been one of the best parts for Twilight’s steady recovery.

I enjoyed this story immensely. It handles the problems in a subtle way that isn’t easy to manage, and for that alone I am impressed. Of course, it is also well-written (as expected) and has a good plot flow. It was interesting, yet managed to do so without seeming to try. The story makes no attempt to grab your attention, and yet, somehow, it does. I don’t typically grant my highest rating to something so… ‘humble?’ Maybe that’s not the right word. Regardless, I feel All the Mortal Remains deserves it.

Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?


Why Earth Ponies Don't Fly.

spideremblembrony provided no cover art. Point and laugh.

No, that period isn’t a typo. Yes, it makes me cringe.

After competing in Skeeter the Lurker’s Switcheroo contest, I decided I would read and review the winning entries. Although Why Earth Ponies Don’t Fly. didn’t place, I promised the author to do a review of it after he chose to do the same for my One Night at Fluttershy’s, treating it as a review request.

spideremblembrony’s choice for how to recreate the Sonic Rainboom episode is strange, to say the least. Basically, Rainbow Dash suffers a broken rib after practicing for the Frequent Young Fliers Competition and, as she mumbles incoherently, her friends come to believe that she has asked Applejack to be her replacement. They then spend the next few days building a flying machine for AJ.

To be frank, I feel as though this story only barely meets the criteria of the contest it was made to join. Most of the story involved AJ, Twilight, Rarity and Pinkie crafting the flying machine. Once that’s done, we get some quick scenes where the author tries to cram as many similarities to the actual episode in as possible, including but not limited to: Pinkie getting butterfly wings instead of Rarity; Pinkie entering the Best Young Fliers Competition; Pinkie’s wings failing because she flew too close to the sun.

I’m willing to be lenient based on the knowledge that spideremblembrony completed this story in a four-day crunch without a chance to properly edit or proofread. Even so, I can’t give it that great a rating. If the author had taken time after the competition to smooth out the roughshod conclusion so that it might have a similar quality as the opening half, my opinion would probably be better. As it stands, too much of the story feels like it’s been squeezed into a tiny box without proper preparation.

Bookshelf: Not Bad


Forever Faithful

By Konseiga
Re-Read
Previous Rating: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?

I remember this story well. It creeped me the hell out, and stuck with me for some time. It’s likely to do so again. What do you do if you know that all life as you know it is doomed?

In Konseiga’s Forever Faithful, Twilight Sparkle is killed in a freak weather accident. The usual things happen: mourning, a funeral, some speeches, lots of tears. Then, one day, Celestia gets a letter from a black flame signed by none other than Twilight Sparkle. As more letters come through the veil of death, it becomes clear that being deceased has only empowered Twilight, but at the cost of something… moral.

Forever Faithful starts off with lots of narrative as the picture is painted, but as the situation gradually grows worse the story slips out of the narrative and into Twilight’s letters. It’s a very effective way of making sure the dread sets in; by the end we don’t even need to see Celestia’s reactions. We can imagine it, and that’s enough.

Especially with that last line.

To me, this is a gem of weird, dark fiction. It has everything I like in one small package, hindered only by an occasional typo. I see absolutely no reason to change my rating.

Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?


Winston has, at alternating points, impressed and frustrated me with his writing. Some of his stories seemed a little off in a variety of ways, or just did things incorrectly. Even so, there can be no denying that Seashell was a great work of fiction. At the time, I considered it Winston’s best work by far. How fitting, then, that its sequel puts it to shame.

Following in the trail of Winston’s personal alternate universe (although I understand he doesn’t consider it one), Ghost Lights returns us to the perspective of Sunburst, that introverted and contemplative pegasus who starred in Seashell. Taking place thirteen years later, she has become a career guard at Twilight’s castle and, in ways both direct and subtle, a friend of Twilight, Rainbow Dash and Twilight’s young student, Azure Sky. When Azure shows signs of discomfort and restlessness, a solution is devised: Sunburst will get a third tour of the Seawall she loves so much, a veritable dream come true… and Azure will be her partner. What follows is a six month ordeal where two ponies steadily learn about one another and themselves.

Winston returns to his roots with this story via a calm and patient prose that gradually takes us along. There are no churning rapids here, just a smooth raft ride along a steady stream. Despite this, Ghost Lights is a compelling read that I didn’t want to put down. The steady growth of two well-developed characters and their journey of quiet self-discovery makes up for any lack of suspense or enemies to fight. Let it be known that Sunburst may be my favorite OC of any story I’ve ever read, a fact that may be aided by how strongly I identify with her.

To add to it, the story is well-devised. Tiny things, or unassuming things, mentioned long ago or in passing become important aspects down the line. It’s curious how a simple pair of goggles, mentioned and forgotten in the span of a paragraph, can come back when you least expect it to seem like something so much more. It’s little touches like this that give a story flare and character, and Winston utilized such things to amazing effect.

I am also aware that my appreciation for this story – of the characters and the things we know – is amplified by the journeys already traveled. I don’t think I would have appreciated Ghost Lights as much if I hadn’t pushed my way through Born in Equestria, even knowing that story is focused entirely on Rainbow Dash and is in no way directly related to this story. It’s a sense of completeness, a feeling that all of Winston’s stories belong together and were leading up to Ghost Lights that leaves me the most impressed.

Everyone wants to find a worthwhile story. People like me spend hours analyzing what they’ve read and acting as critics while searching for that one great piece. While Ghost Lights still suffers from a few of Winston’s trademark problems – most notably the repetitive lines and excessive explanation – I consider this to have been one of the best stories I have ever read on the site. I love the characters, I love the plot progression, I love the messages.

If this is the last we hear of Sunburst, I will consider myself satisfied. I haven’t chosen to watch anyone in almost two years, and right now I am pleased to say that Winston has earned it. Even if he didn’t get it by my strict criteria (and he has), I’d be hitting that button. I want to see more like this, and I want everyone to read Ghost Lights. This is a story to learn from.

Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?


Stories for Next Week:

How to Preen Your Chicken by Drakkith
Stardust by Arad
Know That I Love You by Snowybee (Requested by Snowybee)
Tethered by shortskirtsandexplosions (Re-Read)
An Affliction of the Heart Volume Three: Hybrid by Anonymous Pegasus (Sequel to An Affliction of the Heart: Volume Two)


Liked these reviews? Check out some others:

Paul's Monday Reviews XX
Paul's Monday Reviews XXI – "Final" Edition
Paul's Thursday Reviews The Ist!
Paul's Thursday Reviews II
Paul's Thursday Reviews III
Paul's Thursday Reviews IV
Paul's Belated Thursday Reviews I
Paul's Thursday Reviews V
Paul's Thursday Reviews VI
Paul's Thursday Reviews VII

Report PaulAsaran · 1,541 views ·
Comments ( 17 )

Glad you enjoyed Mortal Remains. I figured you'd have to get to some of my stuff at some point.

3417148
*casts disdainful glance over his shoulder, raises eyebrow*

Oh, hey Wallace.

*goes back to what he was doing*

3417451
I'd have made it there sooner if my RiL wasn't so overfull. Alas, so many stories, so little time.

It's funny, I've actually read Facebook Buys Ponyville, All the Mortal Remains, and Forever Faithful already. Weird.

Anyway, I follow CiG, and once you find time, For Whom We Are Hungry and Lost Cites are probably his best works. Though, I'd also recommend Michael Bay Presents: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic: Revenge of the Unicorn God Slayer.

3417594
The next story I have slated to read by CiG is The Destruction of the Self, which is currently on page 14 of 32 in my RiL. That translates into around 180 stories ahead of it in the queue, or a whopping 90 weeks of stories (assuming I continue to only do two RiL stories per week). About the only way I'm getting to anything earlier is if I get some of CiG's stories put into the request queue (hint hint, nudge nudge).

I went ahead and added For Whom We Are Hungry to the RiL queue, though.

3417627

I knew you had a list, but damn. My Read it Later folder only has 4 fics in it right now.

Jeez PaulAsaran, you have a good 50 more RiL stories than I do. And I thought my list was excessive!

Glad you got around to Ghost Lights! I loved it as much as you did.

3418276
Where's a 5-second video of the quote you're after when you need one? :ajbemused: I am disappointed in you, internet.

Hey, I just read the review and I wanted to say thank you for your honesty. I know it's not my best work and I appreciate you being as hard on it as you were. I hope that I haven't completely turned you off from my work, but if I have, I've only myself to blame.

Anyway, thank you for your review and I hear more from your reviews and your story in the future. Until then, take care. :pinkiehappy:

3418663
And now I realize that I completely forgot to pick out another story of yours for my RiL. I hate it when I do that. But yes, I try to be honest about my opinions regarding the stories I read, even if I dread running into an author who can't take the criticism. As my friends will no doubt inform you, I try to be the same critical jerk to them as with anyone else.

3418670

As my friends will no doubt inform you, I try to be the same critical jerk to them as with anyone else.

Lol

I, as an inexperienced writer, expect nothing less, my friend.

I look forward to seeing your next review of my other story. I see you've already picked out the Longest Night. It's probably one of my personal better ones. I wanted to thank you for taking the time to read it when you get there.

3418686
I'm sorry to say that it'll probably be a long wait. I read stories in my RiL in the order they are added in, and at the moment I'm only reading two RiL stories per week. My RiL is... very long.

3418702 I'm a patient man. Take your time. The best things are worth the wait. :raritywink:

Thank you for the review and very high praise of Ghost Lights. I'm glad you liked the story so much—it's also my favorite so far out of all that I've written. I completely understand your alternating frustration with some of my others, since I started writing MLP fanfiction with no fiction writing experience to speak of These stories have been how I've been learning, and the curve is a bit steep. I do feel like I keep getting better with each one, so I hope I can keep impressing in the future.

That said, I'm actually thinking about going back and writing new versions of a couple of my old stories now that I have the benefit of experience: retellings with parts added that they should have had, stuff cut that they don't need, and lots of the flaws fixed that you and other people have pointed out.

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