Paul's Thursday Reviews CCXXVIII · 9:07pm Nov 19th, 2020
Okay. Gonna try and keep this brief.
So I’ve decided that with the upcoming holiday vacations I’ve got I’ll want to have some time to relax. I therefore rearranged my reading schedule to allow for some very easy reading for, like, 30 of the next 50 days. But to do that, I had to shuffle most of the rest of the reading into the remaining 20. On top of that, I’d scheduled extra reading material in the latter weeks to counter the wave of big stories choking my wordspace. The end result:
For 20 out of the next 50 days, I’ll be reading somewhere between 50k-70k words a day. Something tells me my actual writing will be shot those days.
It’ll be worth it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got 65k words to read today.
EDIT: Oh, look! Mom and Dad decided they should visit today. 
Stories for This Week:
Shadowed Bolts by Shadowmane PX-41
Losing Sight by thatonecoffeemachine
Rainbow Factory by AuroraDawn
Tactics by Rose Quill
The Foal in Daybreaker's Room by Foals Errand
Let It Snow by ToixStory
Sunset's Isekai by Wanderer D
Like Mother, Like Daughter by KorenCZ11
Smoothing the Knots by Trick Question
Blood Brothers by LuminoZero
Total Word Count: 194,456
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 1
Pretty Good: 1
Worth It: 5
Needs Work: 1
None: 1
Shadowed Bolts
92,189 Words
By Shadowmane PX-41
A month after the Friendship Games, Principal Cinch has been removed by the School Board and replaced by none other than Principal Chrysalis. This leads to a massive rift within the student body of Crystal Prep. Facing a literal war within the school’s halls, the Shadowbolts seek out Sunset and her friends, hoping they can help resolve the fighting.
This one caught my eye purely because I so rarely read anything relating to the girls from Crystal Prep. I wasn’t sure what to expect going in; I was dealing with a new author, and that’s always a risky proposition with large stories of this sort. I’m sorry to say that this was a risk that didn’t pay off. I ended the story questioning Shadowmane PX-41’s age, maturity, influences, and perception of the world. There’s so much I could criticize with this one, so I’ll just cherry pick a few things that most stood out to me.
The most annoying part is the dialogue. The narrative has similar issues, but it’s in the dialogue that things really grate on the nerves. Practically every conversation is made out in Super Dramatic Speech Mode, such that it all feels cartoony. Be it melodrama, over-the-top threats, or pontificating on the characters’/group’s goals, it never stops. It would be alright if I had reason to believe the author intended the whole story to be cheesy and unrealistic, but no, it’s obvious we’re somehow supposed to take every word seriously.
This leads into the plot, which… Okay, whole truth? There were numerous times throughout this story where I burst out laughing at just how bad the story is. Some highlights:
Crystal Prep students – high school kids, need I remind you – have formed a massive gang and are literally waging war against Chrysalis and the students who support her or are neutral in the fight. Because these are kids, you’d expect this to involve low-key things like a scuffle in a hallway or two, some bullying, and maybe a few acts of vandalism. But no, in this story the “Defectors” are literally beating their fellow students to the point of sending them to the hospital; concussions, broken bones, the works. And what is new Principal Chrysalis’s reaction to this?
She forms her own gang (the “Changelings”, of course) and has them engaged in bloody bare-knuckle brawling with the Defectors. I shit you not, this is what she’s doing. Not having the police deal with it, not expelling them, just encouraging more fighting. Because this is exactly what any principal in the real world would do, of course. What, parents complaining and calling the police? Since when did parents actually care about their children’s physical and mental wellbeing?
This one plot point by itself is so ridiculous, and it’s the main point of the story. Does this author have any idea whatsoever how the real world works?
Oh, let’s have the Rainbooms undergo “training” to prepare to infiltrate Crystal Prep and determine what the Defectors’ motivations are. Somehow, we’re expected to believe that within one day – one day – the Shadowbolts are able to teach the Rainbooms to be skilled in martial arts, acting, and propaganda, enough so that they can pass as Defectors and defend themselves if necessary. And then the entire montage of training is rendered pointless because the girls get caught in five minutes. So what was the point of bringing this entire subplot up in the first place, author? I haven’t even gotten into the nonsense of having all Sunset’s friends do this thing when one or two would have been fine. What, did the author just want to give them makeovers for a chapter to say “look at how cool my designs are!”? Oh, and all these changes, including hair cuts and recolors, are gone as if they never existed the instant they’ve escaped Crystal Prep.
Oh, that leads into another ridiculous plot point: why are the Defectors… defecting? Everyone acts as if they have no idea, which is the entire reason the Rainbooms try to infiltrate the Defectors in the first place. Apparently them shouting their slogans and graffitiing the walls wasn’t evidence enough of what they want. Then they do the whole infiltration thing for all of five minutes and find out that, oh, look, everything they’ve been shouting at the top of their lungs happens to actually be the motivation all along! Who would have thought? Let’s go tell Chrysalis! “I’m sorry girls, but that’s just speculation. I need actual proof of their goals and motivations. You know, other than them saying what those goals and motivations are every minute of every day in large groups while beating my students to within an inch of their lives. That’s just not conclusive, you know?”
“Why is Starlight Glimmer doing this?” Chapter 5: “She’s probably mad because Sugarcoat and I stopped being friends with her.” Chapter 10: “You think maybe it’s because Twilight and I aren’t with her anymore?” Chapter 15: “I finally understand why Starlight’s doing this! Think about it, it has to be because Sugarcoat and me stopped being friends with her! Why didn’t this occur to us before?”
“I am the most loyal and firm believer in Starlight’s and Blueblood’s cause! I will defeat you all with my conviction! You are all weak, and it is the way of life that the weak be defeated by the strong! Do not underestimate a foreign exchange student! Cinch gave us unity and loyalty and high standards, and now you’ve taken her away so I will completely defy all of those things in rage because you’re trying to change Cinch’s ways! Oh wait nevermind, I never actually believed any of that and I want to help you now. I’m just a foreign exchange student after all. I’m going to go help all your friends out and leave for China tomorrow oh wait nevermind I’m already on the airplane bye!”
I wish I could say that any of that last paragraph was embellishment. And I’ve barely scratched the surface. The plot is a hideous mishmash of nonsense that either left me feeling annoyed, frustrated, or laughing my ass off.
Which brings us to the over-the-top anime/video game style events. Like how this foreign exchange student happens to have a black belt in literally every martial art that exists on earth. No joke, we’re expected to believe this (also, profiling much?). And then he fights the Rainbooms and the Shadowbolts all by himself at the same time by teleporting them all to some “Arena World” and taking on some dumb “super cool” alternate form. The fight involves literally throwing people into mountains.
Oh, that’s another thing: people are apparently immortal in this story. Characters can be beaten, burned, have their bones broken, suffer extreme blood loss, and whatever else you can think of all at once and jump back up as if they were being slapped by a baby. Unless the characters have no name, then they can die. And they do: the Shadowbolts are confirmed to have killed at least 200 other students before the story is over. Forget My Little Pony, this is clearly a Dragonball fanfiction.
Speaking of, I wish I was kidding, but this is taken directly from the story:
”I am finished with you and your kind.”
"Up until now, I've only been using a fraction of my true power! Now it's time to end this silly little charade once and for all!"
"Now, witness my ULTIMATE power!"
Yes, the final villain really does transform several times into a “new, more powerful form!” while declaring that, for real, it’s time to “end this”. Every time. Gag me. By the end of it all we’re literally fighting through black holes in space and time while characters who have zero reason to have any powers in particular act like superheroes. I couldn’t resist thinking that they were fighting Ultemicia.
And then the villain just quits. No, seriously. One minute she’s raving about ultimate forms and how it’s time to end this and she’s going to destroy everything that exists, the next she’s like “nah, nevermind, I’ll reform.” It is that fast. Practically all of the villains, major and minor, do this at some point.
So much has been said so far, and I still have barely scratched the surface. I’ve read a great many stories in my time, and every now and then find one or two that make me wish I could just quit reading. This was one of them. By the second chapter I was checking to see how much more I’d have to go through, and was horrified to realize it was only the beginning of a week-long ordeal. My standards as a reviewer were challenged.
But I pulled it off. I got through this, just to deliver you people these words: Shadowed Bolts is bad, folks. I can’t recommend it even for “so bad it’s good” purposes. The plot makes no sense, frequently contradicting itself and often starting up new threads that go nowhere. The action is blatantly stolen from over-the-top anime and video games like Dragonball or Bayonetta (and those make sense in comparison to this). The dialogue is a mind-numbing parade of preaching and flowery melodrama, and the narration isn’t much better. And that’s just the things I care to describe for this review. There’s more. Lots more.
I suppose if you’re looking for all of that stuff then this might appeal to you. That’s about as much as I can offer, though. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go read something half-ass decent to make me forget about what I just put myself through. The crap I undergo for you people, I swear…
Bookshelf: None
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Losing Sight
4,125 Words
By thatonecoffeemachine
Here we enter an AU where Twilight has allowed the concepts of harmony to turn her evil. She has begun passing harmful laws, all in the name of achieving order and peace. Discord sees it, and knows that her actions are objectively wrong. Worse, Celestia doesn’t appear to be trying to stop her, and Twilight actually, physically harms her friends when they try to talk sense into her. So when Twilight begins sending him letters demanding he pay her a visit, he has a good idea of what is in store for him should he comply.
I like the concept behind this one. It’s not the first time I’ve seen it, although it is the first time I’ve seen it with Twilight at the helm. Usually it’s Celestia going the ‘total order’ route. Having Twilight do it instead is a nice change, and one that I can absolutely see her doing under the right circumstances.
The problem is with how the story is written. It’s… quirky, confusing at times, and in desperate need of a proofreader. When Twilight Sparkle writes grammatically incorrect letters, you know something is very wrong (and I don’t mean with the plot). Then you get the wild perspective shifts and almost chaotic (in a bad way) climax. I look at how the story is written and have to wonder if thatonecoffeemachine might not be a native English speaker.
The ending also gives me pause. I think I know what the author was trying to do, and if I’m right then that means the first 2/3rds of the story were leading up to it. That would be commendable, and I really think it was the intention. But there’s enough uncertainty there that I can’t say for certain. I think the story would have benefited by being as open with Discord’s thoughts at the conclusion as it was at the beginning.
Contextually, not a bad story. But the writing could certainly use some fine-tuning.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Rainbow Factory
8,462 Words
By AuroraDawn
Here’s a story that needs no introduction. This marks the third time I’ve read Rainbow Factory, the first being long before I was doing reviews. The second time was as research for a potential one-shot I wanted to write (and may yet return to). Now, at long last, I can give it a review.
For those of you who somehow don’t know, Rainbow Factory is one of the most (in?)famous dark stories in the history of MLP fanfiction, rivalling even Cupcakes in notoriety. Released in late 2012, the story envisions a dark AU in which foals who fail their final flight tests get literally ground up into rainbows. To be specific, this one shows Scootaloo failing her test and discovering that her surrogate big sister is in charge of the eponymous factory.
Cupcakes earned its reputation through a stupid amount of shock value and terrible writing. Rainbow Factory is an entirely different beast. The writing is mostly of a good quality and there is actually a plot in there other than slaughter for slaughter’s sake. I’m not saying the plot is amazing, but for a famous horror story it works quite well. In a small way, this might be considered a worldbuilding tale.
There are two issues. The first is that the entire story demands the audience completely suspend their sense of disbelief. You want us to think that Rainbow Dash has known about this factory her entire life and, somehow, has managed to be the character we know from the show? There’s no way this can be described as ‘possible’. As such, readers will have to accept that the events of the show are voided for this AU, and they’ll never learn the background of this setting beyond “Rainbow and Scootaloo are still surrogate sisters.” That can be a tough pill to swallow for many people.
The second issue is the gore. At first, this isn’t all that bad. I mean, yeah, it’s “bad”, but at the beginning what gore we see was at least realistic. Then we have Rainbow literally pulling a pony’s wing off, and later see her literally covered in so much blood she might as well have been born red. Can you say “over the top?” The story would be strong enough with a realistic level of blood, so all this excess is just… pointless. If anything, it cheapens what was otherwise a solid experience.
That being said, it’s understandable why this is considered one of the great horror classics of the MLP:FiM fandom. Unlike many of the early horrors like Cupcakes, the plot is a good one. Unlike stories with similarly good plots, like Silent Ponyville, this one is written well. Extra gore aside, this is a quality piece of horror material that earns its placement in the fandom, which is a lot more than I can say for most.
This all comes with the caveat and admission that it never managed to frighten me. Maybe that’s because I’ve seen far too much at this point for this kind of material to disturb me. Or perhaps the story’s inability to connect with canon MLP in any way distracts me. It’s also possible that the unrealistic blood elements take me out of the horror. Whatever the case, I appreciate the story for the quality of it over its ability to affect me.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Tactics
1,821 Words
By Rose Quill
Twilight Sparkle, bodyguard to Princess Rarity, trains her in the art of sword combat.
I am a weak, feeble-minded man. I saw that adorable picture of fencer Rarity and threw this on my RiL instantly. Cover art, people. It’s shallow, but it works.
Inspired by, but not apparently canon to, Monochromatic’s Bodyguard AU, this story operates under the idea that Rarity is the princess and heir of… whatever their nation is and Twilight is her hoof-picked royal bodyguard that she is, naturally, crushing on. The story didn’t go quite like I was expecting. With a name like that, and given the cover art, I figured Rarity was going to use their mutual attraction as a weapon against Twilight,which would have been highly entertaining.
To my surprise, Rose Quill plays this one straight. Twilight is an immaculately depicted straight mare who sticks almost strictly to her job, even while acknowledging Rarity’s interest. The most curious thing is how, even after Rarity is caught in this story, Twilight never outright declares a reciprocation. There’s subtle body language, for sure, but not enough to give us any absolute confirmations. And I rather like that, if only because it suggests there could be more to come.
There’s not a lot here, really. Just some interaction between a crushing Princess Rarity and her somewhat stoic bookworm of a bodyguard. But that’s all it needed; short, pleasant, and maybe even a little sweet.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
The Foal in Daybreaker's Room
1,519 Words
By Foals Errand
In collaboration with The Abyss
Twilight Sparkle has just failed her entrance exam. At least, she thinks she has. But just when the verdict is to be declared, something happens, and she finds herself in… a bedroom.
This story operates under the idea that instead of hatching Spike, Twilight’s magical overload at her entrance exam instead sent her to a new dimension where Daybreaker rules Equestria. Being only four years old, Twilight has no idea that the mare she’s just “befriended” is known for incinerating things that might annoy her, ponies included.
Needless to say, this isn’t quite what Iexpected. I thought this story would begin in an AU where Daybreaker ruled, not one where Twilight would change realities. Still, it’s an interesting dynamic. One has to feel for Twilight’s family, though.
The good part is that filly Twilight is, as always, super adorable. The bad news is that this story opens up a new idea ripe for exploring, and then… doesn’t. These kinds of stories always annoy me for their lack of ambition. What we’ve got isn’t bad, it just doesn’t go anywhere. It’ll work for your filly Twilight fix, at the very least.
After all, who doesn’t want to read about filly Twilight?
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Princess Celestia? Do You Have A Belly Button? — Pretty Good
A Little Panic — Worth It
Dear Princess Celestia — Needs Work
Tiny Twilight Tales — Needs Work
Let It Snow
4,255 Words
By ToixStory
Applejack and Rainbow Dash head into the Everfree to get the biggest evergreen they can for Twilight’s first Hearth’s Warming as a princess. It was AJ’s idea. She didn’t expect the weather to get bad while they were out there, though. Or for Rainbow to have a… problem with the cold.
This was unexpected in a good way. While most people I’ve read have depicted pegasi as being biologically adapted to handling extreme cold, ToixStory changes things up by making Rainbow particularly vulnerable to it not just physically, but mentally. I know some people might scoff at this concept, but Rainbow gives a good reason behind it. Well, behind the psychological part. You’ll just have to roll with it for the physical.
On the one hand, I have zero faith in ToixStory’s depiction of how the mares got back to Ponyville. On the other, I recognize that this isn’t a story you take for its realism. Rather, you should focus more on the interaction between AJ and RD. It’s a nice scene of character building between the two of them, and who doesn’t enjoy some AppleDash friendshipping? As long as you’re here for that, you should be fine.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Hangover: Equestria Edition — Pretty Good
Freeze Frame — Worth It
Reach — Worth It
Sunset's Isekai
Partial Reading: 61,286 Words
By Wanderer D
Sunset Shimmer encounters a Rarity who is neither from Equestria or the human world. After a long discussion and some drinks, the ever-pragmatic Rarity makes a business proposition. Now Sunset finds herself as the owner of an interdimensional bar, one that appears before anyone in any world at any time when they need a strong drink and/or a friendly ear.
This is an interesting project on Wanderer D’s part, and ambitious to boot. The general concept revolves around WD collaborating with other authors to create crossovers with those authors’ fics. To use an easy example, in an early chapter WD and I worked together to write a scene where Rarity from Bulletproof Heart appears at Sunset’s bar (it’s actually the second longest chapter of the story as of the time I wrote this). Ever since then, it was inevitable that I’d have to read and review it.
But only partially. The catch in all this is that WD has no ending in mind. He just keeps throwing out chapters, and will continue to do so until he gets tired of it. With no concrete ending and given the nature of my review schedule, I had to force myself to read only so much. So for the purposes of this review, I read up to chapter 15: “One Page More”.
This story is interesting, to say the least. It’s really more a collection of stories than one long piece, with each chapter being its own self-contained tale of Isekai Sunset meeting characters from new worlds. She is clearly going on adventures in between chapters, as she makes multiple references to a variety of worlds and characters who never actually show up in-story. Nor is she limited to MLP-related characters and fanfiction: she’s crossed into worlds involving the likes of the new Duck Tales, Macross, The Lord of the Rings, and some more obscure ones you likely never heard of.
Needless to say, this can make things a little confusing. The best thing to do is just roll with it and try to enjoy the stories as-is. They’re all interesting in their own ways, and even without knowing anything about some of the characters involved I liked what I read. The fact that the story is opening us up to a whole range of options we never knew about before is also a benefit. Ignoring the Bulletproof Heart chapter for obvious reasons, I think I liked the Three Sisters chapter the most. But it’s a hard choice, and I’m sure if you ask me in an hour I’ll have switched to another chapter. Really, the quantity of shorts doesn’t mean WD is sacrificing quality.
I do find myself wondering if he’s expanded outwards in later chapters, though. Of the fifteen chapters I’ve read, there have been a whole lot of Rarities, Twilights, and assorted changelings queens. I’m surprised that Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie have yet to make a single appearance. Can’t blame the author for playing favorites, but still, more variety would be nice.
For what it is, I strongly approve. This series is fun, with themes ranging from the dramatic to the comedic, no shortage of references to other fanfiction and franchises, and all helmed by everyone’s favorite bacon head. I have every intention of reading some more of WD’s material… although I’ll probably hit another story first, just to make sure I’m not ignoring the rest of his library.
Alas, because this is incomplete and ongoing, my own rules state I can’t provide a rating. But if I did, I can assure you all it would be rated highly.
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Gunsmoke — WHYRTY?
Like Mother, Like Daughter
14,115 Words
By KorenCZ11
Requested by KorenCZ11
Rarity receives word that something has happened to her teenage daughter, Pearl. Afraid she’ll finally have to face the consequences of her poor parenting habits, she heads back to Ponyville.
This is a story that pictures a more realistic and arguably harsh Equestria, but still not too removed from that of the show. We meet a middle-aged, single mother Rarity who, despite being the best at what she does, is absolutely clueless when it comes to her own child. This leads to a tale about a mother and daughter who have finally reached the point where their problems with one another need to be addressed, for good or for ill.
The end result is a touching and surprisingly emotional story. It’s a delightfully character-driven piece in which Rarity finally faces the results of her poor lifestyle choices and learns a little more about what it means to be a mother.
There is some disappointment in who KorenCZ11 chose to be Pearl’s father or, more specifically, the “why” of it all. I’m not sure if that’s because it defies my headcanon for him or what, so it might be a subjective issue.
The only other issue I have is that I felt the conclusion came a little too quickly. Rarity gives a long monologue and we’re done. I felt like Pearl’s reaction to it was too swift, like she could have said so much more. It feels… lightweight. Sugarcoated. Which is a shame considering that the majority of the story is anything but.
Regardless, this is a wonderful story for Rarity fans. It’s heartwarming and full of powerful scenes that are sure to hold your attention in a firm grip, especially the Applejack moments. I can think of no reason not to highly recommend this.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Star Overhead — WHYRTY?
AND THEN! — Pretty Good!
The Story of a Forgotten Prince — Pretty Good
Honesty is a Virtue — Needs Work
Ground Control to Major Twi — Needs Work
Smoothing the Knots
1,034 Words
By Trick Question
Requested by Trick Question
Luna, freshly returned from exile, is visited by her sister.
This is a very brief encounter in which Celestia and Luna encourage and comfort one another, one convinced she deserves more punishment and the other glad the nightmare is over. There’s not much more to say about it. It’s a heartwarming piece, to be sure. At the same time, it’s nothing we haven’t all seen before. Heck, I’ve written it myself.
That’s not to put down the story. Oh, no. Trick Question does well with the concept, as can be expected of this author. It’s just that I’ve seen similar scenes enough times by now that I’m sort of numb to them at this point.
Don’t let that deter you from giving it a go. If you’re a fan of the princesses and want to see some sibling bonding, then this is a surefire way to get your fix.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Price of a Smile — WHYRTY?
Broken Symmetry — WHYRTY?
Back to Normal — Pretty Good
Dead and Loving It — Pretty Good!
Flash in the Pan — Pretty Good
Blood Brothers
5,657 Words
By LuminoZero
Sequel to A Little Push
Prism Bolt, son of Rainbow Dash and Soarin, is accompanying his mom and baby brother on a little trip through town. At Aunt Rarity’s he decides to teach hers and Spike’s son Turquoise how to fly. It… doesn’t go as well as he hoped.
Yet another story set in the Kilalaverse, this one sets out to resolve a few of the author’s headcanons regarding Kilala’s characters. Particularly, Prism’s scar and turquoise’s hemophobia. It’s not a bad story by any means, but it may be better enjoyed by those who actually know of Kilala’s universe of next-gen characters. Of course, if you’re vehemently anti-Sparity or anti-SoarinDash then you may want to avoid this one.
For my part, the only complaint I have is the distinct lack of Claire. That girl was always my favorite of Kilala’s set. There’s also the question of why the other two ponies in the cover art make zero appearances, not even a mention. Rather annoying, that, but I can at least understand that LuminoZero’s options were limited.
Not an amazing story, but it’ll do nicely for those looking for more Kilalaverse-based stuff.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Subconscious Desires — Worth It
A Little Push — Worth It
The Longest Day — Needs Work
Stories for Next Week:
The Ash by Raging Mouse
Self Help by Tyro
Full Bloom by Grand_Moff_Pony
Always The Quiet Ones by Eddy13
Rarified Airs by SpinelStride
Let the Silence Sing by Aegis Shield
Partyquest by R5h
How the Other Half Lives by Adda le Blue
Tomb of Magic by Ice Star
Pinkie's Surprise Quest by Shaded Changeling
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*reads your review of Shadowed Bolts*
Okay, yeah, I can definitely see what you were talking about now, haha.
Please rub some of your work ethic onto me. I need it D:
Oh hey, thanks for the review! I super appreciate it, this is so cool to see. 😁
Hey, I've read several of these! On one of them, I'll respond to you via PM, for reasons that will become apparent.
It sounds like I enjoyed "Let it Snow" about as much as you did from a plot standpoint, but it bothered me more so that someone who works weather as part of her job is so afraid of the cold. And not a fear that she's hidden, either. She seemed perfectly at ease during "Winter Wrap Up," and the cold wind blowing in backstage after the Hearth's Warming play didn't bother her, and... well, it requires me to ignore a lot of canon evidence that cold doesn't bother her in the least. If it had gone the way that she was trying to hide that fear, then I could buy it, but as I said, she's up front about it. At least it is some nice AJ/Dash friendshipping.
"Sunset's Isekai" is pretty enjoyable, even if you're not familiar with whatever property the current chapter is focusing on. I'd be surprised if I've read more than one or two of the fanfics it crosses with, but I read the first 17 chapters to pre-read it (that was all that was published at the time), and I still liked the chapter, for example, full of multiple Twilights, even though I had no idea what their background was. While it's true there's not an overall story per se, there still are running threads. You did note that there are referential lines throughout, but there are even characters who make incidental appearances, and even times where an offhand comment about one of them lends character development to what they've been doing offscreen since their last appearance, then they turn up again at some point. It's also understandably hard to evaluate a collaboration for quality, because it depends on how the writing duties are actually divided up, and even if D only consulted with the other authors and did all the actual writing himself, he's still bound by all those other universes. There will either be a first- or second-order effect that plagues any collab: it's only as good as its weakest writer. D stacks the deck in his favor by working with some choice authors (except those hacks Pascoite and PaulAsaran).
"Like Mother, Like Daughter." Ummmmmm. Of the stories I've read by this author, this may be the one I liked the best, I'll grant you. The plot was fine. I was put off by how it kept flopping from past to present to past again. But without fail, you rank this author's stories higher than I would have. For most authors, we'd likely split one way as often as the other, such that the average would still come out similar. There must be something about Koren's style that just hits your sweet spot.
The problem with being a late arrival to Fimfiction (relatively speaking) is the same problem that comes from finding reading to be difficult: I have no idea what other authors have done before, so I often tackle a well-trodden subject. I was certain Smoothing the Knots was one of those times going into it, and I can't even remember why I was compelled to write the story in the first place.
(checks) Ah, that was the time I participated in the Quills & Sofas thing. Which I did maybe twice, but didn't care for the time limit, the dearth of feedback, the bracketing system, and the lack of sufficient time to evaluate the stories. Plus both times my entry did horribly.
So I was very surprised that it ended up being my fourth-highest ranked story. Maybe being inoffensive and on a popular topic helped, but the ranking deities are fickle. I'm glad it wasn't too painful a slog.
On a similar topic, and knowing absolutely better than to try to get you to read more of my work especially as busy as you always are but still wanting to mention this for others who are reading my comment, there are a couple of related stories that people who read a great deal of poanfix would probably like better.
My second highest-ranked story is the only one in my top seven you haven't read (though the eighth is better... no, no, Trixie, stop doing this to people, it's not right to love your own stories this much), and back when I posted it it was also very well-worn territory (which I didn't know). The other one is a very similar but more serious bedroom meeting between Celestia and Luna, post-Tantabus.
(Whoa... I just realized I could Smoothing fits as a prequel, making for my first threequel!)
Anyway, the reason I was tempted to mention both of those minifics is that I think that, of all my works, they have something in common where you'll want to read the story a second time—and I feel I was a clever pony in both cases.
Thanks for the review! I think Sunset's Isekai foes have some reference issues that some people might find annoying, but the bottom line is that the idea is to feel like you're in a bar with a real person (of sorts), of course friends and acquaintances that you might not know would come up from time to time :)
Also, I really want that Gunsmoke/Bulletproof moment when they talk shop or something. XD
5401084
You can have it! I was reading until 9 PM last night.
But it'll all be worth it when I have a month of practically no reading to do.
5401151
Oh, don't get me wrong, Rainbow's problem with the cold bothered me a lot. In my head I was nonstop incredulous. But I reminded myself (regularly) that I was seeing a headcanon and that other people probably wouldn't find the complete reversal of everything we know about pegasi such a big deal, and wrote the review with that in mind.
Ugh, yeah. Pascoite and PaulAsaran. What was he thinking, working with those weirdos?
As for KorenCZ11... It's been a long time since I read the story, but I recall that this was one of the very few times I fully approved of how the story shifted between past and present. To paraphrase you, there's no accounting for taste.
5401185
I'm tempted to grab those and add them to my list as requests, if only because you're specifically trying to get me not to do that. But meh, I'll spare you. What I will do is keep this comment in mind the next time I have an opportunity to pick a story by you to add to my RiL. At least, I hope I will.
5401390
That would be highly entertaining. But if I did do another BPH/SI collab with you, I'd want it set after the new book, and I'd rather not produce anything of that sort until I have it down like concrete all the events that will happen. Don't want to risk Rarity talking about events that end up not happening, y'know?
Still more incentive to get off my bum (metaphoriaclly speaking) and finish the damn thing. Why is it taking so long?!
5401498
I'm curious what you thought of the tense shifts in Koren's story, then. I didn't mean that the story was popping between flashbacks and present-day. I meant that the verb tenses seemed to shift at random, and I couldn't find a pattern as to why. Maybe you did see one, that it used past tense when a character was reminiscing and present when she was in the moment. Or maybe you found that it was jumbled, but that it created an effect of the character being confused? It's also been a long time since I read it, and maybe the author fixed up what I was seeing before you got a hold of it.
It's also interesting to see which reviewers just happen to click with which authors. Koren's the only one that seems to (to me, at least) with you. Likewise, Titanium Dragon always had a soft spot for billymorph, and Loganberry for VikingZX. I don't know that I've read any single authors enough to have one like that. The only one I can think of where I've read multiple stories and really enjoyed them all is PapierSam, but that's only 3 or 4 stories.
5401185
As much as I like flash fiction, I've never bothered participating in those either. I don't know the first thing about how it operates, so I wasn't even aware of the bracket system and only vaguely aware of the limited reviewing time. But agreed that the writing time limit puts me off. I'm not a fast writer, and I'd be lucky to get 750 words done in an hour. That alone has prevented me from ever looking into the group.
5401595
Huh. Maybe I'm thinking of something else in regards to the flashbacks. But it has been far too long – both in actual time and in overall word count – for me to remember specifics in relation to potential narrative voice incongruities. I'd have to go in and re-read the story from scratch, and given my current workload (see the blog intro) there's no way I've got time to do that ATM.
5401595
I don't recall the results of Q&S ever being of flash fiction length. They tend to be minifics with minimal editing.
What GaPJaxie does with Q&S could easily and far better be handled through writeoff.me: the system would be automatically timed and fairly judged for second and third place finishers (brackets don't do this). But then it wouldn't be under his full control.
5401723
The typical lengths that come out of those events would still fit in the upper end of what's considered flash fiction. There's of course no universally accepted definition of lengths, but I've seen up in the 2-3k range still considered such.
And I didn't think Jaxie had been involved in that group for a long time now. I know he left the Discord server, and I didn't think he participated in the FiMFic group anymore.
5401769
Oh, I have no idea what's going on with him right now. I only attended one or maybe two events, and that was near its genesis. I just remember this was during a time when he was trying to recreate the wheel in a couple of domains. The other one was launching a separate group for one of those "Season 10" projects, rather than contributing to the large existing one. I seem to recall authors were not keen on the idea.
5401151
It would be a very, very rare thing for me to go back and change anything about any story I published. You must be the EQD editor I argue with all the time. Despite how I may come across, I do appreciate it and you have changed my mind on a few things. I'm just very stubborn.
5401601
Glad you liked it. The ending is the way it is for two reasons:
1) When I initially wrote this, it was the first of it's kind and I had done no ground work on the world it was set in, i.e. Pearl didn't have a character other than 'Rarity's daughter.'
2) I struggled like hell to figure out how that last scene would go at all, mostly because of 1. They're both so awkward toward each other and struggling so hard to communicate that I took the Rarity voice since I know it best and ran until I couldn't anymore.
I think I had this same problem with, what is really a mirror story in 'Far From the tree,' because I just didn't have a good grasp on my own original character. I also don't think I'm very good at ending things. Which is funny, because I think Star Overhead has the best ending I've written, but it's also the only story I've really ever wanted to go back and write more for.
I read the original Rainbow Factory and have to say that it was one of the few stories I regret reading, it felt like it was slash and gore for the sake of shock value and naught else. When I read horror (and I'm hardly a horror buff) I prefer the slow psychological type, like a story where Twilight finds a book in a incomprehensible language and starts having dreams of dark places and ancient creatures that defy rational thought, the creeping madness and Twilight's unquenchable curiosity. No hate on the writer or anyone who enjoys this kind of story, just not my cup of tea is all.
5660709
As a horror buff and storyteller in general, I would suggest you fail to understand shock horror. Cupcakes is shock horror. Butterflies is shock horror. Cheerilee's Garden is shock horror. They are literally just "a bunch of characters get murdered, the end" and go out of their way to be as nonsensical as possible.
Rainbow Factory is a story. It differentiates itself by having actual characters with goals and interests and development. I'll grant that it's not too deep, but it's a huge difference compared to those other stories which are literally what you just tried to associate with it. I wholeheartedly agree with you that shock horror is crap, but if you think Rainbow Factory is that then you either haven't actually read shock horror or haven't explored the concept enough to recognize it.
What I think you're really trying to describe is splatterporn or torture porn, which Cheerilee's Garden comfortably (so to speak) falls into. Rainbow Factory does indeed have elements of that, and I agree that it's over the top. One of the big reasons the story doesn't disturb me – aside from my desensitization through overexposure (again, horror buff) – is because stories must have at least a semblance of realism in them to be effective on an emotional level.
If you're really looking for something more psychological, I might recommend Grimm's Don't Open the Door.
5660710
You bring up good points, and it could just be that I don't have the stomach for gratuitous blood and guts. It could also be that I discovered the show before I discovered the story, being something of a Johnny come lately to the fandom, so the idea of RD trying to kill Scoots was hard for me to accept.
One thing I failed to mention in my original comment is that I had an idea for how the concept of Rainbow Factory could have been made into a fascinating yet still disturbing story. My idea was to place the practice of Rainbow making into a historical context ala Ancient Sparta, which was known for its, to our modern sensibilities, a brutal and bloody lifestyles.
5660753
In what way would it be different? I assume Rainbow still kills Scootaloo, otherwise there would be no point in comparing your story to Rainbow Factory. So what would you change? Would it simply be less gory? Or perhaps you'd change it so that Rainbow feels guilty about killing Scoots, in which case it's not really a Rainbow Factory-esque story anymore, is it?