• Member Since 23rd Aug, 2015
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

KorenCZ11


Average brony obsessing over the main cast with an unhealthy desire to see them in a dark fantasy setting.

E

This story is a sequel to Candy Apples are Always a Little Tart


Celestia is tired. Raising children is hard, she's a very old mare, and these times of peace are beginning to show cracks at the corners. Her little student is bright and rebellious, but maybe it's time Sunset learns why Celestia took her in...


Written for Moonshot's Quils and Sofas Speedwriting contest, prompt: [Well, here we are again]

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 11 )

I waved a hoof and shook my head. “Oh, no, those were both accidental, I promise. You are here, with me, because I need help.”

No kidding

It's Always Such A Pleasure

Do You Remember When

“Twice indeed. How we laughed and laughed.”

“Well, I wasn’t laughing.”

“It was comical, really. The last time somepony close tried to overthrow me, I wasn’t nearly so nice.”

this needs a sequel set after sunset reforms and the 2 reuniting to discuss things

9851048
I wouldn't count on it.

I appreciate that Celestia's first thought upon Sunset mentioning that nobody ever wanted or needed her before was "did your mother ever hold you?", because I feel she might come off as more terrifying than you intended. Mind you, it could explain why Sunset grew to despise, or at least distrust, her 'beloved' mentor.

Still, it was nice to get in her head, with lines like these;

I reached for my magic, then draped it over the little rebel before continuing onward.

The wash of gentle yellow, red, and orange always made the cold stone look warm to the touch, even if it never was.

I need… help. I need somepony who can fight alongside me when things take a turn for the worse, and all I’ve had for these last thousand years has been me, myself, and I to combat the dark forces that want to consume my little ponies. It’s draining, and I’m loathe to admit it, but I’ve grown weary. Another night, another vision of things that might come to pass, another day without sleep.

Ten years old, believing the world will one day fall into the frog of her hoof, and incredibly talented. That was Sunset Shimmer.

Sunset shook her head and finally looked me in the eye on purpose for about the first time today.

One of these days, things I’ve just wanted dead and gone… will return and try to do the same to me.

One of these days, I think you could possibly become…” my replacement “… very, very powerful.

Of course, she still finds a way to slip up with a line like "“I don’t know… I do have quite the number of bits at my disposal after all. Everypony has a price.”" Gee, Celestia, I'm sure that last line won't badly influence Sunset at all.

I liked the accuracy of the vocabulary as well, with the aforementioned "in the frog of her hoof" in the place of 'in the palm of her hand' and the "nib to page" at the end.

I still found some mistakes, though;

and oH GODDESS SHE’S TURNING BLUE!

OH (unless you meant to merge the preceding, calmer lowercase narration with Celestia's sudden panic)

The marble halls of the castle walls in the golden twilight hour, has always been my favorite.

have

Specifically the stain glass one in the throne room

stained-glass

The elements’ power on Luna were weakening

Elements

It’s draining, and I’m loathe to admit it, but I’ve grown weary.

loath

Little hooves pitter pattered promptly to my writing desk

pitter-pattered

There were also "the golden filly" which I feel would have worked just as well with 'she' or 'Sunset,' and the only line I consider weak in the entire story;

Embarrassed, I turned away from her and put on an indignant face of my own.

However, I found nothing wrong with the said tags.

9857124
> OH (unless you meant to merge the preceding, calmer lowercase narration with Celestia's sudden panic)
Intentional.
>have
corrected
>stained-glass
fixed
>Elements
fixed
>loath
TIL, the letter 'e' changes the meaning of the word.
>pitter-pattered
fixed

Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Should be a new short story up on Tuesday around noon. Thanks for the spot corrections.

9857449
Thank you for taking the time to reply and to correct.

I forgot to mention: I thought the lowercase-uppercase merge worked well. And while I'm not aware of the rules of this speedwriting contest, I find it impressive (and pleasant) that there were so few mistakes.

Yes, I enjoyed the story; to the point that I'm a little intrigued about what could have been if it hadn't been speedwritten. And you're welcome.

9857520
Well, the discord is always open, and we do these about twice a week if you ever wanted to try your hand at it.

A story like this probably wouldn't get written if it weren't for the contests we do over there. It's just an hour, but it's a good way to get you writing. Sometimes, I'll take the time to add to them like with this one, but usually, I don't change much before they get posted.

The wash of gentle yellow, red, and orange always made the cold stone look warm to the touch, even if it never was.

The same could be said for certain fillies.

Brilliant bit of double sun interaction with a wonderful application of the prompt. The asphyxiation is a great metaphor for Celestia's greatest mistake. Her lack of perspective led to those close to her being cut off from what they really needed. Attention for Luna, guidance for Sunset, and even socialization for Twilight.

Also, I can't help but imagine a sequel where Sunset mentally prepares to steal the Element of Magic and silently says to her mental model of Celestia, "I feel fantastic, and I'm still alive."

9929621

The same could be said for certain fillies.

:applejackunsure: I would be lying through my damn teeth if I said that that was on purpose. This has easily been one of my most popular stories and I didn't even think much of it when I was writing at the time. To say that there's a lot in here that's just my usual headcanon would be an understatement.

I'm glad you enjoyed it though, and that does sound like a wonderful idea. Doubt I'd be the one to write it.

9851048
Didn't write a sequel, but there is now another story in this... 'series'
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/465658/candy-apples-are-always-a-little-tart

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