• Member Since 7th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

ocalhoun


I am not contained between my hat and my boots.

E

Ponyville's new 'code enforcement professional' has got it into her thick, monotonous head that Fluttershy has too great a density of pet animals, and she's set out to rectify that situation.

Twilight, though, has a problem with this, and she'll have to use her full authority as an alicorn princess to put a stop to it.


Audio reading by Crafty Arts | Dramatic reading by DRWolf


Other stories based on this story:
Six to Eight Weeks Unnecessary
Five to Seven Weeks Detention

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 356 )

:rainbowlaugh:

That ending is all too enjoyable.

6701812
Good, good, I was worrying that it had come through too weakly.

Best. Ending. Ever.

Aprion #5 · Dec 9th, 2015 · · 1 ·

friendship dungeon? do we 'want' to know what goes on in there? :pinkiecrazy: funny story :pinkiehappy:

go twilight show her the way of friendship when she is goanna listen for you talking about friendship for months

Lol! That was abrupt! I like it!!

Okay, that was a fun and cute one shot.

6715878
Ever? Wow!

6715892
Heh, that is a little bit more accurate.

6715902
I'm sure my evil twin, dirty little secret, could tell you what goes on there...

6715921
And it will have absolutely no effect.

6715924
The best kind of abrupt.

6715927
It was pretty fun to do.
The hardest part was coming up with a decent reason for her to do it.

I like the story, but I don't like the ending.

6716002
But... everybody else loves the ending. :rainbowhuh:
Eh, different strokes for different folks, I guess.

6715983 When I say ever I mean I have yet to find anything else better.

Hmm I wonder if we'll ever get to see her time done there... in a sequel maybe?:duck:

counting Discord as one of the animals

Heh, I rather like that idea. :rainbowlaugh:

DDDDDUUUUNNNGGGGGEEEEEOOOOOONNNNNN!

Aaaaand the moral of this story is.........

Don't with Fluttershy.

I mean it.

Just ... don't.

Yeesh.. poor Sugar Berry.. she's lucky the dungeon is all Twilight did to her, you don't cross the line with Twilight if your value your health.

Discord doesn't count as a pet since he doesn't live with fluttershy. He lives in a chaotic dimension, however this "sugar berry" it's like she being 100% dick on purpose. overall this is a well written anecdote. I enjoy it.

6716017
yeah, that's a feeling I'm getting. Guess it's just not my cup of tea.

xoid #21 · Dec 9th, 2015 · · ·

It’d be funnier if Discord counted as multiple animals.

6716017
I guess I just prefer a well spoken and thought out resolution. I would love it for Twilight to explain why she has a whole load of bureaucrats in her dungeon to Princess Celestia.

6715983 noooo, you are feeding the plot bunnies. those things are evil. :pinkiegasp:

It'd be interesting to see a continuation that goes into the full impact of everything Twilight just enacted. :pinkiecrazy:

inb4 TD reviews as "Not recommended" and says "it just didn't do it for him" and "it wasn't fleshed out enough to provide any real meaning to the story, while the abrupt ending provided neither closure nor a sufficient punchline to justify the lack of one"

Meanwhile cooler heads would've had Twilight bellow Discord back front and center, and simply have him move Fluttershy's property outside of Ponyville city limits where Sugar Berry can't go.

6716253
Heh, that would also work.

6716228
Which would all be fair enough.
This isn't exactly a 'heavy' kind of story.

6716204
Eh, it wouldn't be that much. A few households would be newly outside of Ponyville's city limits, and maybe a vet hospital or two opens up to compete with Fluttershy.

6716164
Heh, now that would be a worthy sequel.
:trollestia: Twilight, I've noticed you have quite a few of my bureaucrats locked up in your dungeon. Would you care to explain?
:facehoof: It's a long story.
:trollestia: Well, we're both immortal -- we have time.
:twilightoops: I'm immortal?
:trollestia: Nopony told you?

6716163
Heh, it would! Now I'm sad I didn't think of it.

6716160
Thanks! ^.^

6716125
6716129
I think it's a safe bet to just not mess with any of the mane 6.

6716087
Ah, that didn't take long.

6716082
It does somehow seem to fit.

6716051
Eh, sounds pretty boring to me.

6715902 friendship dungeon, fungeon, you know what's going to happen

6716365
Yep, and there goes the other reference...

6716364
Just good clean fun, of course.

6716344 That doesn't mean that it isn't worth reading. It's not heavy, but it's not even 2000 words either, so it takes what, 5 minutes to read? It also made me smile, and while it's not gut-burstingly funny it's still entertaining - even if one could argue it's just fluff, 5 minutes of fluff isn't a bad thing.

Anyway, I was mostly poking fun at how TD seems to review all the stories you put out (at least recently) and never rates anything but "not recommended", usually stating lack of real punchline or point to the story. Not that that's bad - he just has different critera to what you're actually aiming for.

6716458

at how TD seems to review all the stories you put out (at least recently) and never rates anything but "not recommended", usually stating lack of real punchline or point to the story.

Heh, yeah. That's kind of becoming a tradition for whenever I hit the feature box.

“Wait a minute,” declared Princess Twilight Sparkle, deep in thought. “Bring Miss Sugar Berry back here for a moment, Rainbow Dash. I think I have a solution that will satisfy all of us.”

A few moments later, the code enforcement officer sat reluctantly at a small table where Discord was serving tea with small steaming cups of of a delightful golden beverage for all of the ponies except for Sugar Berry, who appeared to have something vaguely six-dimensionsional and hungry lurking in her teacup.

“I just wanted to get a few things straight, Miss Sugar Berry,” said Twilight with a ladylike sip of her tea, just as Celestia had taught her. “According to Ponyville code, a ‘pet’ is defined as a non-sapient creature that is under the control of a sapient creature, either by confinement or by training, correct?”

“Y-yes,” said Sugar Berry, eyeing a set of sugar cookies on the table that seemed to be eyeing her back. “Although I fail to see how having me assaulted to provide an elementary definition fits in your role as Princess of Friendship.”

“I’m getting there,” said Twilight with a wave of her hoof at the large swath of animals who surrounded their table, each looking on with various degrees of depression. “And since none of Fluttershy’s animals are restrained except for the chickens and Angel bunny, who I see tied up by the house, all of the rest of these animals—”

“Pets!” insisted Sugar Berry.

“—animals,” continued Twilight, “are pets instead of wildlife because they obey the resident pony, correct?”

“Indeed,” said Sugar Berry with a sniff.

“Very well,” said Twilight. “Fluttershy, I need you to do something for me. Tell every one of your friends that Miss Sugar Berry is not to be attacked in any fashion. Can you do that, please?”

“Of course, Twilight.” Fluttershy sniffed one last time and blew her nose into a kerchief held out to her by a nearby bear. “Thank you, Hairy. Now all of you, listen up. I don’t want any of you to hurt the mean Missus Sugar Berry in any way, do you understand?”

As all of the animals nodded, Fluttershy turned back to Twilight. “I know you think my friends might be angry, but I don’t think any of them would actually hurt her.”

“We’ll see,” said Twilight, turning back to the code enforcement officer. “So all of the animals here that obey Fluttershy and do not attack you, are obviously her pets, and you intend on removing them, correct?”

“Correct,” said Sugar Berry with a thin, victorious smile.

“And by the same rule, any of the animals here who do attack you in any fashion are wild animals, and can remain.”

“Corr—” The response froze in Sugar Berry’s throat as she looked at the circle of animals that surrounded their little tea party. The shrinking circle.

“Perhaps,” she started with a small, dry cough, “we can come to some sort of agreement.”

6716543
Heh, now that's a fun sort of comment, and a kind I don't get very often.

It's lovely! ^.^

I think this was a bit too short and the ending wasn't very satisfying because we never got to see any kind of resolution to the conflict, it's just a heavily implied resolution that actually probably wouldn't work so leaving this kind of thing up to the my imagination just makes the ending that much less satisfying. It would have been a lot better if you had included the resolution and shown us the results and maybe explained how or why it worked a little bit.

On the other hand it's very well written and it does deserve an upvote and a favorite despite my complaints.

6716775
Heh, well, thanks for that, I guess. ^.^
And yeah, it does end pretty flippantly... but I did really like that last line.

6717473
Heh, glad you liked it!

The mare didn't even look at Twilight. “Updates and addendums to the Standard Operations Manual typically take six to eight weeks to be distributed to all code enforcement professionals.”

This was Twilight's solution, right there: royal decrees are NOT "typical."
Of course, the ending would still be an appropriate finish--disobeying a royal decree typically has a certain amount of jail time....but having the opportunity for us to see the bitch's reaction would've made this an immensely satisfying story.:twilightsmile::trollestia:

Still, 8/10 as it is.:yay:

6716543 I like it, Georg. Perhaps that could be the scene at the end of her 8th week? :pinkiehappy::rainbowlaugh:

6717933
Heh, I guess, but yeah... it was still fun. :twilightsmile:

Friendship dungeon. I'd love to see how that looks like :rainbowlaugh:

6716543

Heck, they don't even need more than one... Angel can probably deal with this... personally.

(I am still 90% convinced the wasteland future in the finale was Angel's...?)

Go Princess of Nepotism.

6716543
Unforunately, I feel the joke falls a little flat, since you diverged from Sugar Berry's established personality too much.

I feel like something like this should have happened in the Rarity Takes Manehattan episode with the pony who basically spit in Twilight's face when she asked to cut in line.

6717950 What's the point of being a tyrant if yer not even gonna be tyrannical!

Celestia's way too nice. I'd have had Luna beheaded WAYYYYYY before NMM became a thing! That's how you prevent conspiracies from happening! You eliminate EVERYONE you suspect could be capable of opposing you! *Alondro studied at the Stalin & Mao College of Leadership* :pinkiecrazy:

6716543 *Alondro applauds* This sort of cognitive exercise should be taken by characters much more often in the series.

Yeah, absolutely no abuse of power here. Move along, citizen.

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