Chapter 65: Late Arrivals
“LET THE FLAMES CONSUME THE SOUL AND BURN THE FLESH FROM THE BONE!”
Fluttershy huddled behind a stone statue, hooves around her head. Every second she cowered as flames licked the landscape in torrents and infernos. Any moment she could be the next to be fed to the blaze, but at the current time only the damned army of bloodsuckers were the victims. Those not burned alive by the blazing sun above were soon obliterated by Celestia below, no mercy spent on any of them.
Oh, also, there was Deadpool right beside her, rolling on the ground even though most of his body was on fire.
“Deadpool, what do we do?” Fluttershy said. She cringed as another explosion rocked the earth, making cracks in the ground spring up and for specks of lava to pour out. “Can’t you use whatever is in your bag to save us?!”
Deadpool took a moment from dropping and rolling to sit back up and rub his chin, which had mostly melted off. “Hmmm… nah, only good this would do would be against Alucard. But that jerk didn’t show up.” Deadpool shrugged, his early statement incomprehensible due to the fact his vocal cords had burned off around five minutes ago. “So basically we’re boned.”
“What?!”
“I said we’re boned!”
“Oh, what a mess.”
Deadpool stared at Fluttershy, but was quick to realize she had not uttered that sentence. Looking up right before him, his eyes grew wider (mostly due to the fact his eyelids were burning off, but also because of surprise).
“Well, shit, you sure know when to make grand dramatic entrances,” Deadpool said.
Alucard smiled, his fanged teeth glistening in the sunlight. His face was wrapped in dark shadows due to his widebrimmed red hat, his eyes were but orange lenses on wire-frame glasses, and the rest of his appearance was composed of a particularly gaudy red overcoat and suit that still wouldn’t have been particularly charming even a century ago, but from what Deadpool could tell, Alucard didn’t appear like the type of guy with charming in mind. Also a tan, but that was neither here nor there.
“Uh,” Fluttershy said, her lip practically trembling, “that’s… th-that’s… Alucard.”
“In the flesh, my dear,” Alucard said, his voice as smooth as satin as he took a bow and tipped his hat to her. “And then some, heheheh.” Glancing to Deadpool and his duffel bag, he arched a brow. “So, I presume you intend to kill me with that mystery device of yours?”
“Well, I was, but as you can see we have a bit of a situation on our hands.”
“You don’t say?”
If Deadpool had eyebrows to raise he would have.
Alucard raised himself back up to standing height and overlooked the fiery anarchy being wrought. The gardens were on fire, lots of vampires were dying, and there was Celestia in the middle of it, killing and burning in joyful glee.
“Well, I do believe I can be the solution to your problem,” Alucard said, reaching a gloved hand into one of the pockets of his coat. “Sorry for the wait, but traffic was just dreadful on the way over here. However, when I heard a vampire bash was being held, far be it from me to not show up.” From out of his coat he pulled a ridiculously long pistol that would require superhuman strength along with sight just to hit anything without the recoil breaking your hand. “And I came prepared, as always.”
“Wait, wait, I’m confused,” Fluttershy said, trading a look with Deadpool. “Why are you helping us and not just trying to kill us like everyone else?”
“Because killing you right now would be so easy it’d be a bore,” Alucard said with a frown on his flawlessly white face. “Besides, I heard your princess was looking for a date.” Alucard adjusted his bowtie and smirked. “And I do believe I have what it takes to win the lady’s heart.”
Deadpool rolled his eyes, which at this point were just two empty holes of flames. “Whoa, dude, don’t bullshit me,” Deadpool said. “What else is in this for you?”
“How can you even understand him?” Fluttershy asked Alucard, only catching dried out gibberish from Deadpool’s lack of lips.
“Super-hearing,” Alucard explained. “And yes, there is something else I want. In your duffel bag right there is something you presume can defeat me. After this is over, I want you to use it on me.” Alucard grinned a crazed and overall horrifying smile that split apart his face and could very well rip apart others. “I want to see if it has what it takes. To see if you have what can finally vanquish my never ending life. A fair deal, no?”
Deadpool hummed under his breath. “Well… eh, I’m sure there’s no harm in trying, right?”
“I couldn’t agree more.” Alucard turned from the two and made his way around the statue, gun held upward before him while he walked in a relaxed pace befitting one taking a walk through a park rather than a battlefield even Hell would be jealous of. “Oh, and do so try to keep from dying while I’m gone!”
“He’s right!” Deadpool agreed. “Fluttershy, go get me a bucket of water and ointment! I’m not going out while I still have a chance!”
Fluttershy blinked and stared at Deadpool blanky, who at this point was just a little bit away from being an extra-charred skeleton. “...What? No, seriously, I still can’t understand you.”
Deadpool facepalmed, resulting in his hand disintegrating into black dust. “Goddamnit, this is a way crispy way I thought it’d end for me.”
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interesting, you went with hellsing alucard instead of the abridged alucard. much more fitting, good job!
I was halfway expecting Castlevania Alucard.
wait is this Hellsing Alucard or Other Alucard
Well, look who it is! Carmen Sandiego finally decided to show up!
Time for an enthusiastic walk!
5953355 I'm voting for Hellsing Ultimate Abridged Alucard, because he's....well, not all that different from regular Hellsing Alucard, just a little more succinct.
Finally, Alucard decides to show up. I wonder if Integra knows where he is?
Immortal, eh?
How about...
Alduin!
What? He's a demigod, confirmed to be thousands of years old, and he even says as he dies that he's immortal. Irony aside, that means that he has some reason to believe he's immortal.
That reason probably just didn't include death by The Chosen One who is super-strong against dragons and BTW you're a dragon who is also a Warrior of Hircine who is also an Assasin of Sithis who is also under the blessings of Nocturn who is also the Archmage of an elite magic school who is also the chosen servant of many daedric lords who is also the thane of every sector of Skyrim *deep breath* who is also a pure-blood vampire who escaped from death itself who also stopped the uprising of an immortal, insane, legendary Chosen One from years past who has also read an elder scroll ans survived unscathed with no practice who is in cahoots with your traitorous brother who is why you got defeated before... *hours later* ...and who also has the actual people that defeated you the first time helping him.
Or a lvl 10 warrior with unenchanted steel gear and only 5 health potions, AKA my most recent Alduin defeat... Quite frankly, Giants are harder then an actual god, so the fact that he hasn't died previously proves that he's usually immortal.
Also, imagine it...
Hi! My name's Celestia. Who are you, handsome?
Zu'u Alduin. Zok sahrot do naan ko Lein!!!!!!
What?
You do not even know our tongue, do you, dragonborn?
Wut?
Indeed.
Best Vampire!
Indeed.
He does actually.
Ah, normal Alucard, not Abridged Alucard. Pity. However, I would like to see Deadpool vs Alucard.
DO IT!
Yep, now someone put him out so he can regenerate.
Yeah, supercancer doesn't deal well with being cremated.
In any case, Alucard versus Crazylestia? This should be quite interesting.
This entire story is pure rediculous.... Brilliant!
If you think about it, Deadpool could easily stand in for Father Anderson with the main difference being the lack of Catholic zeal. Also, I'd still like to put in a vote for Ganondorf.
5954279 The best part is that he doesn't need to rely on the Nail of Helena.
5954323 Haha, you're kidding right? People getting involved with gods come to an unpleasant end or at least face major trouble. Just look at the texts of any religion. The only question is whether they get something after the adversity, be it earthly or spiritual rewards. No god ever went "here, have this nice thing, have a nice life". You can't learn anything from such stories either.
5954469 Neither did Anderson until Alucard pressed control+F+U on his password lock. Like I said, the only difference between the two characters normally is what direction their insanity runs. Anderson's a crazy Catholic bastard and Deadpool is morally opposed to logic and reason. I honestly wasn't even including Anderson's transformation in the first place.
5953382
SCP-Foundation Wiki has some immortals, like SCP-963 (Dr. Jack Bright)
or, to some extent Dr. Gears
Alucard...?
Oooooohhh! It's that guy that everyone's been asking you to put in a chapter for ages, right?
Yep.
And i love how this has become more than just Celestia trial-and-error dating but kinda has a plotline and everything.
I applaud you. I did not expect this. *APPLAUSE*
There are so many chapters that I can't really tell, but has Simon Petrikov/The Ice King been done? He's obsessed with princesses, and he really needs a hug, so it seems like it would work. He's an immortal and he really, really, really could use some friendship and hugs, because he is a sad sad person.
Okay, let's start reading this! I assume every chapter is one inmortal being, so that makes...a fuckton of inmortal beings.
I am hoping to see Van Hohenheim.
6265572 Eternal or internal?
64 chapters?I may have to read the rest some other time. I heard the first two chapters.
6491062 Honestly, I think Disney used the Latin version, "Hercules," mainly because it sounded better.
So, are we calling this one complete, dead, or what? Seven months since the last update, and RBB's been off for a while now.
I SUGGEST BILL CIPHER!!!!!!
I bet you can't be more random than this shit.
Anyway, I suggest MERASMUS (From TF2)
7000917 I left him out because, well, he's kind of burning himself at the first flame for all eternity...
I can't remember if you've done the God-Emperor of Mankind yet
7256806
I mean, he could be wished back whenever, isn't that close enough?
7431992 was thinking more Ireland's IRA vs Great Britain, but that is also true.
Wow. After three days binge reading this, I finally catch up. I am nothing if not dedicated.
seriously though this story has made me insane and it hasn't even updated in a yearI haven't read this yet, but I have a suggestion.
Magnus Bane.
http://shadowhunters.wikia.com/wiki/Film:Magnus_Bane
Molag Bal (or any Daedric Prince from the Elder Scrolls series).
I am so happy this story is still popular
I tried the website but....
It's totally fake.
7815138 oh my that probably wouldn't end well but it would be extremely funny
5953383 (103 weeks later)
Hm..... that's one long walk.
9035452
I'm just shocked that so many dislike my comment aren't I aloud to express what affects me after all are we not all human with our own aspirations and dreams and what may affect others because we are all easily offended by different things gods may be trouble for you but to others they are but the same goes for those who think they are not they might be a hope a promise that all may be better eventually for everyone because of the gods we believe in. Not to mention that I didn't say they were wrong I just said that the person needed some tact before writing something so basically asking the commentor to think before writing something the world can see
For one of the dates could Celestia meet Shadow the HedgeHog? Pls?
Even though this fic looks abandoned, I'd like to request Superfantozzi
Neat but not for me.
Well that was fun. Sadly it is at an end.
9554466
......................
Ok.
I FOUND IITTTT, AFTER FREAKING YEARS I FINALLY FOUND THIS STORY! I've read this before I made my account and before I started writing stories on this site, but I finally found this bloody story... now time to read and enjoy some classic dating scenarios!
How about an adult Chibiterasu from Okamiden? He's got solar based powers
Is there an index for what series the chapters have characters from
This was a fun read. I wonder how it was to end.
Not bad, but to repeative in my eyes. After 46 chapters it simply becme to boring, to predictable.