Chapter 21: Eight Ways To Wrong
“Hmmm…” Celestia hummed under her breath.
Her date looked up from his meal, swallowing the last bits of his food. “Something the matter, princess?”
“Oh, nothing. It’s just that you look a bit weird compared to most of my other dates.” Celestia blushed and shook her head, holding up a hoof. “Not weird in a bad sort of way, no, I mean weird as in… well, you just look it.”
“Really now? I would have thought my appearance would be normal compared to most of the other immortals you have dated.”
Celestia giggled. “Perhaps if you lost some limbs, maybe.”
Sleipnir stared at his hooves, the four currently above the table, while the other four rested below in his seat. Chuckling, he nodded. “Well, I suppose having extra limbs on anything would make it appear weird, wouldn’t it?”
His smile was so easy-going, Celestia couldn’t help but join in. Everything about him breathed, exhaled, and even guzzled down stallion. From his rugged good looks, chiseled jaw, impeccable smile, shining blue eyes like pools of crystal found in the highest mountain tops, exceptionally muscled body, and even his light grey coat with its healthy sheen, everything about him was simply perfect. Well, except for the extra limbs part, but Celestia herself had extra limbs in the form of wings, so she could move past that.
“Still, I like my date to be a little weird. Well, not weird in the sense I’d get beaten to a pulp, but a little weirdness never kills somepony.” Celestia rolled her eyes and muttered, “Usually.”
“Well, princess, I must say, thus far this date has been simply delightful,” Sleipnir said, resting one of his numerous hooves atop her own. “You’re quite the interesting pony.”
Celestia blushed, a shiver of anticipation passing up her spine when Sleipnir touched her. “Oh please, you don’t have to call me princess. That is simply my title. If we are to become more suited with one another, then call me Celestia.”
“Celestia,” Sleipnir whispered, tasting the name on his tongue. “What a beautiful name it is. Of course, such an amazing name is befitting for such a wondrous beauty such as yourself.”
“Oh, I bet you say that to all the mares.” Celestia’s face was practically on fire, and bits of her mane started to spark embers as well.
“Sadly, no. In my homeland, there are no mares. Well, at least ones that I’m interested in on an intellectual level.” Sleipnir smirked and winked. “Though, there sure are a bunch of asses, I’ll give you that much.”
Both of the equines laughed, their hearty mirth bringing good tidings to their date. They kept on talking, laughter emanating from their table all throughout the date. Before either knew it, it was already past ten, but they still hadn’t stopped talking to one another.
“Oh, my, my, look how the time rolls by,” Celestia said, glancing up at the clock. “Already ten.”
Sleipnir nearly spit out his drink, his eyes shooting wide open. “Wait, did you say ten?”
Celestia arched a brow. “Yes. Actually, it’s a quarter after. Why do you ask?”
“Oh no,” Sleipnir whispered. He got out of his seat, all eight hooves stomping anxiously on the floor. “I need to go, now!”
“Wait, why do you need to be home right now? We can continue the date with a walk down the park if you want.”
Sleipnir merely shook his head, his mane coated in sweat. “No, that can’t work, I was supposed to be home nearly half an hour ago!”
Celestia’s brows furrowed. “Oh really now? Do you have to be home because of your wife?”
Sleipnir blinked, tilting his head at her. “Wife? I don’t have a wife. I’m not even married.”
Celestia was on him in an instant, shoving an accusing hoof right in his face. “Don’t lie to me! It’s always the same with you immortals, and in the end, I’m usually footed the bill as the troublesome mistress that gets her ass handed to her by pissed off wife!”
“Listen, Celestia,” Sleipnir said, pushing her hoof out of his face, “I don’t have a wife, but I really need to go now. If I don’t, then there’s no telling what she’d do.”
“If you’re running back home because of a she, then why isn’t it your wife?” Celestia asked.
Sleipnir’s ears drooped downward, and he let out a deep sigh. “Well, it’s a bit embarrassing to admit, but…”
Just then, a small cloud of purple smoke appeared next to the two. Once the smoke had dissipated and the duo was done with their coughing, a figure approached the two, one who Sleipnir knew all too well, along with Celestia as well.
“Loki?” Celestia asked. “You look… different.”
“Hello, mother,” Sleipnir said sheepishly, head downcast.
Loki shook her head and approached Sleipnir. The god Celestia was familiar with before had a drastic change about. First off, Loki was now a goddess, obvious from her very feminine appearance, along with the fact she was perhaps one of the most beautiful mares Celestia had ever seen. Everything about her cast a lady-like grace with beauty so shining that even the stars seemed dull in comparison. She still had on much of her original human outfit, such as the golden horns and green jacket, but now took on the body of a light blue colored coated mare with a sleek black mane.
“Sleipnir, this is the third time you’ve broken your curfew this month, mister,” Loki said with a disappointed frown clear on her face. She grabbed Sleipnir’s right ear and pulled it down, causing Sleipnir to cry out in a very girlish scream. “You know what that means.”
“But mother, please, I can explain!” Sleipnir shouted, his ear on fire.
“Butts are for sitting, mister, not for making excuses. You’re grounded for the next two weeks!”
“Mother, that isn’t fair!”
Loki rolled her eyes and tugged her son along by his ear. “Get used to it, Sleipnir, because that’s how the world works. Now come on, you have to go with your grandpa in the morning to Hel and back, and I know you’ll make the journey more difficult for him if you don’t get your proper rest. Now, say goodbye to your little friend.”
“Good—ow, watch it—bye, Celestia!” Sleipnir yelled, waving four of his hooves as his mother dragged him away.
Celestia stood there in what could be considered the definition of awkwardness, just waving her hoof farewell while trying her best to smile. Once Sleipnir along with Loki had departed the restaurant, Celestia sighed.
“Damn, why are the good ones always momma's boys? Or gay? Or both?” She scowled, rubbing her temple, until a large blush appeared on her cheeks. “Also, double damn, I went on a date with a MILF and I didn’t even know it! Why do these things always happen to me?”
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Well hell she just can't win.
Gahh! Stupid Asgardians! That's two dates Loki's messed up and I've sooo been looking forward to this one.
Um, MILF?
Be totally politically incorrect. Have her go out with Jesus. (Yes, I know, Aslan, but Aslan was a lion and that was one of the things getting in the way.)
Anansi. Who is yet another of Discord's college buddies.
Hephaestus. You want an Order God, the God of Blacksmithing/Technology counts. Is technically speaking married to Aphrodite, but she cheated on him with Ares so I really can't see them still being together.
Methos.
You know, her every problem in this story can be traced back to a chaos god. Huh.
4488610 MILF. It's an acronym
Mother
k
I'd
Like to
F
Loki acting motherly!?
~The lizardman is stupefied
Sleipnir may be annoyed by Loki right now but he love her/him
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3xravmaTi1qiiiaao1_500.jpg
Preach it, Tia~
4488621
Ah, thank you.
He'd be perfect if it wasn't for Lokaaaay.
i1.ytimg.com/vi/bd7c4DTscUw/hqdefault.jpg
4488629
*stupefied
Ahahahaha!
Oh my god...
4488611
Actually, despite her cheating Aphrodite and Hephaestus are indeed still married, and I believe there is a myth somewhere where they mention he and Ares fighting over her and he wins.
… Y'know, I literally JUST finished Haiyoru! Nyaruko-san, an anime where there are eldritch deities that actually CAN potentially perform Mr. Seahorse scenarios, so I'm honestly less shocked than I should be. Just so you guys understand:
static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/s03_6859.jpg
This is Kuuko, which is the Moe Anthropomorphism of Cthugha, the Burning One (pretty much, a living fireball). She wants to have the child of Nyarko (Nyarlathotep, the Crawling Chaos), who's pictured below:
static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/s01_3289.jpg
And wants Mahiro (pictured below) to bear her (Kuuko's) OWN child:
static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/s02_119.jpg
Honestly. I wouldn't put it past this show if Kuuko honestly COULD make this happen.
To understand my reaction, go to 0:56, replace Carl with RainbowBob, and Paul with myself, and 'the nukes and the faces' with this anime.
Anyways, impressive writing, as always. Until next time!
4488587 Well, she won if she managed to get with a MILF at one point
Maybe she should try Fenrir? I know he's a wolf, but so far Asgardians have all been 'good but for one detail', and if diet's the only issue she can work past that.
Let's face it: Celestia should just keep the
away from the Norse pantheon.
Are the guest chapters canon for your story?
4488770
She is a few legs short for Loki's liking.
Having a date with Tzeentch would only lead to Hilarity.
"Why do these things always happen to me?”
Coz the author gets off on you're suffering, that's why.
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/4931239680/hBBFA354F/
Do Shadow the Hedgehog.
4488991
God, the author is such an asshole, am I right?
4488756
I think the exact same thing that happened here would occur, with Loki busting in to spoil the date.
Fun Fact! All of Loki's kids are terrifying and/or bizarre! Fenrir is the World Devouring Wolf, Jormungand is the Serpent that Circles the World, Hel is a half rotting, half beautiful corpse-queen who rules the land of the dead (also called Hel), and he had Sleipnir, an eight-legged horse, as a son, who ended up being Odin's personal steed, while pretending to be a mare just to weasel the Asgardians out of paying a guy a construction fee.
Mythology: It makes your fucked up family drama seem tame.
4488596 Three, if you count the date with him.
How about the kool-aid man?
After seeing all of her other dates this seems too tame. Now if Loki were to ask for a threesome...
4488611 God of Order, you say?
Then I say have her go out with Jyggalag. Should be interesting, seeing as she's already been on a date with Sheogorath.
4488770 no she shouldn't because they make me laugh
4488953 yeah or maybe one with slaneesh,because he/she/it would be such a weird choice for a date
4488611
No, Anansi was his greatest rival, who kept stealing Discord's best tricks for himself.
Anansi is too easy going to stay mad at, though, and he tells such wonderful stories...
4488995 We all know how it will end...
"Shadow: Don't leave me again Maria!
Celestia: Get away from me you freak!"
I'm quite happy now. I've been looking forward to this one.
YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYEESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, how I've waited for this. Ah, perfection, sweet sweet paradise!
Ahem. Now that I'm done rejoicing and freaking out. Awesome chapter. I love the characterization of Sleipnir, and I like that this keeps him open as a potential future (yeah, not the best, but this one didn't end in disaster, therefore it showed promise!).
4488999
Word !
YESYEYSYEYSYEYSYEYSYEYSYEYSYEYSYEYSYEYSYES
YES
I am very happy now, thank you.
Coincidentally, I was listening to a song called To Hell and Back (by Sabaton) when I came across this. Reference?
4489751 In norse mythology Hel or Helheim, is the land of the dead.
4489783 Helheim is also a world/forest where mysterious lock-like fruits grow. These fruits have a weird psychoactive property that makes whoever looks at it want to eat it unless they get distracted or have a stong enough will to resist. If consumed in their commonly available immature form, they will turn whoever eats them into a creature known as an Invess. They lose all traces of their humanity/whatever they were before they ate the fruit. The fruit then becomes their main food source, and after enough time eating the fruit, any direct injuries an Invess causes to a non-Invess creature will cause the plant that grows the fruit to grow from the wounds. Not a pretty sight.
However, if you have a Sengoku Driver equipped, these fruits pose no threat, as the driver (somehow) brings the fruit to its mature form, a lockseed, which is completely inedible to humans. Any mature lockseed (with one exception) can be put in the driver and "sliced" open, causing a large fruit/nut to drop down and turn into armor. It's more badass than you might think, and the strongest armor, while it may not have an exclusive weapon, can use all of the other weapons granted by these fruits.
All of this is from a show called Kamen Rider Gaim, who has made fruit officially awesome. Oh, and the person who designed the Sengoku Driver works at a corporation called Yggdrasil, whose building looks like a tree. Not a coincidence.
4489783
It is actually a little stranger than that: Helheim is the place, Hel is the Goddess of the place.
4489882 that makes more sense
Drakath?
Lord of Chaos?
Adventure quest worlds?
Guthix, lord of balance
, Runescape?
Saradomin, god of good,
Also Runescape?
hahahaha!!!
gotta love the Asgardians 
4488659
Shoulda left her ass. If she did it once, she'll do it again. Especially since she's letting them fight to see who gets her rather than going back to her husband.
4488587 Don't you mean.... Hel?
4489971 Drakath. Totally.
4489443
How about no...shadow let go of the past and looks towards the future while honouring Maria's memory. Don't believe me, play SA2B and Shadow the Hedgehog. Or even the the Canon Sonic Archie comics. I believe that Shadow should have a better ending than what you said as he is the ultimate life form and rarely ever makes mistakes and what mistakes he make are quickly made up for.
4490244 I know. But the joke of "Shadow thinks his date is maria for some reason" is still funny to me.