Chapter 37: Intermissions Are Magic
“Strange…”
Solaire looked up from his cards. “When you say that, it can’t be good.”
Deadpool shrugged. “I mean, I feel like there’s something missing here.” He looked around. The two of them were in Luna’s room, sitting at her table, which was covered in half-empty bottle of Mountain Dew and cheetos. Even more junk and trash covered the floors, while the flat screen tv hanging against the far wall remained perfectly clean. “Something important…”
“Could it be that Mistress Luna and Mistress Celestia aren’t present?” Solaire asked.
Deadpool snapped his fingers and nodded. “That’s it. We haven’t seen them in forever. Celestia particularly.” Deadpool slapped a palm against his forehead. “Jeez, I’m supposed to be winning her heart, and look at me now. I’m playing Pokemon cards!”
Solaire looked back down to his cards. “Wait a second, these are Yugioh cards.”
Deadpool flipped the table over, Magic the Gathering cards flying all across the room. “Forget the game! We need to find the princesses! My sudden compulsion demands it!”
“I believe Mistress Twilight may be visiting later,” Solaire said, disregarding the My Little Pony Collectible Cards scattered at his feet.
Deadpool turned on his heel and pointed an accusing finger right at Solaire’s face. “Oh, and another thing, what’s with you and Twilight hooking up all of the sudden?”
Solaire was taken aback, quite dramatically at that. “Mistress Twilight and I? Don’t be ridiculous, Deadpool, there’s nothing going on between the fair lady or I. We are merely companions with similar interests that hang out together over coffee, this neat Prench restaurant down the corner, and at the movies.”
“You went to the movies without me?”
“Well, Mistress Twilight wanted to see that new Guardians of the Galaxy film and thought it was befitting I would accompany her. Though, why it was only the two of us I’m still not—”
“YOU WENT TO SEE GUARDIANS OF THE FREAKING GALAXY WITHOUT ME?” Deadpool threw his hands on Solaire’s shoulders and hung onto them as his body sagged to the ground. “Why, Solaire, why? I thought we were bros.”
“But Mistress Twilight—”
“Homies before ponies! That’s bro-code rule numero uno!” Deadpool got back to his feet, holding a hand against his forehead and sighing deeply. “Okay, look, I can fix this. First off, find out where Celestia and Luna are and kick off my princess-swooing efforts to a hundred and twenty-eight percent. Then, break up whatever thing you have with Twilight.”
“We don’t even have a thing!”
Deadpool turned to Solaire. “By God, it’s worse than I thought. You don’t even know.”
Solaire arched a brow, the expression pretty much loss because of his helmet. “Know what?”
“She tricked you into a relationship. Hell, she did it so slyly you don’t even know about it. You’re so deep into it you’ve used denial, probably part of her conniving scheme as well.” Deadpool rubbed his chin. “I must learn her secrets.”
“But… I… we…” Solaire slouched, rubbing a hand against his helmet. “Killing demons is much easier than trying to figure out relationships.”
“Both mostly end in bloodshed anyway, so not much of a difference for me,” Deadpool said. His head turned suddenly, a hand held against his eardrum as he turned towards Luna’s open door to the hallway.
“Deadpool! Solaire! I’ve dropped down for a visit!” Twilight’s voice echoed down the halls, the sound of her trotting hooves approaching closer. “I brought donuts for you two!”
Deadpool withdrew a katana from the sheath attached to his back. “Ah, here approaches the bloodshed part right now.”
“What?!” Solaire said. However, it was too late for Deadpool to hear this outburst, on account that he was too busy racing down the hallway with his katana pointed at Twilight’s neck.
Twilight trotted with a lively step in her hoof down the hallway without a care in the world, holding a paper bag full of donuts in her magic. The tune of a hum died in her throat when she noticed Deadpool rushing towards her, the glint of his katana blade catching her eye.
Solaire bounded out the door of Luna’s room, his sword drawn. He smashed against the opposite wall due to his momentum, but he didn’t let it hinder him from running down the hallway as fast as he could. “Mistress Twilight, look out, Deadpool’s go—” Solaire’s running soon changed to a slow jog and finally a stop.
Deadpool looked up from the pile of donuts on the floor, the paper bag cut in two. The unmasked part of his face was covered in jelly filling, chocolate cream, and white powdered sugar-dust. Gulping down a large mouthful of the sugary snacks, he said, “Whoa, dude, just chill. I was gonna save you one.”
Solaire raised his hand just as Deadpool threw a donut at him. Looking down at it, Solaire said, “You only saved me the glazed one…”
“Be thankful I’m on a diet,” Deadpool said, licking the last traces of sugary delight from his cancer-scarred lips.
“I really wish you wouldn’t surprise me like that,” Twilight said, her hoof still stuck over her beating heart.
“And I wish you wouldn’t trick one of my friends into a relationship for your own devious needs.” Deadpool crouched onto his knees and narrowed his eye-slits at Twilight. “I’m onto you, you deceiving purple menace.”
“Deadpool, there is nothing going on between Mistress Twilight and myself!” Solaire shouted.
Twilight’s ears drooped. “There… there isn’t?”
Solaire blinked. His sword’s tip touched the floor. “I… erm, I only assumed that we… weren’t… an item.”
“But… I thought that we had something.” Twilight’s eyes moved to the floor, her voice dropping lower. “That you even liked me.”
“I-I…” Solaire stammered, “I just don’t know.”
Deadpool stood up straight dusted off his hands together. “Well, my work here is done.” Poking Twilight in the side with his foot, he asked, “Yo, Twily, you know where Celestia and Luna vamoosed off to?”
Twilight rubbed a hoof against her eye. “She… she said something about a date with her and the Doctor.”
“Damnit, there’s gotta be at least fifteen of those guys. Did you happen to catch which one she said she was with?”
“I think… the Eighth?”
“Wait a second, what about the Seventh?” Solaire asked. “Her next date was supposed to be with him.”
Twilight shrugged, her lip no longer quivering. “All she told me was that her next date was with the Eighth Doctor. She never said anything about a Seventh.”
“Ah, so a mystery it is! Good thing I’m properly prepared!” Deadpool blew some bubbles out of his pipe, adjusting the detective's hat atop his head. “Deadpool is on the case!”
“Where did you even get the hat and pipe?” Twilight asked.
Deadpool winked. “I learned from the best.”
“Me?”
“Oh, please, don’t sell yourself short,” Deadpool said, rolling his eyes. “I learned how to be a detective from Sherlock Holmes. Well, his show, anyway.”
“He has a show?” Solaire asked.
“Yeah. Luna watches it all the time on Netflix.”
Twilight thumped a hoof against her face. “Deadpool, that’s Sherlock, the tv show. That’s an adaptation of the original Sherlock Holmes stories.” She opened an eye behind her hoof. “Wait, if you’re talking about the tv show, why do you have a pipe and detective’s hat?”
“Because, my dear Watson—”
“Don’t call me that.”
“—it looks bitchin’.”
Twilight managed to facehoof again using her other hoof, while Solaire merely shrugged, nodding a bit.
“I have to admit indeed is it bitchin’.”
“Now then,” Deadpool said, pulling out a magnifying glass from one of his endless amount of pockets, “we have a case to solve and a date to ruin. One will probably cause the other, so I’m not too particular about. Now, Watson, to the Deadpoolmobile!”
“I thought I told you not to call me that.”
“You have a mobile named after you?” Solaire asked.
“You bet your collective asses I do,” Deadpool said, jingling some keys. “Got it from a used car salesman off of eBay. Half-price too, because about half of it was full of holes and the other half covered in a suspicious liquid that leaves a stain that cannot be removed.” Deadpool smiled. “Plus, it has racing stripes. How cool is that?”
At the rate Twilight was slapping her face with her hooves, she was going to knock some teeth out.
“I call shotgun!” Solaire said.
“This is going to end so badly,” Twilight muttered.
Deadpool patted her against her shoulder. “And that, Watson, is why you get the back seat. Where the stains are the greatest.”
“Oh, come on!”
Stats
Page generated in 0.029 seconds
Total duration
935 users online
437,782 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Hurray, someone mentioned them!
researchismagic.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/mlp_hug2.gif
wowwwwww
I think Solaire could be happy with Twilight...
If only they could be so grossly incandescent.
That was pretty funny, though I feel sorry for Twilight now.
...I suddenly have a mental image of a sequel story - or possibly just an epilogue chapter - where Twilight logs onto the same site and ends up dating everyone Celestia said no to, and they all go like this.
Twilight: Did my mentor Celestia turn you down?
Date: Umm...yes?
Twilight: You're paying for dinner or I'm leaving right now. You have ten minutes once the food gets here to convince me not to pull my book out to read while I eat.
10 minutes or less later, she's reading.
Looked at the chapter names. I can just tell Vandal Savage is one of the suitors.
Edit:I fucking called it.
We need more Solaire, Solaire is the best character in videogaming.
4837715 Rainbow dash has very flexible organs..and bones..in that Gif.
4837868 You wouldn't be wrong
You should set her up with Hades from Disney's Hercules. That would be a riot!
Poor Twilight.
MMM WHATCHA SAAAAAAAY, OOH THAT YOU ONLY MEANT WEEEEEELL!
Let's see just where this development takes us. Probably somewhere highly amusing for us.
4838188 WELL OF COURSE YOU DIIIIID!
4838330 I lol'd so hard, and then went and watched the youtube video for emphasis.
4838442 Haha
What, what card game are they playing? :)
4838535 The one that you play on motorcycles
Oh, come on RainbowBob! That opening setup was perfect for the new shipping card game.
4826869 he done a chapter about the doctor already
4837715 Pinkie!! How many times do I have to tell you to stop breaking the universe?
That's cold, Solaire. Really REALLY cold.
But still, poor Twilight.
GOD DAMMIT SOLAIRE. GO SIT IN THE FUCKING CORNER AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE. Be thankful that it wasn't Fluttershy, you grossly incandescent fool.
Personally, I think it would be hilarious if Celestia dated Jon Arbuckle. He may not be a true immortal but it would be funny to see how he screws it up. Considering his record and all.
What about Maleficient? She's immortal, probably. How about Echo from Earth to Echo?
That moment where Twilight found out that Solaire didn't think of her as more than a friend, my reaction:
Oh, damn it. ya done goofed bro. Ya done goofed
4837237
In that case, I apologize for misunderstanding your intent.
4837297
Of course not, your probably closer to 11 or 12 with all this dismissive name calling and ill mannered attitude. I could amuse myself for quite some time exposing just how poorly you present yourself through your comments in this story but I suppose I really should just ignore you for the sake of preventing some sort of flame war.
Deadpool is the anti-Cadance. If they ever touch, the romance-antiromance annihilation would probably consume half of Equestria.
4844245 So it has been prophesied so it must be!
You should do a date with Walt Disney's frozen head
4844245
Agreed. We must prevent them from meeting least the entire world goes kaboom!
I have to say, Deadpool actually kinda does have a point here.
I think my (least) favorite thing about Deadpool not being invited to see guardians of the galaxy is the fact that both he and gotg belong to marvel...
My Little Pony Collectible Cards? Really? Whether they're homebrewing a mixed game or the same cards are switching games between sentences, I'd have hoped for Twilight Sparkle's Secret Shipfic Folder instead. (Actually, that would simplify the balance issues with mixing games together. A lot. This demands experimentation.)