Chapter 12: The Date Of The Gods (Part 3)
Celestia was in a bad situation at an even worse time. With no way of escape, any move being her death, and her only options being total surrender, her future didn’t look to bright at the moment. Especially considering those throne guards and cultist seemed to be disgusted by her mere presence and would like nothing more than to turn her into mincemeat at any second.
“So, your majesty, if you’ll be so kind as to return to the rejuvenation of our God Emperor, that’d be wonderful,” the cultist said, rubbing his hands with a devilish smile on his cheeks. “Unless, of course, death is a more preferable choice to you.”
“Wouldn’t me dying prevent you from getting your God Emperor back?” Celestia asked, hoping the obviousness of her question would be her saving grace.
The cultists cackled, though the guards remained as stoic as ever. “Well, yes, it would hinder our efforts… for a couple of decades.” The cultist’s smirk grew to monstrously vile levels as he rubbed his hands more deviously. “But even with your bullet riddled corpse, we can extract your DNA. And with that, we can make clones for other xenos like you to come into being. But, of course, that will take some time.” Every guard in the room simultaneously set their weapons to automatic fire. “Time we can spend, and you can’t.”
Celestia was sweating bullets now, and in a moment she could be filled with bullets. Grasping straws, her jaw opened and closed, words coming to the tip of her tongue, but with no courage to take a leaping dive out of her mouth. In the end, all she could reply with was, “I… got nothing.” She sighed and hung her head dejectedly. “I guess I have no choice but to follow to your orders.”
“Ahahaha, excellent, excellent!” the cultist laughed, splaying out his arms in a victorious stance. “When our Emperor finally reincarnates back into this world, they’ll be no stopping mankind from taking its rightful place as the rulers of this galaxy! Soon, mankind will triumph once more, and there’s nothing anybody can—” The cultist’s words, and likewise, his life, ended with an abrupt entry of a bullet to his skull, knocking him flat on his back.
Celestia winced, expecting a storm of bullets to rip her to shreds. However, that storm was deflected with a shield of pure magic, the castor being none other than Princess Luna, flying down from a portal that had opened right next to the God Emperor’s throne. And sitting on her back, firing round after round at the palace guards was Deadpool, riding Luna into combat.
“Sister, you’ve arrived!” Celestia called out, a wide grin on her face.
Luna landed next to Celestia, instantly enwrapped by a hug from her older sibling. “But of course, Tia, you wouldn’t really expect me to leave my only sister behind on such a disastrous date?”
“You kind of have a habit of doing it in the past.”
“Well, yes, but my Netflix marathon ended early, so I was able to make it this time.”
Celestia smiled and rolled her eyes, hugging Luna tighter. “Whatever you say, Lulu. I’m just glad you’re here.”
Celestia’s eyes opened wide when she felt a familiar yet unwelcome pair of arms wrap around both her and Luna. “I’m glad to see you too, Sunbutt,” Deadpool said.
“Deadpool!” both sisters shouted.
Deadpool was instantly thrown off of Luna’s back, promptly falling on his head on the floor. Getting back up with only minor head trauma, he shrugged. “What, is using pet names in front of your little sister unwelcome now?”
“It was never welcome in the first place!” Celestia replied bitterly. Groaning, she turned to Luna and glared at her. “Mind explaining why he’s here?”
Luna shrugged. “He’s the one who warned me to come save you in the first place. After that, it made sense to hitch him a ride.”
“Luna, you just can’t throw yourself to any man you see as a free ride to wherever they want to go.”
Luna huffed, rolling her eyes and sticking her tongue out to Celestia. “Tia, I’ll have you know I’m an adult mare. I can give rides to whoever I want.”
Celestia frowned and pointed a hoof at Deadpool, whispering, “Not if that person is Deadpool!”
“Um, guys, I’m literally only two feet away!” Deadpool reminded the pair. “Oh, and there’s a bunch of bad guys shooting at us, which is also literally two feet away.” Deadpool poked the shield keeping the bullets at bay, giggling at the static shock that ran up his body each time he touched it.
“That should be enough electrical charge to kill a baby elephant,” Luna said in disbelief.
Celestia ignored this, instead pointing an accusing hoof at Deadpool. “Deadpool, why did you come save me?”
“Because saving chicks from danger usually ends up with you sleeping with them.”
“Other than that!”
Rubbing his chin, Deadpool hummed under his breath. “Well, let’s see… I know the God Emperor was up to no good in the first place, seeing how he hasn’t updated his Facebook profile in the last 10,000 years or so. And then he suddenly sprung up on a dating website? It led me to the conclusion that he was trying to draw out Celestia is a plan to re-energize his body to reincarnate in the next couple of decades, but, of course, his inner sanctum of zealots wouldn’t let her just up and leave, leaving me as the only hope to come rescue her.”
Now both Celestia and Luna were staring at Deadpool in disbelief.
Deadpool snapped fingers. “Oh, and he also sent me an email asking me to come get you.”
“He did?” Celestia asked.
“Well, it was more of an email to Luna.”
“You’ve been reading my emails?” Luna shouted at the top of her lungs.
“Yes,” Deadpool answered simply.
Luna scrunched up her face with her hooves and pulled them down her cheeks. “But why?”
“Because, I’m a psychotic 90’s antihero created for the sole intent purpose to being deranged, bloodthirsty, and as unpolitically correct as possible.” Deadpool shook his head with both hands on his hips. “Seriously, how many times must this be repeated?”
Celestia sighed, repressing the instinct to smash her head against a wall whenever Deadpool was in her presence. “Look, Luna, can we just leave this place? I need some double-chocolate rocky road ice cream and a trashy romance novel to read after this date.”
“Gladly, sister,” Luna said, pointing a hoof back to the portal. “We’ll be back home in but a moment.”
“Wonderful,” Celestia said, joining Luna by her side as both princesses prepared to take off. Looking back to Deadpool, Celestia held back a grimace and asked, “Deadpool, would you like to join us?”
Deadpool waved his hand passively to them. “Nah, I think I’ll stick around kill some guards.”
“Any particular reason why?” Celestia asked, already questioning herself why she bothered to ask that.
Deadpool turned to the still active shield that was preventing him from being filled with bullets. “Those sweet helmets. I want one.” He withdrew a katana from his back and jumped through the shield into the fray. “And I know just how to get it!”
Celestia paused, overlooking Deadpool’s body getting blown to bits from bullets while he hacked off a guard’s head, to the God Emperor. The handsome man in that strange place wasn’t there, just an old corpse with just a shallow hint of the being he used to be. But in those black eye sockets, Celestia noticed a spark of gold glimmer forth. It was almost as if the long dead God Emperor was… winking at her?
“Celestia, are you ready to depart?” Luna asked, looking to where her sister was staring at. “Sister, is something wrong?”
After a few seconds, Celestia turned away, shaking her head with a heavy sigh. “No, Luna, it’s nothing. Just… a feeling.”
Luna tilted her head. “What type of feeling?”
Celestia walked past her sister, outstretched her wings, and took to the air to fly towards the portal. “A feeling like I missed out on something good.”
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Because Gods can totally date without something going wrong. Every single time. Totally.
Interesting...
DEADPOOL!!!!!!!!!!
A spinoff?
Thank you, looking forward to reading that.
Yay! Deadpool returned! And he helped to save Celestia's flank. Though, I think he more or less just came along for the ride. And for a helmet. Anyways, funny stuff. Really enjoyed it.
how the fuck can deadpool kill one of these fuckers even he is not that good nor dose he got the fire power
Yay! More Deadpool.
4287243 Because Deadpool is the ultimate game breaker who taught Pinkie all she knows. Also, waffles.
Heh, great ending to the arc. Gotta say that I was always curious as to why the cultists hate all xenos across the board like that. I mean they used to be pretty tight with the Dwarves till they died out right? So eventually they'd have to come across a species who;d be friendly. Meh, can't understand the inner mind of a psychopath, who'd a thunk it?
Deadpool wants a helmet and he knows how to get it
The emperor is a good man...heuu god...i mean god please don't pin me as an heretic
This chapter started off quite nice. Then Deadpool came along and it became 3 kinds of crazy better. Personally, I'd like to see a side chapter where Deadpool is fighting the Zealots as if it were his video game. Switching between dual guns, changing melee weapons without letting go of them, randomly pausing to purchase stuff with Deadpool Points, grab a snack, or take a bathroom break. Don't forget the white and yellow boxes.
4287336
Squats were Abhumans, which aren't gone anymore. They just count as different varieties of humans like Ogryn, Ratlings, Beastmen, etc, etc.
Weird, the update notification led me to the wrong chapter. In other news, hooray for deus ex! Literally!
Keep going! ;)
4287243 Uh... Deadpool once fought HULK to a standstill. The guards are nothing to him.
And that's from someone who finds Deadpool irritating...
~The lizardman has but one thing to say:
"All hail Deadpool!"
I think Luna and Deadpool would be cute together!
4288132 I second that.
… I read that all of Deadpool's lines in his voice from Marvel vs Capcom 3… should I be concerned?
4287336 Simple. ORKS. TYRANIDS. ELDAR ASSAULT. THE FACT THAT CHAOS DEMONS ARE XENOS.
Got nothing for the Tau though. They seem pretty good to me.
4288256 i read it from the game
deadpool is like a upgraded TF2 character, instead of hats it is helmets
4288359
...and weapons, and money, and food, action figures....
as
____________________________
Deadpool meet Creeper.
static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/7/78486/2344841-Creeper_001.jpg
His drug induced super-powers, mentally unhinged, drugged up, and joker smile puts you to shame. And he is on the Justice League [well the anime Justice League Unlimited, I don't know about the comic version].
_____________________________________
Good chapter. Look forward to the God-Emporer side fic.
SOMEONE HAS TO MAKE A PICTURE OF THIS
Q! Make her date Q!!!!
What a twist!
MUST HAVE DARKSIDERS WAR!!!!!!!!!
4289660 he's the dc version of deadpool/goblin
4289730
Somebody already has. th03.deviantart.net/fs70/200H/i/2012/214/f/9/deadpool_riding_luna_by_fluttershyguyhere-d59m6j2.png Not me, a person on the interwebs.
That did not disappoint. Bravo sir bravo
Abridged alucard. Imagine if deadpool appeared.
4295995 would it be like?
fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/187/5/4/alucard_and_deadpool_together_again_by_thelonelyprince86-d6c7cz5.jpg
Or would it be like?
ts4.mm.bing.net/th?id=HN.608024484264018384&pid=1.7
~Leonzilla
4288313 The Tau want to absorb the imperium into their Empire, for the greater good...The Tau while not horrible are not really good either. The only problem is that they speak down to ever other race. Not the best way to make anyone in 40k not hate you.
That has to be the single best description for deadpool I have ever seen ever. NIcejob
I so love Deadpool
I'm going to assume there are guardsmen in there shooting at him with autoguns and Deadpool killed one of them. Custodes don't die that easily, have miniature lances (like, starship lances) attached to their halberds, and use bolters. One shot of any of those weapons would have caused Deadpool to become so much fine mist. Then again, since the Emperor wants Celestia to be extracted, he could be doing something to help Deadpool...
4302519 Of course, despite that, the Tau are the most morally 'right' faction. They ONLY want to absorb all other nations and peoples into their own, they would preferably NOT kill everyone else.
JUUUUUUUUUUSTICE!
Love deadpool XD
4288256
For me, it was the Deadpool game. Can't beat Nolan North.