• Published 25th Jul 2013
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Celestia Uses An Online Dating Website - RainbowBob



Trying to spice up Celestia's love life, Luna signs her up on a dating website. Now Celestia has to go on a series of dates with other immortals. This should end nicely.

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Chapter 52: Good Date, Bad Execution

Celestia choked on her wine, it nearly spewing out of her nostrils. Holding back her laughter was a losing battle, and eventually she surrendered and just laughed to her heart’s content.

Finally drawing in a breath of air, Celestia sputtered, “Please, no more, I can hardly contain myself!”

Count Dracula smirked, his fangs glittering in the light. “But wait, there’s one more!” he said in an overdone royal accent, rubbing his clawed hands together. “What part of this restaurant do vampires not go into?”

“What?” Celestia asked, holding a hoof over her muzzle to stifle the giggles.

Dracula winked and whispered behind his raised hand, “The non-suckers section!”

Celestia nearly fell to the floor, her laughter so great. She was always a sucker for corny, cheesy, and any other variety of jokes that made everyone else but her groan and slap hooves to their face. Which was what half the restaurant was doing at the moment.

Wiping away tears, Celestia sipped from her wine glass, some of the wine sloshing from the brim, but she didn’t mind. She was more enamoured with her date with every passing moment, paying the alcohol little mind for the first time in… well, a long time.

“Dear my, Dracula, you’ll surely be my death.”

“I certainly don’t hope so. You are much too beautiful for an old bloodsucker like me to end.” Dracula winked. “Oh, but I kid, I kid, my bloodsucking days are long past me.”

Celestia arched a brow at his wine glass, which was a much darker shade than her own. “You sure?”

Raising his wine glass to his lips, Dracula sipped deeply. “Oh, this is donated blood from a bloodbank. I give them a couple of million dollars to do charity works, and in return I receive some blood as compensation.”

“That’s actually quite noble of you,” Celestia said, fluttering her eyelashes.

“Well, I am quite the nobleman,” Dracula said, his fangs perfectly white against his flawless chin and full lips. “Still a count, in fact. But my days ruling a castle are over.”

Celestia licked her lips of the last traces of wine. “Then what is your profession now, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Oh, I’m a patron of several charity organizations,” Dracula said with a bored tone, circling a finger around the brim of his glass. “You know, the usual. Homeless shelters, nature preserves, food for hungry children. I won’t bore you with the details.”

Celestia whistled. “My, my, my, quite the generous one, aren’t we?”

Dracula glanced up from his reflection in the blood to her, smiling slyly. “Once you’ve lived as long as I have and have done… well, unsavory things in turn, you realize what a gift immortality really is to better those around you. After so long abusing my gift—along with being killed and reincarnated more times than I could count because of it—I know now that my pursuit in life should be a noble one. One where I use my long lifespan to the best of my abilities to help the world in any way I can.” He winked. “And perhaps find some love along the way as well. Who would have guessed I had a bleeding heart?”

“Certainly not I, but I’m glad I found out.” Pushing her wineglass to the side, Celestia asked, “So, are you up for a second date as well?”

Now it was time for Dracula to arch a brow. “A second? With you? I’m surprised I made it alive through the first one, with your reputation and all.”

“Me as well, but might as well as keep on going while the good luck is rolling.” Celestia smiled, her white cheeks filled with a rosy glow. “So is that a yes?”

Dracula raised his glass up in a toast. “You can count on it.”


Discord slammed a paw against the control panel. The video on the screen flickered and then fuzzed, but it still remained the same. Celestia and Dracula, sharing a toast and laughing together.

“A good date? A good date? Impossible! Inconceivable! Some other word that begins with an ‘I,’ because I just can’t think of one!”

Discord checked the ratings bar on the opposite monitor. They were beginning to plummet. In fact, they were practically skydiving with a parachute filled with rocks!

“Oh no, no no no no no NO! This can’t be happening! No, I won’t allow it!” Discord glanced to the side, at the fat pile of moneybags. He floated to it and kissed the pile lovingly. “I won’t let those grubby cable companies steal you away from me, my love. Not today.”

He smiled, returning to the monitor to press a large red button. “Good thing I still have my backup plan ready to be executed at a moment’s notice!”

The video of Celestia and Dracula faded out, only to be replaced with the vague outline of someone hidden in shadows.

“You need me?” the figure said, its voice masked in a sinister robotic tone.

“Yes! Celestia’s latest date could be the one! Make sure that doesn’t happen!”

The figure grunted. “Any specific way you want me to do this?”

Discord waved a hand passively. “Whichever way you deem fit, just make sure Dracula doesn’t arrive at his second date tomorrow. Is that understood?”

The figure nodded slightly, the shadows fuzzing in and out of focus. “Yes, master. It shall be done at once.”

Discord nodded, just as the outline flickered out. “Good, good.” Discord’s lips raised themselves to the top of his mouth. Next to the red button, Discord pressed an even bigger and redder button (not a dark or lighter red, just redder).

“So, Celestia wants to date vampires now, eh?” Discord’s monitor flickered to life, dozens of images popping up on his screen. Profile images, in fact. “We’ll just see how long she lasts before she’s sucked dry! Muhahahahahahahahaha!”

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