Chapter 50: Another Change In Pace, Much Like The First, But Much More Drastic
“Why did I agree to this?”
“Because you love me?”
“No, it’s definitely not that.”
“Because you love me a whoooooole lot?”
“Still a no.”
“You’re a masochist?”
“Oh, right, that.” Celestia drained the rest of her wine glass. Then the entire bottle. If the vase on the dinner table had been filled with water, she probably would’ve gulped that too. Wiping her muzzle, she gazed with a ditzy glare at her date. “You know me so well.”
Discord smirked, raising his glass filled with dark chocolate milk (he was watching his figure, after all) in a toast. “Well, of course I do. Who else but me can figure out the inner workings of the most popular princess’ mind?”
“A therapist, probably. Or my mother.” Celestia uncorked another wine bottle and clinked it against Discord’s glass, her downing her alcohol like a champ while Discord sipped his glass… literally. All he had left in his paw was the chocolate milk, still keeping its shape.
“Well, since I am neither—for the time being—I was thinking we could—”
“You know this isn’t actually going to go anywhere, right?”
Discord’s smile fell, much like his drink, which just turned into a pool that dripped down to the floor. “But… the date.”
“Was a facade so that I could get free wine and cake. Works every time.” Celestia looked dejectedly at the few scattered cake crumbs left on her plate. “Oh right, there was something else. I basically had no other offers for dates.”
“Is that so?” Discord asked, eyes gleaming like spotlights.
Celestia held a hoof to her eyes to block out the light from Discord’s stare. “Indeed. It seems my reputation has finally caught up with me after so many dates have gone bad. No one is even offering to go out with me anymore. You’re basically the only offer I had left.”
“Well, for tonight, sure.” Discord smirked, his smile dancing a jig along his cheek so that it could perform the can-can on his eyebrows. “However, that may just change…”
“Vaguely leaving hints at the end of your sentences, Discord? That could only mean one thing.” Celestia broke the end of her now empty wine bottle against the table, creating a jagged weapon commonly used for stabbing, and even more commonly used in bars. “What the hell did you do?”
Discord held up his hands, white flags unfurling from his horns. “Oh, hey, I didn’t do much. Plus, it wouldn’t be fitting for a princess to enact upon a grisly murder on interdimensional television, now would it?”
“Interdimen-sawhat?”
Discord pointed to the ceiling of the restaurant. “You’re famous, Celestia, in a good number of universes and pocket dimensions to boot. People—and other things closely resembling but just not hitting the mark—can’t get enough of you!”
Celestia glanced upward, her eyes widening when she spotted the flying spherical robot with the gigantic red lens for an eye trained directly on her. The red eye grew smaller, the robot probably getting a close up on her horrified expression.
“Ooh, we just got a boost in ratings!” Discord said, pressing a finger against his ear. “At this rate, Celestia Uses An Online Dating Website The Television Drama shall be at the top of the primetime shows in no time! We might even beat the indomitable Simpsons!”
Celestia reached out and ripped the communicator out of Discord’s ear. After stomping it with her hoof on the ground, she asked, “Okay, just what is going on, Discord?”
“Oh, right, forgot to mention. You have your own television show, Celestia. It was all my idea. And boy, what a profitable idea it is.” Discord snapped his fingers, causing dozens of those flying robots from before to pop up around the restaurant. “I bought these guys off an intergalactic thriftshop. For each date now I have around a dozen on you at all times, invisible, waiting, watching, recording.”
“That’s… extremely creepy.”
Discord snapped his fingers at her and winked, the robots disappearing in an instant. “And you know what isn’t? Being more popular than Oprah. Not many can pull that off without ending up in a ditch somewhere with a knife between their ribs.” Discord leaned in close and whispered, “Also, it’d probably be a good idea to look over your back from now on. The O doesn’t like competition. At all.”
Celestia shoved Discord away and growled under her breath. “I can’t believe you! You agreed to this date just to reveal that you started a television show based off me! Which… doesn’t sound like something you’d do.” Celestia rolled her eyes. “Well, the awful reality show I can believe, but telling me about it seems like it’d ruin the fun.”
Discord held a hand against his chest. “Really now, Celestia, give me more respect than that. I have integrity, for one thing. I realized this was an invasion of your privacy, and saw this date as the perfect opportunity to ask if you’d agree for the show to go on.”
“No.”
Discord blinked twice. “No what?”
“No, I will not agree to whatever asinine reason you need for your idiotic show to continue.” Celestia got up from her chair, taking care to avoid the broken glass scattered on the floor. “That’s the only conclusion I could reach for why you needed me to agree to something in the first place.”
With eyes so wide and pupils so full, Discord fell on his knees and crawled to Celestia. “But… but it’s only a contract, Celestia! To an agreement of another two seasons! We’d make a gold mine of profit off this show!”
“Will any of that profit go to me?”
Discord pointed to the table. “What do you think paid for all that wine and cake? Certainly not my checkbook!”
Celestia tapped her chin, humming under her breath. “Let’s see, what should I do?” Celestia tapped her hoof to the ground. “Oh, right, of course! Why didn’t I think of it sooner?”
Celestia grabbed the bill from a fearful waiter that had grown smart not to enter a twenty-foot radius of Celestia whenever she was on a date. That was just suicidal.
Shoving the bill in Discord’s face, Celestia said, “Thanks for the wonderful time, Discord, but I think I’ll pass. You can take your show and shove it where the sun don’t shine, because I will surely not be present there.” And with that, Celestia turned to depart, snatching another wine bottle on her way out.
Wiping the bill off his face, Discord grumbled. “Darn. I knew I should’ve waited until she was plastered before I dropped the contract on her.” Staring at the bill, a devious smile took root and soon blossomed to a sinister grin on Discord’s cheeks. “Although…”
Discord turned to the waiter, laying a single digit on his muzzle. “When was the last time Celestia dined here?”
If the waiter could gulp, he might have just swallowed his heart, lungs, and gallbladder all at once. Instead, he just squealed silently for a good ten seconds before Discord snapped his fingers a few time for him to continue. “J-just yesterday! Sh-she drank a b-b-bunch and then p-paid and left!”
“How’d she pay?”
“H-h-her Pretty Pony P-Princess Card!”
Discord leaned in closer. “Which means she’d have to sign the check, right? You still have it?”
If the waiter’s eyes could have returned into his sockets and exited through the back of his skull they would’ve. “I-I think so.”
“Great! Be a dear and grab it for me. A big, juicy, twenty percent tip will be waiting for you.”
“Twenty percent? Hot dog!” The waiter zipped to the kitchen, his outline composed of dust hanging where he stood before it dispersed to the ground.
“Sorry about this, Celestia, but I refuse not to lose my primetime slot now that it’s so close. A simple forgery is all I need. The show must go on, and if sacrifices must be made,” the bill in Discord’s paw burst into flames, “so be it.” Discord stared at the smoldering ash, laughing menacingly at the top of his lungs.
He stopped suddenly, coughing a fit once the smoke entered his lungs. “Shit, I forgot, I still need to pay for this. And the twenty percent tip… damnit!”
Stats
Page generated in 0.038 seconds
Total duration
731 users online
773,256 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I'd watch the show.
Can I volunteer to be the show's Jeff Probst?
Oh dear...Celestia's going to kill Discord when she finds out about this...
Poor Celestia. She's in for another period of woes
Then again, at least she doesn't have Eek! the Cat's entropy streak
I sent you a guest chapter, but you never implemented it. Is it not good enough? If it isn't, please tell me. I need to know so that I can know to improve at writing.
5076681 oh eek the cat and poor Timmy he lost his gravity
5076617
You're already watching it, silly. =P
Okay, seriously, the whole "Discord drinks the glass" bit has already been done in several fics I've read. Way too predictable, which for Discord is even worse than usual.
5076646
Try you mean, considering in Equestria, Discord is the one being stronger than her, it might be tough.
5076646
Try you mean, considering in Equestria, Discord is the one being stronger than her, it might be tough.
I have an idea for a chapter. Do I write it myself or o I just suggest it to the author and hope that he writes it, among all the requests for Alucard.
That said, I wouldn't mind a chapter where Celestia goes on a date with Genya Arikardo (Used that name because otherwise, it would seem like I'm adding my voice to the Hellsing!Alucard legion. Basically, Alucard from Castlevania. He a) isn't a bloodthirsty vampire and b) Hates Vampire Dad. No, this isn't the idea I had for a chapter. This is just something I wanted to throw out there.)
Immortal means indefinite lifespan as well, so...what about Clare, from the manga Claymore? Her lifespan is indefinite.
5076617 Plot twist! The show is being streamed to your brain, right now, which is interpreting it as words on a screen!
If someone wants an immortal, here's a cool guy you might want to check out:
Agent Aqualung, from the one-shot graphic novel The Unemployment Adventures of Aqualung. I'm an intern for the people who publish it.
www.arcana.com/view_issue.php?id=623
He is a alchemical spirit bound inside a robot that Tesla designed for him. And he is quite the gentleman.
((Link isn't working properly, so you'll have to copy-paste it into your browser.))
5076642 You're confusing Survivor with The Bachelorette.
Anyway, I like this new direction. Plus, we can finally knock Discord off the list of potential immortal dates.
5082525
OR SO YOU THINK!
5082525
I don't actually watch either show,
How about Phil?
i.ytimg.com/vi/iCaL3Euk91Y/0.jpg
Discord’s smile fell, much like his drink, which just turned into a POOL that dripped down to the floor. “But… the date.”
so he WANTs it to be a real date :D
This fic has gotten so twisted from what it started out as and I love it
7579550
Lol ikr?