Chapter 4: Third Time's The Charm, Right?
“And then I said, ‘Short straw gets to rule the underworld!’ And wouldn’t you believe it, my bro Hades was the first to get it! You should’ve seen the look on his face! And guess what happened next?”
“What?” Celestia asked with a chuckle, cheeks red from laughter.
“I said, ‘You need a nightlight down there?’” The man laughed, slamming his fist heartily on the table, causing their silverware and several nearby tables to leap in the air.
Both of them laughed heartily at the end of his joke, the large man dressed in a golden-trimmed toga leaning back in his chair while Celestia continued to gaze at him with a flirtatious look in her eye.
“I must say, Zeus, this date is just going wonderfully,” Celestia said, a slight blush on her cheeks. “It seems that I made a better choice than my sister usually does for me on these dates.”
“You can’t go wrong with the God of the Sky,” Zeus said. “Along with the weather, law, order, fate, thunder, and all the other gods as well!” Zeus brushed a hand through his shining white hair, flashing her an Adonis-like smile. “But I don’t mean to brag. Tell me more about yourself, sweet buns.”
“Oh, I’m just Princess of Equestria,” Celestia answered, taking another sip of her wine. “Not as grand as all your titles, but I manage my kingdom well enough. Though I suppose managing an entire world like yourself would be much more difficult.”
“You don’t even know the half of it,” Zeus said with a roll of his eyes. “Especially with family on board.”
“Siblings, huh?” Celestia asked.
Zeus snickered. “And children. King of the Gods pretty much makes me responsible for the lot. Half of them are resentful of me, and the other half want me overthrown. It’s a full time job just keeping them from tearing each other’s throats out.”
“Wow, you sure do have a lot of responsibility on your hands.” Celestia smiled bashfully, refilling her wine glass. “I like a responsible man.”
Zeus’ smirk widened, the well-muscled god tugging at his snow-white beard. “Well then, I sure do like–”
“Whore!”
“Yes, but that wasn’t really my answer.” Zeus stared at Celestia’s wide-eyed face, then looked around. “Wait, who said that?”
“I did!” a voice called out from across the room. Glancing over, Zeus felt a cold sweat run down his back as he spotted the woman that had just walked through the restaurant doors.
“Oh shit, it’s her!” Zeus said, rising out of his seat and checking for the nearest exit available.
“Who exactly is her?” Celestia asked, getting up as well, as the woman made her way towards the pair.
“My–erm… sister, Hera,” Zeus said, turning away to make a run for it.
“Husband, what are you doing at this equine eating establishment?” Hera asked, facing Zeus with her hands on her hips. Even a head shorter than him, the elegant and beautiful goddess made Zeus take a step back in fear.
“Wait, didn’t you just say she was your sister?” Celestia asked, looking around Zeus’ side to stare at the fuming goddess.
“Um… yeah, she is,” Zeus said, twiddling his thumbs nervously as he was duly confronted on both ends by enraged immortals.
“Then how can she be… Ewwwwwwww,” Celestia gagged, quickly jumping to the disturbingly incestual conclusion. “That’s disgusting!”
“What’s disgusting is my husband committing adultery with a harlot,” Hera said, pushing Zeus to the side so she could stare down at Celestia with hate-filled eyes.
“What did you just call me?” Celestia asked, all intentions of leaving the restaurant vanishing at Hera’s words.
“Are your ears so filled with out-of-wedlock lust to properly hear me?” Hera crossed her arms and leaned downward so her and Celestia were eye to eye. “You are nothing but a lowlife harlot, two-bit hussy, opening-your-legs-wide floozy, all rolled up into a common whore.”
“...Oh no you didn’t!” Celestia shouted, taking a swing at Hera. The hoof slapped into her cheek, sending the goddess to the ground. But a vengeful hand managed to grab at Celestia’s mane, causing the mare to be painfully tugged to the ground as well. Now the two began tumbling along the floor, biting, scratching and punching each other, along with ripping each other’s hair out.
Zeus, standing off to one side, stared along with the rest of the inhabitants of the restaurant at the immortal battle going on in the middle of the room. Clapping his hands together, he called out, “Catfight! Place your bets right here!” Quickly a circle of stallions formed around the dueling goddesses, bits being thrown about and bets being placed on who the victor might be.
“Luna, pick me up.”
Luna sighed, shrugging the phone onto her shoulder into a more comfortable position as she acquired a plate full of junk food from the refrigerator, ready for her full night of video game action. “What happened this time?”
“I don’t want to mention it,” Celestia said, her voice muffled, like her mouth was full of something. “All I can say is that I’m missing three teeth, I have a black eye, I was kicked out of the restaurant for making a hole in the wall, and I won over a hundred bits.”
Groaning under her breath, Luna muttered, “I had better get half of that.”
“Bring an ice pack as well,” Celestia said before hanging up.
Closing her phone, Luna set her junk food down and stretched out her wings, knowing she was going to miss out on some Grand Theft Auto V again for her sister’s antics. “I’d definitely better get half of those bits for this shit.”
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FIRST
but lol i saw this coming a mile away as soon as i knew Zeus was her date. Did not expect the cat fight though XD
When I saw the word Zeus, I thought 'Oh shit'
Then I read the rest of the chapter.
You never cease to amaze. I imagine if this tied in with 'Hades is Such a Good Neighbor!'
Master of Death Harry Potter, please.
That is all.
Dammit, Zeus!
Will her teeth grow back?
Superman...
Is he immortal? I don't even know.
I'm still waiting for the Emperor.
theshellcase.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/god-emperor.jpg
Seriously, who can't love that face?
Ann heaven forbid he's rejuvenated for the date.
obdpictures1.wikispaces.com/file/view/God_Emperor_of_Man.jpg/314124410/God_Emperor_of_Man.jpg
Resistance would only be playing hard to get at that point.
When Celestia said "Oh no you didn't!" I expected her to be like, "hold my earrings, hold my earrings."
Zeus will never learn...
100 bits! Our princess can fight. I wonder what Hera looks like.
I'll would suggest Superman, but he'd be nice. So....I'll say Wolverine. Let them go out to a nice(seedy hole in the wall) bar and then Bar Fight! And let her see how his healing factor works.
Wasn't Gandalf technically immortal? He's one of those spirit things that will exist so long as they're needed things if I remember the books correctly. Granted, Saruman was one too, but died, so I think it only has to do with them not aging... meh.
Dunno if you can since he's evil but Chase Young.
2946035
Still siding with this comment that I made a while ago. Emphasis on the Chrysalis option.
Zeus, you really can't keep it in your toga can ya? :AJbemused:
Gandalf and Celestia going out on a date? Now there's something that could have a few good laughs. Although for Sauron, it would be funnier if he was still trapped in his final 'eye' form, in my opinion.
May I throw Loki, Thor, Mad God Sheogorath, or the Grim Reaper guy with the Aussie accent and Skips from Regular Show into the ring as suggestions for future installments?
Still crossing my fingers for:
- Ra
- Ryuk (Death Note)
- Dracula (preferably his Castlevania iteration)
- Odin
Any chance that any of these dates will end well for Celestia? I'm perfectly happy with hilarity, but can she please get a few numbers she'll want to call again?
Although I have this mental image of a 'good' date ending with Celestia waking up the following morning not knowing where she is, what happened last night, and finding herself in Japan in one of 'those' hotels.
Also, new suggestions. Alucard from Castlevania (despite his issues with his parents, he might make a good date) and Alucard from Hellsing anime (who spends the entire date trying to discretely - and not so discretely - inquire if Luna is available).
Still think Alucard from Hellsing Ultimate would be....interesting to say the least.
You all know what I am talking about.
I still stand for the glorious Emperor of Mankind
I mean look at him....LOOK AT HIM
obdpictures1.wikispaces.com/file/view/God_Emperor_of_Man.jpg/314124410/God_Emperor_of_Man.jpg
Isn't he glorious! Isn't he Strong! Isn't he the glorious savior of man!
Still need Captain Jack Harkness!
3263652
The only way that could get better is if it was the abridged Alucard.
100 bits, eh? Sounds like Celestia did us proud.
Who shall she date next???
3263677 usually i find him overrated, but it would be awesome!@
I'm still waiting for Lord Death. Seriously, how can you turn down a guy who can pull THIS?
Not to mention, he's good with kids (as a father of two, but his first one didn't go so well...), is a good teacher, a VERY powerful fighter, AND he's pretty much RUNNING his entire world!
We should probably go with the post-anime Lord Death. Things would get problematic if we used the manga... since he's dead... and Kid inherited his powers... But hey, if it's manga Lord Death you want, it's manga Lord Death you can use!
By the way, I call him Lord Death instead of Shinigami-sama because Shinigami is his species. Kind of redundant to be called the same name your species is.
Celestia delivering some beat down?
fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/214/7/c/snowflake_by_brenoc-d59kc0f.png
And now...
the date with omnipotent Q.
3263761 I KNOW! It would awesome!
Ganondorf!
Woo! That was me! I suggested Zeus! Hahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
I want to see Shadow the Hedgehog.
So...why haven't I seen any Gods of Tamriel? Or Daedra?
I have an idea... Why not herself ? Either really herself , her clone or Molestia. That should be fun.
I see you went with the original playboy. Good call.
My suggestions:
Aslan from Chronicles of Narnia (seriously, this will be VERY interesting)
Q from Star Trek and if i'm saying that I might as well suggest Discord
Superman
Davy Jones from Pirates of the Caribbean Might as well add Captain Barbossa (whose immortal due to sheer awesomeness)
Wolverine (his regen ability makes him immortal)
Zeratul from Starcraft II or even Tassadar. As protoss they're basically immortal.
Merlin... according to the new BBC version he's basically immortal. Not to mention in lore he is a mad wizard... and that's always fun
The Morgoth from Simarellion
Link from Zelda... his nth reincarnated form anyway.
Ummmm perhaps Elrond from Lord of the Rings? I mean his wife is technically dead?
Orochimaru from Naruto in some different body... possibly pony?
Lord Voldemort?
and for the hell of it Dr. Who whatever reincarnation, as well as Peter Pan (a little young for Celestia though...)
3263791 indeed. And so it MUST be done!!11111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oberon, from gargoyles or McBeth
Possible Gnarl the minnion master or Mortis( it would be hilarious to see how the Overlord would react)
And Finaly Max from 'Her majestys wizard'
On an other note, this was hillarious
3263764 :| Holy shit. I don't know what that was from, but... that guy really likes his java, don't he? XD
3263949 Soul Eater... says it in the title...
my first vote is Marshall Lee from Adventure Time but for one that would make sense I think Slepinir
Simon Petrikov from Adventure Time. Also known as the Ice King. But not exactly the Ice King. While he has the crown and his hair has turned white with his skin turning blue, and he's slowly gaining more power over ice. But he hasn't yet completely lost his mind to the crown.
Just send her on a date with Jesus already.
3264055 Can't do that without breaking character. There are two other people that the Bible indicates did not die, but they're relatively obscure. That, or you could make up some excuse about an alternate-universe Noah.
3263500 Master of the Deathly Hallows does not mean immortal...
3263559 Gandalf is a good choice, although I'd personally prefer to see the ent Treebeard... "The gnarled tree turned to face her, winking seductively as he revealed a condom. 'Don't be hasty, dear Celestia.'"
Zeus being on a date can ONLY end badly. Not to mention a good 3/4 of mythological problems are caused by Zeus' "lightning bolt".
My suggestions would be Ra (sun deities, duh), Odin (Thor is overrated), Ganondorf (my fave villain
), Gandalf ('cuz baby you're a fiiiiiirework!), Freddy Krueger (because one dreamwalker isn't enough), Majin Buu (because sweet stuff), and Cthulhu (because Eldritch Abomination).
For the love of celestia, the GOD EMPEROR!
God-Emprah pl0x. Also, Karan S'jet or the Bentusi.
When i read further on i was Shocked it turned out to be Zeus, after that i was waiting for Kratos!!!!!
But he didn't appear so meh...good chapter though. cant wait for the next one!
Have you made a list of everyone's suggestions? Or are you picking one from the last chapter?
3264535
I made an entire fucking list.