Chapter 49: Change Of Pace
“What do you mean you’re moving out?”
Solaire hefted the box on his shoulder, and then looked to Deadpool. He managed to shrug with his other shoulder. “I’m vacating the premises to move into another home, Deadpool. I’m not exactly sure how much clearer I can be with that.”
Deadpool stood in Solaire’s path out the doorway, a fresh pizza box and sixpack of beers in his arms. “But I thought after the entire Doctor shitstorm things would finally be getting back to normal.”
“Normal? Our world and lives are anything but normal, Deadpool. But I’m not complaining! Certainly not with the grand future I have in plan.”
Deadpool leaned against the doorway, still not stepping out of Solaire’s way. “Oh, I see how it is. You get a girlfriend and now you’re ditching your bro. Is that how you want to play it?”
“Deadpool, my friend, you know I’d never want to hurt you.”
“Too late, ‘friend!’” Deadpool shoved a finger under Solaire’s helmet, tipping it back. “Bros before horses! The first fucking rule of the bro-code and you broke it, dude. You broke it and my heart!”
“Aren’t we the dramatical one,” Twilight said behind the duo, rolling her eyes.
Deadpool’s belt was pulled with a tug of Twilight’s magic, dragging the disgruntled merc with a mouth back so that Solaire could exit Luna’s room. A stack of boxes were laid across the floor, most being weapons and N64 video games that Luna had loaned to Solaire.
“It’s just not fair,” Deadpool said, still being dragged on his heels while crossing his arms over his chest. “Status Quo is God! C’mon, that’s rule number one! And now things are changing.”
Twilight smirked, setting Deadpool to lean against the wall. “For the better, I imagine.”
“Not for me.”
“No one asked you, Deadpool.”
With a grunt, Solaire placed the final box on the floor next to the others. Leaning on a knee, he rested a hand comfortably on Twilight’s back. “Please, the sun of my life, do not antagonize Deadpool anymore than he need be. He is going through some trouble times.”
“The only trouble I’m having is my roommate moving out!”
Solaire and Twilight shared a look.
“Should I tell him?” Twilight asked.
With a sigh, Solaire shook his head and got back to standing up straight. “No. Better it be I. Comrades in combat are the best for breaking such news.”
Glancing between Twilight and Solaire, Deadpool slowly took a step backwards. “Wait, no, don’t tell me.” Deadpool held two fingers against his temple and frowned. “Twilight’s pregnant with some unforeseen eldritch abomination.”
Twilight scowled. “Is that a jibe at my weight?”
“Solaire’s pregnant with some unforeseen eldritch abomination!”
Solaire patted his stomach. “Hmmm... in all likelihood that could actually happen. I mean, not at this precise moment, but if the occasion ever arose...”
“No!” Twilight said.
“But—”
Deadpool snapped his fingers. “You guys are letting me move into your awesome and epileptic seizure inducing in the right light castle in Ponyville?”
“Close!” Twilight said. “It is related to Ponyville.”
“And you moving in somewhere,” Solaire added.
“Or rather, out of,” Celestia said behind the trio, causing Deadpool to jump into Solaire’s arms with a girlish scream. Arching a brow at Deadpool’s behavior, then thinking better of that, Celestia nodded. “In other words, Deadpool, you’re moving out of the castle.”
“Uh, no.” Deadpool patted the sun symbol on Solaire’s chest. “Solly here might be, but I’m still rooming with Luna.”
“Unfortunately, Deadpool, that’s no longer an option. My sister has requested to be rid of your presence for the time being.”
Deadpool slid out of Solaire’s hands, falling on his knees before Celestia. He crawled to her, pathetically reaching out with an unsteady hand for her face. “But… Tia, my darling. You can’t let your sister stand in between us. We have so much going for us. Love, lust, the pursuit of happiness, grumpy old men writing historical documents, and freedom! So much potential, just for the two of us.”
Celestia pushed Deadpool’s hand down, then slapped it when he reached out again. “Sorry to say, Deadpool, but my sister is exactly why you and I cannot be together. Well, there are dozens of other reasons, but at the moment she is the most convenient. Over time she has developed feelings for you, feelings that have remained unrequited. Because of this, she can no longer stand to be in your presence without being hurt. Your last adventure further reminded her of this.”
“Okay, I’m calling bullshit on that. If she was truly in love with me, why hasn’t she thrown herself in my arms already?”
Celestia leaned forward, her eyes staring unblinking in Deadpool’s gaze. “Deadpool, you’ve been her roommate for over three months. She’s spent countless hours hanging out with you. You annoy her, yet she finds herself drawn to you all the while. In all that time you haven’t witnessed one hint of Luna wanting to be with you?”
Deadpool remained silent for around ten seconds. Then he looked down at his knees. “Oh, wow. Uh… that kind of flew over my head.”
“I think it’d just be best for everyone if you two just have a break for a while. Along with myself from the dating game. At least until I adjust to all the new wounds and time travel paradoxes I caused.” Celestia smiled to Twilight. “Luckily, my favorite student has found just the place for you to stay in Ponyville.”
“Truly, Twilight, you did?” Deadpool asked.
Twilight grinned, thought it was more of a facade than anything else. “Well, of course I did! I’m sure the two of you are going to get along juuuuuuuuust fine.”
Deadpool knocked on the door. After a few seconds it opened, and a pony was there to greet him.
“Oh, hello there!” the tiny pegasus said, smiling warmly to Deadpool. “You must be Deadpool! My friend Twilight told me so much about you. She mentioned you were in need of a home to stay in for a spell, and who am I to refuse a guest in need?” The yellow pegasus with pinker than cotton candy mane blushed, holding both hooves against her cheeks. “Oh, but look at me getting all excited like this. My name’s Fluttershy. Twilight mentioned you were a ‘mutant’ human, which I’ve never heard of before. I’m just so interested in learning more about you. Come in, come in, my home is your home now.”
Deadpool ducked and entered the small cottage. It was warm and lively, with little critters scampering here and there, and even a pissed off looking rabbit glaring at Deadpool in the corner.
Fluttershy flew to the other side of the room, quickly disappearing in an alcove where a stove and kitchen cabinets stood. “Put your bags anywhere you like. Dinner shall be done shortly. My animal friends all love the meals I prepare them, so I made us a few dishes to see what you’ll like. Then we can have tea time and do some reading together. Doesn’t that sound like fun?”
Deadpool dropped his bags to the floor. No tv, no video games, no junk food, no Netflix, no Luna, no tv! Deadpool fell to his knees, shaking his fists to the heavens, screaming, “Daaaaaaaaaaamn yoooooooooou Twiiiiiiiiliiiiiiiiiiight!”
“Oh, and I hope you like vegan food.”
“DAAAAAAAAAMN YOOOOOOOOOOOU TWIIIIIIIILIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!”
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I was about to say poor Deadpool, but then I read the end.
The laughs...won't stop...send help plz
Every someone makes a chapter that feels like an epilogue I have to check if it's done. *click* *click*.... Thank god in heaven.
5043014
I was expecting Discord.
poor Deadpool, at least he's gonna have a spirit of chaos and disharmony to hang out with though
also, you go Solaire!
you lucky sunbro you, moving in with the girlfriend so quickly 
This is going to be fun!
So Twilight is Solarie's son now?
Ehheheehhehehhh.
Revenge is a dish best served with a nice fresh garden salad.
Typo detected:
I vote for Celestia to go on a date with Anonymous.
And by that, I mean the physical representation of the guy(?), the green human figure in a tuxedo.
Why is Anonymous immortal? He is a conciousness.
An entity.
A hivemind.
As long as anything ever exists, so will Anonymous.
Should you choose to write it out, do with that information what you want to.
~ TOOWC
-Deadpool rooming with Flutters
derpicdn.net/img/2012/10/14/122684/full.png
And then Deadpool, seeking refuge from the the winged menace, disappears into a local bakery, only to be confronted by a random and hyper pink pony. The two fall in love over a plate of chimichangas and proceed to level Ponyville and then the rest of Equestria with their insanity.
Is it just me or was Fluttershy a bit OOC there? I mean she's never met Deadpool, she's never even seen a NORMAL human let alone an insane lunatic mutant one.
Seriously, Flutters was acting like Pinkie Pie there. Speaking of Pinkie, she'd make more sense as the one to take Deadpool in and get along with him. I mean they both break the fourth wall as canon...
5043185 No no, they level Ponyville and the rest of Equestria in a MONTAGE SEQUENCE. It's a HUGE difference
Poor
DeadpoolFluttershy5043196 No, it's pretty in character for when she meets a new being like Spike she can get excited and lose some of her nervousness and shyness. So of course meeting some brand new sentient species she has never met or heard of before is going to elicit at least a little excitement on her part.
And thus, Deadpool resumed his desire to die.
If this hasn't been suggested yet, Sol Invictus from Exalted.
At least Deadpool and Discord should get along.
At least Deadpool and Discord should get along.
You put Deadpool with Fluttershy! Twilight you evil mare, you're suppose to be Fluttershy's friend!
Yay, change in status quo! Hopefully this doesn't mean we won't get to see more of the cute and dorky Twilaire and the crazy hjinks of Deadpool in Ponyville.
I liked "homies before ponies" more, as it rhymed.
Oh dear god....I was hoping it was pinkie but fluttershy
THIS IS
....
THE WORST
....
POSSIBLE THING
......
EEEEEEVEEEEERRRRR
Oh...this was rich. I had a bad morning, and then I read this...I scared the shit out of my school's staff members!
5043248 You make a good point. I hadn't thought of it that way. Though I'm not entirely certain it applies here, IMHO Spike's "cuteness" played a large role in her excitement at meeting him.
I wonder if Death makes a jealous appearance.
5044884
Don't you DARE imply that Deadpool isn't cute. That is rude, not to mention life threatening. He's the cutest, and you better remember it.
5044884 Yeah, RainbowBob is right.
Deadpool is the cutest!
5045004 5044953 Deadpool isn't cute. He's cool, badass, almost-as-manly-as-Kamina even. But not cute. Even chibi Deadpool isn't cute. Deadpool doesn't do cute.
5045049
Oh dang you gone die now, boi. Was nice knowing ya!
How about a date with Richard Nixon?
2.bp.blogspot.com/-_9UyLKW6FX0/TqRUU3DNlPI/AAAAAAAABR4/90nypT-pLX4/s1600/vote+nixon.jpg
Aroo.
FOR THE LAST TIME, R'AS AL GHUL! PLEASE!!!!!!
Skinner Sweet from American Vampire would be awesome! Basically cause he loves the sun.
I suggest...
Shadow the Hedgehog!
Cuz who doesn't need a little more immortal amnesiac angst in their love life, am I right?
Deadpool then ran off into the Everfree forest, desperate for meat. 37 species went extinct.
I suggest Ra, the Egyptian sun god!smitefire.com/images/god/card/ra.png
LASER CHICKEN!
5043139 I'M AN IDEA! AND IDEA'S ARE BULLETPROOF!
Relax, there are plenty of non-vegan options running around here, just wait until Fluttershy leaves the house for an hour or two, and make yourself a gamey casserole!
Anyone suggested Shao Kahn yet? Maybe Celestia double-books him with Thor by accident and they spend the whole time arguing over who has the better hammer.
GOLDEN !
You sir have made me proud
Lmao yes. Sir, you are amazing.
-and made me laugh like umpteen times.
Good job.
Carry on.
~Who else?
>She mentioned you were in need of a home to stay in for a spell, and who am I to refuse a guest in need?” The yellow pegasus
>stay in for a spell, and who am I to refuse a guest in need?” The yellow pegasus
>for a spell ... yellow pegasus
You apple jacked up your fluttershy.
And here I thought he was rooming with Pinkie Pie. Cakes would never survive that.
Nor would anybody, really.
Rip Deadpool's sanity.
Not that it existed in the first place...........