Guest Chapter: A Dog Eat Dog Date (Felidae0)
"Alright," Celestia said, resting her chin on the table between herself and her latest date. "This... is a weird one. Even for Luna."
The white wolf across from her nodded in agreement, before beginning to chew on a bone she had ordered before Celestia arrived.
Celestia flicked her eyes across said wolf, desperately hoping that she had, in fact, arrived at the wrong table. Sadly, the red magical marks that decorated the wolf's fur, and the burning metal Frisbee on it’s back suggested otherwise. Lethargically, Celestia retrieved a piece of paper Luna had given her—the only information she actually had about her date.
"So, Ama-ter-asu... Am I saying that right? According to this, you're another Sun Goddess, who's taken the physical form of a white wolf... Is that correct?"
A short, quiet bark was her only response. It was entirely possible Amerat-whatever was mocking her.
Celestia decided that she might as well be polite, and introduce herself. "Right, well, I'm Princess Celestia of Equestria, and I raise... this sun, I guess, which is my special talent. How do you do yours, if you don't mind me asking?"
Amerut—American—Ammussolini—Ammy, which Celestia decided to call her from this point on, flipped her tail out in front of her, the tip wet with ink. There was a moment where reality blinked, and Celestia got the distinct impression that Ammy snickered before picking her bone back up. The tail vanished behind her as quickly as it had arrived.
"So, a painter?" asked Celestia. Her muzzle itched, but she refrained from scratching it in front of her date. "I've known quite a few painters in my time. Tried it myself not too long ago, wasn't very good. Though..." She paused. "It might still be on display at the Canterlot History Museum. As a central piece of their abstract exhibit."
Ammy tilted her head, and Celestia answered the unasked question. "It was meant to be a still life of a bowl of fruit."
The wolf snickered, and Celestia rolled her eyes. "Well, you try and do better."
The tail appeared once more, and Celestia's wooden chair suddenly came back to life, despite her shouting and that of the cafe's other patrons. Within seconds, the chair had grown into a wooden bowl the size of a princess-sized bed, and had even grown a large apple inside the bowl. A flick of the tip sent a pulpy glass of orange juice in a spray at Celestia, which grew into a similarly-sized citrus. The image was finally completed, however, when a banana leapt in alongside her and grew to twice her length.
"Show-off," muttered Celestia, as she climbed over the orange to reach the bowl's rim. With a thump, she fell out and back onto the floor, landing on a… on a…
On a giant lilypad. Huh.
The cafe’s waiter walked out onto the patio, saw the deformed chair and the mare sitting on a lilypad instead, and sighed. They’d ban her, but they didn’t want to be known as ‘the cafe that banned Princess Celestia.’ He put on a grin that was just a bit too wide to be genuine, and approached the table.
“Princess! So good to see you’re back! What may I get for you and your date today?”
Celestia picked the menu backup, realized that by this point she’d memorized it, and set it back down. “I’ll have a Michigan Salad. Ammy?”
The wolf, seemingly serious for once, placed a paw on the menu. The waiter leaned over to look at it. “Roast… chicken? That’s on there? Er… okay.” He wrote it down on his notepad, and walked away.
Celestia gave a little bounce on the lilypad. It was comfortable, to be sure, but it was also unpleasantly soggy. “So, Ammy, why a wolf, if you don’t mind me asking?”
Ammy put a paw on her chin. After a moment, she hopped off the chair, and sat next to Celestia’s lilypad. Then she flopped over, wordlessly asking for belly rubs.
Celestia blinked. “Ah. Okay, that kind of makes sense.” Ammy made a quiet whining noise, which prompted a sigh from Celestia. “Alright, alright. But only for a bit. This is already a weird date.”
After a minute or two of petting her date’s belly, she decided to try and start up a conversation. “So, any family?”
Panting happily, Ammy nodded.
Celestia tried to fill in the gaps of the conversation as best she could. “...Brothers? Sisters? Any that might come causing trouble?”
Still lying down, Ammy swished her tail in a crescent, drawing a moon out of ink that hung in the air for a few seconds before dissipating. Her tail swished again, this time drawing a more complex shape. When she was finished, it looked like a wave crashing onto a beach. It evaporated as well.
Celestia waited for any more, but that seemed to be it. “So, Moon Goddess—” She was cut off by a bark. “God, male?” she asked. Ammy nodded, before slumping back onto the wooden deck.
“So, Moon God, and Sea God, also male?” A bark in the affirmative confirmed it. “Huh. I hope Luna doesn’t get any ideas…” She shook her head, and stood up. “Come on, let’s sit back down like civilized… Deities.”
Celestia noticed, out of the corner of her eye, that her date was beginning to attract attention. She couldn’t imagine why. After all, it was just the princess going on a date with a dog.
...In hindsight, maybe she should’ve picked something else to do for a date.
Ammy, after a moment of whining, hopped back onto her chair. By some strange coincidence involving a chicken population boom and the increased number of dragons visiting Equestria in recent years, the white wolf’s chicken was done and arriving at the table. Celestia’s salad followed shortly afterward.
Celestia’s horn lit, picking up the salad fork daintily, and she speared a single leaf of lettuce. She felt the taste was missing something, however, and she borrowed a bottle of ranch dressing from another table. Satisfied, she began to work through her meal.
Ammy just jammed her head into her chicken, and started chewing.
“Alright, that’s it!” Celestia jammed her fork into the table, the end vibrating with a twang. “I can’t take this, I really can’t. Listen, you seem nice enough, and I can appreciate a little bit of pranking, but I just don’t see any way this will work.”
Ammy’s eyebrows quirked up. Whether in interest or confusion, Celestia couldn’t say. Nor did she really care.
Celestia leaned over the table, staring straight at Ammy. “Can you actually become anything else, or are you stuck as a wolf?” In response, Ammy licked her muzzle.
“Ackpth—not cool!” She spat into a napkin, and turned back to the wolf. “I cannot understand a single thing you’re saying. Because you’re a wolf.”
Ammy blinked at her.
“I don’t speak wolf.”
Ammy’s ears flopped back down.
“Moreover,” Celestia continued, “I don’t care how good you are in bed, I’m not having relations with a wolf. Luna would never let it go, and neither would the tabloids.” She paused. “Also, bestiality’s illegal in Equestria.”
The only response from the wolf was a pair of puppy-dog eyes, and quiet whining.
Celestia sighed. “Very sorry about this, I really am, but it’s not going to work. Enjoy your chicken, Apparat—Amassed—Adamant—Ammy. Have a nice day, Ammy.”
Celestia stood, and left the cafe. A few seconds later, she returned, flapping her wings to get up into the chair-turned-fruit-bowl, and retrieved the giant banana.
“Also, I’m taking this. No offense intended."
“Sister… Why art thou cuddling a giant banana? Didst I not set thee a date with Amaterasu?”
Celestia poked her head out from under the covers. “Shh. Let me enjoy this. By my estimate, I have at least one week before Bruce Banana begins to ripen.”
Luna blinked. “Thou named thine fruit?” She thought she saw something else as well, and leaned in for a closer look. “And why dost thou hath a moustache drawn upon thy muzzle?”
“Because only Brucey gets me!” Squeaked Celestia, before she dove back under her covers. In a whisper Luna could barely hear, she added, “And I don’t know what moustache you’re talking about.”
Luna slowly backed away as chewing sounds began to squish out from under the covers. “Er… Worry not, dear sister. ‘Tis a glorious moustache. Enjoy your… fruit?”
She felt a bit dirty having said that. Not on her hooves. More like in her mind. The noises didn’t help.
She backed through the doorway, and closed it with a klik. “Maybe…” she muttered to herself. “Mayhaps Tia just needs a small break. I shall set something up for… She said a week? That sounds good.”
Mentally satisfied with the plan, she headed back to her quarters. And away from the noises.
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Another excellent addition to this wonderful fic
however, Luna suddenly using her archaic speak kinda breaks the previous composition.
Oh good lord, that was hilarious! This captured Amaterasu from Okami perfectly!
I know he's not immortal but i'd love it for Tia to go on a date with Handsome Jack from Borderlands 2.
>mfw I see a new chapter for this story
i.imgur.com/iCjYVt2.gif
As a dog person meself, I find this HIGH-LARIOUS!
Bruce Banana.
Huzza!!! The fun has been bananed!
Hahaha! God, I love you!
It's only beastiality if it's not sapient... I think... right?
4236006 He owns a company that produces respawn chambers, and you are telling me the man is not immortal?
I want some Twilestia here.
4236043 that tends to be the rule and the point of bestiality
4236043
I do believe so.
So....banana's?
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Alrighty then.*walks somewhere else*
glados or wheatly...
what? If they are not mortally injured they dont die and can be revived
2935902
Or she could just go out with a Hydra. They are biologically immortal and live in all worlds.
4236059 Personally, I feel that the respawn thing is just there for gameplay purposes. Otherwise, Roland, Angel and Jack would have come back.
This was as hilarious as it was adorable. In fact, the whole chapter was adorable, especially when Amaterasu beckoned for belly rubs
4235198 If I recall correctly, in Dragon Ball he thought it was food, or maybe he thought marriage was food?
Tenouttaten, would guest chapter again.
In all seriousness, thanks for posting this! Feels good to help with something.
lh5.googleusercontent.com/-FAHamze6Rbs/U0fo-LixutI/AAAAAAAALio/l0VLphwOKDE/harrypotter-shock.jpg
Oh my stars, that was just so...harsh! And speciest. Ammy's a sapient creature, you plothole! She cared more for everyone else's view on the possible relationship, then her own and Ammy's feelings. This is just so...jerkish that I can't believe it.
4236011
Now, really, I am going to die!
4235992
4236021
4236026
After Tom, we haved Bruce Banana.
So, Celestia tried her luck with other females, eh? Figures it wouldn't make a difference, though.
I so wish I had the time to write a guest chapter for this; I'd make it a double date between Celestia x Hades, and Discord x Palutena. Oh, the shenanigans to be had with this.
~The lizardman has spoken
4236212
What?, why also really?!
~Leonzilla
Daffy duck, The Wizaaaaaaard
If she likes the banana so much, why doesn't she just make it an everlasting banana? At least you can tell it'll be a 'fruitfull' relationship, bountiful even.
Besides, from what I've heared there's more than one way to enjoy a banana
AMMY!!!
Just wondering Felidae and Rainbowbob, hv you guys played okami before?
I'm glad she's more lesbian wolf than lesbian goddess, makes the world as it is.
Also, this is her child, Chibiterasu. Ain't it cute? Maybe she wants her son to have a new mommy!
fc07.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/086/e/b/chibeterasu_by_mayukichan-d3ckm6i.jpg
fc06.deviantart.net/fs14/f/2007/009/7/6/Chibi_Okami_by_CelestialBrush.jpg
FEEL THE KAWAII!! FEEL IT!!
do Sheogorath God of War Hades Akatosh or Master of the Hellish Yard
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Origin:
Parody:
And this chapter I like to propose this buddies from the very first TV show I ever enjoyed The Mighty Bananas in Pyjamas!
They will surely live forever, in my heart.
~Leonzilla
PS :I was not initially serious about this yellow, silly, phallic shaped, children gods; but on second though it would very likely make an interesting fic like none other.
4236224
i.imgur.com/5tay2XB.gif
Makuta Teridax from Bionicle... just for the hell of it.
4236145 Ya, but if Jack comes back in the next game and says "did you really think that was the end of me?" would anyone complain? He was the best part of the game, and until it is proven that he cant come back from the dead I will continue to hope that he does. (also so the final battle of the next game can be a zerg rush of like 50 Handsome Jacks, because the series is off its rocker.)
4236303
I've played it up until... After the bit where you shrink down and run around with Issun, and I've caught bits and pieces of my Sis playing the rest. Haven't finished it tho, and I know I really should. Apparently the last boss fight is kick-ass. The Sponge mentioned he hadn't played it when I suggested Ammy.
4236276
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/11/14/151579__safe_princess+luna_animated_luna+eclipsed_traditional+royal+canterlot+voice.gif
Nay! 'Twas but the fault of my scribe, who hast copied my voice thusly since my return, and forevermore!
I demand Clockwork! 31.media.tumblr.com/85b81bf60d5963f2e944277c960c7540/tumblr_mi3gpyTgT61rc2gc6o1_400.gif Or Aku!
4236343
It all makes sense now!
4236459 As long as you got to the part where they saw Mr. Bamboo's daughter, that's the important part!
And bro, that last fight... is so incredibly Friendship is Magic-esque in the best way possible. I still maintain that Okami has one of the greatest vid game music ever, and that final fight is the pinnacle of it all.
Also obligatory extra character suggestions!!
Kratos from God of War!
Sleipnir from Norse Mythology!
More AMMY!
Superman and Batman!
More AMMY!
Bill Cipher from Gravity Falls!
Keanu Reeves from the real world!
Did I mention more Ammy?
4236343 oh my gosh you buried childhood memories!
4236646
Again I say nay! For he and I concur that for all that must change of my life, I shalt keep my style of speech. 'Tis so ingrained, that changing it 'twould be akin to forgetting my life before the incident!
(Alright, this was fun, but I really don't feel up to doing a full Luna RP. Bit busy watching the Eclipse and all.)
4236738
Oh... well that too. I like my concept better though.
DAMN!
4236059
Nope, he never got around to putting himself into the database, and his daughter made sure he couldn't. Also, she made sure the heros couldn't be taken out of it for around 50 or so years.
Has anyone else realised that this is the first data Celestia has had with a female partner
Because wolfs are awesome.
4236832
I thought about that while I was writing this, actually. I made sure to imply that she'd be open to the idea again were her partner not... canine.
Dear brother, you have my promise, I shant set you up on a date with a dog, goddess or not
This is kinda out there, but...
Why not Polokus from Rayman Legends?
And I do mean the Legends incarnation, the happy-go-lucky, lazy-when-he-feels-like-it, slap-everything-in-sight Polokus.