• Published 25th Jul 2013
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Celestia Uses An Online Dating Website - RainbowBob



Trying to spice up Celestia's love life, Luna signs her up on a dating website. Now Celestia has to go on a series of dates with other immortals. This should end nicely.

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Chapter 18: Double The Dates, Double The Fun!

“Where are they?” Celestia asked herself, tapping her hoof anxiously on the ground. She checked the front entrance of the restaurant for the third time that night, yet still didn’t see any indication of her date. Well, truthfully, it was a blind date and she wouldn’t even know who it was, but still, immortals had a way of making a big entrance.

She glanced at the clock, noticing that her date was already running five minutes late. Celestia typically wasn’t this nervous over such minor tardiness, but she was feeling more apprehensive than ever for this suitor in particular. It what Twilight said was true, they’d be Celestia’s perfect match.

With a sigh, Celestia got out of her seat. “I need to clear my head,” Celestia muttered, looking towards the mare’s room of the restaurant. “I just hope Luna’s date is going better than mine…”

Just as Celestia entered the bathroom, Luna walked into the restaurant. She chastised herself for being late, yet Celestia had been hogging the bathroom getting prepared she barely had any time to put some makeup on. She had to admit, the tedious process of dolling oneself up for the dating game was not one Luna wanted to get used to. She barely had time to put mascara on without poking her eye out because she was in such a rush.

Approaching the hostess counter, Luna asked, “Excuse me, I’m here to meet a date. I’m not sure who he or she are at, since it’s a blind date and all that.” Luna winced and bit her lip, her eyes staring at the far off wall in embarrassment. “I-I’m sorry, I’m not very used to this…”

“Quite alright, madame,” the hostess said. She pointed her hoof at a single empty table amid a crowd of already occupied ones. “I believe the only single seat in the house belongs to that table. Your date must be in the bathroom. Would you like me to seat you and get you a drink?”

Luna gulped, but nodded. “Yes. Yes, I believe I would like that.”

Following the hostess to the table, Luna settled into her seat while a waiter took the hostess’ spot and offered her a menu.

“Will you like a minute to make your decision?”

Luna nodded, so the waiter departed. Now all alone, Luna’s eyes scanned through the restaurant’s selection of fine wines and spirits. She didn’t even recognize the name of half of these drinks. Celestia practically knew all of them by heart, most likely by taste as well. Thoughts of her sister caused Luna to frown, then sigh deeply.

“It’s okay, Luna, just calm down. You’re just having first date jitters,” she consoled herself. “If Celestia can do this every night with minor head trauma and bruises, then you can definitely pull it off. Just relax, and everything will be alright…”

Luna’s eyes widened when she noticed there was a disclaimer about the possibility of shellfish being used in the sauces of several dishes on the menu. “Oh, this will never do,” Luna said, rising from her seat. Her shellfish allergy, while a closely guarded secret, made her life all the more difficult since she now had to check with the cooking staff to make sure any meal she ordered had no shellfish whatsoever.

Just as Luna left for the kitchens, Celestia returned to her seat, surprised to see a menu at her seat along with another open one at the opposite end of the table. Pondering this for a moment, Celestia’s focus was broken when a waiter approached her.

“Madame, would you like to order some champagne? Perhaps the chef’s recommendation?” the waiter asked, opening up a notepad while dabbing the end of his pen against his tongue.

Looking back to the open open menu at the empty seat, Celestia shrugged. Must have gone to the bathroom just like her, and she missed them. “Yes, I believe that would be lovely.”

Scribbling down a note, the waiter bowed and departed, leaving Celestia alone once more. Still troubled over the strange appearance as well as disappearance of her date, Celestia concluded they were probably as nervous as she was. Opening her ridiculously menu, Celestia browsed through the restaurant’s eatery specials, the entire front of the menu covering her face and even her horn.

Luna briskly returned to her seat right then, her mind still abuzz with the fact the only food she could eat in the establishment that hadn’t contacted shellfish in some shape or form was everything on the foal’s menu selection. Her cheeks still red with embarrassment, Luna only now realized her date was right across from her, hidden by their menu.

Opening up her own, Luna quickly ducked behind her menu at the same time Celestia peeked across the table by lowering her menu. Now that her date was here, Celestia smiled, returning back to her menu just as Luna lowered hers. Neither sister knew the other was across the table, any conversation between the two having not taken fruit yet due to the weeds of anxiety and nervousness.

However, the spell of silence was shattered the moment the waiter approached the two uncorking a champagne bottle. “Okay, who wants a glass first?” he asked, grunting. His face was consorted into a grimace as his magical grip around the cork of the bottle increased, the cork just not coming loose.

“Me!” both sisters called out at the same time, dropping their menus and raising their empty glasses at the same time. The moment they did so, they stared at one another, complete and utter shock at the other’s unexpected appearance causing time to slow down to a snail’s pace.

The cork to the champagne bottle finally came loose, smacking right into Celestia’s cheek, yet was ignored even as a nasty bruise appeared. All of Celestia’s attention was focused on Luna, and Luna likewise to her sister, both their jaws slack and eyes wide.

The waiter held a hoof over his lips for launching a cork right at the princess’ face, yet what scared him more was how completely unmoving both sisters were, and how they stared at one another without blinking for what had to be a good minute now. Wisely and with tactical precision, the waiter slinked away, just as Luna and Celestia broke out into shouting.

“Why are you here?” Luna asked, pointing an accusing hoof at Celestia.

Celestia shook her head and shoved a hoof right into Luna’s face. “I can ask you the same question! You think it’s funny to ruin one of my dates?”

Your date? This was supposed to be mine!”

“No way, Twilight told me to go to this restaurant to meet with my date!”

“Well, she did the same for me!”

Both sisters stopped yelling at one another, a sudden realization dawning on the two. Celestia’s horn glowed with a fiery yellow fury, and in a flash Twilight fell next to them, albeit in a heap of blankets and grogginess.

“Hngh… ugh, am I dreaming?” Twilight muttered. She slowly got up, half of her mane stuck to the side of her head while the other half was splayed all about. “Man, I really need to cut back on the dandelion sandwiches before bed…”

“Twilight, what is the meaning of this?” Celestia asked, her voice booming so loud that the liquids in several drinks nearby vibrated and sloshed.

Twilight looked to Celestia, then Luna, then back to Celestia again, her eyes slowly blinking as she smacked her lips slowly. “Um… it’s Friday night and you’re trying to keep ahold of a youthful glimmer of your past by going out to fancy restaurants due to a hectic midlife crisis period you’re still going through?”

“Wow, I think she might have actually hit the nail on the head right there,” Luna whispered.

Celestia groaned and rubbed a hoof against her muzzle. “No, Twilight, I was asking why you set me up on a date with my own sister?”

“Well, I didn’t know.”

Celestia’s jaw dropped. “How could you not know? Is it the fact we’re the alicorn sisters slip by you, or all those times I’ve mentioned Luna is my sister not ring a bell?”

Twilight yawned and rubbed her eye. “Well, the test I conducted was a double blind experiment, so even I wouldn’t know who your date would be. I was supposed to set Luna up with someone tomorrow, but it looks like my calculations already did that for me.”

Celestia grabbed Twilight by her cheeks and squished them as Celestia drew her close. “Twilight, for the love of the gods, what made you think it would be a good idea to conduct a double blind experiment for a dating website?”

Twilight’s eyes shifted left and right, looking everywhere but at Celestia. “I dunno. It was supposed to find your perfect match! I thought it was flawless! It’s supposed to be flawless!”

Luna gulped. “But if it is, then that means Celestia… me… I… are perfect…”

A new silence settled over the trio, Twilight still stuck awkwardly in Celestia’s grip while her cheeks began to become sore while the two sisters stared at one another with a mix of revulsion and shock.

Celestia released Twilight, pointed a hoof at the fleeing waiter and called out, “I want every bottle of booze you have on your menu, STAT!” Glancing at Luna and Twilight, the two quickly noticed the fires literally burning within Celestia’s eyes. “You two might want to leave now.”

“Mario Kart?” Luna whispered to Twilight.

A quiet nod was all the answer Luna needed to teleport the duo away on the double.

And on that night, Celestia completely cleaned out the restaurant of every drop of alcohol they had, along with everything on the dessert menu as well.

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