“So… I’m guessing you’re not much of a talker, are you?” Celestia questioned her date, the long deceased body of the supposedly once great and mighty God Emperor of Mankind. Of course, he made no indication of replying, continuing to sit silently on his golden throne in his mummified state, the only indication that any life could be existent in his corpse the odd flicker of red light in his dark eye socket.
Celestia finished off another of her wine glasses, the Emperor’s personal guard quick to fill it up. Truthfully, Celestia wasn’t too keen on an impossibly tall behemoth of a man standing so close to her, especially with those large weapons of his nearby, but she supposed it was more for the Emperor’s benefit than to actually intimidate her… she hoped.
“Well, being a listener is a good trait, I suppose,” Celestia admitted. She looked down to her plate, where the less than appetizing meal was sitting getting cold… and moving. “Though, I think being a good cook would be more important…” Celestia would have guessed that the food in the palace would have been of better quality, but seeing how the vast majority of the people here are soldiers, the rest are zealots religious cultists, and the Emperor was a dead guy on a throne, it was beginning to make sense.
Pushing her plate away so that the ketchup covered abomination wouldn’t make a grab at her, Celestia returned her attention back to the Emperor. Not like he was going anywhere, anyway.
“Um… well…” Celestia coughed, the absolute silence in the room suffocating her. Getting out of her seat, Celestia said, “Listen, Mister Dead God Emperor… sir, I had a great time and all. We should really do it again sometime. You… um… just call me, okay?”
Before she could walk down the steps leading up to the Emperor’s throne, his guards stopped her progress, their spear-like guns pointed directly at her.
“Not so fast, your majesty,” the cultist from before said, appearing behind the legs of one of the guards. “We still need you.”
“But I thought only the Emperor needed me?” Celestia asked, pointing a hoof over her shoulder at the long dead body of her date. “Wasn’t that the purpose of him asking to be my date on that dating website in the first place?”
“That wasn’t him, you dimwitted xeno!” the cultist shouted. “He can’t even move! We made the profile and hooked up with you on the website for the specific purpose of getting you close to the Emperor!”
“Ah… that does make more sense now that I think about it.” Glancing over her shoulder to the corpse, she shrugged. “So, why exactly get me on a date with him in the first place?”
The cultist raised his hands in worship, and not to catch something from the sky like Celestia guessed after looking up. “The Emperor spoke to me in a vision! A vision of a time where his end draws near, and the only way to prevent it is with a xeno! A xeno of great power, one with the symbol of the sun on her butt!”
“Flank!”
“Whatever! And with this xeno, the Emperor shall once again rise in glory to take back his empire and the entire galaxy in the name of humanity!”
The cultist clapped his hands, him and every guard in the room proclaiming, “All hail the God Emperor of Mankind!”
“Yeah… I’m still a bit confused here, can you repeat that?” Celestia asked.
The cultist shook his head, rubbing his hands together deviously. “It does not matter whether or not you are confused now, you putrid xeno. After scouring the multiverse and using that accursed dating website to find you, now is the time that our Emperor shall be brought back among us!” The guards systematically aimed all their weapons at her. “Now, renew our Emperor, or die!”
Celestia backed up a few paces from the plethora of firearms ready to blow her brains out at a moment’s notice. “How exactly do you expect me to do that?”
“I’m not sure and I don’t exactly care,” the cultist replied, smiling to the guards, each with their trigger finger itching. “I’m not the one about to be riddled with bullets if they don’t do something right. So, get to it, before one of these guards here gets too antsy.”
Celestia turned back to the Emperor, grimacing at his decayed state and bony expression. “I really, really hate Luna right now.” Gulping, Celestia closed her eyes and focused her magic on the Emperor’s body, a low illumination of light engulfing his corpse.
For the first few seconds, nothing happened, until a brief spark of some type of energy answered back to her magical call. Slowly but surely, something was drawing her magic in, something that was completely new to her. It wasn’t magic, but something close to it. And much, much more powerful.
Before she knew it, she was completely surrounded by it, a constantly restless and shifting form of energy the likes of which she could have never have imagined. It seemed to spread out, timeless and infinite in an expanse greater than any horizon could keep within its borders, it sinking within the very fabric of space and time to birth a new form of being on a plane far different than the one she was residing in.
Looking about herself, Celestia was completely lost in this formless void of pure chaos. Energy flowed all around her, unfamiliar yet familiar all at the same time. She was not in her world no longer, but one completely different, yet altogether the same.
However, a light appeared in the living blackness. A figure of radiant gold, flames left behind in his wake as he fly across the dark skies like an angel at the end of times. He had on an armor made of the finest golds, a billowing cape of scarlet red that draped behind himself like a river of blood, long flowing hair that put her own mane to shame, and a face that seemed to be chiseled from the purest marble by the gods themselves. He briefly looked to her, a small smile on his face that made Celestia’s heart warm up to the point she felt like she’d melt.
He appeared before her, no longer the corpse on the throne, but the God Emperor of Mankind himself. His splendidness and beauty took Celestia’s breath away, as did when she looked into his eyes. In them sparked an intelligence far greater than she could ever imagine, compassion so strong that it would sacrifice itself for others without a moment’s hesitation, and a will so unbreakable that not even an army could cause it a single crack.
“Celestia, I have been waiting for you,” the God Emperor spoke, his voice like the sweetest honey and the freshest breath of air.
“M-me?” Celestia whispered, unable to hold back the awe that tingled in every fiber of her being.
“Yes, you. I have been waiting for someone like you for some time now.” He withdrew the sword at his side, a blade made up of fire itself that heated even this blank expanse of timeless existence. He pointed the tip to her horn, nodding his head. “I need your power.”
“My… what?”
The God Emperor glanced over his shoulder. Shapeless shadows drifted across the void, their mere presence darkening the planes and installing a fear of terror within Celestia’s heart. There were four in all, each more horrifying than the last in terms of dark power.
“Please, Celestia, we have no time,” the God Emperor implored. “I chose you because I knew you would have the strength to provide me the energy I need to fight back the Chaos, even if it’s for a moment longer. Mankind must prevail, and only with your help can I make sure that happens.”
“I… I can try,” Celestia said. Frightened now that the shadows were drawing nearer, Celestia connected her horn to the tip of the Emperor’s sword. Instantly, she felt the air get knocked out of her lungs, and her muscles becoming sore and weak with just a mere touch. Gritting her teeth, she bore through it a bit longer, until she felt like her very soul was being ripped out of her body into the sword. However, the power trade-off ended, all by the Emperor’s own hand.
He drew back the sword, its flame more powerful than ever. The light he radiated early was brighter by two-fold, his magnificence more potent than ever. Looking down at Celestia, this most perfect of beings smiled once more, the cheer bustling from him making Celestia feel joy even in her weakened state.
“I thank you, Princess Celestia of Equestria, for the assistance you have provided me on this day. This is a service I shall never forget.” Looking back to the four beings of terrible dark power that had converged around them, the Emperor frowned. “But for now, you must leave. The Warp is a dangerous place. My battle against the forces of Chaos has no end in sight, and you bought me little time I must not waste. Go now, and forever know I and the rest of mankind are indebted to you.”
“Wait—” Celestia said, before the darkness around her began to disintegrate and peel away in a swirl of blackness, leaving her back to the previous plane of existence with her before the Emperor’s corpse. “Call me.”
“Call who?” the cultist said, tapping his foot repeatedly against the floor. “You’ve been standing there for the past fifteen minutes doing nothing.”
“I was… with the Emperor,” Celestia explained. She held a hoof up to her temple, a migraine developing already from her lightheadedness. Celestia nearly fainted, her muscles so weak she could barely support herself. “It was so strange… like we were somewhere completely different, yet here at the same time.”
“Well, whatever you did, it seemed to have worked!” The cultist pointed with glee at the Emperor’s throne. “The Emperor is reviving!”
Indeed, the decay on the Emperor’s body was beginning to give way to slightly fresher flesh. Sinews of muscles sprouted between joints in the bones of his hand, while colors other than gray or brown returned to his skin. Even the Emperor’s throne seemed more lively, glowing a bright golden hue that filled the throne room in its radiance.
“Well, glad that’s over,” Celestia sighed. “I am so going to need a spa trip after this.”
“After?” the cultist laughed, snapping his fingers. Every guard trained his weapon on her, blocking Celestia’s only route of escape. “Your majesty, there is no after. It will still take another couple of attempts to return the Emperor to his former glory. You’re not going anywhere.”
Celestia frowned. Right now, all her magic was drained, an entire room full of zealous guards that treated a near-dead body on a golden throne like a god had her in their sights, and she still didn’t know if she had a second date with that hunky God Emperor… well, at least the version of him that wasn’t decomposed.
“I really, really, really hate Luna for getting me into these types of situations.”
It's so glorious. The Emprah is returning to us! All by the might of the Sun Goddess! Truly, the perfect match!
YES! YES! I've been waiting for this ship! CELESTIA PREVAILS!
4271239 thow i would lovw to see her antor god of war spin off
I kinda want to see Celestia attack everyone
I really hope she's gone for like a month, Luna finally takes notice when no one interrupts her game session/reminds her to shower, assumes the worst and kicks major ass.
This is my favorite arc of this story so far.
Two ideas:
Kratos:ends with attempted murder.
Rampage from FO:E Project Horizons: this will be fun. Like Deadpool as in technically not immortal, but utterly unkillable and apparently unaging. Also has a number of split personalities, like a serial killer, a soldier, a detective, a criminal, and a scientist who take over at certain times.
Like #1337! he'll yeah!
I seriously hope the God Emperor lets those zealots have it for mistreating Celestia once he's revived. If he doesn't have a problem with Xeno's, he should be really upset with them calling her a 'filthy Xeno'. Oddly enough, I could so see this conversation happening.
GE: I have been revived. Celestia, I and Mankind owe you a great debt that we will never be able to repay. Name that which you would ask for your reward, and if it be within my power, I shall grant it.
Celestia: Well, to be honest, the whole reason I was on the site was because I was lonely and hoping for a date that went well...maybe you could-
GE: When the time allows, I will surely visit your world so we may reunite. I also find my days lonely, and perhaps an offspring that shared your sense of honor would be good company through the eons, and an aid in holding back the darkness. Might you do me the honor of bearing my child?
The zealots all have collective apoplexy.
Celestia: ...we'll talk.
darned cultists...
=_o
what about ice king.
I love how despite this date being a disaster, Celestia found the God Emperor to be one of, if not the only likable dates she had been on. When she said 'Call me', I was just grinning like an idiot.
Now to wait and see where her poor heart shall fly off to next.
Isn't Logan immortal of xmen
Or
How about Hellboy
Mayhaps Celestia will have that second date soon enough?
Damn crazy cultist!
I'm really trying to think of any other immortals she could go on a date with that AREN'T bipedal. Old Coyote(Native American), Anansi(African), Great A'tuin the World Turtle*Discworld), ....Quetzalcoatl maybe(Aztec)? As for humanoids...Tyrael(Diablo), Alucard(Hellsing), ooooh, Sylvanas(WoW).
As for this chapter, I'd say being taken hostage by a palace of zealots counts as one of her worst dates yet. Kinda wondering if the almighty GEoM will deem it worthy of his time to smite the zealot trying to keep Tia prisoner?
Bloody cultists, when Big E gets off the Throne I hope he puts that little shit back in his place
Also I hope the 2nd date goes better, Celestia most certainly seems to be smitten with him
4271649 The Genie from Aladdin? Not technically biped since he usually doesn't have legs. Usually.
Please set her up on a date with Discord?
4271563
No, he's just a cash cow so they never kill him.
Anyone else start thinking of Excalibur Sonic when he was described?fc07.deviantart.net/fs48/i/2009/154/8/b/Sonic_Excalibur_by_QTStartheHedgehog.jpg
Do Gamzee Makara from Homestuck or Ash Ketchum.
Lets see, Celestia could date Brighton, Herald of the Light, Ruler of the Sky, Great Lord of Skyland, and Lifegiver to Mario World. I'll be happy to write it, too. There is also the Star Spirits too.
Now for Deadpool to come in out of fricken nowhere to rescue the Celly in distress... Right after Celly finally starts to like it, of course
How about Tom and Jerry?
They live since 1940's and try to kill each other every day. No mortal could survive that! On top of that, both are not Gods and sentient creatures.
The hilarious kicker to all of this is that the Emperor did NOT have any hate for other species. He in fact hated being worshiped as a divine being entirely. The Imperium of Man after the 'death' of the Emperor is a mockery of everything he tried to build while he was alive. The zealots' and their bigotry/ignorance of his real desires would actually be grounds for the Emperor to unleashing his wrath upon them. While the zealots may be hate-mongering dumbshits, the man they worship never really hated much in his life, save perhaps the Chaos of the Warp. (Which is fairly understandable, since its basically pure Chaotic Evil, where the Emperor is Lawful Good done right.) As I recall, the Emperor was very similar to Jesus, only rather than simply turning a cheek to any attack he would plant his boot up their ass. You acted straight, didn't try to harm Humanity, and the Emperor was a great man. He had no desire to lord over all, but rather wanted to guide and protect Humanity. Personality-wise he was very similar to Celestia herself. Alive and whole he would be a great match for her. I can't wait to see how it screws up in the end.
4271649 I like the idea of Alucard and Celestia on a date. Speaking of Alucard, I think he can safely go out in the sun, and he doesn't sparkle. Speaking of sparkling vampires, here's an idea: Edward from the Twilight series signs up on the site and goes on a date with Celestia. All formalities are skipped and Celestia removes him from existence with extreme prejudice. To do it safely, she'll propose a picnic. Once a few miles from civilization, cue the super effective critical hit solarbeam. Deadpool can also be caught in the beam, but he'll be fine after a chapter or two. Edward on the other hand shall either become a fossil or be removed from existence. Celestia can then say that she had a productive date for once. She won't be seeing him again, but who would want to anyways?
Or Alucard and Celestia are on a date and Edward storms in, where he promptly gets shot in the everywhere followed by a plain random spear (and Deadpool gets his head blown off and his heart attacked). No second date, but Alucard might be called in for security in the future.
4271743
I think Q would be more interesting.
4271683 I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK.
4272199
Hmm, maybe?
4272266 Thank you good sir. First time anyone has said that. Usually the opposite. Usually
4271510
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/12/21/502842__safe_twilight+sparkle_princess+luna_princess+celestia_animated_spike_crossover_princess+twilight_upvotes+galore_vulgar.gif
4272401 Those MLP GiFs are freakin' hilarious!
4271458
This idea.....I like this idea
img0.joyreactor.cc/pics/comment/warhammer-Игры-сделал-сам-ювелирка-712817.png
But it's a good kind of heresy, so I won't have to BLAM! you for it.
Celestia x Apep
Make it happen, RainbowBob.
~The lizardman has spoken
4272401
4272523
That was hilarious.
Really, truly hilarious.
And I don't even watch Adventure Time.
Problem?
4271239
i don't know about these heretics, but if i saw someone revive the god emprah, i'd be bending backwards to do their every wish in thanks.
4272291
Same voice, Celestia would probably note how oddly familiar he is.
Well at least sometime soon Tia is going to have her sweet, sweet, succulent revenge on her dear sister. After all, Luna's not dating anyone either and revenge is a dish best served with a side of irony.
4273375
Oh, okey then. But a date with Dr Who could bever hurt.....
4271442
Or the Goddess from FoE, because that wouldent be awkward at all.
DEATH TO THE FALSE EMPEROR
Waspinator from Beast Wars is pretty damn near immortal.
I mean, the guy can be squished, flattened, electrocuted, torn apart, shot by a huge enery blast and swatted like a bug, and he still lives to this day.
… THE EMPEROR IS RETURNING! PRAISE THE SUN PRINCESS!
Others behind me: PRAISE THE SUN PRINCESS!
4264777 dwamn straight. Why have 1 heart when you can have 9001?
4274079 and became king of the humans for awhile
Mata-nui
have fun with a continent sized robot
4274826
THIS