Chapter 63: Hindsight Is Gonna Be One Hell Of A Bitch Later That Day
“Quick! Close the door! For the love of everything holy, close the door!” Luna commanded just as she leaped through the door’s threshold.
Nameless was quick to slam the heavy iron door closed shut with a resounding boom. Sliding to the floor and breathing a sigh of relief, he whispered, “Goddamn… I didn’t think we’d survive that.”
“Remind me to never find bunnies cute ever again,” Luna said. She was splayed out on the floor, too beaten and bruised to even bother getting up. Nameless was much more worse for the wear: his barbaric armor was looking even more rugged than usual, countless bones in his body lay shattered, and his favorite weapon had earlier been snapped in two like a dried up twig. He was at least comforted by the thought he hadn’t turned out like...
“Morte!” Nameless tried in vain to jump back to his feet but was only successful in crying very similar to a little girl as his previous injuries reminded him how battered he was in the worst wake-up call imaginable. “Damn, I think he’s still in there with that… thing! We have to save him!”
“No worries. I got him… well, the top part of his, at least.” Luna got back on all fours and shook her mane. With a hard smack Morte fell from the confines of Luna’s mystical follicles. He didn’t look much worse for the wear… except for the fact his lower jaw was missing. “I think I like this version better.”
Sluggishly, Morte levitated back in the air and started in a groggy state at the two of them. Shaking his skull to and fro, he did a front flip and attempted to spin in the air, only successful in nearly dropping back to the floor.
“I think he’s trying to communicate with us,” Nameless guessed.
“What’s that, Lassie? Timmy fell down the well?” Luna sniggered, while Nameless tried—but ultimately failed—to keep his stoic facade. Then the first giggles started to bubble to the surface and at that point it was too late to hold back.
While the two shared a good laugh at Morte’s expense and horrible realization he can no longer speak, two other figures appeared down the shadows at the other end of the hall.
“Who goes there?!” Luna called out. She grabbed Morte and held him over her head in the classic defensive strategy of throwing the nearest item at hand at your opponent.
“Sister?” Celestia answered. Her horn glowed and soon the hallway was filled with tiny hanging flames that fluttered through the air like butterflies… that were on fire. “Luna, what are you doing here?”
“Searching for you so you don’t die, duh,” Luna said, a relieved grin visible on her face as she embraced Celestia. “Couldn’t let a bunch of bloodsuckers get my big sister’s neck, after all.”
The other figure that had been following Celestia politely coughed, drawing Luna’s attention.
“Oh wow. Is there a BDSM convention going on around here?” Luna asked.
Celestia rolled her eyes. “Oh, I wish.” Pointing a hoof at Rayne, Celestia said, “Luna, meet Rayne. She’s a vampire who hunts other vampires. Also, my current date.”
“And she hasn’t tried to eat you?”
“Nope?”
“Didn’t even attempt to murder you thus far?”
“Not once.”
“Woooooow.” Luna blinked. “This is probably the best date you’ve ever had in months.”
“Oh, you’re quite right about that.” Celestia glanced to Rayne and slurped up some drool at the mere sight of Rayne’s curves, bust, and even her stripperific clothing. All of which were covered in blood, but hey, that just added onto the sexy attire as well. “Smoking hot lesbian vampire hottie! I’m living every colt’s dream right here!”
“Well, sorry to ruin the dream, but we still have a problem here,” Nameless reminded everyone. Morte was perched on his shoulder like a demented version of a parrot. Actually, since he was the only one of the group that couldn’t speak, the look was more ironic than anything else. “Namely, a bunch of vampires terrorizing the castle that aren’t going to disappear anytime soon. At least not until daybreak.”
“The Princess and I have handled them adequately enough up until meeting you three,” Rayne said. Her playful smirk revealed two fangs as clear as day even in the low illumination. “I believe any other threats can be dealt with easily as well, don’t you?”
Nameless scowled. “Sorry to say, but I’m a bit lacking on the easily assured side. These vampires need to have a leader of some sort, and whoever that is has enough power to keep the rest in line. That never mean a good thing, and certainly not someone who is a pushover and can be dealt with easily like all the rest.”
“We already know whatever army he has is gathered in the gardens,” Celestia said, pointing a hoof towards the door Nameless and Luna had previously jumped through to save their lives. “We were just about to cut through there to the grounds.”
“Uhhhhh… bad idea,” Luna said.
“But it’s a shortcut and can save us precious—”
“Bad idea, don’t even try, definitely not worth it,” Luna cut in.
Morte floated off of Nameless’ shoulder and appeared to be dancing a funny jig around Celestia’s head. Rayne swatted him out of the air when he attempted to reach closer to her, but still he kept on circling Celestia over and over again without end.
“Wait… I think he’s trying to tell us something,” Nameless was the first to say. “Something… about… Celestia?”
Morte spun and rose slightly in the air, clearly a signal for yes. Then he floated up higher still, until he was directly blocking out some light falling from a window. Said light was from the moon, still hanging unchanged up overhead with the entire sky around it a field of flickering stars and countless galaxies.
“Let’s see… Celestia… and the moon? Right?” Nameless asked.
Morte repeated the spin and jump, and then quickly descended to Celestia once more. This time he rose up from one side of Celestia’s body, crested over her back, and then withdrew back to the ground on the other side. Celestia kicked him when he attempted to going under her belly, but at that point the group had understood his message.
“So what Celestia should do is get the moon and move it down to bring the sun up, correct?” Nameless asked, with Morte responding with a simple nod. “Well… shit, that would have saved us a lot of time, wouldn’t it?”
“Wait, you could have just had killed all these vampires in the first place without any of my help?” Rayne asked Celestia, her hands on her hips and frown clearly evident. “We could have avoided so much bullshit if you had done that! Namely me being here in the first place!”
“But… I thought you wanted to be my date,” Celestia said. Her ears drooped downward at the sight of Rayne sneering at her.
“As if! I’m only interested in killing vampires. I don’t even consider romance a factor in my mission until every single vampire scumbag is wiped off this earth and every other one!” Rayne flicked her bangs out of her eyes and said, “Thanks a lot for wasting my time.”
While Celestia’s heart and extremely perverse sexual fantasies shattered, Luna nudged her shoulder with a concerned look on her face. “Not to, uh, make this any worse than it needs to be, but dear sister… why didn’t you just raise up the frickin moon?!”
“Because I didn’t want to turn psycho-crazy-evil-alpha-bitch like you did,” Celestia explained, wiping a few tears from her eyes while Rayne avoided even looking at her.
“Say what now?”
“Remember when you went all Nightmare Moon and genocidal on Equestria’s ass with endless night?”
Luna stared at her sister with a deadpan expression. “Yes, I was there, couldn’t miss it.”
“Yeah, well, thing is that you only really went fully into your evil counterpart transformation once you messed up the orbit of the moon along with keeping the sun forcibly at bay.” Celestia shrugged and rubbed the back of her neck. “I just always thought all this time that messing up the proper time for when the sun and moon are supposed to rise and set would make you go crazy or something. It’s why I always woke up on time to raise the sun properly each and every single morning for over a thousand years. And let me tell you, it was much more of a hassle back when they didn’t have alarm clocks.”
“Celestia, even if what you said is true, vampires are overrunning the castle and could potentially kill us all.” Luna gripped Celestia’s shoulders and drew her in close so that they were now eye to eye. “So please, pretty please, just raise the sun for a minute. Perhaps even thirty seconds. That’s all I’m asking. Just make this nightmare of a night end!”
Glancing from Luna’s desperate eyes to Nameless’ steely gaze and then to Morte’s… well, without a face it was tough to tell, but Celestia was pretty sure he was disgruntled in some way, and then to Rayne’s indifference, Celestia closed her eyes. Finally, she opened them and nodded to Luna.
“Sister, you’re right. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I’ll raise the sun early for thirty seconds and see if that defeats the vampire menace.”
Luna smiled and nodded. “You’re doing the right thing, sister, I’m sure of it.
Nameless and Luna stared at the giant burned hole in the ceiling. Both of them were covered in soot and several scrapes from the initial explosion. It had all happened so suddenly both could hardly make sense of what was happening at that very moment. However, once their ears had stopped ringing from the fiery magical eruption from before, they could finally make out a distant shouting.
“THE SUN SHALL NEVER SET ON EQUESTRIA! NEEEEEEEEVER! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” the terrifying voice bellowed, now a distant inferno in the sky much brighter than the sun ever could be.
Both of them were speechless. However, the only one who wanted to speak and really needed to rub it in their faces about how he totally saw that coming couldn’t peep a word.
Looks like things just weren’t going Morte’s way that day.
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Well...that was different.
What just happened?
5850809
Celestia done gone fucked up.
Apparently, that just happened.
I have no words.
......
5850829
5850818
5850780
i.imgur.com/tDXyrbD.jpg
Sad, but true.
5850833 Bob, you're killing me.
3dprint.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/cyptids-lizard-man.jpg
You failed to supply Celestia with any kind of motive (even a completely out there, implausible or ridiculous one). Your an excellent writer; why let that one slip?
5850876
Turns out she was correctomundo.
What the b
ck?
Watch, now Celly will get a decent date with someone who'll lose interest in her once she stops going nucking futz,
Wait, so, are the Vampires dead? Is Fluttershy okay?
=I I just don't even.
Well shit.
So... what Immortal date can stop a genocidal Sun Goddess?
This is why we learn from our mistakes, Luna went Nightmare Moon, Celestia went what ever you want to call it. This is Equestria, on earth we have one or two dictators at one given point, such as Hitler and Stalin and Obama. All of which screwed their respective country over and came close to genocide of some form. For Obama it was the economy the others, just types of people they didn't like. A lot.
Someone call Twilight and the others.
5851605 Galactus
th01.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2011/337/8/5/who_will_stop_galactus__by_shangraf_srh-d4i37rv.png
Huh. Not only a good reason for Celestia not to hit the "I win" button, but a justified one. Not sure how to feel about an immediate transition to the Pitiless Sun, but Celestia hasn't been mentally stable for a long while.
Now for a very important question: Are the Elements back in the Tree yet?
Well that was fun, poor Celestia though. No hot lesbian banging for her.
Also I found a minor mistake.
5852326
Well the hot, lesbian, vampire-killing-vampire can't really be mad at Celestia since she was right about the going crazy bit.
5851970 No, call Maui. He's got this.
Poor Celestial
5850833 I think the greatest part of that picture is that you have used it before. That photo has had a justified use previously. The sheer ridiculousness of that statement is hilarious.
5851750 Obama dident screw up the economy that was bush Obama just inhareted the problem
I was hoping for Dovashy to make an appearance. Oh well... Later maybe?
I shoulda seen it coming, but I didn't listen!
mlpforums.com/uploads/monthly_04_2015/blogentry-23942-0-99310700-1429042550_thumb.png
>tfw no Alucard.
But wait, Alucard can survive the sunlight...