“This seems oddly familiar,” Celestia mentioned.
Her date shrugged, filling up his wine glass with an amused smirk on his devilishly handsome features. Not from a bottle, but instead from his cane, the top acting as a never ending wine fountain.
“I have no idea what you mean, my dear,” Sheogorath said, sipping from his glass while staring at her with those strange, demon-like eyes of her that bore through to her very soul, like he was sizing her up as prey rather than… well, other types of prey you typically don’t eat… most of the time.
“It’s just that I have this weird sense of déjà vu.” Celestia frowned, tapping her hoof on the table and humming under her breath. “Yet I just can’t put my hoof on it…”
“I prefer hooves over fingers myself. Nasty things, fingers. You never hear about getting entrails stuck in your hooves, but somehow, it always gets into your fingernails!” The Daedric Prince broke out into a rambling, giggle-filled laugh, broken up into snide chuckles and psychotic cackling that would put even the best—or rather, worst—mental patient to shame.
Celestia pouted her lips, inspecting Sheogorath closely. At first appearance, he seemed more normal than the typical god of chaos like you’d expect. Sure, he was dressed in ridiculous yet lavish manner, his outfit’s colors clashing together in such chaotic way that it looked like he picked bits and pieces from the wardrobe of a nobleman and put them on without a care in the world. He was tall, slender, overall scrawny, with a hawk-like nose and trimmed beard with styled back hair that had an air of sophistication about him. But the more she looked at him, the more her mind began to wonder to… unpleasant places.
Picking up his plate, Sheogorath forced it in front of her face and asked, “A slice of cheese, my dear, a slice of cheese?” The piece of cheese on the plate looked at Celestia with blinking eyeholes in the swiss and smiled, resembling Sheogorath with an uncanny yet cheesy resemblance. “It’s positively magnificent!”
Grimacing, Celestia pushed the plate away and shook her head. “No, no, I think I’m quite alright. I’m… lactose intolerant.”
“My, my, being intolerant of lactose now? How very uncivil of you. And what did lactose ever do to you to make you hate it so much?” Sheogorath’s eyes shined with a malicious light, another incoherent giggling fit breaking out again.
Sighing and rubbing the bridge of her muzzle with a hoof, Celestia asked, “Listen, Sheogorath, do you know someone by the name of Discord? Tall, dark, draconequus, Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony? Has a knack for chocolate milk and cotton candy?”
Sheogorath slapped his knee and laughed, his eyes glowing a vibrant yellow. “Ah, Discy, of course I know him! We were good buddies in college! I haven’t talked to the ol’ chap in years! Why, he’d go on and on about chocolate milk this and chaos that, while I talk about chaos that and cheese this! Ah, good times. Except for the not so good times, which were almost all the time!” Sheogorath crossed his arms after that large outburst. “I hate chocolate milk.”
Celestia got out of her seat and took a couple of steps back. “Yeeeeeeeeeah, I think I’m just going to, um… be going now. It’s not you, it’s me… well, actually, it is you, but I was just trying to make you feel better. I’ve already had too many back experiences with Discord in the past to know that anyone who used to be his buddy isn’t the type of suitor I’m looking for.” However, just as she turned around, Sheogorath was in her way, leaning down on his cane to meet her eye to eye.
“And why would you be leaving? The date’s just getting started, the shindig is getting shinny, the party is just getting perkier by the minute!” Sheogorath clapped his hands together and sighed, thumping his cane twice on the floor. “Unless, of course, this is an end to our arrangements.”
“Well, I have to admit—”
“Oh, bemoan the night and the day and twilight hours between them for such an occurrence to befall one such as yourself!” Sheogorath declared, holding a hand to his forehead in an over-dramatic prose. “For it is not the evening tides that drag you away, but your own heart that does! I would say mine, but that blasted internal organ played hooky centuries ago, and I haven’t found him since.”
Already Celestia had sneaked around him, tiptoeing to the nearest exit from the restaurant as fast as her hooves could take her.
All the while, Sheogorath continued his mindless tirade, picking up with, “Is it not obvious that our relationship is how the common squirrel wants the enticing nut? I’d like to think of myself as the squirrel, of course. Nuts are a bit too nutty for me. Who knew? But still, it was never meant to be! And it has all become so clear to me, I am astonished, nay, horrified I didn’t see it before!”
Celestia opened the doorway, but instead of a miraculous escape for the ramblings of a Mad God, she got a solid wave of cheese that fell on top of her. She was at the bottom of a pile of cheese upon cheddar upon swiss and even aged chelsea. Poking her head out from the cheesy pile, Celestia was once again confronted by the crinkled smile of Sheogorath.
“You see, my dear, I’m just too good for you,” he said, winking.
“Actually, I think I agree with you.” Looking over herself, Celestia sighed. “I’m much too cheesy.”
>Much to cheesy
Ah, an excellent character of the daedric prince.
I knew Celestia couldn't stay away from the ever holy members of the dating sight, some are simply to enticing.
fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/044/6/8/of_gods_and_goddesses_by_colimar788-d4po5fp.png Doooo it.
Need an immortal?
wildstar-online.com/img/artwork/full/VictorLazarin.jpg
Why not Victor Lazarin?
4308316
But what about the Crucible of Chaos!?
Bwhahahaha! That pun, though... I love puns to bits and pieces!
*blinks loos at name blinks again* you are kidding me right? that dageria of all of them?
(: |)
I honestly don't feel anything for it. It wasn't bad, but I don't like it at all either.
4308369
If it makes you feel better, I'm gonna have a megadate with EVERY Prince showing up.
That's gonna be a handful.
So...
Deathwing anyone?
th09.deviantart.net/fs49/PRE/f/2009/234/1/6/Deathwing_WIP_by_ProSoul.jpg
What other immortal characters are out there... well if you want to go back to Marvel there's Wolverine. Umm... any of the old Egyptian gods single? You could also do Akatosh from Elder Scrolls. There's the Naaru... don't know how that would work! There's the different Gods in the Elenium and Tamuli book series... Umm... yeah... can't think of any others
4308405 Or Malygos?
Since they're both technically insane and dead.
4308465 That would be an awesome pair...
But I'd like to see Celestia try to have a date with a giant dragon that's pretty much the avatar of death and destruction.
4308378 holyshityes
Nostalgia Critic... Anyone, we all know who he is don't we?
Let's get him into the party. Since he is a type of immortal with how many times he's been killed and resurrected. Plus all of the ones he's friends with. Especially since he babysat for the devil a couple of times.
4308475 So much agree
If voices were a thing in stories I would suggest Morgan Freeman. You know what? I'll suggest it anyways, I suggest that you do a date with Morgan Freeman. There, I said it.
maybe will luna just troll her and set up a date with each other just to mess with celestia. then just hang out for an hour and get high
p.s. need trolluna
4308592
Explain how exactly Joseph Smith could ever be dubbed 'immortal' and I might agree with you.
Jesus - that'd be funny and epic
dat pun doe
~The lizardman demands a Celestia x Apep chapter
Do Lord Beerus(Bills) God of Destruction
*provides rimshot for the last line*
Could've been worse. She could've ended up dating Shuma Gorath.
Then again, I doubt she'd be accustomed to be labeled as a waste of flesh.
Cheese!
Very funny, this. Wonder how she'd take to Sanguine, or Nocturnal.
what about Sigmar?
4308592 I don't think that constitutes an immortal
the fausticorn her desperate mother in disguise
4309022
Well I'm not going to disagree with you, it would be an interesting premise but ultimately I think it would have to delve too deeply into docrine to make it understandable, and at that point the sillyness of the story would be lost.
4308405 My god yes! I would think it should start as Neltharion, but part way through the date his Deathwing persona starts to show through. Then BAM! CATACLYSM TIME!
Kratos next one has to be Kratos... or dante
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRDZuPljLPhqcfWJVKo9aMUAO2D7AqFJSFW8EKk6DmS5qqpBwk9
4308691
You do realize, of course, that "something, something, lotsa wives" was put in place by the second prophet, Brigham Young, about...30~ years after Joseph Smith was killed? Further, that it was repealed 45~ years after that because the LDS had reached a self sustaining population?
Also, Joseph Smith won't be "immortal" until after the resurrection after the Thousand Years. Thus, as of right now, he is disqualified from this dating service. Unless Celestia wants to date a corpse, which again, does not constitute immortality.
The Great God Om. It would be fun to see Celestia going on a metaphysical date with a turtle-shaped god who refuses to confirm whether he's actually there or not.
Vandal Savage... or has he gone already? But he's perfectly capable of being a charmer. Depending on who's writing him.
Peter Pan. He's much too juvenile for her tastes, but she has a pleasant evening and an amicable parting anyhow.
Captain Jack Harkness. And a zombie-fied Captain Jack Sparrow. The website had a glitch and let them both register as 'CaptainJack' so they both got invited.
Does anyone know any good rock gods? I'd love to see Celestia go out on a date with some immortal Ozzy Osbourne looking mother fucker.
you could potentially use any of the Hetalia countries. China might even be older than Celestia at 4000.
How about Asura from Asura's Wrath?
4309158
Just one thing, he'd only be there as a spirit. His body would still be rotting away underground, because the Spirit and Body aren't reunited until resurrection.
Her next date should be the Anti-Monitor.
C'mon, it'd be funny.
4309106 Didn't she already basically date a corpse?
4309213
In principle, but not in practice. Mr. God-King was in a corpse-like state when the worshippers led Celestia to him, but he was technically still alive, as he was able to raise himself from that state and was still interacting with the land of the living, which therefore denies him 'corpse' status. Think of it more like those frogs in Africa that burrow underground for decades on end, and come out the other end all mummified, but technically still alive, when they then raise themselves from that state to go and partake in the water of the surface before mating and doing the whole thing over again.
And yes, I do realize I am a repository of absolutely random information.
I KNOW!!!
Do morgan Freeman! ionetheurbandaily.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/morgan-freeman-god.jpg
What about Lobo? The original cigar-smoking hair-metal ridiculous one, not the emo kid we have now. If Deadpool shows up during THAT date, they might end up either mortal enemies or bestest friends.
Shiva, the God of Destruction, Protection, Fertility, and Dance, from Hinduism.
Then again, he is married to Shakti, the Goddess of Destruction, Protection, Fertility, and Dance, from Hinduism, so that would turn out as well as it did with Zeus.
4309206
Oh, and one more thing that definitely disqualifies Joseph: Emma Smith.
4309350
I am the Monkey Master of Wrenches! Or is that Master of Monkey Wrenches..? Ah, screw it. I AM MOJO JOJO!
Besides, you know we can't have nice things. No fandom can have nice things. When we get nice things, we create things like or even worse, molestia.
As for it all being a ruse (must...throw...wrenches...), Lucifer is the father of all lies/deception. That wouldn't be a very Christ-like thing to do, now would it?
Even though you've said you will do one, when will we get a Sleipnir chapter?
4309409
This is acceptable.
Also, raw fish is good on certain flavors of ice cream.
Further, my best friend would like to agree with the sentiment behind that statement. He love/hates how I nitpick all his writing endeavors into tiny little pieces. For the sake of quality, of course.
We're all sinners. Every single one of us.
Make date with Slander that will be ruined by Deadpool and Sheogorath