“Huh… so this is what being just a disembodied head feels like,” Deadpool said. A pool of his blood had formed around Dio’s feet, mostly due to the fact Dio was holding his head in the palm of his hand. Just the head, actually. “Oooh, much breezier than I thought it’d be.”
“Well, that was disappointing,” Dio muttered. He gagged, letting Deadpool’s head drop with a plop on the ground. “Ugh, disgusting. What exactly is in your blood anyhow?”
“A deadly amount of high fructose corn syrup. Oh, also, cancer. A hella amount of cancer.”
Fluttershy blinked, staring at Deadpool’s head (the rest of his body parts had scattered like confetti) and then back at Dio, who was trying to wipe Deadpool’s blood off his fingers. “Wait, what happened? One second Deadpool was here and then he’s just… just a head.”
“Actually, I’d consider myself pretty behind right now.” Deadpool laughed at his own joke. “OH GOD THE PAIN! THE PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN!” Deadpool breathed in, then out, and then gulped. “Okay, I’m better now.”
Fluttershy took a step towards Deadpool, then moved back at what she was considering to do: console a disembodied head of a maniac mercenary madman… who was also her friend but still.
“How can you even still breathe and talk without a body?” Fluttershy asked, knowing fully well what she was witnessing would require her to spend a fortune on therapy and then some.
Deadpool attempted to shrug… if he had shoulders to speak of. “Oh, I’dunno. Why is Reed Richards useless? Why doesn’t the Hulk take a chill pill? Why does Iron Man drink and drive his suit? Why doesn’t Spider-Man come out about his obsessive and undying love for me? It’s all quite simple, really.” Deadpool waited a few seconds, and then hastily whispered, “Because authors are dumbshits.”
“What?”
“Aliens. It’s aliens. Always aliens.”
Yawning, Dio kicked Deadpool’s head into the vampire horde, all of whom avoided it like a nuke-powered soccer ball.
“How pathetic. Another weakling to crush under the boot of my heel. Just like you, it seems,” Dio said, nonchalantly walking towards Fluttershy. He wiggled a single finger at her, licking the tips of his fangs as he did so. “I wonder which way you’ll enjoy your end more? With a tender kiss, or a caress?” He chuckled. “Actually, I have a splendid idea. Whichever way I kill you will be the opposite of the end of your precious princess. So, what’s it going to be, hmm?”
“S-stay back!” Fluttershy dived at the duffel bag Deadpool had brought with him, now considered useless against this unfamiliar foe. “I-I’m warning y-y-you!”
Dio barked out a laugh while Fluttershy struggled to unzip the duffel bag. “Warnings are such a waste when you have no viable threat to back them up.” Dio arched a brow once Fluttershy had opened the bag’s contents. “Unless you actually have one.”
Before Fluttershy could even look was inside, the duffel bag vanished. She blinked, feeling the slight presence of a wind on her cheek before she realized the space in front of her was empty. Looking to Dio, she saw an unfamiliar man… creature… thing beside him.
It was an all-gold behemoth of a man, wearing a triangle helmet that covered the top part of his face like a crown while he wore golden cables along his shoulders that reached his headgear, all the while he was covered in gold plating with the only open areas to show off his muscular build. Also, he was holding the duffel bag while Dio was laughing stereotypically villainously by his side.
“Oh, quite too easy, quite too easy indeed!” Dio snapped his fingers, and the golden figure dropped the duffel bag by his feet. “Deadpool wasn’t fast enough for the World and neither are you!”
Fluttershy back away slowly, but soon found her path blocked by the vampire army amassed by Dio himself. They were a sickly crew of monstrous abominations that didn’t even look like vampires, although Fluttershy was pretty sure they wouldn’t be too picky eating her flesh from drinking her blood. Also, chances were even if she flew Dio would just cut her to pieces before she could even flap her wings.
As Deadpool would say it, she was boned.
“Any last words before your untimely yet gruesome death?” Dio asked, both him and the ‘World’ crossing their arms over their chests.
Fluttershy closed her eyes, really squeezed them shut until it hurt, until not even tears could spring up. Relaxing her breathing, she finally peaked a single lid open.
She smiled.
This unsettled Dio enough to quickly glance upward at what Fluttershy’s attention was focused at.
He gulped.
“Aren’t sunrises wonderful?”
And they all lived happily ever after. The End.
Or is it...?
And Fluttershy takes a level in badass.
Why.
Fluttershy badass one-liner? Check. Best crack story on FimFiction? Check.
So funny how Deadpool just pokes at the many flaws of certain heroes
Not to mention how the chapter ends. That was hilariously amazing.
Fck yeah! Flutter "Badass" Shy!
Flutter's a badass!!
Ah, Celestia finally remembered she controls the sun.
Here comes the sun
And that my friends, is why one does not f*ck with Celestia, she may not be omnipotent, but she's immortal, very powerful and controls the motherbucking sun which these vampires are weak to. I do love it when things go right.
Here comes the sun (du dn du du)
Here comes the sun
And I say
They're alight
Little Fluttershy
Its been a long cold lonely night-time
Little Fluttershy
It seems like years since they first died
Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun
And I say
They're alight
Little Fluttershy
The horror returning to their faces
Little Fluttershy
It seems like years since they first died
Here comes the sun (du dn du du)
Here comes the sun
And I say
They're alight
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes (four times)
Little Fluttershy
I see the vamp is quickly melting
Little darling
It seems like years since they first died
Here comes the sun (du dn du du)
Here comes the sun
They're alight
Here comes the sun (du du du du)
Here comes the sun
They're alight
They're alight
5821126
Except the Spider-Man one.
Because yeah, have you seen his love life? Cause there ain't any dudes in it.
Lot's of heartbreak though. Poor Spidey.
Reed Richards. Useless. Are we talking about the same person that laid seven different flavors of smackdown on Iron Man by sliding inside his armor's air intake vents and literally tearing it apart from inside, and almost killed Hulk by flowing inside his lungs? The same person whose IQ has been defined as "far beyond mankind"?
Well, it's about dang time. Seriously, vampires vs. sun god does not end well for the bloodsuckers. The problem probably isn't solved in its entirety, but this is a huge step in the right direction.
5821928
The same person who can't take that superhuman IQ and apply it to something outside of superheroics? (In any case, the line is a TV Tropes reference.)
5822052 ...well, if your point is that Reed is socially crippled, you have my full, complete and total agreement.
5821928
For a super genius there's a surprising lack of flying cars and cures for cancer in his world!
(Also it's an inside joke about no matter how smart he is he never contributes to modern society)
5822111 Funny how in lesser superhero universes said problems are being tackled (for example, in the Champions universe there is no such thing as a car using fossil fuel, dropping pollution big time) while in the "mainstream" ones (i.e. DC and Marvel) status quo is God, innit?
Another good chapter. Is Fluttershy about to open up a can of whup ass on Dio?
Deadpool and Spidey the best one site bromance in history
31.media.tumblr.com/69f5b3685602701fa000a8fb13282990/tumblr_inline_n824kiyaFK1s2n7fy.png
Woopwoop! Awesome!
I was half expecting Flutterbat to emerge. Just me?
Also...
Here comes the Sun, doo doo doo doo!
It was already done but I needed to.
A suggestion I just thought of for an immortal for Celestia to date (once and never again, most likely).
HIM, from Power Puff Girls.
Awesome arc. I never knew Ronnie James Dio was a vampire, but in retrospect it's pretty obvious.
So, Celly finally decided that Rayne is at an appropriate level of blood thirsty horniness that she can now raise the sun and have a shitton of sex with Rayne. It's about time.
5838414
Indeed, let his name be praised.
5825526
Awwww dang, definitely!
5842213
So can we expect to see that once the present mini-arc is concluded?
5842247
Yes, along with some other fun... changes.
I know some one probably did this already
but fuck it
PRAISE THE SUN!!!!
5842401
Sweet!
Why not date SCP 682? just think about how much stamina that thing would have!