Chapter 23: O Captain! My Captain!
Celestia stood before the doors of the restaurant, her hearting beating a mile a minute while fluttering inside her chest. Just previously she had been busy binging on the various exploits her future date had enacted on the variety of immortals using the website, and while she hated to admit it, Celestia was nervous. Not anxious about whether she’d receive grievous injuries on the date, not dreading the impractical and often times asinine reasons her night goes wrong, and not even being apprehensive about whether her date was a genocide enacting monster or a mad whacko. No, all her emotions boiled down to butterflies in her stomach that threatened to pop out of her mouth at any moment.
Holding a hoof on the door’s handle, Celestia breathed in and out deeply, hyping herself up. “Okay, Celestia, you can do this. It’s not different than any other date you’ve been on. Other than the fact that this guy has put even numerous sex gods to shame.” She shivered, the words of lustful pride scrolling down the screen returning to her mind, making a hot sweat streak down the back of her neck. “Just act natural.”
With that in mind, Celestia entered the dining establishment. It was a more swanky place than she was normally accustomed to, her usual dining experience being typical restaurants or bars that her date could afford to take her out to. After all, it was only customary that the person asking her out would have to pay. But from the looks of the modern and quite expensive decor and furniture to the exquisite looking and smelling food being carried out of the kitchen, she could already tell that this place was all money. And so was her date, apparently, if he could afford a table without a reservation.
Walking up to the hostess, Celestia asked, “Excuse me, miss, I’m here on a blind date. Do you happen to have seen any strange looking creature book a table for two?”
The mare looked up from her seating schedule and frowned. “Oh, yeah, you must be her. Lucky you.”
“I beg your pardon?”
Rolling her eyes, the hostess leaned over her table and whispered, “If I were you, I’d hightail it out of here as soon as I can.”
Celestia arched a brow, leaning closer. “Why is that?”
“Well, for starters, your date has hit on every waitress that happens to pass by his table.” The hostess scrunched up her face to a grimace, though Celestia noticed there was a tinge of red on her cheeks. “I mean, sure, he’s cute and all, but the nerve! And when he has a date, too!”
“Well, if you were to direct me to where he was sitting, I’d be sure to—”
“He doesn’t even stop there! Any couple that passes by he hits on, whether the mare is with friends, family, or on a date herself.” The hostess’ cheeks were aflame now, the mare using a menu to fan herself. “I can tell you right now, your highness, he’s nothing more than a pig. A handsome, dashing, robust, raucous, tantalizing—”
“Please, miss, I think I got your point,” Celestia interrupted. “Just show me where his table is. I can figure it out from there.”
The hostess shrugged, grabbing and menu and leading Celestia to her table. “If you’re into marekillers, this is your guy is all I can say.”
Walking past dozens of tables, Celestia noticed the same pattern. Mares all looking or trying to take a peek with furtive looks and deep blushes on their cheeks, all in the same direction as well. Heck, even a few stallions were enamoured with the figure sitting at the dining table up ahead. Finally getting a good look at him, Celestia gulped, a hesitant pause to her step preventing her from carrying on further.
“Your majesty, this is your table,” the hostess said, setting her menu down opposite her date, who was currently hidden behind his own.
He lifted up his pinkie finger to the mare, muttering, “Thanks, love.”
“Creep,” the hostess replied, turning away before he could catch the redness on her face.
Celestia sat down, not bothering to pick up her menu. All her attention was focused solely on the man before her. The one of legends so great they seem like myths. He who has traveled farther than anyone else, achieved more than even the most courageous of men, and whose track record alone spoke highly of his character. Yet even here, Celestia didn’t have a clue what he looked like.
“Um, e-excuse me, Mister Captain?” Celestia asked. .
“Please, dear, call me Jack. The captain part is a title I like to throw around to impress others. But, from the looks of things, you’re already pretty enamoured, eh?”
Celestia blushed, furrowing her brows. “Wait, how did you know that?”
“The tremble note of trepidation in your voice, love.” He set down his menu, revealing a wide grin to his date. “I could catch that even with a hurricane blowing over my head.”
Celestia’s breath held still in her throat. But then it was exhaled through her nostrils the minute she laid eyes on him.
“You’re not my date.”
Her date balked at her claim. “What? Love, you must be having a heat stroke in the head or too much rum in your stomach, because I am none other than Captain Jack—”
“Harkness?” Celestia asked.
He fell silent, tapping a dirty, ring laden finger to his scraggly beard that was fashioned into two tails. “No, Sparrow. Have you not heard of me?”
“No, I was here for Captain Jack Harkness,” Celestia answered. “I know it wasn’t you, since from the stories the other immortals speak of, Harkness had a, and I quote ‘illustrious Midwest American accent that spoke of fields of golden wheat and endless summers’ while your manner of speaking is obviously different. I’ve dated enough human immortals to know that your accent is British, if a very broken and slurred variety.”
Sparrow laughed, his smokey eyes shining with a glint of glee. “Well then, my dear, allow me to introduce myself full heartedly!”
He jumped up on the table, striking a pose flooding with masculinity and an adventurous vibe that reeked of danger… or that could have just been his regular stench. Celestia noted that his dreadlocks hadn’t been washed in ages, his skin was dark due to a layer of dirt rather than a tan, his eccentric dress style composed of stitched together garments of different clothes that hadn’t been washed in ages, a dingy leather coat that looked older than himself, and finally a tricorn captain’s hat that stood proudly atop his head. “I am Captain Jack Sparrow! Pirate Lord of the Caribbean Sea, and Captain of the infamous Black Pearl!” Reaching into his jacket, Sparrow pulled out a literal ship in a bottle, the ship being one of the darkest black as it floated on a turbulent sea within the bottle’s confines. “As seen here.”
“Wait a minute… if you’re not Captain Jack Harkness, then what are you doing here then?” Celestia huffed under her breath. “Don’t tell me I got stood up again!”
“No, no, of course not, love, only a blind and deranged fool would think to pass a chance to go on a date with you.” Flopping back into his seat and lifting up a half empty rum bottle from the table, Sparrow winked. “Good thing I’m not blind, eh?”
Celestia got up from her seat, shaking her head in utter disbelief. “Wow, it’s actually happened. My date has been literally overtaken by a pirate! Are you even an immortal?”
Sparrow guzzled down his rum, smacking his lips for several seconds afterward as he swished the remaining brown liquid in his bottle. “Define ‘immortal.’”
“Can you live forever?”
Sparrow smirked, tapping a finger to his temple. “No one can live forever, love. We all gotta die sometime.”
Celestia stared at Sparrow with a deadpan expression. “You’re not immortal, are you?”
“Technically, no,” Sparrow said, pointing a finger to her. “But I was nearly successful many a time. Though most of those times had that drawback of an inconceivable consequence that did not meet the moral guidelines I set forth for myself as a pirate, thief, liar, pillager, smuggler, drinker, murderer, and most of all, connoisseur of the finer arts of rum tasting.” Sparrow finished off the last drops in his bottle, holding it up in victory at a passing waitress. “Of which this was spectacular, me darling!”
“Okay, that’s enough I needed to know,” Celestia said, turning her back to Sparrow. “This date is over before it even began. I’m not too particular to date pirates, even if they were immortal.”
Sparrow got his feet off the table and swaggered before Celestia before she could get away. “Ah, don’t be like that, love. Sure, the masses may not approve or our relationship because I’m a criminal and you’re a princess. And sure, you’re much older than me and most would think I’m a gold digger. And sure, there’s obvious proof of that when I told the restaurant to put my bill on your tab, but that shouldn’t be the reason it can’t work between us!” Sparrow teetered, snapping his fingers. “Wait, I probably shouldn’t have mentioned that last part.”
“You wanted to go on a date with me only because you knew I had the money to foot the bill?” Celestia asked, practically spitting the words out.
Sparrow’s eyes glanced back and forth, until they locked onto a cart covered in cakes, treats, and tarts of various delicacies for paying customers. Looking back to Celestia, he leaned down and laid a big, wet kiss on her lips, causing her to be taken aback in pure surprise.
“M’lady, you will always remember this as the night you almost dated Captain Jack Sparrow!” And with that, Sparrow leaped on the cart, pastries falling off in great abundance. The force of his jump atop the cart caused it to careen off to the side and begin rolling forward, picking up speed as it neared the exit of the restaurant. “Avast, me hearties, for Captain Jack is heading out back!”
Celestia stood in the middle of the restaurant alone, the front doors being smashed open by Sparrow’s pastry cart as the Captain of the Caribbean made his grand escape.
“... I don’t know whether to be thankful or regretful I didn’t go out with him.”
A waitress tapped Celestia on the shoulder, handing her a bill. “Your highness, here is the amount the Captain said you’d owe after consuming all our stock of rum, along with that dessert cart.”
Looking to the bill, Celestia’s eyes went wide, and a noticeable frown appeared on her face. “Wait, no, it’s definitely thankful, mixed with regret I didn’t throw that drunken slob overboard in the middle of the ocean myself!"
Avast, me hearties, this is not the Captain you are looking for in this chapter! Aye, you'll have to wait for the true reward very soon, you salty scallywags!
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static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/13/135592/3143289-2660098149-62875.jpg
Please!? PLEASE!?
(While his mortality status has never actually been stated in the games, the guy practically shrugs off fatal wounds (3 of 5 of the games involve him being stabbed by his own sword) , couple that with the fact that he barely seems to age in the 20-40 year period between 1 and 2, and it is highly likely that he is immortal)
(He's from the Devil May Cry games for those of you who don't know)
You..... I should have known this would happen.
… You magnificent bastard… This is necessary:
Okay, that was nicely done. Bravo.
i.imgur.com/9kFU7yH.gif
..You MOTHER FUCKER!
ICE. KING.
DO IT!!!!
4512606
And after more than a dozen paragraphs of lead in.
Seconded.
Now she finds Harkness tied up in the broom closet, and their real date begins.
4512611 seconded
You, you wound me sir.
Or do flint from Star Trek or john oldman from the man from earth
And for an encore, RainbowBob will write a work of fiction containing not a single canine. This will, of course, not stop the protagonist Jack "Terrier" Russell.
Renekton
Ahahahahahahahaha!
Class.
I tip my helmet, to you sir that was masterfully done!
is there such thing as a troll clap?
*clap*clap*clap*clap*
ra's al ghul or abeloth (star wars expanded universe)
4512585 What he said, Rainbowboy, my Bob
I KNEW IT!
3.bp.blogspot.com/-VBSHuRnaCFI/UL6Bc63QfiI/AAAAAAAAAUM/yAfu5pmQArs/s1600/Hehehe-the-sexy-vampire-alucard-32196556-700-395.png
Come on how do you say not to that face.
Just... wow...
I never thought that my soul could be crushed even more than it already has been, but now I see the depths of which one evil enough as yourself may choose to go on a whim and make me end up wishing that it was me being thrown overboard.
*Clap, clap, clap*
Well done, you magnificent b@st@rd.
quickmeme.com/img/d3/d30abd9bd591a3ebd7cc5c6ea8b33aa14f81dc9bbe0f0ad468433aee969622f5.jpg
NO WHERE IS MAH HARKNESS
images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/34800000/Captain-Jack-Harkness-John-barrowman-and-David-Tennant-doctor-who-34840887-500-400.jpg?1383171943146
What- But- I thought- But-
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
CURSE YOU AWESOME AUTHOR!!!
DAMN IT!!!
Edo Tensei Madara Uchiha needs to be in here eventully.
I knew something was up, but I didn't question it. Curse you and your amazing ways to keep me interested! I'm looking forward to you actually writing about my spirit guide, Captain Jack Harkness, and I'm also interested because I heard about how you were thinking about making it a side-series off of this one, kind of like you did with "Dating Of a Godly Variety".
YOU TROLL
4512585 yes. that is verry necceary.
Rarely has this been more appropriate:
s6.postimg.org/dd47s96ap/Pirate_Approved.jpg
Bastard! You owe us a Captain Jack Harkness!
nooooooooooooooo.com/vader.jpg
This Captain Jack is best Captain Jack.
All he would have needed to woo her was to be stuck with her on an island with a cache of rum.
4512690 Oh please yes. You just have to include the No-life King.
Also I just loved this chapter. I mean come on. Its Captain Jack Motherfuckin' Sparrow. You can't go wrong with him.
4512690 in every single way possible
I would like to nominate the Glorious Captien as a date for our princess.
Don't ask just go to www.romanticallyapocalyptic.com and read.
Zee Captien would be most humorous.
The wiki entry for all those interested http://romanticallyapocalyptic.wikia.com/wiki/Captain
I feel cheated... (quietly eats ice cream in sadness)
You beautiful, beautiful person.
Maybe she should date SCP-682.
4512975
I think we both know that know where near enough.
Rainbowbob is best pony!
Yay, no Face of Boe/ Jack "is currently dead" Harkness
ts1.mm.bing.net/th?id=HN.608018454183086840&pid=15.1
Yoda?
He sort of an immortal.
maybe Galactus?
Maybe... Galadriel?
Well trolled.
your
______________________
Who's Jack Harkness?
Well deserved for everyone who kept hammering RainbowBob with requests for Harkness.
~The lizardman is finished
I'm calling that we might get Harbinger Kirk or someone from touhou.