“So,” Celestia said, setting down her martini glass, “you’re Lord of the Underworld where you’re from, right?”
Her date smirked. Of all the immortals Princess Celestia had dated, the one that now sat across from her was without a doubt the most eye-catching of the bunch. He was a bipedal, clearly demonic deity with purple skin and identical red tattoos over both his eyes. His hair was long and tri-colored red, green, and pink and flew in an ethereal breeze not unlike Celestia’s own.
His clothing consisted of very grotesquely designed purple robes and a cape seemingly made out of darkness and fire. Red, blood vein-like lines ran up both his arms and legs, giving the appearance that his body was inside out. It took considerable effort from Celestia not to gag at his appearance.
“I see you have quite the elephant’s memory, dear Tia,” Hades replied, his voice oozing with nonchalance and smugness. “I imagine you’re interested in knowing all of what my position entails, hmm?”
“I imagine it has something to do with the souls of the departed?” Celestia inquired sarcastically as she poured herself another shot, preparing to cleanse her mind of any forthcoming unpleasantries by the cold, sweet embrace of intoxication.
Hades’ smile only widened in response. “Quite the knowledgable little princess, aren’t you, Tia?” The smugness in his tone was so great that Celestia was sure she felt her skin crawl in response. “Indeed it does, though that’s hardly worth bragging about compared to the more . . . let’s say ‘lively’ perks of being Lord of the Underworld.”
That gave Celestia pause. “Lively?” she said. “That’s . . . very ironic, I must say.”
“Indeed it is,” Hades replied coolly, propping his feet up on the table, keeping careful to avoid spilling his drink, and resting his head against his hands. “Now then, where should I start?”
“Actually,” Celestia said, getting up from her seat, “I think I’d better go.”
Hades didn’t look the slightest bit crestfallen upon hearing this from Celestia, which only reinforced his status as a god as no mere mortal could accept such a loss without first desperately asking them to stay.
“And why is that, Tia?” he asked, cocking a grin.
“Call it a hunch that something is bound to go wrong on a date with a god of the afterlife,” Celestia replied, deadpanned.
“I take it you’ve already dated some of my other dimensional counterparts,” Hades replied back, still as smug as ever. “Very well, consider those drinks on me.”
Celestia just nodded and started toward the restaurant’s door. She didn’t get very far, however, when she heard Hades call out in a sing-song voice, “Oh pretty Palutena, looks like you win our little bet!”
Struck by the statement’s oddity, Celestia turned back to Hades only to see him staring along the restaurant’s back wall. Following his gaze, her eyes widened in shock at what she saw. Sitting at a booth near the center were two more immortals returning Hades’ gaze. One was a humanoid female with long green hair reaching down to her lower legs and wearing a white dress with vine-like patterns on the hems and adorned with numerous gold ornaments. Around her head she wore a gold laurel crown, a red fibula on her left hip, and brown low-heels. What really shocked Celestia, however, was the all-too familiar draconequus sitting across from her.
“Discord!?” she exclaimed, earning her the attention of everyone nearby.
The chaotic draconequus shifted his gaze to her and smiled. “Celestia, how nice to see you here!” he called, waving his paw at her.
Celestia could only dumbly wave back with her jaw slack. All of the restaurant’s patrons, having grown bored with the lack of explosions and mayhem, returned to their meals.
“Oooh, so you know pretty Palutena’s date!?” Hades inquired. He quickly waved Discord and ‘Palutena’ over. After a brief exchange between the two, they relocated to the others’ booth and sat down. “Come now, Tia, let’s chat for a while longer at the very least!”
Celestia, still surprised, returned to the booth and sat next to Palutena, who smiled kindly at the pony princess.
“It’s nice to meet you,” she greeted, extending her hand. “I’m Lady Palutena, Goddess of Light and ruler of Angel Land.”
Letting a small smile cross her features, Celestia shook Palutena’s hand with her hoof. “And I’m Princess Celestia, herald of the sun and co-ruler of Equestria with my sister, Princess Luna,” she said. “It’s nice to meet you too, Lady Palutena.”
“You can call me by name alone if you’d like,” Palutena replied happily.
“And you can just call me Celestia if you’d like,” the solar alicorn replied in turn.
“And you can call me thirsty,” Discord piped up. He snapped his talon which summoned a glass of chocolate milk for himself.
“Well hello thirsty,” Hades said, his feet still propped up on the table. “I’m Hades, Lord of the Underworld.” He extended his hand in greeting.
Discord took a swig of his chocolate milk and returned the shake. “Nice to meet you too,” he replied with a grin, “and please, call me Discord.”
“Since when did you start dating?” Celestia asked him, confused.
“Since I heard about that little fling you had with Apep the other week,” he replied, darkly. “But believe me, there’s no shortage of fangirls who’d swoon over me.” He briefed a glance at the audience beyond the fourth wall. “A crazy lot, they all are.”
Celestia stared blankly for a moment before nodding mutely and turning to Hades and Palutena. “So, what’s this about a bet between you two?” she asked them.
“We made a bet to see who could last longer with their date before something inevitably went wrong,” Palutena replied, levelling a coy expression with Hades. “And since I win by forfeit, you owe me one Gaol Blade.”
“As you know, pretty Palutena, I’m a god of my word,” Hades replied coolly. He waved his hand in the air which summoned a blue treasure chest with gold carvings and a halo hovering above it in front of Palutena. “Enjoy your new toy.”
“I will, thank you very much,” Palutena said. She reached out to open the chest, only to retract her hand as the chest sprouted a pair of feminine-humanoid legs from the bottom. The chest rapidly kicked Palutena in the face a few times before jumping off the table.
The group of four then watched as the creature proceeded to tear through the restaurant, wildly lashing out at everything, living and inanimate, in its way. Pretty soon the restaurant erupted into a chaotic frenzy of panicking patrons and airborne entrees, which did nothing but delight both Discord and Hades.
“Oh ho ho!” Discord laughed, wiping a tear. “That’s too rich!”
“I know,” Hades replied happily. “Mimicuties are the best tool for causing mischief.”
“Oooh, think I could borrow a few sometime?”
“Well, may-”
The sound of Palutena clearing her throat cut their conversation.
“Aren’t you forgetting something, Hades?” she asked him.
Hades looked confused for a moment before realization struck and he summoned another chest in front of her. “Enjoy your new toy,” he said again.
“Thanks,” she replied gruffly, “I will.”
As the two males resumed their conversation Palutena proceeded to open the chest and pull out an oddly-shaped bladed weapon with a purple and red color scheme. She set it down by her feet as the chest disappeared into thin air and let out an exasperated breath.
“Are you okay, Palutena?” Celestia asked, genuinely concerned.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” she replied, then looked at Hades and Discord across from them who were too busy sharing their better trouble-making experiences to hear her. “Hades’ mischief is just hard to put up with sometimes.”
“I know precisely what you mean,” Celestia replied back, and looked to them as well. “So, what made you agree to go on a date with Discord?”
Palutena fidgeted in response, to which Celestia frowned in concern. “Is there something wrong, Palutena?”
The Goddess of Light shook her head. “Honestly, this date was more of a therapy session for me than a romantic outing.”
Celestia arched a brow. “Therapy session?”
Palutena smiled sheepishly. “Let’s just say I haven’t had the best of experiences with chaos spirits in my life.”
Celestia chuckled. “You and me both, Palutena.”
It was at that moment that Discord used his chaos magic to give the Mimicutie jet boots, allowing it to sail through the air toward a few patrons who were trying to escape its wrath by flying away.
“So, Celestia,” Palutena said, ignoring the screams of terror raining from above, “tell me about yourself. What’s it like ruling over Equestria?”
Celestia smiled. “Well . . .”
“Then I told him to go to the courtyard for a ‘gift’,” Palutena said, a coy smile on her face.
“I see,” Celestia replied, sipping her martini. “Do continue.”
“So he arrives in the courtyard,” Palutena continued, “and then I grant him the gift.”
“Uh huh, uh huh,” Celestia said while nodding her head.
“And then the Hewdraw head crashes through the wall and nearly smashes him!” Palutena exclaimed.
Celestia could barely hold back her giggles as she urged Palutena to continue still.
“And that’s when I told him exactly what the ‘gift’ was; my patented monster pheromone!”
The Goddess of Light burst into a fit of laughter, soon followed by the solar alicorn as both fell over, clutching their sides. Tears streamed down their cheeks and they kicked their legs, banging the table from underneath and causing everyone’s drinks to spill over. Their dates, having stopped chatting a while ago, watched in amusement as the two females lost themselves in their laughter.
“They sure do have a lot in common, don’t they?” Discord mused, summoning a replacement chocolate milk and taking a gulp.
“I wholeheartedly agree,” Hades replied, smirking.
At that moment the Mimicutie zipped by their table, chasing a couple more patrons whose screams were drowned out by the merry laughter coming from the two trolls sitting across from the two pranksters.
Do ask ketchum, that little fucker's been twelve since I was like three. If he's not immortal then I don't know what is.
He can made lewd pokemon comments while Celestia mentally decides if she's being a pedophile or not since he still looks like he's a little kid.
Okay, that was fun!
4437834
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Well her date may have been a bust but at least she got a new friend out of it.
This may be the most successful date yet.
4437893 I know right?
Also, I still think Celestia and Luna should date zombies, just for a gag.
Well this looks appropriate
I want dusk shine I want dusk shine!
I honestly was surprised no one had done Lady Palutena and Lord Hades from Kid Icarus: Uprising. Seriously, the similarities between them and Celestia & Discord, respectively, are through the roof!
~The lizardman can only imagine the shipping fuel this chapter has given people
Scamper from Igor.
So... not Disney Hades?
Ooooh!
4437834 you mean ass ketchup?
You know what could be interesting? If she dated the same god, just from different places. For example, she's dated Hades from Kid Icarus, but then she could date Hades from traditional Greek mythology, like how she dated Zeus way back, and be confused as hell.
Shenron the magical dragon from Dragon Ball Z
Blackadder he seems to be immortal of all the different shows he is in.
And the date could be ruined by Baulric maybe
Maybe
I'd Caption America immortal
Active reaction: "Awesome, Hades! ...Er, wait, James Woods Hades wasn't pur...ple...HOLY SHIT, IT'S KID ICARUS HADES, FUCK YEAH!"
Best goddamn Nintendo villain of all time and a must-have 3DS game, period. I can't get enough of Uprising's Hades and him on a trainwreck date with Tia is hilarious.
...AND Palutena went out with Discord? AND laughing about the Hewdraw pheromone? This just gets better and better! Boy, I wonder what ole Pitty Pat would think of this.
4437840 Glad you think so.
4437893 And a good one at that.
4437912 Sad, isn't it?
4438094
Something even better.
4438413 You, good sir/madam, are wise beyond your years.
~The lizardman is finished
sounds like dark souls mimmics
Gwyndolin from Dark Souls would be an interesting date for Celestia. A god in the pantheon of Dark Souls, residing in Anor Londo, technically the source of the sun that is forever hanging over the place, though that's an illusion. He was raised as a girl because he was born of the moon instead of the sun like his siblings. The only indication of his gender is his voice, which sounds androgynous anyway, and some item descriptions.
His entire schtick is that he guards the tomb of his father, Gwyn, the head god of Anor Londo, from intruders and grave robbers.
And that the other god in Anor Londo, Gwynevere, Gwyn's daughter, is an illusion created by him to get the main character to do what everyone else in the game seems to want them to do. Other parts of these illusions include two specific knights that are the source of some major frustration, Ornstein and Smough.
Nice to see that this date wasn't a complete bust.I hope Palutena becomes a recurring character.
Also, I can't remember if it's happened or not, but has this story PRAISED THE SUN?
4438487
I never played the Kid Icarus games.
4437805
Ooh... And they can bond over how annoying Odin is... I see promise with this one!
Huh... Celestia and Palutena? Not bad. Tia needed some cheering up.
Y'know, since we've seen Tia date Amaterasu already, I wonder how it would end up if Luna went on a date with Tsukiyomi...?
Celestia and Palutena... Kiss already!
Xenagos the psychotic god of Revels and partying from Magic the Gathering!
The Winged Dragon of RA from the Yu Gi Oh series.
Doctor Brackman [as a brain in a jar] from Supreme Commander Forged Alliance.
4435168 OOOOoohh man that would be hilarious media.tumblr.com/24b6db86ebb1695c8a9f933b3510a047/tumblr_inline_msl453Msto1qz4rgp.gif
Hades from KI:U?!
I love you.
4438681
Much as I'd love that, I doubt RainbowBob is familiar enough with Kid Icarus to make that work properly. But yeah, that'd be so frickin' awesome!
4438771 You, sir/madam, are doing yourself a disservice.
4439001 And all while Hades and Discord take pictures for their scrapbooks.
4439791
Aw shucks, you're welcome.
~The lizardman is finished
I think to change things up, Celestia should date a Persian Immortal. Not literally immortal, but that's an easy mistake to make, what with the name and all.
Now I'm curious how a date with Poseidon/Neptune would turn out because he's also the god of horses.
4440273
Perhaps.
Captain Jack Harkness. Do it. You know you want tomedia.tumblr.com/ccebc980a91a5a682fe14148405b4da3/tumblr_inline_mmfudaoU6M1qz4rgp.gif
I, too, almost thought it was Disney Hades until I heard the words Palutena
At least the date wasn't remotely terrible in the end.
Master Roshi from Dragon Ball. He can be killed, but he's otherwise immortal as far as aging goes thanks to consuming an "immortality elixir" in the past.
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Well done, good lizardman. A shame neither light goddess is interested in the same sex. It's still nice to see the beginning of a beautiful friendship, but I can't help but wish for something more.
In any case, looking forward to more.
4440819 Yes! Do it! Captain Jack Harkness chapter would be so funny!
4441670 Yes! Someone agrees with me! Do it Author!
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4437968
Which version?
4442362 duskicorn
4434380 Many already suggested that I think. But yeah, Godzilla is quite the ladies' man. Why do you think he always has a son running around?
You should have one of the immortal beings from the Souls series.
Some that I, personally, would laugh at are:
Seath the scaleless [Dark Souls]
Ancient Dragon [Dark Souls 2]
False king Allant [Demon's Souls]
Manus the lord of the abyss [Dark Souls DLC]
The Rotten [Dark Souls 2]
(If she's into chicks) Nashandra [Dark Souls 2]
Black Dragon Kalameet [Dark Souls DLC]
And there you have it. My suggestions of immortals for Celestia to date. If you need info on them, ask me or google them, I'm sure the Dark Souls wiki can tell you a bit more than I can though
4442364
Never heard of it.
Those two ladies seem to be quite good friends, I hope to see them chatting it up in the future!
4440273 Yes exactly. Seriously though, they should date, then Celestia's search will be done. Unless Palutena isn't into females, pretty sure Celestia is bi in this fic but we don't know about Palutena.
4438600 Whoever doesn't know about this by now from reading over the comments is blind.
Hahaha, those Goddesses really are too similar, I am shocked I didn't notice it while playing Uprising recently again. This really made my day its just way too funny!
Cutie Mark CrusaderLesbian Light Goddesses, YAAAAAAAY!Palutena and Celestia.
Why do something, when you can have a hero do it for you?