Chapter 22: A Ship That Needs Sailing
“Sister, sister, come quick!”
Celestia lifted up her head from her pillow, bleary-eyed with her mane suffering a deadly pox of bedhead.
“Luna, you’re already in my room,” she muttered, a yawn promptly cracking her jaws. “Plus, it’s the morning. The meaning of the word quick doesn’t even come into effect until at least noon.”
Luna turned around in her swivel chair and pointed both hooves at her screen. “But Tia, look, it has to do with your next date!”
“Can’t I just call it quits and become a crazy catmare like society expects me to?” Celestia asked.
Luna got out of her chair and dragged Celestia out of her bed against her sister’s protests. “Screw what society expects, do what it’ll never see coming!”
Slumping into her chair, Celestia blinked rapidly as her eyes adjusted to the brightness of the computer screen. “But aren’t going on all these asinine dates exactly what society expects of me?”
“Society is an asshole, dear sister,” Luna said, hopping into a chair next to Celestia. “Which means you needn’t lower yourself to its levels.”
Celestia rolled her eyes and groaned, her head meeting the table in the defeat of a futile attempt at staying awake. “I’ll lower myself to any level just to shut you up and get some sleep.”
“I’ll remember that, sister, but first, this!”
Celestia parted open one lid and scanned the computer screen.
“Luna, what type of porn are you watching?”
Luna’s face broke into a blush that turned her entire face redder than one of Celestia’s bloody marys that she was particular to. “Whoops, clicked the wrong window.” A new window popped up, back to the much dreaded webpage of notforeveralone.com. “Check it out!”
“My newest failure of a date?” Celestia guessed, not even bothered to glance at the screen.
Luna picked up Celestia’s head and practically forced her cheek against the screen’s surface. “Oh no, sister, this won’t be a failure, not by a longshot!”
“Luna, personal space, like I taught you.” Pushing away Luna’s hooves, Celestia furrowed her brows and squinted as her eyes adjusted to the screen’s light. Slowly, she could make out the profile of her date. “Wait, this is what you wanted me to see?”
“Indeed.” Luna crossed her forelegs together and smirked self-satisfactorily. “I just knew you’d want a peek at it before your date begins tonight.”
“Well, without a profile picture, it doesn’t give me much to peek at,” Celestia said. She tapped the screen. “Plus, almost all the bio is left blank. Heck, I don’t even know if this is his real name, let alone title.”
Luna sighed, ears drooping downward. “You know, Tia, you really know how to be a buzzkill. Did you even bother reading more of his bio?”
Huffing under her breath, Celestia started examining more of her future’s dates likes, interests, and other dubious information he filled in. The further Celestia read, the more a red color appear in her cheeks, and the wider her eyes grew. Soon enough, a noticeable sweat appeared on her brow, followed by her licking her dry lips.
“Wow… oh wow, I just… wow.”
Luna nudged Celestia’s side with an elbow and winked. “What did I tell you? This guy puts anyone else on this site to shame.”
Celestia arched a brow as she continued inspecting her potential suitor. “How do I even know half of this stuff is real? Because as of right now, it’s looking pretty unreal to me. No way someone could do that and still be able to walk again. It just isn’t physically possible!”
“Just look at his past dates,” Luna said, pointing to her upcoming date’s history. A plethora of females, males, and even the third, fourth, and fifteenth gender had left flowering remarks about her date, each one generally positive and filled with praise. “This guy is definitely legit.”
“And I’m having a date with him tonight?” Celestia asked, bullets rolling down the back of her neck.
“You sure do,” Luna whispered in her sister’s ear. “Eight o’clock sharp, the new swanky restaurant that just opened up and hasn’t been destroyed because of you.”
“Hmmm…” Celestia smirked, her exhaustion from earlier before replaced with eager excitedness. “Well, this will definitely be an interesting evening, perhaps even more so than the typical date I go on. Plus, I’ve always wanted to date a captain!”
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Hashtag
Cap N Jack!
Harkness HOOOAH!!!
It's Captain Crunch, isn't it?
Don't you lie to me, Bob...
HARKNESS
media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/originals/47/c6/35/47c635aad348adbb861372a157830471.jpg
...This guy is the ultimate omnisexual. Even Greek gods would think he's a deviant.
Is this captain perhaps named Morgan?
HEY YO, CAPTAIN JACK!
images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/34800000/Captain-Jack-Harkness-John-barrowman-and-David-Tennant-doctor-who-34840887-500-400.jpg
YES! YES!
warosu.org/data/biz/img/0002/18/1394988611674.jpg
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/722/352/fef.gif
Oh god, it's Captain Jack Harkness isn't it? What has this story come to!? WHY CHOSE THE ONE PERSON THAT WILL LITERALLY FLIRT WITH EVERYTHING! HE FLIRTED WITH ROBOTS THAT WERE ABOUT TO KILL HIM FOR GODS SAKE, HE EVEN FLIRTED WITH THEM AFTER HE BLEW THEIR HEADS OFF!
That moment when you realize just who she's talking about and suddenly have an extreme need to see the next chapter immediately.
4503804 mind you, it's a site for immortals I don't think he would be on this site, plus he's too busy flirting with Leela to notice
4503868 Captain Jack Harkness has literally been the single most requested character to go on a date with Celestia since the story began.
Its about frickin time!
Captain Jack Harkness... Well, he is invincible, to an extent. We do see him die permanently, which I find interesting about he stopped being an immortal, but whatever it counts.
4503815
Captain Crunch will make sure things never get too soggy in bed.
4503884
Actually, for some reason, it was the God Emperor at first.
YOU ARE THE MAN, BOB! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS, I HAVE WAITED SO LONG FOR THIS!
media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/236x/41/8f/bf/418fbf4cd79250c58e6b149806bb5f1e.jpg
Ah the 15th gender I knew ye well
Fuck yeah Captain Jack Harkness!!!
Oh please dear God let it be Captain Jack Harkness!
4503949 Chaptain Cheesecake for the WIN!
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/1453634304/h358A9C4E/
... Ice king from adventure time.
At first I thought it was Davy Jones, then I thought Anon when it got to the profile, but when I skimmed through the comments section, I believe I got my answer on a silver platter
The HarknessLestia ship is soon to sail. All is ready. THE TIME IS AT HAND... to read romantic fanfiction about a Doctor Who companion and a miniature horse.
Sounds pretty dumb when I put it that way, huh?
That's a lot of genders...Shepard maybe? Then again, he's not really immortal, he's-oh, CAPTAIN, not Commander. Wrong c-word (...that sounds so wrong).
I guess it's this guy that half the comments are flipping over. No idea who he is, though. XD
4500273
Oh, please; there are enough people 'doing' Jack Harkness already...
*cricket-chirps*
... I'll see myself out.
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES
And now, Ladies and Gentlesponges, for the part of the story everyone (and I do mean everyone) has been waiting for...
s6.postimg.org/jebxefsm9/Obama_Lyra.png
Is it Captain Sparrow?
:D Shite, that's awesome!
. . . But of course.
~The lizardman's brain is now scrambled
And now Captain Jack Harkness, certainly.
Because Captain Kirk isn't immortal. XD
...As a devoted whoovian I have just one thing to say...buck yes
Watch it not be Jack. xD
*SQUEE*
It seems I picked the right time to start reading this story. This should prove to be interesting, if nothing else.
-Lumino
4504178
Join the party, this ship is just setting sail.
Oh yeah! Now we're talking!
If it's who I think it is, that is.
i.imgur.com/uHpTBJW.jpg if only archer was immortal
Am I the only one who has never heard of captain jack harniss?
4504253
*Harkness. And no, I doubt you are the only person who has never watched Doctor Who.
-Lumino
4504315 I watch it occasionally
I know its jack but I can't help but want it to be captain Falcon
Also...
Didn't jack die?
As the beholder face the boe...
4504333
Then my gift to you. Five minutes of Captain Jack doing what he does best.
-Lumino
I have no idea who this could possibly be. My only thought is Shining Armor, but he's neither immortal nor available.
4504323 I tried working on that today as a guest chapter, but it's harder than it sounds.
Also, I was going for Abridged Alucard.