“Come on, Tia, I’m sure you’ll love it!”
“No way, Luna! I’m not going to use it, and that’s final!”
“Oh, come on! Everypony is doing it! What’s the big deal?”
“The big deal is that I don’t want to do it with you!”
“What? I’m just helping! You wouldn’t be able to pull it off without the assistance of my skilled hooves.”
Celestia looked up from the computer screen she was just staring at, a hard-pressed scowl on her face. “I can type just fine, thank you very much.”
Luna rolled her eyes and shoved Celestia to one side, her hooves working in a flurry of rapid click-clacks upon the keyboard. “It takes you all of five minutes just to type a single sentence, Tia. Move aside and let a professional show you how it’s done.”
Celestia glanced down at her hooves. “How are you even able to type so quickly with hooves?”
“It’s something called skill. Learn it sometime.”
The frown lines on Celestia’s forehead deepened. “Hey, no need to get smart with me. Who’s the older sister here?”
“Who’s the younger sister signing her older sister up on an online dating website?” Luna asked, turning back to Celestia with a smug grin. “That would be me.”
“I don’t even want to use this site!” Celestia swiveled around on her chair, turning her back to Luna. “If it wasn’t for your constant nagging, I never would have agreed to this!”
The sounds of keys clicking slowed momentarily. "Tia, sister, I love you dearly, but face it: you're lonely." Luna's intent stare never left the screen, and the sound of hooves striking keys resumed as quickly as it faltered. "Everypony needs a little bit of a love life; and yours has been nonexistent since this kingdom began."
“I’ve... just had more important things to do than pursue a relationship,” Celestia huffed, glancing over her shoulder, trying to get a glimpse of what Luna was typing.
“Which is why you have Twilight and myself here to take some of that load off of your back,” Luna said. “You need to live a little. What’s the point of being immortal if you can’t even enjoy your elongated life?”
“Hey, I’ve had plenty of enjoyment!”
"'Professional courtesans' don't count," Luna stated. She leaned back in her chair, critically eyeing her work so far, much like an artist might survey their latest masterpiece.
“Why can’t I just go into a bar and meet ponies normally?”
“Because you’re a princess, and any potential suitor would be intimidated as Tartarus to date you,” Luna pointed out. “Plus, there’s always the factor of them dying soon enough. And we all know how well you take losing loved ones.”
Now it was Celestia’s turn to roll her eyes. “I am no simple filly, Luna. I can handle death just fine.”
“Then please explain to me why you cried for nearly five years when your pet hamster died?” Luna asked with an amused expression on her face. “This would also explain why you got an immortal animal such as a phoenix as a pet, correct?”
Blushing slightly, Celestia rubbed her brow with a hoof and muttered, “Listen, let’s just get this over with, okay? If you really want me to try out this... immortal dating site, then fine, I’ll humor you.”
Luna clapped her hooves together in joy. “Wonderful! You’re just going to love what I did for your profile page!”
Celestia peered over Luna's shoulder at the page on the screen. “Why did you put my age as five-hundred and twenty-six years old?" she asked, arching an eyebrow. “I thought this was a dating website for immortals, so why should age matter?”
Luna shrugged. “Well, just because you’re old, doesn’t mean you have to say how old. This way you have a better chance with the younger immortals.”
“I think I’d have a better chance on a site that isn’t called notforeveralone.com,” Celestia deadpanned, her stomach knotting tightly at the prospect of continuing further with this charade.
“Beggars can’t be choosers, Tia,” Luna replied, scrolling down for more of Celestia’s profile to be shown.
Suddenly, a furious blush appeared on Celestia’s face as her eyes opened wide. “L-Luna, why are you using that picture?”
Luna’s eyes squinted as she stared at the profile picture. “What? It shows you off well enough.”
“It’s completely demeaning and utterly disregards the meaning of class!” Celestia said, her blush only growing stronger the longer she stared at the picture. “It’s on the verge of being pornographic. Where did you even get a picture of me dressed in… in... that? Also, how am I even able to stretch that far?”
“Oh, you ate too much rum cake at a Hearth’s Warming Eve party, and the outfit just somehow happened to be on hoof,” Luna giggled, egging Celestia on further. “Where somepony got a camera I’ll never know.”
Biting back a sharp retort, Celestia just glanced back at the screen to see what else Luna had written. “Let’s see... at least you got my hobbies right. Long walks on the beach, trying different flavored teas, getting my freak on with anyo–what the heck?”
“Oh, that's standard for profiles on this site. It'll attract more interest and make sure potential dates know you are open to suggestions,” Luna said dismissively, struggling to contain her laughter at the sight of Celestia’s jaw hanging wide open.
“This makes me look like a slut!”
“No, the picture does. The writing just further cements that.”
“You are so going to pay for this,” Celestia said through gritted teeth.
Pointing a hoof at the remainder of the bio page, Luna said, “No, I’m going to pay for this.”
“Oh... ugh... disgusting... shameful and... kind of sexy,” Celestia muttered, scrolling down to examine more of Luna’s hoofwork.
“Well, Tia, what do you think?” Luna asked with a huge grin on her face, practically bouncing in her seat.
“Well... you portray me as easy, but other than that... you got me down pretty well,” Celestia replied, tapping a hoof to her chin in thought. “Though I don’t think anyone is going to go with it. I mean, what’s so great about me?”
“Other than being a successful benevolent leader to a country and ruling it to prosperity, along with being a kind and amazing sister, then I’m not sure?” Luna asked, shooting a mischievous smile at Celestia. “Maybe it’s your copious posterior?”
“H-hey, my ass isn’t that big!” Celestia objected.
“Whatever you say, sister,” Luna giggled, giving Celestia’s profile one last look over to make sure it was good to go. “Just try to cut back on the sugary pastries, okay? You are trying to look appealing, you know.”
“I’ll lose weight once you get out of the castle and get some sun sometime,” Celestia said, crossing her forelegs with a devious smile on her face.
“...Point taken,” Luna said, clicking the submit button and leaning back in her chair in a satisfied stretch. “And done. Now all we got to do is sit back, relax, and most importantly, wait. Then the suitors will be rolling in.”
“Um, Luna, are you sure this is going to work out?” Celestia asked, her smile quickly fading to a dread-filled frown. “I haven’t been on an actual date in centuries. Much less with actual immortals.”
“It’ll be fine, Tia,” Luna said with a wave of her hoof. “For each date we’ll start off with something simple, like dinner. If you don’t like them, then you can always move onto the next one. There’s plenty of people to choose from.”
“Actually... how many immortals are in Equestria, anyway?” Celestia asked, the question finally dawning on her. “I know there couldn’t be too many to provide the need to make an actual website to create relationships with one another.”
“Well duh, of course there aren’t many immortals in Equestria,” Luna said. “This website runs on a multidimensional transit. Immortals from across dimensions regularly use this site for their needs.”
“So you’re saying immortals anywhere, even across different dimensions, could be my potential dates?” Celestia asked, her stomach sinking.
“Indeed. It helps in adding more variety. Plus, it increases your chance of getting some.” Suddenly, dinging noises could be heard from the computer monitor. Notifications were going off rapidly, a growing number increasing in the inbox. “And looks like that variety is paying off!” Luna laughed, opening up the mailbox to show all the new messages.
“A-all these people want to be my date?” Celestia asked, her throat suddenly dry at the prospect of so many suitors choosing her to go on a date with.
“They certainly do! I told you that photo and bio description would help!” Luna did a long whistle as the messages kept on stacking up, going to the triple digits. “Whoa, I guess the photo really was that suggestive.”
“What are we going to do now?” Celestia asked, the quickly growing number causing a cold sweat on the back of her neck. “I can deal with politics, social mannerism, and monthly invasions of the kingdom, but I have no idea how to handle internet dating!”
“Listen, Tia, just relax,” Luna tried to assure her, patting her sister’s shoulder with a gentle hoof. “Everything will be fine, and then you’ll finally meet the love of your life and get out of the castle every once in a while. You know, to go on dates and other romantic nonsense.”
“Wait a minute...” Celestia started, looking hard at her sister. “Is the only reason you wanted me to do internet dating is because you want the castle to yourself?”
“Uh... hey, look!” Luna said, drawing Celestia’s attention to the screen. “Why don’t we just start out with the first guy who messaged you and go on from there. At least one of these people will be your potential partner for never-ending life.”
“Okay, fine,” Celestia grunted, scooting up closer to the screen to see who was her first date. “But just because I’m going to be out on dates, it doesn’t mean you can throw wild parties in the castle.”
“Of course, dear sister,” Luna lied, clicking on the first message so the messager’s profile popped up.
Both sisters looked at the profile with wide eyes, a look of disbelief etched on their faces. “You got to be kidding me...” Celestia muttered.
“Well, that certainly is, uh, strange,” Luna said, on equal terms with Celestia’s level of confusion. “I certainly did not see that coming, that’s for sure.”
“So... do I actually go through with it?” Celestia asked.
“I guess? I mean, it’s only a first date. What’s the worst that could happen?”
And so... it begins...
Oh god that title XD
Is this going to be a story that features immortals from other media (books,tv, anime, etc.), of will you be creating your own immortal OCs?
If the former, I vote for Vandal Savage!
Luna: What's the worst that can happen?
...
Jesus shit...
You'd think that as long as Luna's been around, she'd know better than to ask that.
Also, why do I get the feeling that this is in response to Twilight shutting her down?
I have a feeling this is going to have hilarious results. Time to go pop the popcorn!
if the immortals are from other shows, than I vote for edo tensei uchiha madara (from naruto) being one of celestia's dates
I have a feeling her first date is with Discord
Unfortunately, there are only a few fictional characters I can think of who would fit into that category, and none of them would be a match for Celestia.
and I'm sure most of them would agree
static.zerochan.net/Alucard.(Hellsing).full.637539.jpg
And here we go!
This was a fun read so far!
~Skeeter The Lurker
Ha!
This is gonna be interesting...
I bet it's Discord. I would LOVE to see Discord in this.
Bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
Harry Potter - Master of Death has to be one. Seriously.
"Well," he said slowly. "My first wife was a spitfire of a girl called Ginny, my last was an extra-dimensional horror called 'She-Who-Devours'."
Oh god is Discord in this???
Feature box in 4 hours. (written at 3:33 PM Pacific time)
So it is written, so it shall be done.
You HAVE to have the Doctor in this. If you don't I don't know what I'll do, but it won't be pretty.
2935651
I can see that being possible. I can also see how that can go horribly wrong within the first 10 minutes.
But a multidimensional dating website for immortals. Well, we already have the Greek Gods, Doctor Who, Deadpool, Thor, Dracula, Voldemort, and too many to remember.
Everyone is expecting a parade of fantastical immortals with superpowers.
I say have Celestia date John Oldman from The Man From Earth. For the lulz.
jesus bob do you sleep?
as usual faved. this is going to be good.
Hey bob, I can see Celestia doing this because of what Twilight said... you know where.
This is gonna be goooood
2935663 Hehehe. I have an idea of who just might be the suitor here. Godzilla. He managed to live as a dinosaur beyond the KT Event, which made him over sixty-five million years old. AS A DINOSAUR. He's only died when either an oxygen-destroying weapon,and his heart exploded. Or King Kong. But for me, that doesn't count. So Godzilla's never gonna die of old age. So he is immortal, in a sense. I wouldn't be surprised.
hahahaha you used my dating site name idea
I am freaking honored sir
You mind capitalizing my name?
dat cliffhanger yo.
King Kai, Sauron, any immortals from any mythos, Ganondorf, Cthulu, Zorc, Discord. WOW I have some really weird ideas.
This is gona be awesome. SO AWESOME!!!
Murphy's law, Luna. Murphy's law.
imagine her on a date with tzeentch from warhammer
2936231
Yes but then you encounter the size difference and Godzilla's lack of ability to speak... and those may be a problem.
2936409 Yeah, but it'd be hilarious, wouldn't it? Also, in Godzilla vs Gigan, Godzilla actually DID speak. No, I'm not kidding.
I could see Bahamut making a good date for Celestia.
This looks like it could be hilarious, I can't wait to see who turns up.
2936421
I've seen that, and by that I've seen the English Dubbed version of it (cause seriously, even the most insane weeaboo otakus I know have never seen the original Japanese versions of Godzilla). I was honestly so hilarious that I actually did fall out of my chair laughing. I needed twenty minutes to catch my breath and keep going with the movie.
2935878
Sheesh, people. Featured in 2 hours.
The ponies on this site are crazy.
If I can make one request, have her go on a date with C'thulhu.
Bob, seriously, how do you have time for all this??
2936523 I know. But hey, that means he can speak English. That means...
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTuMMsbDQznPmJoj4W4I3VvAcSnYAOAa6axtxEDpkWQiwb3egek
We need one of the dates to be the doctor
I say you go really, really retro and grab Chakan. He might not be much of a looker, but he's one of the few people who could actually beat Kratos in a fair fight.
1-media-cdn.foolz.us/ffuuka/board/tg/image/1369/70/1369704281091.jpg
i.imgur.com/vwMin.gif
MOAR!
2936538
Yeah yeah, still like I said. Every potential Immortal suitor I can think of would not work for Celestia for varying reasons (reasons differing depending on the individual) mostly cause most immortal beings I've seen are either psychopaths, sociopaths, or emotionless gits.
But yes, all luck to her if she prevails in this endeavor
2936538
Also as said by Alucard at the beginning of this video
2936634 Yup.
2936634 Yup.2936640 Ok...
Dracula from Castlevania, please.
2936640
Allucard.... Riiiiiight...
Anyone got a mirror?
dailyraider.com/film/thebatmanvsdracula/alucard.jpg
Oh, thanks Brucey!
2936706
Oh come on it's not like that's hard to figure out.
2936777
Not anymore. Because Brucey, World's Greatest Detective, has figured it out for us!
2935771 Agreed.