Chapter 10: The Date Of The Gods (Part 1)
“Please, your majesty, only a little further,” the Imperial Cultist said to Celestia, bowing down with an arm directed in the path he wanted her to follow.
Celestia arched a brow, but hurried nonetheless. All around her, dozens of the goofy looking cultists of the Imperium of Mankind went about their business, deep within the Imperial Palace. Well, she wouldn’t exactly describe them as goofy. More… incredibly impractical looking. They dressed in such ridiculously over-complicated outfits that Celestia had no idea how they dressed themselves in the morning, much less what doing their laundry must be like. From one passing through, Celestia couldn’t tell where the original clothes began and the tacky gold embroidery and black garbs attached to the outfit ended.
“So, this God Emperor—”
“Of Mankind.”
“Yeah, is he—”
“Along with being the Father, Guardian, and God of humanity,” the cultist added on. Checking over his shoulder at Celestia’s unamused expression, he coughed slightly. “Sorry for the interruption, carry on.”
Sighing, Celestia asked, “Is he really a god?”
“Why, of course he is,” the cultist said with a good chuckle, raising his hands to the heavens as if he was going to catch something. “He helped unify all of mankind during the Great Crusades, beating back the alien and Chaos menace and defeating the traitors and heretics that sought to bring about mankind’s downfall. He is the single greatest man to have ever lived, and because of him, humanity has lived as the greatest thriving force in the galaxy!”
Celestia stepped a few paces to the side from the frothing cultist, who had taken his preaching up a level and was practically shouting at the top of his lungs.
“Uh… that’s great,” Celestia said, giving her best winning smile. “I just can’t wait to meet him. It was so kind of him to personally invite me to his palace.” Celestia looked about where they needed to go. Before them rose a great set of golden gates, which seemed to rise to the very ceiling hundreds of feet in the air. On its surface was etched a great battle between warriors and demons, with what Celestia presumed could only be the God Emperor himself at the top, standing radiant and magnificent in all his glory. “He has an… interesting sense of design.”
“Br proud that you are the first xeno to ever walk in these great halls.” The cultist tapped his chin and shrugged. “Well, first alive xeno, anyhow.”
“Wait, xeno? What the heck is that?” Celestia asked, having trouble pronouncing the strange word. “I’m a pony. Well, more specifically, an alicorn.”
The cultist shrugged again, taking a head start to the gates. “Doesn’t matter to me, you and your folk all have strange names. Now, no more questions, the time to meet the Emperor is at hand.”
Celestia rolled her eyes, biting back a groan to wait for those ginormous gates to allow her entry into the very heart of the Imperial Palace. It was here that she realized a better question to ask would be why she was specifically the only alive xeno-creature… thingy, to enter the palace alive.
With a great rumble that shook the earth and seemed to almost destroy the roof that reached higher than the sky, the gates opened. From within a light so powerful that it blinded Celestia shone forth, an almost godly brightness that purged all darkness at its mere presence.
Shielding her eyes, the cultist spoke again, “I am not worthy enough to lay my eyes upon the most holy and great God Emperor, but you, your majesty, are. He chose you specifically for such a great occasion such as this.” Shuffling past her, he called over his shoulder, “Have a nice date!”
Lowering her hoof, Celestia blinked, an almost useless attempt to clear her vision. The light did not decrease in luminosity one bit, making even her sun in comparison look like a nightlight. Finally, grumbling under her breath, Celestia shouted, “Hey, would you mind toning it down in there? Unless you want me to wear sunglasses the entire time on our date, put on a lampshade or something!”
The light dimmed, then finally went out, leaving the shining excellence of the gateways along with a low illumination within the heart of the Imperial Palace as the only guiding light for Celestia. With great hesitation and regret for not asking for a movie date instead, Celestia stepped forward, into what could possibly be her next suitor or the more likely option, her creepy stalker and perhaps even murderer. In hindsight, maybe bringing the mace with her would have been a good idea.
“Um, hello?” Celestia asked. She took a few more steps further, her hooffalls echoing in the chamber of dying light. “Mister God Emperor of Mankind? You in here? It’s me, Celestia, from the online dating website. You commented on my page on how you also like adorable cat videos and we should go on a date sometime.” After a few seconds of undisturbed silence, Celestia said, “Oh for the… don’t tell me I got stood up again!”
“You didn’t,” a voice spoke out in the darkness.
“...Okay, now tell me I’m not going to get attacked again.”
The light came on again, radiating from a golden throne of some sort in the center of the room, which was surrounded by guards. A lot of guards. Actually, no, strike that, the amount of guards in the throne room outnumbered all the ones she had at her castle three to one. In the actual size category, that was more of a five-hundred to one case, since these towering behemoths of humans could be more accurately regarded as giants.
“I can’t make any promises,” one of the giant guardians of the Emperor spoke.
Standing trice her height, these superhuman beasts were clad in armor of gold and black, a chaotic mix of colors that added to their allure and menacing presence. They were clad in accessories of varying military degree that most likely showed off their rank and how many people they’ve killed with their eyes closed. On their person they carried shields that seemed as if could block any attack, along with shortened spears that resembled guns more than an actual melee weapon. To complete their intimidating and impersonal appearance were their tall, brazen helmets, which held an air of ominous presence behind their masks.
Suppressing a scream at the sudden and downright terrifying appearance at the multitude of supersized men, Celestia cleared her throat. “Do you happen to know where the God Emperor of Mankind would be located?” she asked, standing tall and confident while trying her best to keep her knees from buckling under her.
The guard pointed over his unnaturally musclebound shoulder to the figure resting atop the golden throne composed of some of the most wondrous and highly advanced machinery Celestia had ever seen. “His holiness would be right there, your majesty. He was real adamant about meeting you right away.”
Looking up, Celestia noticed the only person sitting in the throne was the body of some dead guy. He was practically mummified, his skull showing through his face and his ribs through his cloak. From his back there could be seen thousands upon thousands of coils and tubes, some pumping unknown liquids into the mummified skeleton while others some weird electrical energy of some sort.
“Wait, you’re telling me that guy,” Celestia said, pointing to the decomposing body atop the throne of gold and skulls, “is my date?”
“Yes, your majesty,” the guard said. He clapped his hands, two other guards appearing from the side holding a table between them. Setting it down before the God Emperor, one of them lit a candle and adjusted a rose vase in the center while the other set out plates for both dates. To complete the scene were two wine glasses filled to the brim, though Celestia doubted in his current state the God Emperor could eat or even move at all. “Best not keep his greatness waiting, he has a tight schedule to keep.”
One of the guards pulled back a chair and set down a menu, indicating her to sit. Mulling over her options, Celestia reached an obvious conclusion. “I am so going to get Luna back for this.”
Trotting up the steps, Celestia sat in her seat, downed all of her wine in an instant, then pointed to the guard/waiter. “Better keep them coming if I’m going to make it through this date.” Taking a glance at the horrid appearance of the soulless, black eyes of her date, Celestia added on, “And it better be the good stuff too!”
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the fausticorn
freakin cultists
PRAISE THIS PAIRING! PRAISE IT, DAMNIT!
Umm...someone explain this, please? I'm totally lost.
HA...Those Adeptus Custodes...
You cray cray fool!
Buckin' crazy ass cultists.
Lord helix is next
What would the Shipping name be? GodEmperestia? Celeperor?
Hey! If Tia's gonna date mummy gods then I wanna see Anubis!
4246529
Fix the link next time.
static.comicvine.com/uploads/scale_medium/0/7267/833607-40kgodemperor.jpg
4246533 ya i know i was trying till you delated it
4246492
Hokay, The Magnificent and Divine God-Emperor of the Holy Imperium of Man, Herald of the Radiant Dawn, the Bringer of Light, and Omnissiah is the ruler of the Holy Imperium of Man. He is a corpse. Nearly killed by his Son Horus (he had 21) who fell to the trickery of the Four Dark Gods Nurgle, Khorne, Tezeench and Slannessh during the Horus Heresy, he has been immobile upon his life sustaining throne for 10,000 years. He is much older than that. About 500 years after he fell in battle, a religion called the Temple of The Saviour-Emperor sprung up and organized the Imperium into a state religion. 4500 years layer, the Age of Apostasy happened, and the Confederation of Light took over as a state religion after a civil war. Now the God-Emperor was an arrogant bastard, but he was (and is) extremely intelligent.
The place they are in is the Imperial Palace (roughly the size of Asia), and while the Emperor of Mankind was tolerant of aliens as vassals to mankind, the Confederation of light (or imperial cult) hates aliens. They call them Xenos, which is similar to a white man calling a black man "nigger" in terms of hatred. This is due to the ending of The Dark Age of Technology when aliens betrayed mankind after mankind fought an exacting war against rouge A.I. and murdered or enslaved everyone they could.
Sheogorath should make an... interesting date.
4246492 The God Emperor of Mankind is from Warhammer 40,000 universe (futuristic/scify). Pretty cool universe of books written by different authors like the Dungeons and Dragons books, though I personally prefer the regular Warhammer universe (archaic/ fantasy).
4246589
Alright. That answers all questions except "where is that from?"
Please tell me you're gonna get Celestia to date Superman.
4246589
Now those giants are the Custodes, the personal bodyguard and army of the Emperor. They are post human genetically altered bad asses who are so OP that ONE Custodes could kick the shit out of a Space Marine Chapter Master (and those guys are pretty OP themselves). They are, quite literally, the mightiest warriors the galaxy has ever seen, though not the most numerous as there are about 300. Some of them are nearly 10,000 years old, and, barring a violent death, they will live forever.
The Emperor himself is alive, and sentient, and is quite capable to doing things. Namely, fighting all four dark gods in a psychic war along with the four legions of hell, maintaining the Astronomicon, and safeguarding the Sanctioned Psykers of the Imperium from daemonic attacks. He cannot communicate with his servants (unless he has some sort of text to speech device) and is forced to communicate through visions and messages when pushed to his limit. And he is beyond powerful. Suffice to say, anyone who can take on Four Dark Gods that make Discord look like an insect at once, (and hold them to a stand still) is pretty fucking OP. He is the greatest scientist, most brilliant politician, and most successful military commander the galaxy has to offer. He is, however, a horrible father and as a near perfect being, has trouble relating to ordinary men.
Next one should be Khorne for the lulz
4246620
4246626
THIS is WH40K, the grim dark future where there is only War. For more help, click HERE.
The. Friggin'. Lulz.
Well...Wonder what is going to happen here.
… welp, here we go...
Luna should be the next date.
Don't forget how many kills they carried out using only the fork from their morning salad.
I never thought I'd reference Mike Partlow troll e-mails, but I did!
4246675
You are happy.
Heliod from the theros set mtg
I must sound like a broken record, but Can we pleeeeease have a Sleipnir chapter? It would probably end up somewhat like the Aslan date, but different. Sleipnir has a powerful sense of honor, and wouldn't want to go too fast. Polite courtship would probably be as far as he'd go at first. Maybe save him for when Celestia's getting really depressed over the whole thing: he'll be nice, gentle-stallion-ly, eye candy for her, and would end a pleasant evening amiably. Perhaps he'll warn her that his duties may get in the way of a relationship, but that he would try until Ragnarok just for the chance to have a working thing with her.
...Whew, done with my rant. Great chapter, love how Celestia is so freaked by the God-Emperor's verse. Seriously though. Sleipnir chapter please. I want at least some justification for my headcanon.
4246592
Nah. Sheogorath is just Discord on a particularly scatterbrained day. Celestia would be both jaded and annoyed by his behavior.
o-o
weehooo!!!!!
4246820 I went and looked that up after you referenced it. Still laughing my plot off.
4246675 I understand, this truly is a blessed day.
4246451
A date with her own mother. Why not?
I'd like to see a date with Marvin. Not immortal, but survives to be several times older than the universe (because time travel), so hopefully that's close enough. Maybe Tia can do something about those left-side diodes.
4246624 That date might actually work. So it's certainly not going to happen...
Its funny, cause I don't know who at least half of these are but I still think their awesome. lol.
Finally it is here!
4247146
Best sense of logic ever
4247284
You and me both! You just read and think "ha, that was a funny date!" Even though you have no idea what so ever who Celestias date is!
4246528
Hey, that's a good one!
4246731
Oh god YES!!!! She should totally go under a fake name and leave some sexy comment on Celestias page asking for a date!
4246451
best. Date. Ever!
My Inner 40k geek is pleased by your proper representation of the Adeptus Custodes and how they are the only beings normally allowed to see or take care of the Emperor's needs.
4247088
Lauren Faust has said that Celestia and Luna's parents were normal ponies not Alicorns.
4247146
Actually if it's Golden age Superman, Golden Age crazy psycho bitch Lois Lane could crash things and go for Celestia's jugular with an Nth metal knife for trying to steal her man.
Lois would be the perfect Crazy Ex girlfriend for a chapter.
4247476 What
When? Where?
4247543
Nowhere I can find for your reference. Maybe I'm misremembering something from one of her other Deviant art posts.
4247589 Damn well thanks anyway
I think it would be hilarious if it turned out Twi used the site, and Luna set them up.
And yes, I know it's been confirmed that Twi's not actually immortal, but that hasn't stopped other fics, now has it?
Has anyone suggested one of the Kais from Dragon Ball Z?
I knew it would be both ahaha, tremble before my foresight!
4247722
Well technically she could be immortal. After all so far all Alicorns are immortal, and the only reason Caddy aged in the show [from Foalsitter to her current age] was because Hasbro needed to sell merchandise. That and Twilight was personally chosen to fullfil a Prophesy to become one [that and at the end of Season 4 they are going to be transfering their magic to her. So I'd expect her to be immortal if they were to do that, and I hope it's temporary].
So yeah Immortal Twilight FTW!