Chapter 39: Seven Ain't That Lucky
“WORST. DATE. EVER!”
The Seventh Doctor ducked his head, narrowly avoiding a swipe that could have decapitated him while also keeping his hat close to his skull with a hasty hand.
“Well, no need to say that, my dear. I’m sure you’ve had worse,” he said with a faint Scottish accent as opposed to his usual English one. Or at least that’s all Celestia could tell. For her all those weird northern accents sounded the same to her.
“Yes,” she said, activating the magic of her horn and blasting one of her attackers away, “probably. Maybe. Most likely. But none with clowns!”
One of said clowns jumped at her with a maniacal grin clear on his face. A face that soon melted off to reveal circuitry and a metal skeleton underneath once Celestia fired another laser blast at it.
“Robot clowns, I might add.”
“Actually, I do believe they’re androids.” The Seventh Doctor grunted, attempting to hold back one of these android/robot clowns from ripping his face off with its mad grin by keeping it at bay with his question mark umbrella.
This incarnation wore a light brown tweed jacket, a ridiculously patterned waistcoat and an equally absurdly patterned tie. There was also that odd fascination with those question marks again, although ironically enough Celestia didn’t try to question it. If he wanted to have question marks stitched all over his shirt, that’s his decision. This Doctor also wore a light yellow hat he never seems to take off… perhaps to hide his greying hair or even a bald spot, she couldn’t tell. Other than that, this was by far the most portly Doctor she had ever met, although this one had a humorous yet sad gleam in his eyes that wouldn’t be so confusing if it wasn’t so off putting.
Celestia held back a scream when one of the nightmarish visitations of her worst nightmares tried to tackle her. Colored costume fabric quickly burned to ash as the robot exploded in a shower of flames from another blast of her laser magic. “I don’t care what they are, just help me get rid of them!”
The Seventh Doctor backpedaled, having thrown his attacker off with the cost of great damage to his umbrella. “Violence is hardly the answer.” The Doctor glanced at her, a childish grin growing on his face. “Besides, this is ‘The Greatest Show in the Galaxy’! You should be enjoying yourself!”
Celestia ripped off the head of another robot clown and used its still chomping face to beat the head off another one nearby her. “How is fighting for my life supposed to be enjoyment?”
“Well, truthfully the entire crazed robot uprising to kill us part I hadn’t really planned for.” The Doctor stepped to the side, a robot clown running past him with its arms outreached. He deftly tripped the psychotic robot, allowing Celestia a chance to blast it to cinders with her magic. “I think I may have miscalculated.”
“Miscalculated?” Celestia asked, practically at the top of her lungs. A robot had taken a good swing at her, resulting in a black eye for her and a missing head for the robot.
“Well, essentially the robots should never have become deranged killers like this. Not after the last time I dealt with them.” The Doctor hummed to himself and tapped his chin, stepping to the side so that Celestia’s laser blast could vaporize a robot about to strike him down. “Personally, I always found circuses to be a little… sinister, but for a date such as yourself I thought it’d be great fun.”
“Then you thought wrong, you strange little weirdo!” Celestia was now using the arm of a robot to keep the others at bay, breaking circuitry and metallic limbs with every swing she took. But sooner or later she would fall, and that was all the robots needed to use Celestia’s head to spin dishes off her horn. “Just get us outta here!”
“Fools rush in where horses fear to drink, my dear,” the Doctor said, a small smirk on his lips.
“Was that a racist joke?!”
“Erm…” The Doctor glanced at the TARDIS across the room, currently untouched by the small robot army attacking them in the center of the demented circus of slaughter. “The TARDIS is currently set-course for the English country-side during the twentieth century. Which for horses, especially cute white ones, isn’t the best time period to take a stroll in. Although I did take the liberties to adjust your time-traveling apparatus like you asked me to to allow you safe travel to a time period that isn’t in the prehistoric era.”
Celestia turned all the clowns around her into hot, melting goo. Staring at her wristwatch/time traveling device/bane of her existence, Celestia sighed in relief. “Oh, finally, I can get out of here! Thanks for the freakiest date I’ve ever had, Doctor, it wasn’t nice knowing you!”
Slapping a hoof on her device, Celestia disappeared in a flash of blue light, leaving the Doctor with the last remaining robots… who were currently malfunctioning and sparking profusely due to Celestia beating them over and over again with a dismembered arm.
The Doctor poked one of these fallen robots with the end of his umbrella and sighed. “Bothersome. Truly bothersome. And here I thought we really hit it off when Six was involved. Though I do suppose that’s because even the worst are made into shining examples of the best when compared to that incarnation. Still, the date certainly ended on an unexpectedly bad note.”
The Doctor strolled nonchalantly back to the TARDIS with a hop in his step. “Well, I hope Celestia likes the Dark Ages. Strange why they called it that, since from my perspective it never really was darker than any other age. Or, actually, that could be the Ice Age. That certainly was quite dark.”
The Doctor slowed down to a complete stop. “Wait… then where did I send her to then?” After a few minutes he simply shrugged, entering his TARDIS while whistling a pleasant tune. “Ah, I’m sure she’ll be fine with whatever time she’s sent to. She’s as fit as trombone if I ever heard one play.”
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Now I wonder how the eighth Doctor will handle his date...In fact, he's the only Doctor I know about the least, since him and the ninth Doctor have had the least amount of exposure.
Oh god...poor Celestia...
Oh god.... oh god; I'm dying....
Celestia should commission a whole brewery just for making Post-Date alcohol.
4873047 agreed
4873047
Still won't be enough.
The only thing that would've made this perfect was a Pennywise cameo, but I'm more than satisfied with this chapter as is.
Will the Nashta Varada be appearing at some point? It'd be VERY interesting to see Celestia and X Doctor incarnation go up against what amounts to an actual living darkness.
I'm kinda curious why she, as a demi-goddess, hasn't yet thought up a mega spell of recall to bring her home after her dates... really does seem like a good idea at this point.
Well at least they didn't meet the Gods of Ragnarock while at the circus, I don't think Celestia would appreciate having to spend the time juggling or telling jokes or the like.
Would you like to make a chapter with Arceus as a date? And he and Celestia have a dinner in the hall of leggends When suddently a pokemon trainer show up . I have immagined the scene like this
Trainer: look ! Is the god pokemon Arceus!
Arceus: foolish mortal, you dare challenge me? I'm the alpha and omegha, light and darkness take shape! I'm-
Trainer: Go! Masterball!
Arceus:-FUUUUUUUUUUUU
it would be hilarious
Are you going to do the War Doctor too, or just skip from the 8th straight to Eccleston?
You know among Chinese, 7 is considered an unlucky number. A "ghost" number.
4872912 whelp, after Eight she still has to meet the War Doctor, y'know, the guy from 'The Day of the Doctor' episode, so... thats gonna be a bad date... probably...
4877234 John Hurt was awesome in that special.
"Oh, for God's sake...Gallifrey stands!"
4874788
I prefer to call him The Warrior. :o