Balanced Dawn an 'average' colt from Sires Hollow, one that wasn’t ever supposed to exist. At least according to his new memories.
Page generated in 0.023 seconds
Total duration
758 users online
807,828 hits today, 2,454,720 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
This makes too much sense
Oh? How so?
I’ve read “life finds a way” and loved it so this is definitely getting put into my library. Also thanks for the chapters!
11672307
Well It hasn't shown much yet, but I plan to have herds, magic, and other aspects of daily life be similar.
Pinkie hasn’t made her pilgrimage, yet that Promise magic is still well known throughout the land.
11672423
Honestly this fic is looking great. Also do you know of any similar fits to Life Finds A Way
Bueno, cambio el canon de golpe, veremos cómo lidiaran los changelings en la temporada 6
Starlight is building herself quite the harem. (It isn't a reverse harem because the roles are already reversed)
It became canon suddenly
we
By the way, this reminded me of the story “Little Pony” from the author ButterscotchFTW. Something is similar in the attitude of the child and the mother.
Mmyes, checks out. Very Pinkie thing to happen. Pinkie’s never quite the same, and yet always exactly the same.
I decided to do another. Once again, if I got anything wrong or missed something, let me know so I can improve.
Well should be capitalized since it's the first word in a sentence. I can't tell the difference between intentional capitizations for emphasis and accidental ones so I won't comment on any I see.
Change ill to I'll since "I will" is being used, not sickness.
Add a comma after well. Let's is missing an apostrophe.
There's a missing comma after calming down. Change ok to okay for better sentence flow.
A comma is missing after arrive to separate the complete and incomplete clauses. Switching around did and finally might also make the sentence flow more naturally.
Dam should be capitalized here since it is being used as a name.
The comma after so should be moved to before it. The extra space after the period should be removed. She should be capitalized since it is a new sentence that is not an interruption of the dialogue. Ok should be expanded to okay.
The first comma should be a period because it does not follow a dialogue tag here. Anymore should be one word here since it refers to the time form. Mom should be capitalized since it is acting as a name. There should be a comma after besides.
I suggest changing filly friend to fillyfriend to better convey the implication of romance. My reason is that girlfriend implies a romantic relationship while girl friend implies a platonic relationship. The English language is massive mess.
Once again, I am going to treat the thinking sections as dialogue. The first comma here should be a period since it doesn't follow a dialogue tag. Stupid should be capitalized and should have a comma following it since when using more than one adjective to describe something, you should add commas between them. You should add a comma after wait. Starlight should be capitalized since it is a proper noun.
The ending punctuation of the first sentence should be a period since there is no dialogue tag. Oh should be capitalized since it is the first word in a sentence. If you are going to capitalize cutie, then capitalizing mark should improve flow.
I think the dialogue here would work better as two sentences rather than one because "Just messing with ya sport, anyway, after breakfast you and I will be running some errands and if you are good you know what that means?" just feels less good to me than "Just messing with ya sport. Anyway, after breakfast you and I will be running some errands and if you are good you know what that means?" since it has less separate ideas within one sentence. Either way, there should be a comma after anyway. The comma after smug look should be a period since there is no dialogue tag. Well done on using "you and I" rather than "me and you" I often see the latter being used incorrectly instead of the former.
A missing apostrophe, a missing comma, and missing capitalization.
The comma after breakfast should be a period and good should be capitalized.
This is a mistake I often make myself. It should be performing here since you are using the definition where the subject is doing an action as opposed to forming something beforehand which is preforming. There should be a comma after "Just a few days ago". Your should be you're since you are referring to the contraction of "you are" instead of the possessive form of "you".
Won't is missing an apostrophe.
There should be a comma after yeah.
Ok should be expanded to okay. There should be a comma following okay. Mom should be capitalized.
Yeah should be capitalized.
The and in the second sentence shouldn't be there. Ok should be capitalized and expanded to okay. Won't is missing an apostrophe.
Ok should be expanded to okay.
There should be a comma after trip.
She should be capitalized.
A colon is more appropriate here than a comma.
The comma in the first sentence should be a period. Mom should be capitalized and have a comma following it. To should be changed to too since it is referring to there being an excess of something.
The comma in the first sentence should be a period. We should be capitalized since it is the first word in a sentence. Now should also be capitalized for the same reason. Don't is missing an apostrophe. The ending punctuation in the second dialogue line should be a question mark. She should also be capitalized.
A number of commas are missing here. Earth should be capitalized since it is a proper noun.
There should be a comma after mainly. Heard should be herd since you are referring to a group of equines. It's is missing an apostrophe. Mom should be capitalized in the last sentence.
There should be a comma after huff. As should be capitalized in the third sentence. There should be a comma after "pushing the cart and placing items into it". There should be a comma after plant-based.
Mom should be capitalized. The "to" in "Bits had just as many demolitions as to Dollar as far as I could tell. " should be replaced with "the" to make the sentence flow better.
Mom should be capitalized. There should be a "to" after time. There should be a comma after "As a human". There should be commas before and after though.
Everything should be capitalized. Alight should be alright since there are no fires here. There should also be a comma after alright.
Now should be capitalized and have a comma following it.
There should be a comma after store. Dam should be capitalized since it is being used as a proper noun. Canterlot should be capitalized. School should be capitalized since it is a part of a name. The period at the end of "my breath hitched." should be a comma since it is interrupting dialogue.
Ok should be capitalized and expanded to okay.
She should be capitalized. He should be her. The comma after bit should be a period. Now should have a comma following it.
Ok should be expanded to okay. Mom should be capitalized.
Earth should be capitalized.
What should be capitalized. The period at the end of the sentence should be a question mark.
Same suggestion for turning filly friend into fillyfriend as before. Should should be capitalized.
To should be too. She should be capitalized. The comma at the end of the second sentence should be a period. Especially should be capitalized. Same suggestions with fillyfriend as before. Till should have an apostrophe before it and one less l since it is a shortened version of until. There should be a comma after older.
Front should be removed since it is redundant; forehoof means front hoof. You could also change forehoof to hoof. Books should be capitalized.
Every comma here should be a period. Books should be capitalized. And should also be capitalized,
There should be a comma after shop.
What should have a question mark after it and, thus, books should be capitalized. The period after shelves should be a comma. There's something off with LoVe.
Chucked should be chuckled. There should be a comma before sport.
There should be a comma after shelves. Commas should surround "on the other hand".
There should be a comma after bit. Site should be sight since there is no archaeological dig site in sight. I recommend some extra capitalization in the book's title. A use of the emphasis marker to emphasise? Noice.
Tense error, use plopped instead of plop. I'm bad at catching those but I'll try. The comma at the end should be a period.
He's should be capitalized.
The comma before but should be moved to after it. There should be a comma after "but, even then". Minuet should be minute. Mom's should be capitalized and is missing an apostrophe. To should be too in "and made flying to difficult".
Ok should be expanded to okay. Mom should be capitalized. To should be too in "I'll miss you to." Commas should surround "if I don't pass". Paragraphing formatting should be fixed. A comma should be after fail. The comma after troublemaker should be a period. Her should be capitalized.
There should be a comma after train. The comma after hug should be a period since there is no dialogue tag. Alright should be capitalized.
There should be a comma after thanks and Mom should be capitalized.
This is formatted a bit strangely since a sentence is being interrupted by a new speaker speaking. A rewrite of this is the simplest solution here but otherwise. Add a comma after chuckled. Capitalize no. Add a comma after problem. Capitalize Dawn.
The comma after friend should be a period. My should be capitalized. Always make a new paragraph when the speaker changes. Laying should be lying. A pronoun before mumbled, like she, should be added since the sentence currently implies that Dawn is the one mumbling. What should be capitalized.
The first sentence is incomplete, it is missing a verb. To should be capitalized.
Add a comma after mumbled. Capitalize not. Add a comma after again.
A comma should be after "circling her". So should be capitalized. Glim-Glam should be capitalized. Instead what? The incomplete sentence should be fixed.
Sunburst should be capitalized. The period after bit should be a comma. But should be uncapitalized.
Another incomplete sentence. This is one way to fix it.
Sunburst should be capitalized.
Sunburst should be capitalized since it is a proper noun.
The comma after her should be a period. You should be capitalized.
Pinkies is missing both capitalization and an apostrophe.
There should be a comma between magic and silly.
Starlight should be capitalized. There should be a comma after funk. There should be a comma after luckily.
Starlight should be capitalized.
The well in "Well to late to worry" should have a comma after it. The first to in "Well, to late to worry" should be too.
I once again underestimated how long I would spend doing this. Thanks for reading through this, enjoy y'all's day.
It kind of made me jealous that I couldn't fly. Maybe someday we will. I joked to myself.
There's a spell for that and you know
Bring it on butterflies
I just posted about an hour ago about advice with the idea of changing the world. Go me and let the butterfly effect commence!...but not really because there's no time travel
Some grammar and spelling hiccups, but still interesting.
Found these for you I like the story so far
Bits had just as many (demolitions) as(to) Dollar [denominations] [a]
The only complaint was the speed, but even then it was only a 20 minuet ride back to Sires Hollow. [ minute]
Oh twilight's going to like this one
"FISH"
Sci-Fi. It's from Science-Fiction.
too*
Though I would maybe suggest reworking this sentence a bit
What?, books are great!*
it's*
Is the strange capitalization intentional?
11761908
FISH 😎
The weaver accepts your challenge and has taken out the larger needle ;)
Yeah! Screw canon!
the filly pinkie is scary as mare pinkie
Literally challenging chaos theory. Didn't stop the Rainboom so we won't necessarily live in an apocalypse.
If Starlight never becomes Twilights student, I wonder if Twilight would end up taking someone else under her wing eventually. I mean, we know she does from the show, but I mean much sooner then that