• Member Since 12th Sep, 2022
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LiveFreeOrDie


you can't take the sky from me!

Comments ( 1063 )

Going to read it soon, looking forward to it, maybe I could do the cover art for the story as a commission. Comment proper soon.:raritywink:

So there’s the “grow” part that’s static, then the info exchange keeping my perception of the seed updated in real time and, presumably, guiding the growth somehow. That seems like a linear expense. I wish I could go ten meters out and try this, then I’d know for sure. More data points and more precise measurements are needed than “three” and “estimating”. Still, this is a good start.

Man, do i love when people start to "program" magic
IF(energy = true; debug)
Been a while but i think that's it

After many stories where the insertee doesn't say anything, this is a surprise to be sure, but a welcome one

How about this: pony internet will be called shelfnet

Well good so far thank u

Finished reading, and I enjoyed it. I do like the premise and I don't like where you are going with this. I do love the family dynamic there is at the moment. the writing is

But I have some observations on the story, not really critiquing or say that it is bad at all, it's just that the story is very exposition heavy on what the protagonist observes and explain, but you have already spent neatly over 40K, a novella story length with that with almost being only the same day and same scene and there hasn't been much plot or development in the story yet and we hardly know anypony other then his family at the moment, not much for friends, teachers, or the town that he is in, which things seems to finally progress a lot at the 8th chapter which is on a good start now at least. I think a lot the exposition could have been spaced out more with with live, social events, and such, to do a little more lived in world building for to to event out the amount of expo, envelopment , plot, and descriptions a little more. As I said, this is just an observation, as to keep thinks more interesting for readers.

Also you might want to put it in more writing groups to get more attention.

Best of luck

Is he going to end up and Celestial school for gifted unicorns because he's shown a lot of magical potential

All of my instincts borne from having a strict mom are screaming at me every time the... insertee (thanks for the term, Cheshirek4t) tells their parents/guardians or other authority figure. I'm always interested to see how it plays out, but that nagging gut feeling always keeps annoying me. I finished this chapter without putting my phone down even once, so it's safe to say you've done a good job writing this because I was too engrossed to really notice.

I realy like this experiments. Just wait until he figures out how to make light, which is not that hard. Black body radiation can be abused. For now I'll wait.

Ahh, yes, the pony fabricator.

What in the world ! ? ! Where they been hiding you ? This is the kind of story i was looking for. Like light novel that gets it's anime series. Oh happy days for me.... What you only have ( 36 ? ) likes that got to be a mistake right? It should 3600 right?

Great, now I really want french toast... or just an omelette.

Fuck it's been so long since I had eggs.

Realizing he could make liquid love for the changeling maybe create an treaty

SRY

Maybe if I was trying to use this in a combat scenario, but I don’t see that being the case for the better part of a decade, at least. Besides, who would suspect the cute little earth pony colt that just wants a hug is about to shove a seed in their nose and make it sprout into their brain or block their windpipe or whatever. Wow, that escalated quickly. Thanks, primate brain. Guess you’re still you… somehow.

Oh this is very good, sciencing a magic system always makes me a happy camper and good to know that he still retains that quintessential part of being Human in which literally everything is a weapon if you use it wrong enough.

SRY

Wait... a protagonist who is completely reasonable and trusts his family, which believe him because obviously this all makes sense. How unusual and at the same time so damn welcome. So cool to see for once someone blessed with common sense as reason.

11362994

But I have some observations on the story, not really critiquing or say that it is bad at all, it's just that the story is very exposition heavy on what the protagonist observes and explain,

It's a very dry read. In the old days they used to say "Its like reading stereo instructions" but I don't think they have stereos anymore, or even stereo instructions anymore, so I don't think the younger generations would even know what that means.

So I'll say this reads like a Tax form. There is so much science and description and theory that it's a dry and somewhat dull read. I found myself zoning out of the story and having to reread sections. The Author is obviously a good writer because the grammar is good and the dialog is strong, (When there is dialog Dia meaning two way.) I think whats holding this writer back is that he forgot that you write for your audience as well as write what you enjoy. He did the latter but forgot to do the former. If he can crawl out of his headspace and focus on plot, story arc, and timing, he could write some great works of fiction.

Monk
"There are some things which you cannot do. There are some limits on even a Noble's actions. Never learn these limits. Never accept them. You are a Lord or Lady of this earth." -wLam

11368120
Dude making me feel old here! Let's be honest about this no one bothers to actually read instructions first if at all unless it's for IKEA furniture or LEGOs. You could look at this as 'the devil is in the detail'. Long answer is that the more detail you add to something the nastier it tends to look. Simplest way I can think to describe it is batteries, cooking, and building an engine. Instruction for placing batteries is to simple, giving some a guide to building a car engine your likely to see them run for the hills but a book on say baking a cake always seam to be just right about of reading. Chop off say 20% of some of the fluff and the story will look a lot better but it may just be to preference.

I just found this today and caught up. Others may say all that science is boring, but as long as you don't ask me to try and convert units or something, I find it perfectly enjoyable. I can't wait to see more.

Ooh! I like the TK being only Earth Ponies, cause it gives them even more to not have the short end of the stick. Can't wait to see what happens next. Thank you for your hard work. ^v^

Intro needs some major work.
It's a boring wall of text info dump.
You're telling not showing.

I don't mean to be a prick, but my eyes are sliding off the page.
From other people's responses, it might be better in further chapters, but that beginning is just to rough for me.

He's effectively going to explain a lot of things about Pinkie.

the family will grow!

orp

I’m betting these arten0 to 12 inches, roughly.

"are ten"

Yes, capitalist market economy + monarchy with nobility = communism. Who was this 50+ y. o. guy exactly, Jordan Peterson?

orp

There's arguments for keeping silent as well, but telling his family makes sense for a character who has a good family, and didn't just crawl out of the Everfree forest all on their lonesome.

orp

all he’d really have to do was sick his own mother on Mike

"sic"

orp

are ponies actually larger than humans?

In the show itself, most ponies are clearly meant to be rather small, if you compare them to pets and other animals. Early on, Sweety Belle was only slightly larger than Opal. If regular FiM ponies are larger than humans, Angel Bunny is the size of Danny DeVito, lol.

That said, this fic has the Alt. Universe tag, so that doesn't necessarily matter all that much.

orp

The only male that seemed masculine was Armor, at least from what I remember.

Poor Big Mac. Put on a dress one time...

orp

How bout you just go look in its general direction and turn it into a gold mine or something. I’m sure you’ll figure it out if you put your mind to it.”

"Making gold with nuclear fusion might work, but the process has downsides... How much of the town do we really need?"

orp

That Celestia raising the son

"the sun", unless the Alt. Universe tag is even more important than I thought!

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Yeah I guess he's a big feller too. Valid point. Don't make the mistake I did and search for "mlp big mac vs shining armor". Very confusing results. tbf though Mac's kinda got the sorta-rounded features that I figured were more kinda feminine-ish, whereas Armor is a bit blockier.

11372692
Barring a huge explanation, ponies in this are a solid foot taller than in the show, give or take. Show sizes at the top of their heads are roughly where AU ponies' withers are. The folks that made the cartoons were all over the place. Just to be sure I did a quick search and found a page on stack exchange that goes through a lot of trouble to sort this out.

Without sparking some huge debate, I figure that in a more realistic setting, without their heads being damn near 50% of their entire body's volume, they would be quite a bit heavier than a human would even if a large EP is still at least a foot shorter than a human. A search found Spotted Pony between 32 and 56 inches tall clocks in between 450 and 900 lbs. Deed is roughly 48 inches at the withers and I think I put him at about 450lbs, so ... yeah. That's about the extent of the thought I put into it. They're definitely slimmer than a real pony on Earth and maybe not as "long".

Average sizes I'm roughly using (at the withers)
EP - 4 ft, Unicorn - about 3.5, Pegasus - about 3
That's for males, so maybe take 2-4 inches off for females. Also, there can always be outliers.

Logically, the tribe that's primarily about brute strength would have to be bigger than the one that's supposed to be able to zip around in the air unless we chalk it all up to "magic" in which case any random pegasus would be burning like dozens or hundreds of times more juice in a day of flying then a typical unicorn who mostly just levitates lightweight objects (i.e. quills, notepads, what-have-you) all day.

Just don't expect me to always stay completely consistent with these numbers. I'm trying, granted, but I don't want someone pointing back to this comment thirty chapters from now asking "WTF BRO?"

orp

11373372
Yeah, I don't think that should be a problem in any way. Even with specific number in mind, there's always going to be some individual variations with different body types - same as in the show past its early seasons. In another chapter you've mentioned Bulk Byceps the pegasus, then there's Trouble Shoes. Humans are unusually uniform as a species, there's no reason to assume the same for the ponies.

11362667
Being roughly 90 years in the past helps with that.

Fucking fantastic. Now I'm picturing Celestia creaming her balcony every morning when she raises the sun. Paints the cheering crowd in a different light at her summer celebration though. Bet that would get the crowd in a party kinda mood. Thank you, God, for this prepubescent body not reacting at all.

LOL

After a few calming breaths Vines finally gets herself back under control. She leans down close to his ear and gives it an not-so-gentle nip while growl-whispering, “Don’t do that to me! You can’t just say stuff like that, Cure. You’ll give somepony a heart attack if you just casually say stuff like, “oh yeah, the world almost ends next week, by the way, but it’ll be fine and stuff, pass the carrots” without at least a little forewarning and maybe some context, okay?”

LOL

Binged this story over a few days, I'm so damn invested! Keep up the great work. Can't wait for the next chapter@

"Wow" Talk about deep are you in COLLEGE or something like a University? have not used that part of my brain in years. I feel like I relearn something I have forgotten, Thanks for That. Good story by the way. Keep up the Great good .

There are the "memory" cells that store information on what to attack and the ones that do the attacking, and I think some of the attackers can turn into the memory ones. The memory ones can identify a threat send out the appropriate proteins that latch onto the threat marking them for destruction, the other way is by the killer white blood cells physically contacting the object and reading any proteins to see if it is a threat or not. Healthy cells have proteins on their surface that mark them as safe, but if they get infected or become cancerous they can replace the surface proteins with ones that signal that something is wrong so the white blood cells can easily deal with it, which I think is what was happening with the infected cell that Cure saw.
This is my understanding of it from watching youtube videos on the subject, so I could definitely be wrong about some things or missing something.

Date: late Summer, 908 AB (After Banishment)

So this fic is set 92 Years before canon? Meaning unless cure becomes an Alicorn he won't meet the mane 6! That's a shame!
Also is Cure a unicorn or an earth pony because there are a lot of mixed signals in this chapter...

Good to know if I waited a chapter, one of my questions from last chapter would be answered. I can't wait to find out what Cures Cutie mark is! or should I call it his Mark of Destiny?

Your story your choice but he should have waited to tell them he was from another world at least a little longer just to make sure there aren't any precedent about possesions or something his family might freak out about and he should not have told them about MLP full stop! Telling his family about Luna could ruin a plan 908 years in the making and not to mention what Celestia would do if she finds out about this random colt who has knowledge he shouldn't have! Too much of a risk if you ask me!

Loving the story so far!

Well, they're right that the nobles would throw a fit.

Ironically, Celestia would probably love having an Earth Pony student, especially one who expresses his magic in a way that she could meaningfully teach him about it.

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or she could be taught about. We dont know for certin if celestia only uses unicorn and alicorn magic or not but untill we actualy see her in this story we only have the assumption of what she can do

11375819
I'd bet that she'd be excited, for that and for what earth ponies could gain, being able to do things with their magic that they never thought of before

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