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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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11368120
agreed.
Ooh! I like the TK being only Earth Ponies, cause it gives them even more to not have the short end of the stick. Can't wait to see what happens next. Thank you for your hard work. ^v^
Intro needs some major work.
It's a boring wall of text info dump.
You're telling not showing.
I don't mean to be a prick, but my eyes are sliding off the page.
From other people's responses, it might be better in further chapters, but that beginning is just to rough for me.
I really liked this chapter
11370174
While there is a lot of introspection, we were all warned right up front.
Personal telekinesis at speed, lubricated armor channels, and ball bearings equal magic gun!
Late to the party, but I'm thoroughly enjoying both the writing style and the story.
I kinda dislike him trying to flirt with other fillies, you can't swap between him saying he's twice the age of his parents and him also having a childhood crush and it not being creepy.
I don't I see it as a great opportunity to gain a companion for the long life he has a head of him. I most definitely would not want to be alone.
11439617
So what, he's supposed to go through life again and not fall in love? Also he's he's not twice the age of his parents, he simply has memories and knowledge from his past life. That doesn't make him 100 years old and that doesn't forbid him from falling in love.
This telekinetic description would explain a lot of Pinkie Pie…
Nnnnooooooo!!!! I thought I was safely past the spit take danger and took a drink! I got water in the back of my nose before I could shut the reflex down!
Man this story is so funny lmao
I've noticed a consistent use of incorrect tense. The plural of pegasus is pegasi. Just like cactus and cacti or octopus and octopi.
In terms of the story, I'm enjoying it so far. The scientific sections are quite long winded and wordy, but still interesting enough that I don't feel any need to skim or skip through those parts; it's something quite rare in stories. Characters, character interactions and dialogue have also been really strong so far too.
the pony version of Two Buck Chuck (Two Bit Shit?) What's the word? Thunderbird! What's the price? 30 twice
11580733
That's relatively a minor issue. I'm more concerned with how when quoted speech is being quoted (nesting).
When quoted speech is nested, it's supposed to be double-quote ( " ), then single-quote ( ' ), and if nested even deeper, then alternate back and forth between double and single again... and then close up the quotations with their partners--similar to how various parenthesis and brackets are done in Excel: ( { [ ( { ...etc... } ) ] } )
BTW, that final spacing ISN'T how it's supposed to be, rather I intentionally spaced it out to illustrate because it's rather hard to see what's going on there. Instead, it should be like this:
While I'm not the one who downvoted you, there is a funny thing about what you said about "pegasi" being the plural for "pegasus", this IS true for canon MLP and many other genre stories where pegasi exists as a species, but the reality is, there isn't really a plural for "Pegasus" (This was the given name of the winged horse in Greek mythology, and he was a singular example of his species. There were no others. ) BTW, this also explains why lowercase "pegasus" always gives us redsquigglies when typing it in comment boxes here, in Word, and on Google search pages, but uppercase "Pegasus" is accepted as correct.
I'm also enjoying this story as it progresses, and I'm sure there's a good reason LFOD set the story 90 some years before Episode 1, something that will no doubt be revealed WAY later, given how much he's dragging out the slice-of-life progression. Looking forward toward the reveal.
:)
D'awwww he's a heartbreaker!
"over-the-top exaggerated, cliche line"
Lil dude doesn't even know how smooth that was, he could sway chrysalis with that smoothness.