RoshiRat
Joined 16th Mar, 2017 ·
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RoshiRat · 17k words · 270 16 · 5.2k views
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I don't know if its just the Mc or you Author but Earth ponies are not magicless, they have minor Bio manipulation in the form of plants, can get strong enough to hurl 2 meter tall boulders hundreds of meters away, most likely live longer than any of the other tribes and can communicate with plants.
I like it, not the first dumpster diving alicorn I’ve seen but I like it
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From his POV, Earth Ponies have no magic. They're visibly strong but that's it. Judging a book by its cover would be an apt analogy here. Maybe if he saw four pulling an entire train (ep "Over a Barrel") he might reconsider.
From another forum:
"The idea was that the steam locomotive hadn't yet been invented in Equestria, but the locomotive was added because it looked weird having the ponies just pull the cars. This was all stated by Lauren Faust"
(So apparently steam locomotives got invented between Seasons 1 and 2)
I really like this story it’s hard to find RGRE stories.
Can’t wait for the next chapter!
You have me intrigued I will keep an eye on this
Wonderfull story
Very interesting, looking forward to the next
I find this very interesting.
alley
dont worry tho you have grammar allies
Very strong start. I'm looking forward to the next installment.
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Yep, Neil's going off of what he's seen which isn't much in the way of earth ponies. He'll run into more sooner or later, hopefully.
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I swear I looked through this six separate times, with grammarly active the last couple, and I still get errors popping up!
At least there's always Gents like you in the comments to point out my mistakes.
cant wait to read chapter 2
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I'm guessing Grammarly didn't say anything because ally and allies are legit words
Liking the story looking forward to more
Thanks Roshi for the great chapter. Very well written and entertaining thus far. I'm excited to see a new Male alicorn fanfic and hope we get to see more chapters in the near future. Good luck writing your next chapter, and as always have fun writing.
Not sure what to think until I read the next chapter. But so far this is presenting itself as a guy being yanked around as one of the princesses toys.
looks fun :D
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Chapter two is written, but going through my first edit pass. Just thinking about it now I probably need to rewrite one, maybe two entire sections. Overall I'm hoping for 1-2 chapters a month? But we'll see. I don't have too many days to write or edit in a week. XP
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Even then, I would have thought the context between being inside an alley vs. being inside an ally would have tripped it. Then again, maybe it thinks I'm writing a porno or something?
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Alas, this poor MC didn't run into one of the few genuinely helpful nobles of the city. :P
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Huzzah! One chapter in, and already the theory-crafting begins!
This is a really strong start.
Straight to faves it goes as I shall eagerly await the next chapter.
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Yes, but do you think the snobbery that is canterlot nobals are going to acknowledge that? It’s his only source of information on earth ponies after all. He hasn’t seen one yet.
Interesting....
Thanks for the chapter
Fantastic start!
Please continue.
Monk
“Come into my parlor, Ted. I have cookies!” -Reykan
Bravo
This was simply wonderful and I am looking forward to seeing more in the future. It's well written and you have me hooked onto this story. Only seen minor mistake in grammer, but that was already mention. But's greatly understandable, coming from my own writings, sometimes you just miss that one or two.
The pacing was good and have enjoyed Neil and curious to see his growth in this. You deserve a derpy or 2.
And now to make his escape from Canterlot Castle.
I wonder he can understand then, but can they understand him? Je if it turns out he was the creature, it would be ironic. By chance did you took inspiration from "one step at a time"?
Okay, now this looks interesting... I wonder how he'll react when he wakes up in the castle...
Awesome start! Hoping to see a lot more of this in the future.
So far, I like it!! Now, let's see where in the timeline we're at....
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Hiya Lightning, Personally I think this is a more solid start than "One Step" I'm personally hoping that this is a more mature/grittier twist on the idea than most other Authors have taken in the past. Most take a more humorous approach. Heck, if "One Step" is the one I'm thinking of, the last few chapters have more in common with a sitcom. I just don't understand why so many of this genre devolves into; "I'm an Alicorn found on the streets, I'm going to buy a gee-tar and play muzak....for no apparent reason......(other than the writers 12)
But like I've said in a lot of places, we're an aging fandom with most being in our 30's and 50's. It would be nice to see stories with a little more depth.
Monk
"To be honest, hormones have the backing of countless generations of evolution; thus, they can and will trump common sense or even self-preservation with disturbing regularity." -Dogger807
Interesting
Oh, look, he was an alicorn and he was living rough in an alley. An alleycorn, if you will.
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My guess is that they can't think of how to introduce tension or stakes without either...
A) - Busting out the Kaiju and risking the "Oh look, they're ealing with all the threats, what a Gary Stu."
B) - Having them chafe at the restrictions of suddenly being royalty but trying to regain something "common"..
I'd go with C
C) - Have them take over a governmental / national service and start trying to reform it. Taxes, weather, orphanages, health-care, education, etc etc are all options.
It pairs nicely with A and / or B, especially if they start dealing with either corruption or brown-nosing.
Quite a nice beginning, I like it and will be waiting for more.
It was also raining while I was reading this chapter, so that feels appropriate.
I know its only the first chapter, but i like how you wrote echo, Bulk and Hearth, they feel more genuine than what i would read about in other stories when OC's are involved.
I hope to see more of them!
So far, it's fine at best, but there is potential. I think we can follow this work.
I am interested in this. It has a human-turned pony; who is also an alicorn. He is having difficulty with his magic and horn, and the horn has caused him more bad than good. He'll likely have trouble learning magic further down the line, and a damaged horn would delay that process. He doesn't seem overly bothered at the prospect of magic, he understands that it would be useful, but doesn't dwell too much on what he cannot have. The other ponies might be a little more disturbed at the thought of a damaged horn though. His wings weren't even acknowledged from his POV, which could have been to keep the alicorn theme a surprise (although the title gave it away, the reason I was so quick to read upon discovery). But it could also say quite a bit about his character that he chose to ignore them.
These are all themes I am interested in. Stories in which the protagonist instantly wants to fly and do magic without much thought simply because it is cool and magic, and where they learn to do those things near instantly are all too common and don't interest me as much. Stories where having wings and/or a horn causes issues and doesn't appeal to the main character aren't as common.
RGRE is also a genre I like, but good ones are rare. I like the genre for the culture shock and the conflict it creates in disturbing the main character; just so long as a good story line first and it doesn't devolve purely into an excuse to write clop.
Everything here is well written so far.
Not a bad foundation. Glad that you didn't make him a colt. There are enough of those around.
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Distraction cheese!
*tosses a chunk*
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So long as it doesn't go too far. A lot of writers make the reversed gender roll, a conflict for 50 chapters with no end in sight, when in real life, a person would be shocked, but would learn to keep his head down and blend in pretty quickly. A real person would learn how to game the system to get around the red tape, not stand on the rooftops screaming "I'm a real man!" for thirty chapters. Everything in moderation. Personally I like RGRE where the discrimination is more subtle. The 1950's housewife thing. Not letting the mane character lift anything heavy, or during the war meeting on how to deal with Sombra, asking the MC to; "Be a dear and bring us all some coffee."
Monk
"if Celestia is the nation’s mother, then Luna is its bitter aunt who hangs around renaissance fairs and World War II reenactments." -Some Dickhead (authors actual name)
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I fully agree. I don't so much like the aspects of male inferiority and making the males pampered and do nothing. The story shows Donut Joe running a shop on his own, so it doesn't seem like the story is going to go that direction. I don't think it's going to be AU to the extent of gender swapping existing canon male characters and putting them out of their jobs, more just ponies being a herd species and having a gender imbalance.
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You'd have to pony up the dosh if you want higher functions in Grammarly. Still, even its free version is awesome.
We shall watch this story’s progress with great interest!
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Maybe they can give us a spin of things, allow this event to be a slow burn.
Let the protagonist see that not all mares are horndogs, and maybe have a event when a guard, a nurse of a maid try to do something only for them to face consequence for their actions, maybe even be fired, so he can see that not all mares have that mentality.
But he still paranoid refused the help and just leaves, or pretend to accept escape once nobody is looking and this time go into the woods or something similar.
Break the unexpected route, or explore say route but with a new twist.
I'm also seeing the similarities to
"One Step At A Time""One Hoof at a Time", but clearly there are substantial differences. I'm looking forward to reading more of your take on the theme.Oh, and congrats on getting featured on your first story!
Edit-->Corrected for story referenced & link added.
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Its hard to tell from just one chapter, mind you, but I think this is going to be a more subtle take on the genre, much like Morgan83's works.
I just hope we don't panic the Author. He is a new one here, and here we are shoving the expectations into the stratosphere. 😎
Hey RoshiRat, the advice I give every Author here is this. Screw the comments, write the story you want to write. The people in the peanut gallery seldom know what they really want.
Monk
"Cooties! Of course, colts like him had cooties! Then again, she probably already caught them by now. Oh well, can't get more cooties if you already have them, right? Grabbing the colt’s hoof, she pulled herself up." -IsakeiAnon
I'm usually pretty turned off by alicorn ocs, but this story is really interesting so far so I'll continue to read it for now. Looking forward to the next update
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I never liked the whole, "Imma run into the woodz!" thing. How many of us could really do that? Hell, if I slept on a bench in a park, I would be in bad shape in two days, let alone roughing it in a forest. No, if I were in a RGRE situation and wanting to hide, I would hit some small podunk village, the smaller the better. Someplace obscure and off the beaten track. You know the kind, a border hamlet, or an outpost so small it doesn't have a name.
I have faith in this Author, I think he is going to do this justice.
Monk
"You had a therapist once, and she made you stop coming after you told her about your childhood. Apparently she just didn’t need that kind of negativity in her life." -amphetanon
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who is monk? And true, I suppose it an alternative. I say forest because well, how would you even get to a hamlet without risking been expose on the first place? or do you mean sneak on a train wagon and hope nobody notices, jump out once you reach the next stop and repeat until you find the right place?
The forest may be the hardest but you have more movement, and if you conquer one or two weeks you pretty much can enter into survival mode and be more experience on how to move around.
So it mostly a trial of fire, if you pass you are on your way, if not you become an statistic
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I did a quick search for both One Step, and One step at at Time. If it's the RGRE one with the pie for a cover, I haven't read it yet.... But it's on the list now. I would place my inspiration more towards One Hoof at a Time, and Alicorn in Canterlot for spawning the vague idea. Just with some RGRE, gender displacement, some 'ol REDACTED, and a mixing between REDACTED old and maybe even new.
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Thank you! To be completely honest, I was expecting an 'Oh, another alicorn OC?', or 'Ewww RGRE!', and having this story bomb with a 90% red dislike. XD
But hey, as mentioned this is only the first chapter. We'll see if I stay afloat, or sink.
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media.tenor.com/xgJADo2f6kkAAAAC/my-little-pony-pinkie-pie.gif
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Being completely honest, dialogue is my absolute worst strength when writing. So saying that my guards don't sound like robotic garbage... Thanks.
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Some interesting thoughts here. The more extreme RGREs, where the males are sissified and the MC grates against the trend are always good for a few laughs. But as stated with Joe, and Bulk these guys still have jobs and do work. Trying to keep things more realistic, however loosely that word fits in a fantasy setting of magic. ^^
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Yep! It recently went on a 50% sale, so I picked it up, did one final pass(and looked on in horror at all the new mistakes), then posted it once those were fixed. XP
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There's the main description of the story, and then there's the short description when browsing. There may be a hint in the short description. ;P
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That would be, I think, my Nanowrimo 2019 project. It unfortunately derailed and went down a darker path than expected. If I ever work on it, there'll be some major revising to do.
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OBTAINED Distraction Cheese.
images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/865126c1-ae03-493e-b513-a215ec132fc2/dg7605d-bcce8786-0ff1-4ecb-a3b9-38151edc66d5.gif?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7InBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcLzg2NTEyNmMxLWFlMDMtNDkzZS1iNTEzLWEyMTVlYzEzMmZjMlwvZGc3NjA1ZC1iY2NlODc4Ni0wZmYxLTRlY2ItYTNiOS0zODE1MWVkYzY2ZDUuZ2lmIn1dXSwiYXVkIjpbInVybjpzZXJ2aWNlOmZpbGUuZG93bmxvYWQiXX0.hE1M5VM4cr6o0Q9zKPR_MNeGCQs6MTc2euB3GqOW9H4
Chapter progress delay: 1 Year, 3 Months, and 26.8 Days.
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I see, also hmmm...the king of the homeless ponies?
hmmm Nah! He would have to be HUGE like Tirek size (regular muscular Tirek not uber charge kaiju Tirek) huge! Also wear a beanie have a equally huge mane and be exploring the world for his lost long pet flower.
A cake cookie who got that reference jejeje
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Pokemon