• Member Since 1st Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen November 16th


Comments ( 27 )

This is great! Keep up the great work!

Thank you! I'm trying to keep the idea flowing and so far ive got a few more ideas for it

So far so good. Keep it up.

Mindless praise is already covered, so I'll ask about the blatant errors the other commentators ignored instead. The summary alone has elementary-tier mistakes alone (your/you're, capitalisation, punctuation, etc) and that tag salad isn't helping either.
Honestly, I had to stop after Applejack's scene. The flanderization of accents is one of the few things that I will walk on. The dialogue was stilted as well.

Thank you for the criticism and I'm sorry that I wasn't to your liking. As I have said this is my first ever attempt at writing so I'm glad that someone is willing to point out things to me.

It wasn't the worst thing I've read here.

Thank you! It might not be the best story and will defiantly never be but I'm genuinely trying to improve with each time I sit down to write more to it. So like I said I'm honestly happy that I can get criticism and feedback so that I can hopefully get a lot better.

I will follow this store and see your or writing improve chapter by chapter. Keep it up the store is interesting and I know a few people are looking forward to more.

“Today is going to be a good one”



Two things.
One. Short chapter...
Two. This story needs more recognition!

Its OK. Storywise. Tho the constant POV flip-flop gets tiresome.

considering his profession, i think he would happily invoke Murphy to get a good fight out of it. Vegeta would invoke him every day if he knew of him. of course, if he did it would probably cause boring days instead of Murphy's usual mayhem.

Will keep liking it so long as you don't take too long to update and definitely do NOT abandon it.

Ha! No kidding. Well I defiantly do not plan on abandoning it at all, I have the majority of the stories major points planed out already. My big issues are writing the smaller "filler" chapters where there is just info and such being passed. That said I'm actually working on the next chapter now but no idea when it will be out and I've been working on re-writing the earlier chapters when I have issues working on the next chapters so hopefully it won't be as long as the last wait was.

So long as they keep coming man, this was a nice idea.

Hey, love the story but is it ever going to get an update?

Wow Twilight was being both a bitch and an asskisser! That’s a fairly new low for her!

so when will the next chapter come out?

It's been 3 years since an update and 11 days since you were on the site, you ok bro?

Hope this gets a new chapter soon

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